Say What You See

Speak to those things that are not as if they were. 

Christians get hung up on that verse because they think it's lying or setting themselves up for failure. 

If you can't see with your mind's eye where you're heading, your living is in existence mode. Saying what you see in your mind's eye to yourself is a reminder of where you're heading. It's your destination. It doesn't matter if you're not there right now. It's your declaration of where you're going and what you want to see happen in your life. 

What Type of Gift are You?

Do you remember what it feels like when you hear that someone close to you is having a baby? Usually there is joy, excitement and anticipation. As the birth day gets closer, the parents become nervous and begin to wonder how they will handle the upcoming change. The day finally arrives and baby comes into the world not knowing at that time that his birth was precisely planned for that moment.

Precious Present

When we think of babies we can easily associate them with the word gift. Babies bring an immeasurable amount of joy that becomes contagious. Who can resist the smile or giggles or a tiny babe? Mothers and fathers fall deeply in love with their children at that stage. They cherish their new and precious present.

As that baby gets older, goes through adolescence and then to adulthood, they all seem to lose sight of how important they are. College, work, competition and marriage become a blur of goals. Life moves quickly until it forces them to stop and take inventory of accomplishments. Discouragement settles in when they see that their hopes and dreams are not a reality. They accept that they are like everyone else and blend in with all the other unimportant people who have decided this is just how life is.

You Are a Gift

No matter how we came into this world, how we were received, or how we grew up, we are all gifts. Some of us were acknowledged as gifts coming into this world. Others were acknowledged as gifts years later. There may have been a difference in the timing, but that didn’t change what we are. We are, you are, a gift.

Each of us brings uniqueness to the table of life. Although some of our talents may be similar, none are exactly the same. We impact people differently. We love in our own special way and have the power to change lives with our actions. We have the influence to create ripples that can cross oceans at times.

Most of us do not realize how valuable and how loved we are. We hear of how we take others for granted and forget that we do the same for ourselves. We overlook our contributions as a friend, lover, parent, and child and view them as expectations and obligations. We do not see that we’re a gift.

Sharing Love

People are in a habit of listing the praises of others when they pass away. They begin to recall all of the wonderful things that person may have done. It’s a natural inclination to do that. However, I wonder what impact we would make if we made it habit to tell those closest to us how much we love them, and acknowledge how we appreciate what they do for us while they are alive.

We all need to hear positive affirmation. We need to know that we are loved, accepted and cherished. We are all born with those essential needs. Babies know they are gifts because they are showered with love. Why should that change as we get older? We have an obligation to continue that in our homes and with those we love. In loving others we increase their value and our own. We acknowledge we are gifts and recognize they are also.

Your Worth

Too much emphasis is placed on worth based on dollars and status. Your value and worth is beyond that measure. Life is about us, not I. It’s about the joy of being with one another and experiencing this journey together through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You won’t recognize that you’re a gift until you become a gift to others. You cannot live as a gift until you bring your uniqueness to the table.

What kind of gift will you choose to be? Yes, you have a choice. You can be a big present or remain a small one. You can view others as big or as small. The emphasis you place on both will determine the outcome. Choose to be a gift. Choose to be a big gift. Let’s unwrap ourselves and those around us together.

Life Saver and Boundary Maker Word

This sentence is a life saver and a boundary maker. Examples in layman's terms:

"Nope, ain't gonna do that."

"No, I'm not going."

"Thank you, but I'm not available."

"No, I'm sorry. I don't think our friendship is healthy any more."

"No, we can't make it that day. We have a family event."

"No, I will not work overtime."

"No, I will not stress over this situation."

"No, I will not stoop to your level."

"No, I will not let your drama affect me." (I really wanted to put crap in there initially.)

"No, I refuse to let you get to me." (I wonder if I add, freak you, if that would be wrong. I guess it would be huh.)

You get the point right?

No can be a beautiful word or sentence, and you don't even have to be nasty. Explanations are for those who have earned it, and are not necessarily required for the adult toddlers in your life. (Get it?)

The Power of Gab

Have you ever visited the land of Gab? If you’ve had the pleasure of visiting the Humphreys’ fortress you’ve probably had the full effect of the experience. (I say that with teasing affection.) My family is graced with the flair of gab. We can out talk most and even compete amongst ourselves. Lately I’ve been honing into the discipline of listening. I’m learning that when I free my mind from planning out my answers or arguments, and I pay attention to a person’s eyes and body gestures, I understand much clearly what is trying to be communicated. Of course there are times when one of us becomes so wrapped up in conversation that there is no choice but to listen. Ever come across such person?

In the Same Rut
Ever wonder why every time you see certain people they seem to be in the same rut they were days, weeks, months or years ago? Chances are that when you speak to these same people, they will recant the same story about the circumstances within their lives. They will demand your attention, draw out your sympathy (if possible), and leach onto you for comfort. Sounds awful, doesn’t it, but think about it…aren’t we like that some times when it comes to certain crisis in our lives?

A lot of us do not realize that we hold the power of altering our circumstances. We chuck bad things that happen to fate, and do not take ownership or responsibility to the contributing factor. We rather not believe that life is what it is because we made it that way. Life does not just happen. It is carefully orchestrated by the choices we make.

