Come...Spend Time with Me

“Come…spend time with me.” Have you ever heard your baby or your honey ask you that only to answer, give me a few minutes, maybe in a little while or I can’t right now because I have too much to do. A woman’s work is never done is an understatement. There is always laundry to do. Gotta find those lost socks the dryer seems to disappear. Dinner, dishes, floors, closets and don’t forget those dreaded windows. Throw in a full-time job, babies, schooling – regular or home and no wonder time is precious and a luxury.

But – that doesn’t stop those you love from asking, “Come…spend time with me”.

If you speak to someone who is terminally ill, all those chores, those important to dos take a back seat. They realize that what trumps all those things is to spend time with those they love and to spend time with God. It’s no longer an after-thought. It’s a priority. Those people understand that time is limited and their investment is to pour themselves into the ones they love, including and especially God. Dishes can be done later, house cleaning can be postponed and school can be skipped. Hugs become a norm, I love you cannot be repeated often enough.

Why is it that we adjust so readily when tragedy or illness strike to prioritize correctly? Perhaps it’s human nature or a woman’s nature to want to get things done and have all in order for a smoother life. But what happens when that interferes with what’s really important?

Children do not stop growing and they will eventually leave. Your most-valued relationship will provide what you put in. If you neglect it, you will lose it. People grow old and die or people can be here today and gone tomorrow. Where is your heart in all of this and will the mundane regular stuff really matter when all is said and done? 

Photography by Roz|2012

Many folks live with temporary or permanent guilt because they did not slow down enough to be present for their kids, be present for their spouses, be present for a friend. When Jesus told Martha that Mary chose the good part, he was pointing out that she responded to his deepest need and desire. “Come…spend time with me”. Although he loved that Martha was preparing a meal for him and appreciated that she was attending to all those he traveled with, he hoped she would come sit and spend time with him.

Sounds a little unfair? Well let’s think about this. Puerto Rican women have a hard time sitting when visitors are around and we like to cook a full meal, make sure everyone has coffee after dinner and wrap up with a clean kitchen. Although it is an admirable routine we have down, we miss out on quality time with our guest because the true reason for the visit was to spend time with each other beyond the 20-30 minutes at the table within the 3 hour visit. I can guarantee you if anyone at that table was terminal or if there was a crisis, dinner would be simpler, dishes and kitchen cleaning would wait, and there would be at least a 2 ½ hour spending time together moment.

I don’t think it’s bad to be a Martha. I am a Martha and would have probably done the same thing she did. I love to serve those who come to my home. I think, however, that as a Martha we have to become sensitive to God and those we love and learn to know when to stop when we hear…"come…spend time with me”. Everything else can wait.

(Story of Mary and Martha is in Luke 10.)

Dare to Believe

A few years ago I fell in love with log cabins. I loved them so much that I created a binder with pictures of them, examples of entrances, kitchens, dens, bedrooms and great rooms. At one point I began to design my own floor plan. The desire was so intense that God joined in the fun and said walk me through every room and tell me what you would like in each.

After a while, the log cabin fever wore off but my hubby and I always wanted to have a larger home. Since we were in no rush, we house shopped for about three years but nothing screamed at us – buy me!

Then one day Rich announced he wanted us to kick it up a notch and he began to research possible candidates more enthusiastically. We finally found something in early Fall one year. We made a bid and then nothing.

We began to see a few more houses but I had a bad attitude because I wanted the house we put a bid on. It had “most” of what I wanted. The strolls through these other houses were ho hum. It got to the point where I didn’t want to go see any more but my realtor girlfriend insisted I had to see two more. House number one was another disappointment and on the way to house number two, we actually called her and told her to forget it. She was adamant we had to see this house. Yes…I grumbled all the way.

When we arrived, the house was set at a cul-de-sac and my husband began to say “please go in the middle, please go in the middle”. I didn’t know what in the world he was talking about until he drove into the middle driveway. My jaw dropped when the house came into full view.

