Invest In Yourself

One day in one of my mentorship classes, one of the gals shared how one of her friends asked why her family was so well put together. At first she started to feel guilty because in comparison, her family was basically great. She then realized she didn't have to feel guilty because she had put in a lot of time, sweat, tears and prayers into her family. I understood her all too well.

Sometimes we put so much time into family that we forget as women to invest into ourselves. We get lost somewhere between the diapers and the prom. When college rolls around, we wonder who is this woman staring back at us in the mirror.

One of the things I loved about the city churches growing up in NYC is that we always had something to do; an event going on. My friend Elizabeth D. Rios, who we lovingly call Liz, became one of the women in my circles who became a proponent of women being educated. It didn't necessarily mean getting a PHD, but it did mean being in constant learning so that we could keep up with the changing times.

She took up the helm of leadership and created an organization to help women become leaders and to further support women already in leadership. Why am I bringing her up as an example?

There are too many women who are not investing in themselves and believe that the care of family is all that is needed. The problem with that mindset is that they are bringing the wrong message to their children or sphere of influence as an example. I am not talking about necessarily going back to school, but I am pointing out that it is important to constantly be reading, learning, attending classes, seminars and conferences that are going to expand you.

As a mom of 2 gorgeous women, I know the importance of trying to keep up with the demands required to keep up with my educated daughters. Their mindset is different than mine at that age, but there are certain biblical principles that will always remain the same . I share them and reinforce them, no matter what, because my lifetime of learning will not sway me otherwise.

As a woman, are you ready to stand within your beliefs and not be swayed or apologetic for them? It's not enough to be educated for the here and now, if it doesn't include some solid bible lessons along the way. We emphasize so much on education but have shrunk back on bible teaching and that begins at home. If you're not taking time to study and know who you are in Christ and know and portray how valuable you are, you pass that gap down to your kids and sphere of influence. You reap what you sow.

It's my hope you take the time to invest in yourself. What that means is that you take the time to answer the hard questions that have an eternal impact. Often we forget this place is a a pause and we all have a responsibility of ensuring that we leave a legacy towards heaven when we transition off into eternity. Morbid...no way. Reality...oh yes!

Woman of Your Dreams

The value of a woman is based on who she is in Christ and is exemplified by how she lives. She identifies herself by God’s standards and is not trapped by society’s expectations. There is no shortfall in her undertakings because all she does is in excellence.

Perhaps you’re wondering if such a woman walks this earth and you would like to meet her. Shake your own hand. You’ve just met her…that person is you.

Often times we have the tendency to focus on the negative in our lives, even though all of us brim with goodness, especially towards those we love. Everyday, we overflow into someone’s life, intentionally and unintentionally. Women are the heart of any home. Whether we’re married or single, our nurturing-instinct causes us to reach out to anyone in need. We’ll bandage a scraped knee with the same care of that of a wounded heart. Women give even when there’s nothing left inside to give.

We do not give ourselves enough credit when credit is due and deserved. We lock ourselves into the next task, the next activity, the next event and continue our quest to meet any demand or challenge. We are the super women of today. We can do it all…or can we?

So many of us crack inside and continue to push. We’re exhausted, discouraged and feel unappreciated. We victimize ourselves and put the blame of our condition on our spouses, family, and any other person or organization we support. We become resentful and our attitude takes a quick spiral downward.

Why is it that we, as women, have such a hard time saying NO?
God did not call us to be a slave to anything or anyone. Yet we position ourselves again and again to chain ourselves to things and people. We plan poorly and somehow miraculously expect that the 24-hour day will become 38 so that we can fit all we have to do in one day. A lot of us are intoxicated with the multitask power we possess but accomplish little or nothing because of our overloaded schedules.

So how do we change this madness?
Look at the strong, older women in your life. What do you notice? They walk with poise, are never in a rush and are always smiling. They’re wells of wisdom, have earned the patience award and have mastered the gift of discernment. They are the matriarchs and pillars of their home, church and community. These women walk in their purpose; they live in the reality of their destiny and will do it unapologetically. Ask any woman how they reached this higher-level experience and they will probably tell you that they discovered who they are in Christ.

