Lady Insecurity

I like to imagine that Insecurity is a woman. Once she has a hold of you, she clings on to you for dear life, almost like a lover. Oh and be careful if you cross her--her grip will become vengeful. She’ll make sure she’ll keep you in your place by instilling fear that is fueled with doubt, or lack of love and trust. It will show in your posture since she’ll make sure you lack the self-confidence and acceptance that you need in order to succeed.

Lady Insecurity will make sure you hide your uncertainties by keeping people at a safe distance. She wouldn’t want any of them to get too close to you. People may find out about your instability and try to help you. Oh but wait. She has that covered too. You see, she’ll also make sure that she stunts your personal growth by whispering that you’re okay just the way you are. Her motto is, “Have problems? Don’t face them.” This will resound in your head like a lullaby. She’ll love you forever and be your faithful friend as long as she’s the Boss. Wouldn’t you agree that it may be time to fire her?

~ Excerpt from Stop Ignoring Me...The Cry of My Heart (COMING SOON!)

Nuggets of Learnings

Birthdays, anniversaries and New Years always make you take inventory and reflect on what you've accomplished, where you're at and what's next. I am grateful for the milestones because it welcomes the opportunity for change and growth. Some people groan during those key moments and miss out on the chance to dig in deep and answer the tough questions about themselves. It's also a time of sharing with others what you've learned along the way.

I have two incredible daughters and like any other parent, I'd rather they learn from my stories than for them to experience certain mistakes or heartaches. I wish they would listen to council and do what is right when no one is looking over their shoulder. Most of all, I pray that they would keep Jesus as the center of their lives, because no matter what, they will always find balance in life because their faith will sustain them.

There are a lot of things I want to share with them about what I've learned over the years but there isn't enough time, enough attention (on their part), enough wisdom (I'm just mom) or enough of their presence (I have to share them with others). The wonderful thing about writing is that love on paper always captures the attention of a person, so with a heart that is overflowing, here are my nuggets of learning for my daughters, Kristen and Lindsey.

Love is a constant that goes beyond the butterflies within the tummy. It's reinforced and displayed in the little routine, mundane, everyday stuff that is taken for granted because we get hung up on the stupid, small, negative-stuff that's not worth asphyxiating over.

Live fully but choose carefully. If your initial gut tells you it's wrong than it's wrong. A numb conscience is your worst enemy because it means that you've disciplined a bad habit of not letting your spiritual side lead the way. You will always lose if you do that.

Be an advocate of only the things that really make you heated. Don't be an advocate for all. You will come across as a people pleaser. It is okay to have your own opinion even if it means someone won't like you.

Maintaining neutrality should be used only in certain cases when it's called for like within a job, a school or a relationship but it should not be a way of life. A neutral person loses their voice, their persona and their shine. You were meant to be different.

Your opinion is not the end all. Don't shut people down with your beliefs or talk over them in conversations. Become a good listener. Often times we don't hear a person's heart because we're busy responding in our heads when they're talking.

If someone dismisses your faith, don't waste your time defending your beliefs. State what you believe unapologetically and move on.

Quiet time is precious. Monopolize it when you can because the seasons of life can diminish that pretty quickly. Learn to be content with just you and yourself.

Friendships are like a dollar in your pocket my dad would say. Still trying to figure that one out but here's what I think. Dollars come and go. The value of a dollar goes up and down. A dollar can buy you something or nothing. A dollar can be invaluable or valuable depending how much you need it.

Your parents may not always be right but they will always have your best interest at heart. When all others fail you, at the end of the day, you will always be their child (my child) and there is safety and love in the comfort of family. Don't ever forget family.

Love deeply. I emphasize on love twice because it's the reason for your existence. Love your God with all your heart. Love others despite their flaws. You have flaws too. Love your life. You get only one chance to live it so live it well. Give love, accept love and teach others to love through your actions. Don't plant seeds of hate. It's a waste of time.

Forgive. We are all chronically human (as pastor says). None of us are above making mistakes even ones done on purpose.

Don't assume. It will get you in trouble. Assumptions create rifts because it opens the doors for wrong interpretation or an opinion that is yours alone...not the reality…torturous place to be.

The blues is temporary and the choice to remain sad and depressed is yours. Never, ever stay in that part of your mental country for long. Short visits only.

Feel. You're a woman and your emotions are right where they should be - deep. It's okay to cry and be emotional. I'm not justifying permanent PMS mode.

