Lady Insecurity

I like to imagine that Insecurity is a woman. Once she has a hold of you, she clings on to you for dear life, almost like a lover. Oh and be careful if you cross her--her grip will become vengeful. She’ll make sure she’ll keep you in your place by instilling fear that is fueled with doubt, or lack of love and trust. It will show in your posture since she’ll make sure you lack the self-confidence and acceptance that you need in order to succeed.

Lady Insecurity will make sure you hide your uncertainties by keeping people at a safe distance. She wouldn’t want any of them to get too close to you. People may find out about your instability and try to help you. Oh but wait. She has that covered too. You see, she’ll also make sure that she stunts your personal growth by whispering that you’re okay just the way you are. Her motto is, “Have problems? Don’t face them.” This will resound in your head like a lullaby. She’ll love you forever and be your faithful friend as long as she’s the Boss. Wouldn’t you agree that it may be time to fire her?

~ Excerpt from Stop Ignoring Me...The Cry of My Heart (COMING SOON!)

Got Natas?

Spanish coffee lovers usually do not tolerate natas. Our coffees are not lattes. They resemble an espresso but have a distinct flavor, aroma and taste. The boiled (not steamed) milk is a big contributor. If you serve coffee with natas, most Hispanics will get disgruntled and if they happen to be family members, they will immediately return their cup and ask for another.

Nata is the thick film that floats to the top after you have boiled milk. If you’re like me, you find it to be nasty and remove it quickly before you pour the milk into your coffee.

As I boiled milk this morning for my coffee, I thought about all of the natas that God wants us to scoop out of our lives.

Natas - the junk that floats up during a hot situation.

Natas - the stuff we don’t recognize, don’t want to look at, don’t care to admit, hide, dress up, are proud of, get fueled by, use as a protection, use as an excuse, believe, accept and live with.

So what are some of life’s natas?

•  The pin of hate that is worn as a badge of honor.
• Angry thoughts and/or feelings that linger forever and have no expiration date.
• Being sensitive towards certain things when we should’ve gotten over it already.
• Carrying the torch for someone who has left ions ago and was not worth it.
• The green shade of jealousy that has taken hold of our wardrobe.
• The common ache from the disease called Comparison Syndrome.
• The Ghost of Insecurity that hangs around like a faithful companion.
• The common middle name….Procrastination.
• When no choice has become our excuse.
• When we still hear the computer sound wave – “unworthy, unworthy” as we look in the mirror.
• The lost of control that shows in our gut and hips.
• Keeping friends who influence us negatively.
• Beating ourselves up when God doesn’t know what we’re talking about.
• When being critical has made us age.
• Being an attention junkie and unable to kick the habit.
• When we live to please and please and please.
• When control freaks bow down and worship us.
• Respect is only displayed when coerced.
• Self-esteem needs to be scraped off of our shoes from time to time.
• Love is only about what we get.
• No is not part of our vocabulary.
• The fear of … (fill in the blank).

Now there are those who don’t mind the natas. Some will push it to the side. Others will actually drink it. So what happens when we do that with life’s natas? When we push something to the side, it never gets corrected. When we drink it, have accepted it as part of our lives, it never gets addressed.

Junk that float up the top is an indicator that there is something harmful that is holding us back. We have the option to push it to the side, continue to drink or scoop it out completely. There’s always a choice when it comes to the quality of our lives.

It takes courage to continuously change and want change. I hope that each time you look at your coffee, you’re reminded of the pleasantries of life and how removing the natas can make your cup that much better.

Oh hail to coffee without natas and life without the same!

Nuggets of Learnings

Birthdays, anniversaries and New Years always make you take inventory and reflect on what you've accomplished, where you're at and what's next. I am grateful for the milestones because it welcomes the opportunity for change and growth. Some people groan during those key moments and miss out on the chance to dig in deep and answer the tough questions about themselves. It's also a time of sharing with others what you've learned along the way.

I have two incredible daughters and like any other parent, I'd rather they learn from my stories than for them to experience certain mistakes or heartaches. I wish they would listen to council and do what is right when no one is looking over their shoulder. Most of all, I pray that they would keep Jesus as the center of their lives, because no matter what, they will always find balance in life because their faith will sustain them.

There are a lot of things I want to share with them about what I've learned over the years but there isn't enough time, enough attention (on their part), enough wisdom (I'm just mom) or enough of their presence (I have to share them with others). The wonderful thing about writing is that love on paper always captures the attention of a person, so with a heart that is overflowing, here are my nuggets of learning for my daughters, Kristen and Lindsey.

Love is a constant that goes beyond the butterflies within the tummy. It's reinforced and displayed in the little routine, mundane, everyday stuff that is taken for granted because we get hung up on the stupid, small, negative-stuff that's not worth asphyxiating over.

Live fully but choose carefully. If your initial gut tells you it's wrong than it's wrong. A numb conscience is your worst enemy because it means that you've disciplined a bad habit of not letting your spiritual side lead the way. You will always lose if you do that.

Be an advocate of only the things that really make you heated. Don't be an advocate for all. You will come across as a people pleaser. It is okay to have your own opinion even if it means someone won't like you.