To Do or Not To Do
During our choice process, we do a lot of internal and external talking. We ask ourselves and others if we should or should not do certain things. If you start to do some deep soul-searching, you’ll probably recognize the few times when you were your worst enemy because you talked yourself out of doing a lot of great things. You convinced yourself that you were inadequate, incapable, didn’t have enough smarts, did not have enough experience, or was not talented enough to accomplish what was at hand. Unfortunately none of us leave it there. We then justify our decision by stroking our ego and comforting it by saying to ourselves that it’s a good thing to know our limitations and its okay to stay within our boundaries. It is safe.

Stuck in Safety
Life is no fun if you’re not moving forward. It becomes a dull routine and causes depression. When you’re life is not flowing in a positive direction, it becomes motionless and stagnant. It begins to stink after a while and the stench is not limited to you, it begins to exude. Ever walk by someone who hasn’t showered for a few days? Life becomes just like that when you decide to exist and not live.

Choosing to move forward doesn’t necessarily mean going back to school and finishing up your Bachelors or reaching for a Masters. Too many people get hung up with education and feel less than if they do not have a degree. Degrees are a good thing. I do not knock them. I am a proponent of education. However, learning goes far beyond books and the classroom.

What is Your Dream?
Ever day dream about something constantly and wish you could some day make it a reality? All of us have a deposit of talent. Just like a bank, we are the only ones that can make that talent grow. If we do not continue to deposit, it will never gain in value. It will remain as a small investment. Often times we forget that we carry an investment because we or others have convinced us that the talent does not belong to us. This is what internal and external dialogue does when it is unhealthy and negative.

In the Land of Gab there are two sorts of giants; the positive and the negative ones. They both fight fiercely against each other. The Positive Giants are constantly trying to pull the Little Folks out from under the Dark Lords of Negativity. They learned long ago that the tongue, as small as it is, has the power to speak life into any situation. Everyone in the land of Gab wants to possess the ultimate power. Some use it for evil while others use it for good.

The Weight of Words
Did you know that the power of gab is inside of you and that your tongue chooses the territory you should reside in? The influence of words is often downplayed because a lot of people do not recognize the force behind them. The weight of words is the driving power in any setting. The use of words determines the outcome. The bible, the ultimate guide, emphasizes the importance of the spoken word.

I remember a time when I was so tired and discouraged about my day that I would end it by saying to myself each night “I don’t want to remember this day”. I did this for a few months and realized that I couldn’t remember a lot of what was happening during that time. Some of you may think that’s not a bad thing, but when you have kids you really don’t want to forget the precious moments. That time period till this day remains a blur. I changed that negative closure of my day with a positive statement instead. Each night I thank God for giving me an incredible day even when things don’t turn out quite as I planned.

Do you know that each day is a blessing, even if you’re missing something in your life? Let’s say you’re in need of a job, look at it as an opportunity to speak it into existence. It doesn’t mean sit on your tush all day and start chanting come job, come. It does mean, however, that you continually speak into your life about your qualifications, and most importantly, speak to others about what you want and expect. What does that give you? It gives you self-affirmation, which we all need from time to time, especially with today’s market, and speaking to others opens up the door to a larger network.

The Grumble
Now don’t confuse complaining with positive speaking. Complaining is actually the most detrimental thing you can do in your life. No, I’m not saying never to complain, but when it’s all you do, it doesn’t promote change. Look at it this way. If what you’re doing is bringing the same result, it’s time to change how you do things. This change may also include tapping into your talent.

Negative speaking does not uphold anything healthy. What happens when you constantly tell yourself you’re fat? You get depressed and binge. What happens when you constantly tell yourself you’re depressed? You do things that you think are comforting you but what it’s actually doing is sinking you down into a deeper depression. All of these negative dialogues have to be replaced with positive ones.

Power of Gab
It is said that it takes about 30 days to establish a habit. Imagine how long it takes to break a bad one. Make it your goal today not to be a Little Person or a Dark Giant. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself dearly because in doing so you can pour out to others. Learn to think before you speak. Remember, the power of gab gives you the authority to speak life into any situation. Before you dismiss it, try it. You’ll be surprised how (positive) little words can bring forth great things.

How's Your Daily Talk?

Have you ever had God try to grab your attention about something? Usually it happens when the same topic keeps popping up. "Ummm God you’re trying to tell me something?" Sometimes I think God says "Well duuuhhh." Okay some of you may not think of God that way, and may even find it disrespectful, but God is very personal, very real and down to earth…at least in my life.

I constantly talk about the power of words but lately that reality is taking on a deeper meaning. Usually we talk about the power of speaking God’s word, the power of speaking positively in negative situations, the power of choice via our words, but what I’m being nudged on is the daily talk.

You know what I mean ~

These kids are such a pain in the ….

My husband is such a ... He “always” does …

My boss can go to ….

This day is going to suck because it’s raining, it’s cold, it’s ….

I feel like ….

Our daily talk – our daily words are powerful. We do not realize the power of our words. It carries way further then we can see in the spiritual realm. We forget that we were made in the likeness of God, and we have the Spirit of the Almighty inside of us. This means anything we say…goes…whether we believe it or not.