I'm digging peace. I hope you diligently search for it and make it a constant in your life. Stress shortens life. We see it every day. Winning arguments may feel good but does the end result establish peace? Some things are not worth the energy. Pick your battles.

Keep your value. Don't lower your standards for no one. Compromise when it comes to your value will scar you. Your value far exceeds that of a diamond in your parent's eyes...in my eyes. You're worth much more than my life. I would trade it for yours without thought.

Know that you are loved. I know that this is the third time I've mentioned love but bear with me, I promise this will be my last tidbit. I mention it once again because life begins with love and then continues into eternity. You are never - not loved. Always remember that.

Are You a Follower?

Do you know that as much as you may pride yourself, to be an individual that does whatever you want, you are a follower? You comply to certain guidelines because built in you, is the need to feel accepted.

You want to fit in, to have friends and to be liked. Those are, by no means, a bad thing. However, what is the cost? How much of yourself are you giving away to others to maintain that feeling to belong?

Many women fall into the trap of abuse because they want the security of being loved by a man. Their cost is the abuse of their self-esteem, their heart and the use of their bodies.

Your worth should never be lowered for the security of having a man. If anything, it should increase exponentially because you have the bling going on in the inside.

What is that? It looks like this.

All your incredible qualities radiate. Your personality attracts. Your heart overflows with goodness. Your stride is elegant and your command in a room is powerful. Any man would be proud to have the privilege to call you a life partner; but your man, whether now or in the future, understands that to have you, to be chosen by you is a gift.

Do not cheapen yourself by being a follower and lowering your high standards to fit into another's bad mold. You are a gem, a woman worth the wait. Be choosy, be picky and (snaps fingers in z formation), be a splendid diva...always for the better.

What Type of Gift are You?

Do you remember what it feels like when you hear that someone close to you is having a baby? Usually there is joy, excitement and anticipation. As the birth day gets closer, the parents become nervous and begin to wonder how they will handle the upcoming change. The day finally arrives and baby comes into the world not knowing at that time that his birth was precisely planned for that moment.

Precious Present

When we think of babies we can easily associate them with the word gift. Babies bring an immeasurable amount of joy that becomes contagious. Who can resist the smile or giggles or a tiny babe? Mothers and fathers fall deeply in love with their children at that stage. They cherish their new and precious present.

As that baby gets older, goes through adolescence and then to adulthood, they all seem to lose sight of how important they are. College, work, competition and marriage become a blur of goals. Life moves quickly until it forces them to stop and take inventory of accomplishments. Discouragement settles in when they see that their hopes and dreams are not a reality. They accept that they are like everyone else and blend in with all the other unimportant people who have decided this is just how life is.

You Are a Gift

No matter how we came into this world, how we were received, or how we grew up, we are all gifts. Some of us were acknowledged as gifts coming into this world. Others were acknowledged as gifts years later. There may have been a difference in the timing, but that didn’t change what we are. We are, you are, a gift.

Each of us brings uniqueness to the table of life. Although some of our talents may be similar, none are exactly the same. We impact people differently. We love in our own special way and have the power to change lives with our actions. We have the influence to create ripples that can cross oceans at times.

Most of us do not realize how valuable and how loved we are. We hear of how we take others for granted and forget that we do the same for ourselves. We overlook our contributions as a friend, lover, parent, and child and view them as expectations and obligations. We do not see that we’re a gift.

Sharing Love

People are in a habit of listing the praises of others when they pass away. They begin to recall all of the wonderful things that person may have done. It’s a natural inclination to do that. However, I wonder what impact we would make if we made it habit to tell those closest to us how much we love them, and acknowledge how we appreciate what they do for us while they are alive.

We all need to hear positive affirmation. We need to know that we are loved, accepted and cherished. We are all born with those essential needs. Babies know they are gifts because they are showered with love. Why should that change as we get older? We have an obligation to continue that in our homes and with those we love. In loving others we increase their value and our own. We acknowledge we are gifts and recognize they are also.

Your Worth

Too much emphasis is placed on worth based on dollars and status. Your value and worth is beyond that measure. Life is about us, not I. It’s about the joy of being with one another and experiencing this journey together through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You won’t recognize that you’re a gift until you become a gift to others. You cannot live as a gift until you bring your uniqueness to the table.

What kind of gift will you choose to be? Yes, you have a choice. You can be a big present or remain a small one. You can view others as big or as small. The emphasis you place on both will determine the outcome. Choose to be a gift. Choose to be a big gift. Let’s unwrap ourselves and those around us together.

