Your Time Value

This is a new day. It's another opportunity to start over, to try to get it right, whatever right is. It's the chance to get certain things done.

Today, this moment, is where you can make a difference. You can't stay stuck in yesterday because it's in the past. There is no changing it. Tomorrow you can plan for but to live in it is just a dream. You make no impact.

Today is what you have. This moment is at your disposal. You lose the precious minutes of today as I write and you read. Your time, YOUR time is precious. How you invest it is important.

When you give anyone time, it says loudly you are ssssooo important to me. Time is your currency. Don't let anyone devalue it and don't let it slip through your fingers with idleness. Keep, maintain and increase your time value.

Live fully aware of your time and how you share it today.

The Lowes Date

Many women I know want or expect their dates with their husband to be a candle-lit dinner at a restaurant with small, round, white-clothed tables, soft music playing in the background and dimmed lights.

Although that's an ideal Hollywood picture setting, it's unrealistic for everyday dates. This is the hang up of quite a few women. If it's not all out, it's not a real, romantic date.

What I've learned over the years is that a date is a "mindset" and not just the "place". When you shift the mindset to what a date is, it actually nurtures the relationship.

What is the correct mind shift?

Each time my husband asked me to go somewhere with him without the kids, he was actually saying, I want to spend time with you. Here is where even I didn't get it in the past.

When Rich used to ask me to go to Lowe's, the first things that ran through my mind was...

1. Lowe's! Why would I want to go to a home improvement place?!

2. Of all places to ask me to, why a home improvement place?

3. Fun...this is what he considers fun?

4. You would think he would take me to a movie or dinner or something.

5. Grumble, Grumble, Grumble

Sounds familiar?

Togetherness

Okay here's what I've learned. When you first began to date, you were accommodating and flexible and went anywhere with that darling man because you just wanted to spend time with him. It didn't matter that you didn't like the place or activity, what was important to you was that you were together.

Women grow out of that mindset, for some insane reason (after marriage and especially after children).

Romance doesn't define togetherness. Togetherness is what ushers in romance. Doing things together is what deepens the relationship. So when you shift the focus to what he really wants (spending time with you), your attitude changes in the home improvement store.

When you're attitude improves (at the home improvement store), you begin to hear what he likes, dislikes, wants to buy and are pleasantly surprised that he is interested in your opinions. He may even start to ask you what you would like fixed or updated in the house! You get your wish list done without nagging, you are a happy woman, you want to love on him (don't forget sex is part of that too), he is thrilled with the loving and will invite you out to more diverse places, including that Hollywood-setting restaurant.

Ladies men are not complicated. If your husband asks, say yes. Do the Lowe's date, and do it happily. 

Cool of the Day

There’s something very peaceful about waking up to steady rainfall, window opened with a soft, cool breeze. It soothes the entry of the day. Eyes closed, the mind begins to wander, imagine and remember.

One thing that stands out in my mind are the countless walks I had with my dad as a young girl. Being the oldest, I was his buddy. If you know my dad, he LOVES to talk…and walk. Although we couldn’t afford to take expensive vacations, he made it a point to take us to all the places NY had to offer tourists. He took full advantage and made our trips adventurous, fun and of course educational. My dad’s trade of heart is teacher.

In my late teen years, my dad used to miss our walks and would leave me notes on the table that I would see some mornings asking that I spend time with him. Those notes became very important to me.

Those memories help me understand what it must have felt like being in the garden of Eden. Here it is in the cool of the day, in this case it was the end of the day, and God seeks out Adam and Eve for their walk. They all look forward to this time together because they want to tell each out about all that has transpired hours before. I can imagine that the conversation may have resembled one that may happen at dinner table.

Do you know what I saw today???

You know, Adam brought up this really great point…

What were you thinking when you created that thing?!

Everyone in that intimate party looked forward to each other’s company. I can even imagine Eve slipping her arm into God’s – as she walked with him and shared her heart. Why not? Didn’t he himself say that we are his children? I did it with my dad, still do when I walk and talk with him…why wouldn’t Eve?

It’s the cool of the day (in my neck of the woods) and my imagination has taken me into the place that reminded me how way cool it is that the God of the universe wants to spend time with me. That’s all he ever wanted. It was never about my do’s and don’ts or what I could do to earn his love. It was always about his just wanting to talk and walk with me, arm in arm.

Come...Spend Time with Me

“Come…spend time with me.” Have you ever heard your baby or your honey ask you that only to answer, give me a few minutes, maybe in a little while or I can’t right now because I have too much to do. A woman’s work is never done is an understatement. There is always laundry to do. Gotta find those lost socks the dryer seems to disappear. Dinner, dishes, floors, closets and don’t forget those dreaded windows. Throw in a full-time job, babies, schooling – regular or home and no wonder time is precious and a luxury.

But – that doesn’t stop those you love from asking, “Come…spend time with me”.

If you speak to someone who is terminally ill, all those chores, those important to dos take a back seat. They realize that what trumps all those things is to spend time with those they love and to spend time with God. It’s no longer an after-thought. It’s a priority. Those people understand that time is limited and their investment is to pour themselves into the ones they love, including and especially God. Dishes can be done later, house cleaning can be postponed and school can be skipped. Hugs become a norm, I love you cannot be repeated often enough.

Why is it that we adjust so readily when tragedy or illness strike to prioritize correctly? Perhaps it’s human nature or a woman’s nature to want to get things done and have all in order for a smoother life. But what happens when that interferes with what’s really important?

Children do not stop growing and they will eventually leave. Your most-valued relationship will provide what you put in. If you neglect it, you will lose it. People grow old and die or people can be here today and gone tomorrow. Where is your heart in all of this and will the mundane regular stuff really matter when all is said and done? 

Photography by Roz|2012

Many folks live with temporary or permanent guilt because they did not slow down enough to be present for their kids, be present for their spouses, be present for a friend. When Jesus told Martha that Mary chose the good part, he was pointing out that she responded to his deepest need and desire. “Come…spend time with me”. Although he loved that Martha was preparing a meal for him and appreciated that she was attending to all those he traveled with, he hoped she would come sit and spend time with him.

Sounds a little unfair? Well let’s think about this. Puerto Rican women have a hard time sitting when visitors are around and we like to cook a full meal, make sure everyone has coffee after dinner and wrap up with a clean kitchen. Although it is an admirable routine we have down, we miss out on quality time with our guest because the true reason for the visit was to spend time with each other beyond the 20-30 minutes at the table within the 3 hour visit. I can guarantee you if anyone at that table was terminal or if there was a crisis, dinner would be simpler, dishes and kitchen cleaning would wait, and there would be at least a 2 ½ hour spending time together moment.

I don’t think it’s bad to be a Martha. I am a Martha and would have probably done the same thing she did. I love to serve those who come to my home. I think, however, that as a Martha we have to become sensitive to God and those we love and learn to know when to stop when we hear…"come…spend time with me”. Everything else can wait.

(Story of Mary and Martha is in Luke 10.)