We went inside and I had a habit of taking text pics for my daughter. I was busy taking one when I heard my realtor, Jackie, scream, “Roz come here quick. They have the refrigerator you wanted!” I seriously did not understand her enthusiasm (because I still had an attitude). I looked at the fridge acknowledge it was nice and turned around to find she had vanished. Another scream came from upstairs, “Roz you need to come up and see this.” “Yes Jackie…wait I’m taking pics” (she interrupted) “Roz you need to come now”. I went upstairs and walked towards the room she was in and my jaw dropped (again).

After I entered into the room, I stopped and froze because something I saw rattled me. The master bedroom I was standing in had something in particular you don’t find in most of them; a loft. I went slowly through that room and I said to myself, it can’t be.

Methodically, I did this room by room. Every single thing that I had asked God for was in this house. (By the way, I had to ask God to forgive me for the bad attitude because he already had a house in mind with “all” of the stuff I wanted, and I was still hung up on a nice house with “some” of the stuff I had wanted.)

There were a lot of ups and downs along the way and I have to admit that my ‘tude’ got the best of me at times. My conversations, whines and outbursts sounded like this at times. “How can you show me a house with everything, everything I wanted and then let this or this happen? What is wrong with you?” Thank God He is God. Through it all, He was patient with me and even gave me a few cheerleaders. One of them included my pastor and he didn’t even know it. God timed his messages so well you would have thought they were outlined just for me. His messages challenged me to believe for the impossible and to expect miracles.

When our closest friends and family would ask what time was closing, I would respond "2 pm is walk-through, 3 pm is closing and at 4 pm the party starts in heaven and on my side of the earth."

I believe with my entire heart that God threw a party because Rich and I successfully retrieved one of the BIG blessings, with our name on it, from one of His storage warehouses in heaven. The Lord gave me…us (Rich and I) exceedingly, abundantly, above all that I could have imagined or dreamed of.

I have to admit that I was, and am, still floored by God when I think about it. When Jackie showed me this house that first day, I got scared because I couldn’t believe that God had actually answered my prayer. I know that may sound silly and even contradictory but this was a BIG and detailed dream.

Is there something you’re dreaming about and falls into the realm of the impossible?

Dare to ask…dare to dream…then dare to BELIEVE!

Either He is or He Isn't

There are times when we hit a juncture in the road and we question everything we’ve been taught and believe in. This often occurs when hardship or tragedy strikes us at the very core. It makes us question the sovereignty of God. In most cases, these raw moments become a benchmark for change.

A Broken World

In the United States, we pride ourselves in the freedoms that most countries do not have. However, there is a freedom that we all possess that surpasses all others. It’s called the freedom of choice. We are free to choose everything and anything for our lives. It’s our God-given right, and it is something He will not violate. This includes the choice to live a life with or without God.

We live in a broken world. To ignore that is foolishness. We all recognize that there is good and there is evil. However, for some reason, it’s become easier for many to blame God for everything and easily dismiss the reality of driving force behind what’s evil.

Unanswered Prayers

Our families had been healthy for the most part but a few years ago, a few things occurred that really tested our faith to the very core. One of those events was the death of my cousin’s 4 year old son; my nephew. You see our prayers weren’t answered the way that we expected. We prayed for healing. Our expectation was to watch him grow up to be a strapping young man.

Many of us call ourselves Christians but we really don’t understand what that means. Usually it’s a title we use to define our religion. Here is where most of us miss it. We go through the motions or traditions, but we often wonder if God is really out there, especially when our prayers go unanswered.

Either He Is or He Isn’t

It was during one of those junctures in my road that I questioned, I mean really posed the question to myself. Either He is or He isn’t? I was tired of hearing about what God could do, and I was tired of not seeing that in full effect in my life.

When I questioned this, it had nothing to do about my salvation. I knew I was saved. Acknowledging His existence was not a challenge. The challenge was to allow Him to work in my life and the choice to believe in His sovereignty in any case and trust Him in all and with all.

The easiest part for me was to accept sovereignty. The hardest part was to trust totally (an ongoing journey).