You are Beautiful!

It is the beauty that no one talks about as definition. It comes from within. The beauty that overflows and attracts. It uncovers and encourages others to see the true you.

It is the kindness, compassion and honesty that can be seen in the eyes of those who understand what this life is all about.

It has nothing to do about self. It's not selfish. It is not self self-serving.

It's knowing that that you are here to do for others. That's what makes a person beautiful.

Price of Your Love Tag

What is the right price of your love tag?

Love will never selfishly take away from you. If anything it will always add to you, in any relationship. Love will understand. Love will accept. Love will support. This means that your friend, a true friend, should be someone who accepts you for who you are, but is not afraid to tell you the truth, even when it hurts.

When friendship only benefits one side of the equation, it is not true companionship. Relationships require a healthy balance of give and take.

Beautiful

Beautiful. The word that is used to express how attractive something or someone is. It’s a word that often brings a smile to the lips of a woman. At times she can be taken aback or be dismissive, depending on the seriousness, the moment, the feelings that are enveloping her.

Beautiful describes the heart of many women who are selfless and give without expectation. Beautiful are those women who day after day, care for those they love. Beautiful are those women who teach each and every day through their actions and not just with their words. Yes beautiful.

Each day we are graced with beautiful women who allure those around her not by their physical nature but by the gentleness of their spirit and the enticement of their kind heart.

Beautiful is such a thrown-around word in society and equates to the curvaceous model that strides the runways. Perhaps that’s why our women no longer believe that phrase when addressed to them. The competition with gorgeous models makes one shrink when the natural inclination of an ordinary women’s mind goes automatically into comparison mode.

Beautiful is a word that lifts the spirit and elates the heart of the receiver.  It's the affirmation that every little girl, every young woman, every single woman regardless of age should receive throughout her lifetime. And yet, even when said, why does she still cringe and compare even when she knows logically that she shouldn’t?

Why not relish it, revel in it and accept it? Why not? What will she lose? What will you lose?  

Be beautiful. You are beautiful. Accept the compliment and pay it forward.  

You Are a Queen

So you’re probably wondering why I say I am a Queen – remember with a capital Q!

When we think about a Queen, we automatically think of some rich woman on a throne and honestly, most cannot relate with her. In our minds the comparison does not jive. This is why most women dismiss the compliment of being called a Queen. However, there are others who take this title to heart and a bit to the extreme, and they strut through life believing that everyone in their world has to jump at a snap of their fingers. Why does balance elude us when it comes to these types of things?

What is a Queen?

A Person of Influence

Whether you believe it or not, you influence your world. If you have children, your job is to mold them into people who can enter and contribute to society. If you don’t have children, you help mold your nieces, nephews, siblings or your friend’s children.

At your job, even if you’re not a manager, your choices and suggestions make a difference and impact in your department or organization. In your community, you affect the economy financially and if you volunteer to help with any sports or events, you inspire others through the giving of yourself.

A Person of Authority

We all have authority. We authorize who can take one of our kid’s out of school, who can be added into on of our accounts, we transact throughout our lives. We are the boss of our kids and we have clout or a say so in many arenas of our lives. To most of us it’s just routine, part of life. Part of life or not, you possess authority.

A Person of Wealth

Wealth or being rich is often times equated with money. Here is where most people miss it. You can be wealthy without having loads of money. You can have a wealth of friends, wealth of family, wealth of health, wealth of wisdom and influence. This can also be interpreted as being prosperous. When I think of how blessed I am I don’t look solely to the almighty dollar. I look at the entire picture and I smile at the realization of how incredibly blessed - wealthy I am.

A Person of Dominion

When God created Eve, He told her that she had dominion. For some reason a lot of us forget that as women. This reality roles up all of the above mentioned into this one. Our kingdom is our realm of influence, authority and wealth in our various circles. Most times we do not realize the impacts we have in the lives of others. Remember the ripple effect. A ripple becomes wider the further out it goes after a small stone is tossed into a pond.

Daughter of God

Whether you believe or not, accept it or not, you are the daughter of the King of kings.