How do you discover who you are in Christ?
It’s in relationship. It’s in the love-relationship. When we make Christ the first lover of our lives, things change. The veil is lifted from our eyes and all the misconceptions that we have been taught or have convinced ourselves as right is exposed. We understand that we can do all things but that we must plan with wisdom. We discover that we deserve to receive love, to be treated as a queen, and that we were not created to be a punching bag or a recipient of verbal or emotional abuse. We realize the authority that we possess and we begin to live our dreams and, in doing so, we set the example for our up and coming generation of girls. We live, breathe and impart joy because we refuse to live as victims but exercise the freedom given to us as a gift, and we share that discovery. We become women who strive for excellence in all we do, because we’ve decided to believe what the Word says and not what the norm is.

Close your eyes for just one moment and picture yourself as the woman you want to be and become. Once you set your sight on her, make her your constant and daily companion. Invite her into your day dreams.

Dreams are powerful especially if repeated in one’s mind. It provides the motivation, the map and expectation. It unlocks the power to bring creativity into reality. Women are incredible beings but haven chosen to believe the lies the enemy has carefully crafted.

There’s an army rising up of strong women who have accepted their position and rightful-rank within God’s army. They’ve learned to say no on occasion. They’ve learned to plan, to care for themselves, but more importantly…they’ve learned to pour their love into God first.

Don’t miss your opportunity for this lifetime. Be happy. Be fulfilled. Be the woman that you are supposed to be. Start now. Do it today. You will never be the woman you should be, until you believe in the woman of your dreams. 




This article is dedicated in honor and memory of Elder Syria Brown.

The Italian Gal Next Door

There was this girl named Angie that I met this weekend that reminded of the Italian gal next door.

Actually her name is Kathy Troccoli and she quite honestly took me by surprise. To me she was this Christian artist whose songs I loved and sang in my teen and young adult years and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I ever would meet her. Fast forward 30 plus years and I discover that she’s the Italian gal next door. I will get to the Angie part in a few.

We hosted our first national women’s conference and I was a bit nervous. It wasn’t just an in-house event and we were partnering with a seasoned team. I didn’t want them to be disappointed. As their team began to trickle in on Thursday, I noticed a definite pattern. These gals were lovely in all sense of the word. When Kathy finally arrived on Friday evening, I was greeted with a hug. I thought “okay that was nice of her” but immediately took to her as we talked for a bit. After service, she walked into the mall area and I was off to the side talking to one of our gals, and she grabbed my arm, asked if I liked Angie, and hugged me again. Now I’m starting to be really disarmed. I’m beginning to wonder, who is this woman?

The next morning, I head towards my husband’s office and there she is again, the Italian next door, but this time she hugs me and doesn’t let go. Now I’m done. There’s an unexplained connection forming and I start blabbering to her what I’ve been going through. Not only does she not dismiss me, she pulls in real close, looks into my eyes and it hits me…she really cares. I mean she genuinely cares. She’s not Kathy Troccoli, untouchable Christian artist whose life mission is only to sing. There’s so much more to her.

In the past Kathy was just one of those figures who helped formed my life through her music. People don’t realize how music has deep influence. The song Stubborn Love had become my mantra and I sang it on many occasions to others because I got what she was singing, communicating and inspiring others to believe. Here is Kathy again, but this time, and I was thrilled to see, she jumped into other ventures and opportunities to share her gifts. She writes, she speaks, she’s an extremely talented communicator but all those things are enhanced because she’s “real”. She is transparent, she shares her stories and she doesn’t cut out the ugly stuff. There is no fluff, no pretense. Women can relate and relate deeply.

I watched her closely as she ministered to my girls. I call them mine because I’ve fallen in love with the women in my church. They’re my family. I noticed that she treated them like family. She pays attention to them when they’re talking to her. She doesn’t rush any of them off. She welcomes boob to boob hugs (that is what she calls it). I understand her heart and it breaks mine in a good way.