We speak into existence situations, good or bad. We maintain (good or bad) situations because of what we speak.

I don’t know about you but that’s a harsh, eye opening – I get it Lord reality. Uggghhh…

So now you know, and that makes me accountable, and you in the knowledge of my recent aha!

The power of your daily words shapes your life. Be careful with the next words you’re going to say.

I wonder if I have to change the uuggghh too…uuuggghhhh.

Mom, Why do You Pray in Fear?

Isn’t it true that most mothers pray out of fear over their children? When we pray for blessing, it’s because we fear that they will not have enough in whatever area. When we pray for wisdom, we fear because we believe they are making the wrong choices. When we pray for protection, we fear because of where they have decided to, because of where they are or because we don’t want them to get hurt in their travels (especially if they’re driving). When we pray for healing, we fear because they are a little sick and we do not want them to become a lot sick, or they are a lot sick and we do not want them to get worst. One can argue those are normal and valid reasons to pray and the motivations are not out of fear for the most part, or is it?

The other day after a quick worried-filled prayer was sent up there was a check about my motivation and my stance behind the prayer. The understanding came immediately and after the ugggghh and grrr and grumble, a second prayer was sent up that made the last one sound seriously lame -  like a beggar’s plea.

What’s sad is a lot of us have done or continue to do that. Our prayer sound like this ~ Oh God please, please, please help so and so because I will die if I lose them.

Don’t get me wrong, God hears our heart and there are times in our desperation that’s all that comes out. We are not talking about those times. We are talking about when our prayers are constantly like that. I can imagine the whole heavenly host that surrounds us shake their heads or maybe even slap their forehead in disappointment.

Do you know that when we pray wimpy, fearful prayers, we’re basically saying I have no authority and I don’t believe my prayers can be answered? When your prayers are consistently and constantly from a stance of a beggar, out of fear, out of desperation and/or frustration, it is a clear indicator that you do not understand the authority that God as placed in you as His child.

Perhaps this is not you and your prayers don’t sound as desperate and sound more like this ~ God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college but you know I  am not comfortable with the area that it is in and she’s far away and I’m not sure if that’s the place she should go.  

This doesn’t sound like a wimpy prayer. It actually sounds like a regular prayer with some wishy-washy sentiment in it and if you paid some attention, it happened to be fueled by fear. Now, one can argue, well I talk to God about everything and that is awesome, but, is the talk the actual prayer you want answered?  

Imagine if God was sitting right in front of you and the conversation went like this? 

Me: God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college.

God: She can go wherever she wants. I told her I will never forsake her or leave her. You do want her and my decision to be honored no? I mean your daughter and I already talked about it.

Me:  Well… but you know I am not comfortable with the area.

God: So you don’t trust my protection over your kid?

Me: Well that’s not what I meant, it’s that she’s far away and…

God: But I thought we agreed that she already knows I won’t leave her and you do know she has a host of angels around her…um so what’s the problem?

Me:  Well I’m not sure that’s the place she should go (with little tude and frustration)

God: Really Roz…isn’t the real problem that you’re a bit fearful because your girlie is not going to be  under your roof and care? Don’t you trust me?

After that conversation, one would think twice about continual wimpy conversation and our prayers would sound more like this ~Lord as my daughter’s authority I pray over her life. Let her decisions be sound and blessed by you. God thank you that you are in the mix and leading of my daughter’s decision and that the outcome will be good and blessed.

This type of prayer acknowledges your authority as a child of God and it becomes more powerful when you add a verse in a positive, expectant stance. This stance should be consistent and constant after the initial human melt down and after all the additional human melt downs that you will experience during the wait for a miracle. God understands our humanity, but He also expects you to step up into the spiritual realm so that YOU can call in those things that were not as though they were because we are supposed to mimic our daddy God.

Easier said than done…absolutely! But it can be done and it is expected.

Mom you are the most influential chick in a kid’s life. It’s “my” opinion that God always answers a mom’s tear-filled prayers because his heart wells up with compassion. But I also think, He would rather see less tears and more spiritual tude because He always has our back. We just have to say and pray the word.  

What do You Bring To The Table?

Today I woke up with a smile on my face and with a thankful heart. That wasn’t always the case during the holiday seasons. In the past it seemed we had illnesses or death around the holidays, and each year there was a sense of dread and negative expectancy; or we were in mourning for a dear one that had passed.

As we sat in one of my uncle’s 70^th birthday, I noticed that my family members were genuinely happy to be there. We have a rather large extended family and make the effort to get together as much as possible. My uncle Louie took on the task of kicking off family reunions every year and that has allowed us to rekindle our bonds.

The other day while speaking to my sister, we talked about our last gathering. There was one statement that caught my attention. She mentioned that we all have come to the place where we all just breathe in the moment. It took us a while but we have learned and continue to learn not to look back at the past with sadness and not to look forward to the future with dread. We just breathe in the moment. We take mental pictures, actually we take a lot of regular pictures too and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Perhaps the holidays are a dread to you because of past family hurts or because you may feel you don’t have a family. Reality is that we all have a family or several families. It may not necessarily be blood. Family consists of those who have invested themselves, their time and their love in us. It goes beyond blood. It’s those folks that embrace who we are, quarks and all, who come along side us during the good, the bad and the ugly and still love us. They may not necessarily tell us, but they show us each time they get.