When you realize that, all of the above make sense and begins to fall into place. You begin to see yourself differently and this is what occurs:

1. Your standards become much higher. (Side note: This means you expect a man to treat you with love and not abuse you emotionally, verbally or physically).
2. You understand the importance of excellence. You expect excellence. You do all in excellence. (Side note: You wait for the right man and don’t settle or accept less than. Stop making excuses.)
3. You look for opportunities to better yourself. Remember you are an influence in your circles. Purpose in your heart to learn something new everyday.
4. You look for opportunities to help others. When you focus on others, it stops you from asphyxiating on your current problems. You’d be surprised how you find the answers to your own problems when you help others.
5. You understand the importance to maintain and grow healthy relationships or release bad ones.
6. You understand that it is critical to nurture yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and socially constantly and without fail.
7. You understand the responsibility that goes with your actions and how your actions, big or small influence your world and the world of others.

You are a Queen. I am a Queen. We are Queens.

We are Queens in God’s kingdom…act like one.

We are Queens in our home…act like one.

We are Queens wherever our pretty little feet bring us…Act like one.

It doesn’t matter if our crowns are rollers, our robes are made of terry and our throne room is the kitchen, we are Queens.

Back straight, shoulders back, heads held high.

We are Queens.

You are a Queen.

Queen Level Value

Your value is not defined by what others say or think about you. No one can impact you unless you give them the power to do so.

Your value should be so high in your pretty, little head that your norm should be the expectation of respect. It's not just lip service. It's behavior, it's treatment and it is the display of honor on queen level.

Anything less, devalues you. Your value is above rubies.

(Book cooking in the brain for 2016!)

Above Rubies

Your value is not defined by what others say or think about you. No one can impact you unless you give them the power to do so. Your value should be so high in your pretty little head that your norm should be the expectation of respect.

It's not just lip service. It's behavior, it's treatment and it is the display of honor on queen level. Anything less devalues you. Your value is above rubies. 

(Book cooking in the brain for 2016!)

Your Time Value

This is a new day. It's another opportunity to start over, to try to get it right, whatever right is. It's the chance to get certain things done.

Today, this moment, is where you can make a difference. You can't stay stuck in yesterday because it's in the past. There is no changing it. Tomorrow you can plan for but to live in it is just a dream. You make no impact.

Today is what you have. This moment is at your disposal. You lose the precious minutes of today as I write and you read. Your time, YOUR time is precious. How you invest it is important.

When you give anyone time, it says loudly you are ssssooo important to me. Time is your currency. Don't let anyone devalue it and don't let it slip through your fingers with idleness. Keep, maintain and increase your time value.

Live fully aware of your time and how you share it today.

What Do You Bring to the Table?

When asked if you love someone, our instinctive reaction is to think about how someone makes us feel. We let memories that forged those feelings captivate our mind. We can actually smell their cologne, feel their last kiss and get all mushy inside. Although our initial thought was based on what we felt, we all get to a point where we understand and know that it’s more than that. It’s a verb. It is the constant action that gives validation to the words…I love you.

Unfortunately the expression, “I love you” has come across as empty words for many women. They heard these precious words but were shown quite the opposite. Many have suffered neglect and emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse or were enablers to men who never grow up and are still boys. Regrettably, a lot of our gals have not learned their value and believe that they don’t deserve a man that should treat them like a queen.

What does it mean to be treated as a queen? It means waiting for a man that will treat you with respect and honor that will support and complement you as an individual. It doesn’t mean that when you do find that man, you claim the right to maintain your broom lady persona with the pointy hat. Our mentality has been ‘I will not get burned again’ and so all men ( the ones that live with us, the ones that are dating us, the ones that will date us, even the ones who are consider dating us) are subject to our wicked wrath.

Perhaps if we’d invest more of our love affair with God, a lot of us would not continue to feel this way. You see your love affair with God will determine the thermostat of your most intimate relationship.

So the question is do you love God? I mean do you really love God; not just lip service.

Let’s start with why it is important to a man that you love God. The top reason for a man is because he wants to be with someone that is not afraid to receive love and respects him. I can see some of you cringing at the word respect because you’re thinking ‘I don’t need another daddy’. Let’s define the word respect. It’s a feeling of admiration, thoughtfulness or esteem towards someone. I think that is doable don’t you?

So how can a woman meet a man’s need to give love and receive respect? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does She Love God’ Age-Old Theory

Girl has relationship with God because…

Girl responded to God’s love, then…

Girl grows to love God, and…

Girl understands God’s love so…

Girl craves to be more like God, then…

Girl lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Girl is able to respect the way God commanded.

