The Power of Gab

Have you ever visited the land of Gab? If you’ve had the pleasure of visiting the Humphreys’ fortress you’ve probably had the full effect of the experience. (I say that with teasing affection.) My family is graced with the flair of gab. We can out talk most and even compete amongst ourselves. Lately I’ve been honing into the discipline of listening. I’m learning that when I free my mind from planning out my answers or arguments, and I pay attention to a person’s eyes and body gestures, I understand much clearly what is trying to be communicated. Of course there are times when one of us becomes so wrapped up in conversation that there is no choice but to listen. Ever come across such person?

In the Same Rut
Ever wonder why every time you see certain people they seem to be in the same rut they were days, weeks, months or years ago? Chances are that when you speak to these same people, they will recant the same story about the circumstances within their lives. They will demand your attention, draw out your sympathy (if possible), and leach onto you for comfort. Sounds awful, doesn’t it, but think about it…aren’t we like that some times when it comes to certain crisis in our lives?

A lot of us do not realize that we hold the power of altering our circumstances. We chuck bad things that happen to fate, and do not take ownership or responsibility to the contributing factor. We rather not believe that life is what it is because we made it that way. Life does not just happen. It is carefully orchestrated by the choices we make.

To Do or Not To Do
During our choice process, we do a lot of internal and external talking. We ask ourselves and others if we should or should not do certain things. If you start to do some deep soul-searching, you’ll probably recognize the few times when you were your worst enemy because you talked yourself out of doing a lot of great things. You convinced yourself that you were inadequate, incapable, didn’t have enough smarts, did not have enough experience, or was not talented enough to accomplish what was at hand. Unfortunately none of us leave it there. We then justify our decision by stroking our ego and comforting it by saying to ourselves that it’s a good thing to know our limitations and its okay to stay within our boundaries. It is safe.

Stuck in Safety
Life is no fun if you’re not moving forward. It becomes a dull routine and causes depression. When you’re life is not flowing in a positive direction, it becomes motionless and stagnant. It begins to stink after a while and the stench is not limited to you, it begins to exude. Ever walk by someone who hasn’t showered for a few days? Life becomes just like that when you decide to exist and not live.

Choosing to move forward doesn’t necessarily mean going back to school and finishing up your Bachelors or reaching for a Masters. Too many people get hung up with education and feel less than if they do not have a degree. Degrees are a good thing. I do not knock them. I am a proponent of education. However, learning goes far beyond books and the classroom.

What is Your Dream?
Ever day dream about something constantly and wish you could some day make it a reality? All of us have a deposit of talent. Just like a bank, we are the only ones that can make that talent grow. If we do not continue to deposit, it will never gain in value. It will remain as a small investment. Often times we forget that we carry an investment because we or others have convinced us that the talent does not belong to us. This is what internal and external dialogue does when it is unhealthy and negative.

In the Land of Gab there are two sorts of giants; the positive and the negative ones. They both fight fiercely against each other. The Positive Giants are constantly trying to pull the Little Folks out from under the Dark Lords of Negativity. They learned long ago that the tongue, as small as it is, has the power to speak life into any situation. Everyone in the land of Gab wants to possess the ultimate power. Some use it for evil while others use it for good.

The Weight of Words
Did you know that the power of gab is inside of you and that your tongue chooses the territory you should reside in? The influence of words is often downplayed because a lot of people do not recognize the force behind them. The weight of words is the driving power in any setting. The use of words determines the outcome. The bible, the ultimate guide, emphasizes the importance of the spoken word.

I remember a time when I was so tired and discouraged about my day that I would end it by saying to myself each night “I don’t want to remember this day”. I did this for a few months and realized that I couldn’t remember a lot of what was happening during that time. Some of you may think that’s not a bad thing, but when you have kids you really don’t want to forget the precious moments. That time period till this day remains a blur. I changed that negative closure of my day with a positive statement instead. Each night I thank God for giving me an incredible day even when things don’t turn out quite as I planned.