Breathe in the moment doesn’t just happen. You have to cultivate yourself into that state of mind. Here are some of the things my family has learned and continues to learn.

• Accept that you are not flawless. None of us are perfect. When you get that you tend to be a bit more forgiving.
• Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and each day provides us a new opportunity to be our best.
• Forgive others. It will liberate you. To forgive is harder than to harbor but it keeps you out of your hand-tailored prison.
• Love…show it and say it. Life is short and regret doesn’t bring back anyone from the grave.
• Strengthen your relationships now. Don’t wait.
• Start new relationships. Get plugged into a church and community. Loneliness is a choice.
• Do not focus on the negative. Replace the negative thoughts with positive. Hope is better than despair.
• Speak positive. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Don’t kill yourself, someone else, mess up your life, someone else’s, your destiny, your future, your family, (the list can go on) because of the words that you say. You are what you speak. We truly believe that.
• Make each moment count. Be purposeful. Plan your day well.
• Pace yourself. What’s the rush?
• Enjoy life. Stop and look up at the sky. Even when the sky is gray it’s amazing. You get to live another day and start over if you need to.

Does Your Mouth Need an Adjustment

A recent project threw me into a tail spin. To be honest that is not uncommon but I noticed that this go round my stress levels were making me uncomfortable, and I did not like quite a few people. I was constantly getting angry, annoyed and frustrated and began to second guess myself. I was the target of blame for some things, and it caused me to shrink back when I should have dug in my heels. Exhaustion enveloped me as the hours worked began to multiply rapidly.

When life gets to that point, I’ve learned where and to whom I should run to.

Once a month, my church’s main campus holds an outpouring service. We usually do not attend because we have bible study in our own campus. This particular time, I felt the urgency to go. I needed to distress. Most folks go to the gym and I’m a proponent of a good workout but I knew exercising alone wasn’t going to level me off. I know I needed God. My problem required a God answer.

Outpouring consists of praise and worship and prayer. There is nothing fancy or elaborate about it. It is a service that goes back to the basics. Since I didn’t want to be noticed, I sat in the back and just ran to God like a kid who scraped her knee and needed some daddy loving and assurance. It seems my mission to sit in the back did not go unnoticed, and one of the gals made her way to me. She shared a story that broke my heart and made all that I was going through irrelevant and minor. It helped me put things into perspective. As I prayed over her for comfort and to be embraced by love that surpasses all understanding, I felt the stress and exhaustion begin to lift.



Photography by Roz|2013

The night ended with a hug from heaven that came from one of the worship team frontline-gals who bee lined her way from the altar to the back. (See there was no hiding for me in the back!) As she encircled me, her prayers tumbled out as a healing balm of restoration. I thought that was all I needed but God with His incredible sense of order knew that my brain had to be quieted down to understand that the issue wasn’t my project. It was my mouth.

Apparently I had read and heard a few messages for days about the power of your words and it did not seem to click. That night as I asked God what in the world happened to my project, the memories of what I heard about the power of words flooded back to me, especially a conversation my husband and I had about not allowing others speak into our lives negatively.

I had the aha, light bulb shine, angel choir -singing moment. Then of course I said to myself…duhhhhh. All the negative feelings that were weighing me down, I had created. I didn’t like the realization of that.  

We are all told that words are a powerful force. What we all fail to realize is that it can be for good or for bad. When I kept saying that the project sucked, that it was a mess, that it was the worst project that I’ve ever had, I basically cursed my own project. Can I hear an ouch?

I get quite a few complex projects assigned and have the grace of figuring them out. This happens because my mindset says there is always a solution to the puzzle. What made my mindset change in midstream in this case?

The constant bombardment of obstacles and negatives will do anybody in after a period of time. It is hard to remain positive but it is not impossible. When you are expected to mimic God, there is no excuse. Your mouth – what you say has to remain positive because you have the power of creation, the power to bless OR curse.  There is no gray in this area.

The adjustment of my mouth adjusted the project. Is it still all those things I rattled off before? I’m not going to tell you because my feelings still sway back and forth from time to time. I will tell you what I want it to be when it ends; another success notch on my belt…and that’s all anyone needs to know.

Breathe in the Moment

Today I woke up with a smile on my face and with a thankful heart. That wasn’t always the case during the holiday seasons. In the past it seemed we had illnesses or death around the holidays, and each year there was a sense of dread and negative expectancy; or we were in mourning for a dear one that had passed.

As we sat in one of my uncle’s 70^th birthday, I noticed that my family members were genuinely happy to be there. We have a rather large extended family and make the effort to get together as much as possible. My uncle Louie took on the task of kicking off family reunions every year and that has allowed us to rekindle our bonds.

The other day while speaking to my sister, we talked about our last gathering. There was one statement that caught my attention. She mentioned that we all have come to the place where we all just breathe in the moment. It took us a while but we have learned and continue to learn not to look back at the past with sadness and not to look forward to the future with dread. We just breathe in the moment. We take mental pictures, actually we take a lot of regular pictures too and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Perhaps the holidays are a dread to you because of past family hurts or because you may feel you don’t have a family. Reality is that we all have a family or several families. It may not necessarily be blood. Family consists of those who have invested themselves, their time and their love in us. It goes beyond blood. It’s those folks that embrace who we are, quarks and all, who come along side us during the good, the bad and the ugly and still love us. They may not necessarily tell us, but they show us each time they get.