This weekend she answered a lot of my questions that have been swirling in my head. She quieted a lot of doubts and she reminded me about the kisses from heaven that I have been receiving lately. As she moves on to expand her ministry even further in obedience to what God has called her to do, I will do the same and perhaps one day I will sit with the Italian gal next door over a cup or five of coffee to swap stories good, bad and ugly if need be and it will be okay. She makes me feel safe but isn’t that what all of us should be doing with our sisters? If she can do it, then all of us can.

Now about Angie…Kathy Troccoli will be doing a one-woman show soon and it is well-worth the time to go out and see her when she kicks it off. By the way it’s well-worth the time, actually it’s a great investment of your time to make it a point to attend any of her conferences or concerts. You will come back refreshed and full of hope…because Hope’s Alive.

Thank you Kathy…

Just Like Mary

Often times we don’t feel very blessed. As a matter of fact, we don’t feel blessed at all. We don’t see the blessing of waking up each morning to get our kids ready or family out the door. We don’t see the blessing in having to cook and clean. We don’t see the blessing of having to go to work. We just don’t see it because we’re focused on the routine of getting through yet another day.

New Season of Bloom

But did it ever occur to you to really think about how blessed you are.

When you look at Luke chapter 1 verse 28 – it says that an angel came to Mary and he said to her “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!”

Notice the exclamation point at the end. It was an excited statement. We’re used to a solemn announcement but it wasn’t. It was done with a loud and excited delivery.
Jesus was deposited in Mary. There was excitement about how favored she was – highly favored - and how blessed she was.

Did you know that you’re just like Mary – in God’s eyes? You have Jesus in you – the Holy Spirit of the living God inside of you.

Just like Mary you are favored – highly favored and blessed among women.

Wow can you get that? Do you get that?

Mary was considered the most favored woman in the history of the human race…and for some reason we think she continues to be the only one. We can’t see that we are as blessed because it has been ingrained in our minds that she is the untouchable-holy woman.

So here’s a question to all you doubters. What made the difference when God chose Mary?

It was not the announcement. It was her willingness to accept Jesus into her life despite of who she was, how she was viewed in society, what family she came from, etc. etc. etc.

You are highly favored and blessed among women because the same Jesus that lived in Mary lives in you.

Full Bloom in Roz' Garden

Don’t forget that…ever.

In Honor of Mary

This is the season where I often wondered about Mary. This past Sunday, my pastor’s topic covered some of Mary’s challenges. However, I found I was able to relate to her even more looking at it from a woman’s point of view. As a matter of fact, Mary has floated upward on my admiration list because of her unwavering stance to believe even when it meant absolute rejection and possible death.

Her Story
All Jewish girls were told the story of the redemption promise and how one of them would be chosen to bring forth the Messiah. For the gals of that day this was a great deal and an honor. It meant your family would automatically be considered royalty (in the eyes of society). Some of the girls perhaps focused on the prestige and fame it would give them, but others focused on the true meaning of birthing the Messiah. I believe that Mary was the latter.

Mary came from a poor home and was a Jewish maiden in a Roman empire. It is believed that she was in her early teens when the angel appeared to her. She had the daunting task of explaining to Joseph she was pregnant. In those days, sex before marriage was a valid reason to have stones thrown at you, and I’m not talking small pebbles. Imagine the dread this poor girl must have felt knowing the consequences if no one believed her story.

Kudos to Joseph
At first, Joseph did not believe her and was planning to send her away quietly. Most men of those days would have not only dropped her but would have denounced her in public (in a heart beat) and this would’ve been considered justified and right. (This speaks a lot about Joseph’s character and says volumes as to why he was chosen to be the Savior’s earthly dad.) God caught up with Joseph, revealed his plan, and Joseph not only married her, he stood by her when breaking the news to the parents (who probably had a few choice words before believing them) and stood by her side during possible ridicules from relatives or neighbors.