Maintaining neutrality should be used only in certain cases when it's called for like within a job, a school or a relationship but it should not be a way of life. A neutral person loses their voice, their persona and their shine. You were meant to be different.

Your opinion is not the end all. Don't shut people down with your beliefs or talk over them in conversations. Become a good listener. Often times we don't hear a person's heart because we're busy responding in our heads when they're talking.

If someone dismisses your faith, don't waste your time defending your beliefs. State what you believe unapologetically and move on.

Quiet time is precious. Monopolize it when you can because the seasons of life can diminish that pretty quickly. Learn to be content with just you and yourself.

Friendships are like a dollar in your pocket my dad would say. Still trying to figure that one out but here's what I think. Dollars come and go. The value of a dollar goes up and down. A dollar can buy you something or nothing. A dollar can be invaluable or valuable depending how much you need it.

Your parents may not always be right but they will always have your best interest at heart. When all others fail you, at the end of the day, you will always be their child (my child) and there is safety and love in the comfort of family. Don't ever forget family.

Love deeply. I emphasize on love twice because it's the reason for your existence. Love your God with all your heart. Love others despite their flaws. You have flaws too. Love your life. You get only one chance to live it so live it well. Give love, accept love and teach others to love through your actions. Don't plant seeds of hate. It's a waste of time.

Forgive. We are all chronically human (as pastor says). None of us are above making mistakes even ones done on purpose.

Don't assume. It will get you in trouble. Assumptions create rifts because it opens the doors for wrong interpretation or an opinion that is yours alone...not the reality…torturous place to be.

The blues is temporary and the choice to remain sad and depressed is yours. Never, ever stay in that part of your mental country for long. Short visits only.

Feel. You're a woman and your emotions are right where they should be - deep. It's okay to cry and be emotional. I'm not justifying permanent PMS mode.

I'm digging peace. I hope you diligently search for it and make it a constant in your life. Stress shortens life. We see it every day. Winning arguments may feel good but does the end result establish peace? Some things are not worth the energy. Pick your battles.

Keep your value. Don't lower your standards for no one. Compromise when it comes to your value will scar you. Your value far exceeds that of a diamond in your parent's eyes...in my eyes. You're worth much more than my life. I would trade it for yours without thought.

Know that you are loved. I know that this is the third time I've mentioned love but bear with me, I promise this will be my last tidbit. I mention it once again because life begins with love and then continues into eternity. You are never - not loved. Always remember that.

Are You a Follower?

Do you know that as much as you may pride yourself, to be an individual that does whatever you want, you are a follower? You comply to certain guidelines because built in you, is the need to feel accepted.

You want to fit in, to have friends and to be liked. Those are, by no means, a bad thing. However, what is the cost? How much of yourself are you giving away to others to maintain that feeling to belong?

Many women fall into the trap of abuse because they want the security of being loved by a man. Their cost is the abuse of their self-esteem, their heart and the use of their bodies.

Your worth should never be lowered for the security of having a man. If anything, it should increase exponentially because you have the bling going on in the inside.

What is that? It looks like this.

All your incredible qualities radiate. Your personality attracts. Your heart overflows with goodness. Your stride is elegant and your command in a room is powerful. Any man would be proud to have the privilege to call you a life partner; but your man, whether now or in the future, understands that to have you, to be chosen by you is a gift.

Do not cheapen yourself by being a follower and lowering your high standards to fit into another's bad mold. You are a gem, a woman worth the wait. Be choosy, be picky and (snaps fingers in z formation), be a splendid diva...always for the better.

You are Equipped!

You can do all things that you set your mind to. Deep inside of you is the gift that God has given you that has equipped you to do whatever it is that you are supposed to do while you're on this earth.

You see, living life to the fullest is a choice. You choose every single day whether you are going to live or exist

To live means to do everything that you are equipped to do to the fullest. To exist is living a life of excuses, living in the past, living in the present with regrets or not caring.

You are equipped, let the world see you do what you do best!

In All Things...Be Content

I often wondered why Paul used the word be content instead of be happy when he said that he knows what it is to have much or to lack..."but in all I am to be content." (I am to be - a purposeful choice.)

It was his way of saying, make sure you are satisfied with what you have right now. It may not be what you dreamed of, wished for or hoped for but learn to be content.

Contentment is not complacency. Often you hear people say be happy with what you have and there is truth in those words. However, be happy with what you have should not define the where you're at or will will be forever.

Contentment is a forward motion. It doesn't come to fullness if where you're at is stagnant.

Stagnation occurs when you do the same thing year after year. There is no change, no growth within you or your surroundings.

When you're living in change, growth, even a setback has its defined parameters as a test within contentment.

To be content is to look at the entire picture of your life and to be able to say, really say from deep down in your belly, that life is good; I am blessed; I am satisfied with all what is, even though it's not exactly what I envisioned, dreamed, wished or hoped for.

It's the ability not to dwell on what's not but on what is, what can be or will be and still remain satisfied in the now.

Here's the thing. What are you doing about it? You know it, the thing or person that you're not happy with? It takes courage and a hard bend of your will to fix stuff, but that's what life is all about. It's about challenge and change and being content in the journey, even when certain things in the now sucks.

So, repeat with me. In all things be content. Now let's practice it together.