Do you know that each day is a blessing, even if you’re missing something in your life? Let’s say you’re in need of a job, look at it as an opportunity to speak it into existence. It doesn’t mean sit on your tush all day and start chanting come job, come. It does mean, however, that you continually speak into your life about your qualifications, and most importantly, speak to others about what you want and expect. What does that give you? It gives you self-affirmation, which we all need from time to time, especially with today’s market, and speaking to others opens up the door to a larger network.

The Grumble
Now don’t confuse complaining with positive speaking. Complaining is actually the most detrimental thing you can do in your life. No, I’m not saying never to complain, but when it’s all you do, it doesn’t promote change. Look at it this way. If what you’re doing is bringing the same result, it’s time to change how you do things. This change may also include tapping into your talent.

Negative speaking does not uphold anything healthy. What happens when you constantly tell yourself you’re fat? You get depressed and binge. What happens when you constantly tell yourself you’re depressed? You do things that you think are comforting you but what it’s actually doing is sinking you down into a deeper depression. All of these negative dialogues have to be replaced with positive ones.

Power of Gab
It is said that it takes about 30 days to establish a habit. Imagine how long it takes to break a bad one. Make it your goal today not to be a Little Person or a Dark Giant. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself dearly because in doing so you can pour out to others. Learn to think before you speak. Remember, the power of gab gives you the authority to speak life into any situation. Before you dismiss it, try it. You’ll be surprised how (positive) little words can bring forth great things.

Curious Love

Do you know that nothing can separate you from God’s love? That statement will only make sense to you if you have a deep relationship with the Almighty. It will comfort you if you need to be reminded. It will encourage you, if you have fallen away from God or do not currently have a relationship with Him.

To understand God’s love is to experience it. One can try to explain it as best as one can, but experience brings it to a level where it cannot be denied. When you discover how deep God loves you, no one can shake your core beliefs. No one can change your desire to pursue the light of God’s love. Circumstances may rattle you but instead of letting go, you hang on because you know that depth of love is like nothing you’ve ever known before.

It’s such a deep and personal experience, that it becomes hard to explain, because it is simple to explain. The simple explanation of God’s love frustrates those who hear about it, because they do not understand. They do not understand because they focus on the bad that has happened in their lives and conclude that God is not love or cannot be love because He is to blame. Quite honestly, any of us would feel that way with that mindset.

It’s our human nature to want to blame God when tragedy happens because He could have stopped it. It’s our nature to blame God when circumstances happen that could have been changed by Him, even if it was because of our own doing. However, it’s also our nature to only pray to Him when things are going bad or we are desperate. Somehow we forget Him when all is well. And yet even when we forget about God, He waits patiently. Most of us would not bother with someone who forgets us constantly, but God actually is thrilled when we remember Him.

Instead of God being human and saying forget you when you reach out to Him in crisis, He gives His best to comfort you. His heart breaks because some things could have been avoided if you understood the authority you receive when you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. You will never avoid bad stuff entirely, but you at least begin on an even field and then quickly move into the winner’s circle. What does that mean? It means that even when you lose in life, all is not lost.

There is always hope, when you understand, when you have accepted, when you embrace that God loves you and nothing that has happened or that you have done can change that. You may never understand the whys but you do know you are loved. It’s not a regular type of love. It’s a love that is deep and undeserving. It humbles you and it enraptures you.

It’s my hope and my prayer that you become curious of this love and that it encourages you to experiment just like you have with everything else in life. Hasn’t life’s motto been - before you knock it, try it?  Just talk to Him as you would a lover and a friend…constantly.

Romans 8:37-39 NIV

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Bounce Back

After a Fall snow storm one year, I noticed that my youngest tree was completely covered and weighed down beyond recognition. I thought to myself, that tree will never survive. As the day grew warmer, to my amazement, the tree began to straighten herself out and her branches began to go back to their original position. By the end of the day, only one branch looked like it was damaged. However, within a few days, that young tree proved me wrong yet again and she was back to normal as if nothing had occurred.

I began to wonder about the things in life that had bent me out of shape but how I had recovered. Although it took me a little bit to straighten out completely, I eventually did. Sometimes I have gals ask me, how did you get through and quite honestly I answer I didn't. God got me through. There are just certain things you cannot do by yourself -- at least I've learned that I don't want to get through them by myself.