Yes you read the last bullet right. You see in the bible it was very clear. God said to man love your lady but he said to us gals, respect your man. Why is that? For the most part, we don’t have a problem with loving, we’re emotional beings. The problem for most tainted women is to receive love and bestow respect to the man who wants to love them. There are many reasons for that, but the one that floats to the top of the list is trust. Quite simply, you do not trust. You do not trust enough to receive love, therefore, you cannot respect, admire, esteem…forget about being thoughtful. What about the need to earn trust? That’s a reasonable question in any relationship and can only be answered by you.

Does your primary relationship include God, love and trust?

You see when you love God, really love God, the hardest decision you will make it to trust Him. I’ve heard some women say, it’s not hard to trust God…He loves me no matter what. That is a fact that most know and acknowledge but they live however they like. Imagine being in a relationship saying you love someone, but you continue to do things that hurt your significant other. Is that really love?This is where a lot of us miss the mark. We say we love God but our DO doesn’t support it.

When we love God, we understand the importance of surrender. Surrender puts us in a place of trust. However, surrender is not possible unless there’s an intimate relationship. When there’s an intimate relationship, God can unearth all the crappy stuff that we call luggage. He can help us acknowledge the hurts so we can heal or find the help to heal. He releases us from the bondage of low self-esteem because he provides the affirmation, validation and value that we seek as women. He takes it a step further and helps us discover our purpose, is thrilled when we finally walk in our destiny and remains on the sidelines to cheer us on. I even believe (my opinion) that He smiles when we walk like His queens, confident and bold strutting in our black patent-leather stilettos. (Okay maybe minus the 6 inch heels for some of us.)

A woman that knows who she is doesn’t need a man to complete her but welcomes a man that adds or complements her. When you strive to become the woman that God wants you to be, you position yourself to receive your man’s love and you understand the importance and balance that respect brings in that intimate relationship. That is what you bring to the table.

You will never know the depth of you, the potential within you or your uniqueness on your own. I bet if you think about it, you’ve probably tried everything else and you still come up empty. You look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see.

Don’t lose heart, make a change and start today. Fall in love with the One who loves you unconditionally and wants the very best for you.

Author’s Note:
I encourage you to cultivate and invest into your relationship with God. When you become real with God, He can't help but become real with you.

By the way, if you’ve never received the gift of God’s love for you, now is a good time to consider doing so. This simple prayer will grant that to you. (Lord Jesus I give my life to you; forgive me of my sins.) Yes that simple. Drop me a note. I would love to hear about it.

Woman of Your Dreams

The value of a woman is based on who she is in Christ and is exemplified by how she lives. She identifies herself by God’s standards and is not trapped by society’s expectations. There is no shortfall in her undertakings because all she does is in excellence.

Perhaps you’re wondering if such a woman walks this earth and you would like to meet her. Shake your own hand. You’ve just met her…that person is you.

Often times we have the tendency to focus on the negative in our lives, even though all of us brim with goodness, especially towards those we love. Everyday, we overflow into someone’s life, intentionally and unintentionally. Women are the heart of any home. Whether we’re married or single, our nurturing-instinct causes us to reach out to anyone in need. We’ll bandage a scraped knee with the same care of that of a wounded heart. Women give even when there’s nothing left inside to give.

We do not give ourselves enough credit when credit is due and deserved. We lock ourselves into the next task, the next activity, the next event and continue our quest to meet any demand or challenge. We are the super women of today. We can do it all…or can we?

So many of us crack inside and continue to push. We’re exhausted, discouraged and feel unappreciated. We victimize ourselves and put the blame of our condition on our spouses, family, and any other person or organization we support. We become resentful and our attitude takes a quick spiral downward.

Why is it that we, as women, have such a hard time saying NO?
God did not call us to be a slave to anything or anyone. Yet we position ourselves again and again to chain ourselves to things and people. We plan poorly and somehow miraculously expect that the 24-hour day will become 38 so that we can fit all we have to do in one day. A lot of us are intoxicated with the multitask power we possess but accomplish little or nothing because of our overloaded schedules.

So how do we change this madness?
Look at the strong, older women in your life. What do you notice? They walk with poise, are never in a rush and are always smiling. They’re wells of wisdom, have earned the patience award and have mastered the gift of discernment. They are the matriarchs and pillars of their home, church and community. These women walk in their purpose; they live in the reality of their destiny and will do it unapologetically. Ask any woman how they reached this higher-level experience and they will probably tell you that they discovered who they are in Christ.