Breathe in the moment doesn’t just happen. You have to cultivate yourself into that state of mind. Here are some of the things my family has learned and continues to learn.

• Accept that you are not flawless. None of us are perfect. When you get that you tend to be a bit more forgiving.
• Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and each day provides us a new opportunity to be our best.
• Forgive others. It will liberate you. To forgive is harder than to harbor but it keeps you out of your hand-tailored prison.
• Love…show it and say it. Life is short and regret doesn’t bring back anyone from the grave.
• Strengthen your relationships now. Don’t wait.
• Start new relationships. Get plugged into a church and community. Loneliness is a choice.
• Do not focus on the negative. Replace the negative thoughts with positive. Hope is better than despair.
• Speak positive. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Don’t kill yourself, someone else, mess up your life, someone else’s, your destiny, your future, your family, (the list can go on) because of the words that you say. You are what you speak. We truly believe that.
• Make each moment count. Be purposeful. Plan your day well.
• Pace yourself. What’s the rush?
• Enjoy life. Stop and look up at the sky. Even when the sky is gray it’s amazing. You get to live another day and start over if you need to.

The Negative Monkey

It was a hot summer day at Coney Island beach. My cousins and I had split up to look for William, known as the adventurous wanderer of our clan. The sand was hot under our feet and our throats were hoarse from yelling. We continued on our search, when all of the sudden, I felt a hand grab my leg. It wasn’t an ordinary hand; it felt rubbery. When I looked down, I began to scream and shake my leg to try to pry off the furry body that decided to wrap its arms around me. I had my first encounter with a monkey – up close!

Apparently someone decided to take their chimp to the beach that day. Needless to say, he became friendly with me and there was no convincing him to let go. Just like my cousin, the monkey decided to explore the beach on his own. My screams and I’m sure the hysterical show that both monkey and I must have given, attracted a lot of attention. The owner finally heard the story about the screaming girl (which traveled down the beach rather quickly) and came to my rescue. I can’t remember if my cousin William showed up at the same time the owner did, but I do recall being the brunt of my cousins’ jokes for weeks on end.

Isn’t it incredible how memories can be so vivid, and although forgotten for a while, can become so relevant in our lives when we do remember them? What an awful feeling it was when that monkey hung on to my leg…and what a relief it was when the owner finally pried him off.

Often times we feel the same way when we let go of people that hinder us. But what happens when that person is you? Obviously, we can’t dismiss ourselves and so the challenge becomes how to modify our behavior, especially our thoughts.

Our thoughts define who we are and what we become.

We talk to ourselves more than anyone else in our lifetime. From the moment we open our eyes, till the moment we place our head on a pillow, our self talk is non-stop. We have the power to create a wonderful day or ruin it, via our thoughts. It’s no secret that good thoughts just like bad ones become habits. If you don’t believe it, take a look around you and listen to how people speak for a few days. A happy and successful person focuses on the good in all situations and speaks positively. A cranky, defeated and unfulfilled person focuses on the bad and speaks negatively. If we were to compare the positive and negative person, which of the two would you say had a visit with the negative monkey? I bet you’d be inclined to say the negative person but in reality both were visited. The difference is that one decided not to listen and the other took the monkey to heart.

What is the negative monkey?

It’s the pessimistic voice that pops up inside of your head. It’s the voice that whispers in your ear that you are worthless, you’ll never amount to anything and let’s face it – you’re just a woman. It reminds, in a cynical way, that you are the fragile one, too emotional to be consistent - rejected as the weaker sex. Yes, we’ve been told, we’ve listened and we’ve believe. We even speak the same negative nonsense into our own lives.

The negative monkey is a universal demon that tries to invade our space, and his goal is to steal away our inner joy and appreciation of self. It causes us to focus on what we lack and encourages us to do nothing about it. It gladly pulls in the past and plays it before us like a sitcom rerun. Over time, it can take hold of our minds, if we let it.

So how do we rid ourselves of this destructive chimp?
We scream, jump up and down and wait for the owner to come and pry it off! Actually that is not far from the truth. Let me explain with the following steps.

Scream. It will get your attention. It will push you to be stern within yourself, especially when it’s time to stop anything destructive in your life.

Jump up and down. Sometimes we need to take drastic measures to shake up our lives with radical changes.

Pry it off. When we take responsibility for what we’ve allowed into our lives, we become the owner. Ownership gives us the power to pry free from anything.

We all have the ability to change. We just need the courage to acknowledge we can change and follow through.

Stop listening to the negative monkey and be kind to yourself. Focus on the good and take the time to discover or unearth the positive inside of you. Start to believe in yourself.

Don’t stop there. Pay attention to what God says about you. If you’re unsure, go take a look in the Bible. You’ll discover throughout that God constantly validates you, believes in you and expects the best for you and from you.

Finally, make it a point to counteract the negative with a positive each and every time. Rid yourself of the outside and inside negative influences and become the woman you are destined to be.

