Many women I know want or expect their dates with their husband to be a candle-lit dinner at a restaurant with small, round, white-clothed tables, soft music playing in the background and dimmed lights.
Although that's an ideal Hollywood picture setting, it's unrealistic for everyday dates. This is the hang up of quite a few women. If it's not all out, it's not a real, romantic date.
What I've learned over the years is that a date is a "mindset" and not just the "place". When you shift the mindset to what a date is, it actually nurtures the relationship.
What is the correct mind shift?
Each time my husband asked me to go somewhere with him without the kids, he was actually saying, I want to spend time with you. Here is where even I didn't get it in the past.
When Rich used to ask me to go to Lowe's, the first things that ran through my mind was...
1. Lowe's! Why would I want to go to a home improvement place?!
2. Of all places to ask me to, why a home improvement place?
3. Fun...this is what he considers fun?
4. You would think he would take me to a movie or dinner or something.
5. Grumble, Grumble, Grumble
Sounds familiar?
Togetherness
Okay here's what I've learned. When you first began to date, you were accommodating and flexible and went anywhere with that darling man because you just wanted to spend time with him. It didn't matter that you didn't like the place or activity, what was important to you was that you were together.
Women grow out of that mindset, for some insane reason (after marriage and especially after children).
Romance doesn't define togetherness. Togetherness is what ushers in romance. Doing things together is what deepens the relationship. So when you shift the focus to what he really wants (spending time with you), your attitude changes in the home improvement store.
When you're attitude improves (at the home improvement store), you begin to hear what he likes, dislikes, wants to buy and are pleasantly surprised that he is interested in your opinions. He may even start to ask you what you would like fixed or updated in the house! You get your wish list done without nagging, you are a happy woman, you want to love on him (don't forget sex is part of that too), he is thrilled with the loving and will invite you out to more diverse places, including that Hollywood-setting restaurant.
Ladies men are not complicated. If your husband asks, say yes. Do the Lowe's date, and do it happily.
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