Why Her?

What made God choose Mary from the gazillion other women that lived up to her time? I have to believe it was a number of things. Mary’s heart condition in combination with her belief system was right where it should be. You see she had nothing to boast about, wasn’t in the circle of high society or the priesthood, but she knew the most important thing. She knew God, she knew his word, and she trusted Him.

Mary’s Ingredients

She Knew God
Mary obviously had a relationship with God and she had heard enough of the “promise” which made her desire it wholeheartedly.

She Understood His WordShe understood what that promise would bring. She wasn’t focused on riches or prestige but on the deliverance it would bring her people.

She Trusted Him
You can’t walk in faith unless you trust God. Mary obviously decided to trust God even though she was well aware of the challenges she was going to face in lieu of her condition. Think about it…
She decided to believe an angel (most people would say she’s seeing things).
She put it all on the line with the man she was engaged to by telling him the news.
She had to break that same news to her parents (in those days you might as well have left the country – those of you who had strict Latino upbringing like me understand what I’m saying).
And finally, she had to face the possibility of facing an angry law-abiding mob (that would have stoned her).
That would have made any sane gal shut her mouth and pretend like it never happened.

However in Mary’s case she understood that you can’t receive an awesome revelation unless you’re ready to receive it, and you can’t receive it unless you’re expecting it. You can’t expect it unless you are aware of it, and you can’t be aware of it unless you are making the time to embrace it. (After all revelation comes with relationship, right?)

The Right Mix
Although, Mary was the most unlikely girl to be chosen based on the outside, she was the one who was honored because of what was going on inside. Let me simplify it a little more. God chose a girl from the ghetto, who wasn’t part of the dominant nation or culture of her time, and who was destined to remain where she was at. She couldn’t even study or marry her way out (which is different today). However, because Mary had the right attitude in heart and mind, God honored her like no one else could.

How does that apply for us today?
It doesn’t matter where you’re at as long as you have a Mary’s heart that knows God, understands His word, and trusts Him. It doesn’t matter who in this world has told you that you cannot, as long as you have these ingredients, you can. It doesn’t matter where you live, what education you have, where you have been, which circles you frequent, or how much recognition you’ve raised or haven’t received. All of us are chosen in a unique way, but few of us realize or live our maximum potential.

If Mary had the insight that allowed her to be used as a vessel for something spectacular (Jesus), can you imagine our potential for greatness?

To Mary -- in honor of a young woman whose example showed the world how to be chosen for magnificent things.

Phases

The other day my parents spent the weekend with me and I couldn’t help but notice how much they aged. It wasn’t that it wasn’t apparent, it’s just that I don’t get to see them as often and this was the first time we spent a weekend together in a couple of years. My mom and dad move slower and have a routine that took me by surprise.

I wanted to scream at both of them – YOU CAN’T GET OLD… but I know that this is the cycle that life makes us all go through. Even writing this makes me a little sad. Where is the young and vibrant couple that poured so much into me? I know they are in there somewhere because they continue to work diligently within the community just at a slower pace.

As we get older, we go through different phases in our lives. We are excited when we are about to go into college. When we graduate we’re excited about our new job. As life progresses we meet our partner. We become excited about the wedding and then there are babies. The one phase we try to shut out or keep tucked away is that of our parents aging. Somehow it sneaks up on us.

In this phase I’ve learned to appreciate my parents more than ever. I am blessed with a father that signifies wisdom. His picture should go next to the word wisdom in the dictionary. Okay he’s my dad I can say that. What a wonderful influence he has been over the years to all of us. My mother doesn’t trail behind. I often feel like I will never fill her shoes. Her dedication and love for others is like nothing I have ever seen. I have my own mother Theresa. I’m not kidding. Ask anyone who knows her.

Although this phase will probably usher into a phase I don’t want to dwell on, it is this one that I relish probably the most. We hear many more stories that they probably thought were inappropriate before. A lot of past hurts or misunderstandings were talked through. We laugh hysterically about the funny moments. We have lots of those! There is never a dull moment when the Humphreys clan gets together and my parents have the pleasure of seeing the results of their arduous labor both in and outside our home.