Shut It

We often hear, we are our own worst enemies. Do you think that it is true?

One of the things that my husband has been telling me lately is "don't talk about it - jut do it." He explained that there are times that we want to do things that we're passionate about but we talk ourselves out of it before we even start. That is how many dreams never become reality and how talents are wasted. We live through life frustrated because we never end up doing what we love. We often think we're not good enough; wonder who would listen; wonder who would read it if we wrote it. The list goes on and on.

It's that internal dialogue that gets us into a pickle, gets us discouraged and stops us from doing what we love best.

In the Midwest people are known for saying 'shut it' instead of our Northeast 'shut up'. As rude as both those terms may sound to some, perhaps it is time we apply it whenever our internal dialogue want to discourage us from pursuing our dreams.

What is it that you keep putting off because you think you can't? Shut it - and just do it.  

Sometimes We Need Inspiration

In my search for movies, I usually look for something that will inspire me. The other day, I had the pleasure of watching the story of Mother Teresa. This sweet, little woman was a giant among giants in her time hands down. I had a lot of takeaways but wanted to share a few.

There’s Knowing and ‘KNOWING’

There is a difference between knowing God and ‘knowing’ God. We all know who the President of the United States is but we don’t ‘know’ him. Most of us can’t walk into the White House, kick off our shoes and have dinner with him. People know of God because they’ve heard many stories of him, but they don’t ‘know’ God intimately because they’ve never formed relationship. It’s easy to dismiss God when you haven’t made an effort to prove or disprove.

Mother Teresa KNEW God. Although it’s a known fact that nuns take vows and are considered married to Jesus, we miss the point of such dedication. We think that it’s solely for nuns and get hung up with looking at the religion and forget it’s all about relationship.

The Constant Talk

Throughout the movie, the girl would drop to her knees at a drop of a hat to pray. She must have prayed at least 50 times within the 2+ hours! Most could accept that because she’s a NUN. If a regular Christian would do that, they would be considered a loon fanatic. But here is what she discovered, that most never do. The constant talk towards heaven opened up a world for her that is available to everyone but only revealed to few.

We often think of prayer as a one way conversation when it is not. God is real and constantly speaks back. Why in the world would you pray to a God who wouldn't answer back? Unfortunately many people have the wrong story about God and don’t make the effort to find out the truth.

(By the way, God is not interested in the posture of your body when you talk to him. He’s more interested in the posture of your heart. You see relationship, whenever you desire one that’s intimate, comes from the heart. What this means is that you can talk to him anytime throughout the day without any kneeling and any scripting because he wants and craves your conversation.)

It’s All About Love

Naturally when you talk to someone constantly that you want relationship with, you just eventually love them. It’s part of the intimate relationship dynamics. The beauty of discovering God’s love is that it spills over to others.

Mother Teresa loved God and loved people but a lot of us fail miserably with the second one. Too many Christians are all about talk. She showed God’s love by her actions. Even when she was hurting, she understood her hurt would work itself out when she helped others through their pain.

Our playing field may not be India or the world, but we all know of people who are in need. We should be looking for opportunities to step in and love on them.

The Power of One

Many would say Mother Teresa’s calling is not mine. I do not have her destiny…but you do. We all have something we should be accomplishing in our lifetime. We were not put here to take up space and God makes no exception. We are all called to greatness and excellence. Our sphere of influence may not be as large as Mother Teresa’s at the moment, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have that potential.

What amazed me was how she started out as one person with one vision and how over the years it became contagious throughout the world. Her calling was simple - to help people in need…that was it.

Keeping it Simple

We often think that to accomplish something memorable, it has to be big and elaborate. Mother Teresa loved simplicity and she achieved all of her objectives because of it.

She started her dream with absolutely nothing tangible…NOTHING. She had no money, no location…not even a team to help her but that didn’t deter her. She began laying groundwork with what she did possess; her love for people and her talent for persistence and stubbornness. She wouldn’t quit and was relentless and made sure that all of the dreams that God had deposited into her heart came to pass.

The Faith Factor

When we board a plane, our expectation is that that we will reach our destination even though we don’t know the pilot personally. We don’t know if he has the right credentials. We don’t know if he’s in training (perhaps his first flight). We don’t know whether he’s sober or getting over the effects of sleeping meds from the night before, etc, BUT we have faith this man we DON’T KNOW will get us there.

You exercise faith every day for many things, but when it comes to God it eludes you. Ever wonder why you waiver with your faith in God or your faith for what God can do? Sometimes I think it’s because we’re scared of what he’ll do. It freaks us out to know he may just answer a little too greatly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, supernaturally and unexplainably. It’s easier to expect he won’t answer.

Over and over again, I witnessed throughout the movie answered prayers. I was amazed and Mother Teresa was not because it was her expectations. God would give her a MASSIVE dream and she would move forward, fully confident that if he wanted it done, he would provide…period, end of story.

It looks like an easy concept but it isn’t. There are those of us who know the turmoil that one goes through when you’re going from point A to point Z before that HUGE dream comes to pass. I think that she minimized the turmoil because she often reminded others and herself that the timing factor was not hers to dictate and she learned the art of patience and waiting.