How do you discover who you are in Christ?
It’s in relationship. It’s in the love-relationship. When we make Christ the first lover of our lives, things change. The veil is lifted from our eyes and all the misconceptions that we have been taught or have convinced ourselves as right is exposed. We understand that we can do all things but that we must plan with wisdom. We discover that we deserve to receive love, to be treated as a queen, and that we were not created to be a punching bag or a recipient of verbal or emotional abuse. We realize the authority that we possess and we begin to live our dreams and, in doing so, we set the example for our up and coming generation of girls. We live, breathe and impart joy because we refuse to live as victims but exercise the freedom given to us as a gift, and we share that discovery. We become women who strive for excellence in all we do, because we’ve decided to believe what the Word says and not what the norm is.

Close your eyes for just one moment and picture yourself as the woman you want to be and become. Once you set your sight on her, make her your constant and daily companion. Invite her into your day dreams.

Dreams are powerful especially if repeated in one’s mind. It provides the motivation, the map and expectation. It unlocks the power to bring creativity into reality. Women are incredible beings but haven chosen to believe the lies the enemy has carefully crafted.

There’s an army rising up of strong women who have accepted their position and rightful-rank within God’s army. They’ve learned to say no on occasion. They’ve learned to plan, to care for themselves, but more importantly…they’ve learned to pour their love into God first.

Don’t miss your opportunity for this lifetime. Be happy. Be fulfilled. Be the woman that you are supposed to be. Start now. Do it today. You will never be the woman you should be, until you believe in the woman of your dreams. 




This article is dedicated in honor and memory of Elder Syria Brown.

Are You a Paulette

Jane Doe
How many women do you know, who do not recognize their value, who downplay their worth and who lower their expectations? Women, who accept poor treatment, settle for less, and do not voice their heart, their wants or needs? Women, who have become the Jane Does’ of this world? For those of you who are not familiar with the term, Jane Doe is a female that has no identity; alive or dead. Basically, she is an unknown. No one knows her name, where she is from, where she belongs, or how she got to her present location.

Jane Doe, however, can also be one of us. In our version, she is the woman that likes to blend in and her goal is to become invisible. She likes to disappear in the crowd and loves that she is not noticed. What confounds our Jane’s identity, is that this same woman can also be selfless, dedicated, is full of love and even knows what it means to serve. Unfortunately, her abilities remain a secret because she works from the safety of her confines, as she gladly and purposely mixes into the culture of home, school, work, church and/or community.

Yes, Jane Doe is the gal who loves her comfort zone. Her routine provides security and contentment in her autopilot life of go with the flow. Sounds marvelous and perhaps for many it is. However, we were not placed on this earth to be a marvelous Jane. We are here to be a Paulette.

Are you a Paulette?
We often wonder why the girls in our society have self-esteem and confidence issues, but we fail to see how we have contributed to the problem. We’d rather be a Jane and let celebrities be role models. We’d rather be a Jane and let magazines fill their minds with information that challenges their ego. We even choose to be a Jane and let technology provide knowledge without the wisdom of experience.

By now you must wonder what it means to be a Paulette. Well, back in the day, the apostle Paul had the audacity to tell folks to imitate him. He was able to do that because he knew who he was and had a solid, belief-system. He was completely sold-out and passionate about the way he lived. He obviously had a particularly high confidence level to be able to make that type of statement. One can even go as far to say that he was cocky. However, the truth is that he understood the importance of mentorship, and the responsibility to be a role model to others.

Today’s Paulette

We are in a day and age where our girls need more ladies to step up and become a Paulette. They need confident women to rise up and live by example. They need to see what it means to walk and act in an assured manner. Their inner circles need to be enriched with women whose strengths are seen in their home, work, church and or community, as well as behind the scenes. They need to be surrounded by women who are movers and shakers that make things happen.

It is time that we take on the responsibility to mentor our present and younger generation into greatness. We owe it to all the gals who crave for “real” female, role models. Being a role model doesn’t require that you be ever present, however, the acceptance of that role should make you aware that your actions should speak loudly from now on. You become conscious that your standards are now higher because you want to be emulated. You understand that the power of your spoken words can provide guidance and has the potential to become a springboard for other’s futures.


Photography by April Dawn Winsley http://aprildawnwinsley.com

When we undermine our value, and downplay what we have to offer, we become and produce a Jane. Are you a goldmine of experience and wisdom but have taken on the last name of Doe? If this is you, know that the hearts of many silently wait for you to come of out of your unknown.