• To trust totally meant that my prayers had to change and become bold and daring and not continue to be wimpy and wishful.
• To trust totally meant that when I prayed, I had to hand it over and not obsess and stress over the situation.
• To trust totally meant that I had to relinquish total control or the illusion of control.
• Finally, my expectation had to become that the answer to my prayers were no longer restricted to my time line or the confines of my exact request.
  

AJ’s Legacy
I don’t know why my nephew died at such a young age. I believe the answers to my whys will become clear one day because living here is just a prelude. I will see AJ again and I look forward to watching him race with the angels.

In the mean time, I don’t let my unanswered questions weigh me down. What’s the point?

Here’s what I do know. I know that my nephew made an unbelievable positive impact in his 4 short years that many do not make in a lifetime. Other prayers were answered because of him. His ripple effects are still being felt today. That continues to bring me great comfort.

The Choice

Here’s something I live by.

I refuse to live a life stuck in the past, a life wondering about the future and a life scared to live in the present. How? …I’ve chosen to trust God.

Either He is or He isn’t…and for me…He is.

I Try to Notice

God shows me His power, His grace, His mercy, His love, His compassion, His beauty - everyday... I try to notice.

The reason I use the word ‘try’ is because my day can be harried or busy enough for me to miss out what is being shown to me every day - without fail. When the conscientious effort is made to notice, a smile touches my lips, peace is ushered in and connection to the heavens continues.

Each day, we catch a glimpse in our moments of light, as my sister Mayra says, where we’re reminded of His presence, joy, love and beauty.

How does that happen for you? If you’re not sure, let me share some of my insights and then perhaps you can share as well.

It’s in the small things. It’s in the kind words, the unexpected hug, the compliment or the 2 minute phone call from someone you love.

It’s in the routine. It’s in the comfort of coming home, sitting in an office, driving to the grocery and in the rules of engagement with others that those routines bring.

It’s in the obligations. It’s in the caring, feeding, educating and bathing of children. Their smiles, laughter, stories even challenges, bring a reminder of our God like no other.

God can be blatant and extravagant in his blessings and that’s when we most tend notice, really notice. To operate in that mode of extravagance will not give us the ability to survive the now and the present. We must notice the small, the routine, even the obligations, for God is always in all. To ignore that fact, that truth, imprisons us. There is no freedom – only religion.

God is not limited to the building, the pew, our beliefs or interpretations. He is ever present and in expectation for us to discover him, again and again and again.

Yes, God is ever present...just stop as often as you can and notice.

DREAM BIG!

What would you ask if you knew that Jesus was going to sit by you as you lay to sleep at night? I thought about that the other night and the answer that gushed out immediately was – “I would ask for forgiveness”. Perhaps the thought of his perfection overwhelmed me and all I could think of was all of my shortcomings.

What would you ask next, was the question I heard in my heart quite clearly and my answer surprised even me. “I would ask what I could do for him”. The reply to my second question was amazing and only two words, “Dream BIG”.

I dreamt about those words off and on that entire night.

We attend a church where we have a pastor who knows how to dream BIG. That’s all he does. I can’t remember a time he doesn’t do anything on a small scale. He also does everything in excellence. That has been an inspiration to countless of us and it’s no doubt why some of us think the same way when we venture out into our own deep, uncharted-waters.

It’s not bad to dream BIG, but there are a few who think that way. Perhaps it’s because they look at what they can bring to the table instead of what God can. Maybe they had a failure in their past that has crippled them to progress towards their future. It could be that they’ve been told otherwise their entire lives.

But what if – what if Jesus’ purpose for doing all that he did, for laying his life, was meant to give us everything we could possibly imagine? If so, wouldn’t you, the scared, stuck one want to take advantage of all life had to offer?

Dreams pave the way to reality only when the dreamer allows something bigger than themselves to overwhelm them into its grasp. It consumes their being until they have to surrender to it and follow its leading. It doesn’t matter how big it is because there is always that reassurance that God is there – and – since God is the giver of BIG dreams, the walking out of it will always be under his guidance even when we can’t see what’s going on behind the scenes in that unseen realm.