In this phase we kids get the pleasure to care and watch out for them. To thank them for all the great things they’ve done for us. We get to confide in them when no one but a parent understands and to listen even when we hate to. We know most of the time they’re right. They lived our lives almost three times over.

My siblings and our families have learned to embrace this phase and cherish it. Each of us shares with the other those special moments. Those memories are ingrained in our hearts forever. From my sentimental heart, I know that time will slip by and phases will continue. But until then, we’ll continue to make every moment a memory.

Women Who Bless

Some women don’t realize how valuable they are and how they impact others. I met one such woman recently. I was walking through one of the towns near my home and noticed that there was a craft store. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was her beautiful cards. To my heart’s delight I found out that she taught a class once a week on one of my favorite hobbies; card making.

Often times, women will pursue their passion and not realize how they impact others just by being the best at what they do. It doesn’t matter where it’s happening, but it’s so important that women continue to make it happen. By giving of themselves, they are actually choosing to bless. Sometimes we get so hung up on the day to day that we don’t realize that we constantly pour into others. In case you’re feeling like this today, please read on. Perhaps you’ll find that your mindless-routine is actually viewed as a gift to others.

Being a Mom

I’ll never understand why society downplays the role of a mom, especially one who decides to stay home. I, for the most part, worked outside of the home, but admired the women who were able to make the choice to care full time for their children. If you are a mom, you know that this is one of the hardest jobs on earth. It’s thankless, has long hours, exhausting, and can be quite unfair at times. Yet love pushes a woman way passed her limits. What’s incredible is the steadfastness of her role throughout the years. She remains the one person that you can always depend on. You’ll also find that in most cases, the giving of herself is not limited just to her family, but often branches out to anyone who interacts with them. My mom has forged a legacy that will be hard to surpass. She has touched and impacted countless lives, just by doing what she does best; having compassion and caring for others.

Being a Teacher
Many times when we think of teachers we automatically place them in a school setting. I’ve had many teachers who never taught in a class room. They just specialized in life lessons. My family is filled with women who are matriarchs. They have strong characters, some times so much so, you’d be afraid to cross them. Each one of them contributed a certain part of themselves. How many women today are available to those they love and are there to guide us, but are passed over because of age? One thing I’ve gained with the passing of time is the appreciation of listening to the voices of wisdom. After a while you start to understand that it is easier to apply advice given, then get burned by experience.


Being a Mentor
Some of these same women take on a more structured role and become mentors. They make it their mission to speak into our lives. They become our coach and cheer us on with the decisions that will forge our future. Their happiness is our success. I wish there were more women like this in the world. Perhaps if we took the time to listen more and apply what we learn, there would be a lot less heart ache. A lot of these advisers are a well of wealth, yet seldom see any gratitude in action, especially after their grasshoppers are gone.

Being a Business Woman
A lot of us have nailed this particular area down. We’re masters at the art of climbing and applying. Our gift for creative gabbing has placed us where we want to be for the most part. If we’re secure in our position, we often discover that the more we know, the easier it is to help others, and the more we help others, the more we begin to network; a win, win situation. However, what some women fail to see is the opportunity to be a positive influence in the work environment. For those who discovered this pleasure, the rewards are beyond what a paycheck could ever give.

Being The Best You
The greatest thing that any of us can do is to be ourselves and be the best at whatever we do. In doing so, we choose to bless anyone who crosses our path. I rejoice whenever a woman finds her voice. I’m elated when a woman finds her niche and purpose. True most of us have several roles, but learn how to take each of them with stride. Remember even though you may not see how you impact others today, it doesn’t mean there is nothing going on in the unseen realm.

I bet just like many of us, my new teacher didn’t realize that her passion for her craft made her a woman who chose to bless me by sharing her gifting and talent in card making.

Thanks Christine.