Don’t be afraid. Be a Paulette and let your life shout out, “imitate me,” and let’s show our girls our combined strengths and how great life can really be.

Are You on the Value Scale?

I remember one time how I tried to explain to one of my daughter’s friend why it was so important to know her value. When I asked her what was precious to her, she listed all the things that a typical 12 year old would. I took some time in explaining to her that there are items that are priceless in this world and gave her the example of a diamond. She reminded me of many women I know about my same age. It made me wonder how many of us today dismiss our worth, or worst do not know how precious we truly are.

The Scale

The value of an individual is not based on any price scale. It doesn’t matter whether you have lots of money or are broke; it doesn’t matter if you live in a penthouse or have an apartment in the projects; it doesn’t matter if you own designer clothing or no name brands. These things do not define a person’s worth. Yet we find people who are hung up in the comparison game, trying to keep up with the latest fad, and if they do not match up with the model physique, have the dream house, or the high-rolling job, they feel like failures.

Your worth is introduced by your parents or guardians. Unfortunately everyone is not privileged with happy upbringings. Then there are the educational and employment systems that try their best to define the measurement for success. This in turn establishes personal values for many. In come social classes that reinforce these views and creates clear distinctions, and what we finally realize is that each of us has inherited a value scale. The problem with that scale is that you are constantly weighed and your value can increase, decrease, or disappear.

Price Drives Value

Imagine finding out one day that someone you didn’t know gave their life up for you because they considered you incredibly precious. What if that person was a friend, better yet a relative or someone who knew you intimately? That act, the cost of what that person did (whoever it was) would be incalculable. You could not put a price tag on it. Now if forfeiting their life for you was considered invaluable, what would that make you?

What I described did happen for you, for all of us, but a lot of folks rather not accept this. They prefer to believe in what they can see and hear, and gauge themselves based on experience and intellect. The catch with both of these truths is that they are limited because experience and intellect are confined to boundaries. Anyone at any given time can gain only so much knowledge over a life time be it via being book smart or just by living. Basically what this means is that you place a cap on how much you can accomplish based on what you’re told and believe.

Your Value

Here is where having a belief system, or in this case, why believing in God’s good news is so important. God gave His only Son as a gift to us because it was the only way to reconcile us to Him. Salvation comes with the accepting the sacrifice of Jesus. We didn’t love God, some of us don’t even acknowledge He exists, but it doesn’t change that He loved us and didn’t withhold giving up what was most precious to Him. In turn Jesus, who was man and could’ve backed out at any time, went through it all because He understood the love of His Father, and shared His same love towards us. Although some of us have heard this story time and again, we still do not fully understand the significance of it, and it is apparent by the way that we view ourselves.

You see, when you learn of and accept the fact that God has placed much value on your life, the feeling of worthlessness has to move out, and a new perception of who you really are moves in.

Value Facts

You are a child of God and with that come a long list of positive benefits and affirmations. As a matter of fact the bible yells You Are a Valuable Individual.

It says things like:

God knew you before you were born; even knows how many hairs are left on your head.

God created you, unique you, and deposited in you a talent only you can pull off.

His limitless knowledge is available to you just for the asking.

He believes that you can do all things and even expects that from you.

His unlimited resources are available to you because you’re His kid.

You’re in God’s social class, so you’re up as high as you can get.

Don’t you think it’s time to step off of the value scale and just relax and accept your value; yes you…incalculable, costly, and significant, worthy you. The fact is that you are and will always be a wonderful, priceless, individual; the treasure and apple of your creator’s eye. This truth will never change. It’s up to you whether you want to accept it or not.

This Mama's Value

For the past 2 years, we have the privilege of watching this bird create a nest outside our living room window. What came to mind was when Jesus said, "look" at the birds of the air. He didn't start the sentence with "The".  He said look and that means that there must have been birds nearby that he pointed to.  He used a live illustration to get a point across. 

In Israel you have harsh conditions and it begs to make anyone wonder how birds survive. I remember when we were in the fortress of Masada, there were birds called Tristrams. When you look around there’s only desert for miles around. Where did they get food? How did they hide from the scorching sun? Where do they get drinkable water?

Considering the harsh winter we had, I was surprised my mama bird survived. I had to ask myself where did she go to survive the harsh winter and how did she sustain herself. 