Dream BIG echoes in my mind and with each passing moment, I am excited about the possibilities but most importantly what realities we’ll experience very soon. Life is about looking and experiencing forward. We can choose to live in greatness, just as God intended, or we can continue to live and fear and miss out on the beauty of life. I’d rather fail trying than wonder what if.

It’s my sincere prayer that you continue to move forward, even if you’re going through a rough spot. Remember that God is with you, no matter what. Don’t stop to dream BIG and don’t let life’s bumps deter you from doing what you’ve been called to be and do.

Dream BIG…

Invest In Yourself

One day in one of my mentorship classes, one of the gals shared how one of her friends asked why her family was so well put together. At first she started to feel guilty because in comparison, her family was basically great. She then realized she didn't have to feel guilty because she had put in a lot of time, sweat, tears and prayers into her family. I understood her all too well.

Sometimes we put so much time into family that we forget as women to invest into ourselves. We get lost somewhere between the diapers and the prom. When college rolls around, we wonder who is this woman staring back at us in the mirror.

One of the things I loved about the city churches growing up in NYC is that we always had something to do; an event going on. My friend Elizabeth D. Rios, who we lovingly call Liz, became one of the women in my circles who became a proponent of women being educated. It didn't necessarily mean getting a PHD, but it did mean being in constant learning so that we could keep up with the changing times.

She took up the helm of leadership and created an organization to help women become leaders and to further support women already in leadership. Why am I bringing her up as an example?

There are too many women who are not investing in themselves and believe that the care of family is all that is needed. The problem with that mindset is that they are bringing the wrong message to their children or sphere of influence as an example. I am not talking about necessarily going back to school, but I am pointing out that it is important to constantly be reading, learning, attending classes, seminars and conferences that are going to expand you.

As a mom of 2 gorgeous women, I know the importance of trying to keep up with the demands required to keep up with my educated daughters. Their mindset is different than mine at that age, but there are certain biblical principles that will always remain the same . I share them and reinforce them, no matter what, because my lifetime of learning will not sway me otherwise.

As a woman, are you ready to stand within your beliefs and not be swayed or apologetic for them? It's not enough to be educated for the here and now, if it doesn't include some solid bible lessons along the way. We emphasize so much on education but have shrunk back on bible teaching and that begins at home. If you're not taking time to study and know who you are in Christ and know and portray how valuable you are, you pass that gap down to your kids and sphere of influence. You reap what you sow.

It's my hope you take the time to invest in yourself. What that means is that you take the time to answer the hard questions that have an eternal impact. Often we forget this place is a a pause and we all have a responsibility of ensuring that we leave a legacy towards heaven when we transition off into eternity. Morbid...no way. Reality...oh yes!

The Power of Gab

Have you ever visited the land of Gab? If you’ve had the pleasure of visiting the Humphreys’ fortress you’ve probably had the full effect of the experience. (I say that with teasing affection.) My family is graced with the flair of gab. We can out talk most and even compete amongst ourselves. Lately I’ve been honing into the discipline of listening. I’m learning that when I free my mind from planning out my answers or arguments, and I pay attention to a person’s eyes and body gestures, I understand much clearly what is trying to be communicated. Of course there are times when one of us becomes so wrapped up in conversation that there is no choice but to listen. Ever come across such person?

In the Same Rut
Ever wonder why every time you see certain people they seem to be in the same rut they were days, weeks, months or years ago? Chances are that when you speak to these same people, they will recant the same story about the circumstances within their lives. They will demand your attention, draw out your sympathy (if possible), and leach onto you for comfort. Sounds awful, doesn’t it, but think about it…aren’t we like that some times when it comes to certain crisis in our lives?

A lot of us do not realize that we hold the power of altering our circumstances. We chuck bad things that happen to fate, and do not take ownership or responsibility to the contributing factor. We rather not believe that life is what it is because we made it that way. Life does not just happen. It is carefully orchestrated by the choices we make.