Sometimes we all need a moment of inspiration.

There’s so much more that can be said about this incredible woman, but the fact is, she was incredible because she lived what she believed. She believed she was a representative of a God who loves and lived it out loud, unashamed and unapologetically. Her inspiration was the people around her in need. It kept her going.

Where is your inspiration? I believe inspiration is always around us but I think it serves a greater purpose when we live to inspire others.

Romans 11:29 For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

Why Does God Hate Me?

On any given Sunday in our church, new songs are introduced and become the favorite of many. What I find is that often certain songs just stay with me for days and echo in my mind. I hear it so clearly that I catch myself going to youtube and looking up the song so I can hear it yet again and sing along.

Amy, one of the girls at the front line, sings a song that has become one of my favorites. As a matter of fact I’m writing this because all I can hear in my head is this song. I truly don’t mind because the reminder is something I cherish. Unfortunately there are many women that don’t know this truth and the live broken because of it every day. I was reminded of that when I watched Tyler Perry’s “Why did I Get Married?” This movie portrays 4 couples and each face problems that challenge and unfortunately break up most marriages. Towards the end of the movie, there is an emotional recount of one woman’s life for the past 8 months and it goes like this.


She was a heavy woman whose husband fell out of love with her. He was completely insensitive, emotionally abusive and treated her with disdain and ridicule. She prayed that God would change things in her marriage and even told her friends that she asked herself “why does God hate me” when nothing happened. My heart just broke with those words and yes I am one of those who blubber at times along with the character. I guess those words struck a chord because I knew how she felt because quite honestly I’ve felt like that when I’ve been in crisis and there is no answer in sight.

She continues to tell her friends how she was able to basically work on herself and how God turned her life around and gave her a man who loves her for her. She kept repeating how every morning her heart is full of joy.

Movies have to truncate the ugly becoming beautiful for the sake of time. Reality is that the transition takes a while and is very painful and you have to be brave enough to want change and follow through. A lot of times we may feel like this woman “why does God hate me” because the silence may be deafening to our prayers but did you ever stop to think God is waiting for you?

Her change didn’t come until she took action. She had to go through a series of changes to obtain that answered prayer. Let me give you a few examples…

1.She had to stop accepting and believing the abusive behavior towards her. It had nothing to do with size and everything to do with how she viewed herself. Although there is no excuse for the things her husband said and did, she enabled it because of her insecurities. She did not know who she was and how valuable she was.

2. Once she recognized that she was a loveable human being, she wanted to become better in every area of her life. In her case she had the assistance of a man who loved her for her but that doesn’t always happen. Most times, a woman will have friends that will provide that support. We need to learn to soak that up and accept that constructive criticism for the better.

3. She took certain actions. She didn’t like her weight. It made her feel less attractive so she went on a healthy regimen. She did it for her not him and was proud and pleased with the outcome. She changed her environment and who she hung out with. She chose to listen to positive voices and shut out the negative ones.

Many times God can’t answer prayers because we’re not ready for the change. In our present state we enable behaviors from others and within ourselves. If he’d answer, we would undo everything because we are part of the problem.

So what does this have to do with the song that Amy sings going around my head? Well the song is quite the opposite of this woman’s once sentiment. However, after she and I changed, we both discovered that God really loves us and was willing to answer our prayers all along, He was just waiting for us to be willing to change.

I can hear Amy singing again. I wish we had our church’s rendition so you could all hear… How He Loves Us So….It’s an awesome song…

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He is Jealous of Me

Too Arched to Live Out Loud

I have this bad habit of engaging in conversation a lot of times with whomever is around me, whether I am waiting on line, sitting in a waiting room, getting my nails done, etc. Instinctively, the words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop myself and, yes, I am guilty of starting conversations that entice others to jump right in. It’s not done on purpose. My upbringing had a lot to do with it. My siblings and I learned from the best. Both my parents knew how to draw in anyone in their path and still do today. It’s a habit that we all have. I think my siblings are worst or shall I say better than me.

It’s during these types of conversations that you learn so much about the life of others. Sometimes you are reminded how blessed you are. Other times the wisdom that is poured out is undeniable and you walk away awed and inspired. However, lately, I find that there are more and more women who are deeply hurt and haven’t found a way to heal. Their dialogue is stuck in the past and they continue to struggle.

What saddens me is how many people I meet or know that are brimming with potential that haven’t taken the first step or are afraid to. Creativity has been deposited inside of each of us in abundance but if there is no motivation, that art remains silent and hidden. It doesn’t have a chance to shine or proclaim to the world, look how beautiful I am, an example of the awesome design of my God. That gift of creativity, combined with talent, motivation, imagination and the willingness to jump into the path of exploration, gives each and every one of us the opportunity to be great at something. Yes great; not just wonderful but I dare say excellent.

Why is it that so many of us settle for a mediocre or substandard life? Perhaps it is because it is easier to point outside of ourselves and provide excuses for doing or not doing. Unfortunately, in the process many become too arched to live out loud.