Of course I went back to Jesus’ parable and as I read, I glanced up once again at the mama bird perched outside my window. Look at the birds of the air (in my case the nest), they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they? (NIV)

Most people will emphasize the message “not to worry,” but do not stop long enough to unpack the nugget that Jesus mentions right before that.  Are you not much more valuable then they?

You and I are valuable. We have value.

When you grasp how valuable you are as an individual, it ushers in the realization of how loved you are by God. The love of God is something many of us share but few of us experience. It’s hard to explain the depth of love. People cannot understand it until they experience it. You can be a Christian and not have experienced the depth of God’s love. I think that’s why this story is sweet, it’s nice, it’s hopeful but it carries no weight for many. You see, love doesn’t get quantified until there’s relationship. In order for me or you to feel value from someone, there has to be relationship and not just any relationship. The relationship has to be deep for there to be trust.

Here’s the beauty of this whole message though. God’s willingness to care for you is not based on the depth of your relationship with Him. However, your belief of His willingness is based on the investment you place in your relationship with Him. The more you know God (not ‘of’ God), the easier it will be for you to expect God’s goodness and provision.

So each morning when I look out my window, yea I can be reminded not to worry because He’s got it. But…I think I like the “I’m much more valuable” message a lot better. I am valuable to God. He views me with value. He thinks highly of me. I am precious to Him.

Today, slow down and look at the birds of the air. Smile and know that you are valuable and therefore, well taken care of.

Why Does God Hate Me?

On any given Sunday in our church, new songs are introduced and become the favorite of many. What I find is that often certain songs just stay with me for days and echo in my mind. I hear it so clearly that I catch myself going to youtube and looking up the song so I can hear it yet again and sing along.

Amy, one of the girls at the front line, sings a song that has become one of my favorites. As a matter of fact I’m writing this because all I can hear in my head is this song. I truly don’t mind because the reminder is something I cherish. Unfortunately there are many women that don’t know this truth and the live broken because of it every day. I was reminded of that when I watched Tyler Perry’s “Why did I Get Married?” This movie portrays 4 couples and each face problems that challenge and unfortunately break up most marriages. Towards the end of the movie, there is an emotional recount of one woman’s life for the past 8 months and it goes like this.


She was a heavy woman whose husband fell out of love with her. He was completely insensitive, emotionally abusive and treated her with disdain and ridicule. She prayed that God would change things in her marriage and even told her friends that she asked herself “why does God hate me” when nothing happened. My heart just broke with those words and yes I am one of those who blubber at times along with the character. I guess those words struck a chord because I knew how she felt because quite honestly I’ve felt like that when I’ve been in crisis and there is no answer in sight.

She continues to tell her friends how she was able to basically work on herself and how God turned her life around and gave her a man who loves her for her. She kept repeating how every morning her heart is full of joy.

Movies have to truncate the ugly becoming beautiful for the sake of time. Reality is that the transition takes a while and is very painful and you have to be brave enough to want change and follow through. A lot of times we may feel like this woman “why does God hate me” because the silence may be deafening to our prayers but did you ever stop to think God is waiting for you?

Her change didn’t come until she took action. She had to go through a series of changes to obtain that answered prayer. Let me give you a few examples…

1.She had to stop accepting and believing the abusive behavior towards her. It had nothing to do with size and everything to do with how she viewed herself. Although there is no excuse for the things her husband said and did, she enabled it because of her insecurities. She did not know who she was and how valuable she was.

2. Once she recognized that she was a loveable human being, she wanted to become better in every area of her life. In her case she had the assistance of a man who loved her for her but that doesn’t always happen. Most times, a woman will have friends that will provide that support. We need to learn to soak that up and accept that constructive criticism for the better.

3. She took certain actions. She didn’t like her weight. It made her feel less attractive so she went on a healthy regimen. She did it for her not him and was proud and pleased with the outcome. She changed her environment and who she hung out with. She chose to listen to positive voices and shut out the negative ones.

Many times God can’t answer prayers because we’re not ready for the change. In our present state we enable behaviors from others and within ourselves. If he’d answer, we would undo everything because we are part of the problem.

So what does this have to do with the song that Amy sings going around my head? Well the song is quite the opposite of this woman’s once sentiment. However, after she and I changed, we both discovered that God really loves us and was willing to answer our prayers all along, He was just waiting for us to be willing to change.

I can hear Amy singing again. I wish we had our church’s rendition so you could all hear… How He Loves Us So….It’s an awesome song…

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He is Jealous of Me