To Do or Not To Do
During our choice process, we do a lot of internal and external talking. We ask ourselves and others if we should or should not do certain things. If you start to do some deep soul-searching, you’ll probably recognize the few times when you were your worst enemy because you talked yourself out of doing a lot of great things. You convinced yourself that you were inadequate, incapable, didn’t have enough smarts, did not have enough experience, or was not talented enough to accomplish what was at hand. Unfortunately none of us leave it there. We then justify our decision by stroking our ego and comforting it by saying to ourselves that it’s a good thing to know our limitations and its okay to stay within our boundaries. It is safe.

Stuck in Safety
Life is no fun if you’re not moving forward. It becomes a dull routine and causes depression. When you’re life is not flowing in a positive direction, it becomes motionless and stagnant. It begins to stink after a while and the stench is not limited to you, it begins to exude. Ever walk by someone who hasn’t showered for a few days? Life becomes just like that when you decide to exist and not live.

Choosing to move forward doesn’t necessarily mean going back to school and finishing up your Bachelors or reaching for a Masters. Too many people get hung up with education and feel less than if they do not have a degree. Degrees are a good thing. I do not knock them. I am a proponent of education. However, learning goes far beyond books and the classroom.

What is Your Dream?
Ever day dream about something constantly and wish you could some day make it a reality? All of us have a deposit of talent. Just like a bank, we are the only ones that can make that talent grow. If we do not continue to deposit, it will never gain in value. It will remain as a small investment. Often times we forget that we carry an investment because we or others have convinced us that the talent does not belong to us. This is what internal and external dialogue does when it is unhealthy and negative.

In the Land of Gab there are two sorts of giants; the positive and the negative ones. They both fight fiercely against each other. The Positive Giants are constantly trying to pull the Little Folks out from under the Dark Lords of Negativity. They learned long ago that the tongue, as small as it is, has the power to speak life into any situation. Everyone in the land of Gab wants to possess the ultimate power. Some use it for evil while others use it for good.

The Weight of Words
Did you know that the power of gab is inside of you and that your tongue chooses the territory you should reside in? The influence of words is often downplayed because a lot of people do not recognize the force behind them. The weight of words is the driving power in any setting. The use of words determines the outcome. The bible, the ultimate guide, emphasizes the importance of the spoken word.

I remember a time when I was so tired and discouraged about my day that I would end it by saying to myself each night “I don’t want to remember this day”. I did this for a few months and realized that I couldn’t remember a lot of what was happening during that time. Some of you may think that’s not a bad thing, but when you have kids you really don’t want to forget the precious moments. That time period till this day remains a blur. I changed that negative closure of my day with a positive statement instead. Each night I thank God for giving me an incredible day even when things don’t turn out quite as I planned.

Do you know that each day is a blessing, even if you’re missing something in your life? Let’s say you’re in need of a job, look at it as an opportunity to speak it into existence. It doesn’t mean sit on your tush all day and start chanting come job, come. It does mean, however, that you continually speak into your life about your qualifications, and most importantly, speak to others about what you want and expect. What does that give you? It gives you self-affirmation, which we all need from time to time, especially with today’s market, and speaking to others opens up the door to a larger network.

The Grumble
Now don’t confuse complaining with positive speaking. Complaining is actually the most detrimental thing you can do in your life. No, I’m not saying never to complain, but when it’s all you do, it doesn’t promote change. Look at it this way. If what you’re doing is bringing the same result, it’s time to change how you do things. This change may also include tapping into your talent.

Negative speaking does not uphold anything healthy. What happens when you constantly tell yourself you’re fat? You get depressed and binge. What happens when you constantly tell yourself you’re depressed? You do things that you think are comforting you but what it’s actually doing is sinking you down into a deeper depression. All of these negative dialogues have to be replaced with positive ones.

Power of Gab
It is said that it takes about 30 days to establish a habit. Imagine how long it takes to break a bad one. Make it your goal today not to be a Little Person or a Dark Giant. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself dearly because in doing so you can pour out to others. Learn to think before you speak. Remember, the power of gab gives you the authority to speak life into any situation. Before you dismiss it, try it. You’ll be surprised how (positive) little words can bring forth great things.