What does it mean to be too arched?
It means that you’re too curved in your living. You live in either extreme and have a hard time being balanced. Somewhere along your life, the path got so buckled that you’ve become trapped. You go forward but can’t get enough traction so you kind of slide right back. Sometimes it’s all the way back. Sometimes it’s just a few steps. However if those few steps happen often enough it tends to discourage you and makes you want to give up. You get to the place where you can’t live out loud because there’s nothing to shout about in your life.

Now some of you may feel that being invisible is quite fine. However, God didn’t put you here to blend in. He put each and every one of us to represent a different facet of His image, His being, His likeness. Each of us should stand out in our unique way and our differences should compliment like colors on a magnificent painting.

Jesus made many profound statements throughout His life. One of them resounds in my mind. “I’ve come to give you life and to give it more abundantly”. Yet for some reason, we get so hung up and drag our past like a ball and chain or set it up as a trophy for all to see.

If you are too arched to live out loud then it’s time you drop off the dead weight from your back…

• The negative voices in your head from the past and present
• The man or woman that left you
• The man or woman that abused you
• The disappointment of (fill in the blank)

Straighten out that spine and chin up. Make it a point to make each and every day count. Make a difference and be a difference and influence those around you. Cultivate your gift. If you haven’t discovered what it is, then that’s your mission. Don’t live an arched life a moment longer. Live out Loud!

The Do Over

Kids learn pretty quickly, the significance of the do over, when they start to approach the school age. This usually happens when a parent or an adult figure points out that something was done incorrectly. Sometimes a child triumphs during the do over and sometimes they experience disappointments. What was brought into adulthood by that child was dependent on the harshness of those figures in their younger years, especially during the disappointments.

Those past adult voices are the ones that either encourage us or haunt us. You and I know them well because they creep up from time to time without much effort. They either cheer you on or relentlessly knock you down. Often they’re thought of as our inner dialogue but in reality they’re the byproduct of the voices of the past that infiltrated and adapted to sound like your own. As individuals, we’re supposed to constantly renew the mind…our thoughts and inner dialogue. Some learn to master that in a positive manner, while others have accepted and believed that a do over is not in scope for their lives. They’re just beaten.

I believe that the do over is available to anybody. Some of you may be shaking your head in a very negative manner and perhaps saying not for me. You have probably failed time and again to get out of situations and circumstances that seem beyond your control. You feel stuck, trapped and hopeless. Some of you may even feel like you deserve to be where you’re at because you’re guilt ridden and imprisoned by your past choices. The do over is not an option. You must live your punishment for the rest of your days…or so you think.

A lot of the sadness in this world can be contributed to the lost of hope for a do over. It’s something that is felt as undeserved although it’s an equal opportunity offer to all. The possibility of the do over entices many but few run into the cradle of its arms. Are you wondering why?

The do over is avoided by many because it always beckons one to action – the action of change. It doesn’t encourage doing the same thing the same way to produce the same results. It propels you to do something different to achieve positive results. It pushes you to think outside of the box, cheers you on into the unknown and gives you the courage to shut out the familiar voices. Once there’s momentum, deep down inside you know that you’re headed in the right direction. You accept that you can’t undo the past but you also know that you can create a better future.

It will challenge you to make the tough choice to let go of people who hinder you and will introduce you to others who have discovered the secret of the do over. The do over will put you in a place where you get tired of listening to the voices that tell you that you can’t. In its place you will crave for the voices that will root for you even when the mistake was of your own making.

The do over will always cost you. It will take you out of your comfort zone. It will turn your life upside down. It will make you cry, feel unsure during the journey and will probably stress you out until you have a sure footing again. However, even in the midst of all of that, it will remind you that it’s not the bravest that wins, but the persistent one that gets the prize because the focus is on the desired outcome, not the going through.

So today if you’re faced with the challenge of the do over, don’t get discouraged. It’s a great thing when we’re presented the chance to do it again, a new way.

I confess I don’t like the do over at times, okay a lot of the times…but the experience of past do over wins hands down and I know that in the end it’s all worth it.

I dedicate this to all of you who are in the do over stage. Don’t lose hope. You will not fail! Failure is defined by those who do not try.

For the rest of you, stop living a substandard life, stop blaming yourself, others, the past and God. Take responsibility, buck up and move forward. It’s time.

The opportunity for a do over is here and now. Go for it!

(I love you J – this one is for you.)

Speaking in Authority

We got a text message from a family member from another state ask that we pray for one of kids in the military. My husband immediately asked that we pray and it went something like this.

"Angels I command you to form a hedge of protection around him. You are accountable to Almighty God if any harm comes to him. Lord I ask your mighty hand be upon him … in the name of Jesus."

Needless to say, my eyes flew open and jaw kind of dropped some as my husband said these words with authority.

Religious folks would get their feathers ruffled with these types of prayers…but what I am learning is the example he shows me time after time of understanding our authority in Christ.

There are too many wimpy Christians and that makes our faith look wimpy. If we read the gospels, we see that Christ spoke with authority because he knew who he was. We are supposed to be Christ followers yet we do not know the power that’s within us or the authority that we possess.

Aren’t we supposedly to go boldly before the throne of God? Don’t we have the spirit of God dwelling in us that raised Jesus from the dead? Then why do we pray the wimpy – if it’s your will prayers when we know it is his will already in his word?

Perhaps it’s time we do the word instead of wondering if it will do for us.