Let’s be real, the weight of life will always be present and it's during those moments where you have to decide to trust God and let it go. You will never achieve that until you spend time with him, and once you do, you will discover that God's goodness is always readily available to you.

If you're feeling like that tree, take heart, the snow will eventually melt.

I believe that the tree's roots were strong, but I also believe that she became stronger because she survived such a harsh storm even though she was in her Fall Season. (That's another great lesson in itself.)

You're probably thinking, of course she survived, she was young and I'm no spring chicken.

The youth portrayed here is the drive that should remain within our relationship with God. Have you ever observed a new Christian? They seek after God full force, are open to hear from him and get really excited each time they do.

My youngest tree is probably about 20 years old now. She's weathered many storms here in the Northeast but she still stands beautifully. I believe you can do the same.

Gum Under the Desk

Remember those days when you used to stick your gum under the desk at school? For some of us it has been a long time. If you’re like me, you’ve probably forgotten when but you do remember you did it.

Gum under the desk, like hurts in our lives, are usually forgotten until things get hot. They stick with us as past reminders and their presence are not felt until they become soft again. Unresolved hurts creep up when we least expect it and are hard to shake off. Just like the gum, they are fastened tightly and refuse to move. This does not mean, however, that gum from under the desk can never be removed.

There is a technique that janitors use today to remove gum. They freeze the bottom side of the desk and make the gum hard. They then painstakingly scrape each gum off of the desk. Sounds like a dirty job, huh? The number of gums depends on the age group of the school. The higher the grade, the more gum there will be. The older we get, the more hurt we’ve experienced.

Most of us can blow past certain hurts; however, there are specific areas in our lives that we choose to ignore. These areas remain like those pieces of gum hidden where no one can see until or unless we become vulnerable. The janitors can never remove all the gum. Some pieces are smeared and become too thin to pick off. Heart wounds are the same way. They run deep and often remain with us for years.

We are in a culture where being self-sufficient should be enough. Dependency on others is frowned upon. Dependency on God is ridiculed. We rather live with unresolved hurt and have a heart spotted with old gum. We have become afraid and are reluctant to receive a heart repair because the job may become a bit dirty.

Gum by nature is sticky. It hardens and softens based on the temperature. Heart wounds are the same. These wounds do not go away until they’re addressed. Some wounds need to be taken care of by God who has the power to heal. He often waits to hear from us but can only heal when invited to do so. This is part of the package given to us called freedom of choice. God cannot operate in our lives unless we ask Him to.

Decide to live with less gum under your desk. Face those ignored hurts. Live in the fullness of joy. Don’t let those gummy spots continue to remind you of a past that is no longer there. Let’s face it we all are guilty of sticking some gum under the desk, but it’s not until we admit it that the process to heal begins.

How Neat is Your Closet?

Some of my friends are closet queens. Their closets are organized to the tee and are even color coordinated. Shoes are in boxes, and purses are in bags; a goal to strive for. Most people do not look into anybody’s clothes closet when visiting unless they’re best buds and want to show a particular item that requires the closet run. We assume all is in order and honestly, most of us don’t care. However, when going house hunting, one of the first things we like to do is check out how much storage spaces are in the bedroom closets, especially in the master. It’s amazing what one sees.

From where my head lays on the pillow, I can see into my closet if the door is opened. From that angle, all looks like everything is in order. If you walk in, everything looks neatly hung, purses are aligned, shoes are in boxes but I also know what lies hidden to the eye.

Closets remind me of how life can be. We can look like we have it all together on the outside but there are always some messy areas in the inside that God hasn’t gotten to or that we haven’t allowed God to deal with. Then again, there are some who don’t care, don’t pretend or don’t realize that they don’t have it all together and the deeper you get into their space, the hotter the mess is.

The easiest thing of course would be to keep the door closed. This way nobody can see what’s in it. While we’re at it, why not just lock it.

Closed Up Means Locked Out
Closets that are locked, always give off the silent message of I am neat. People with closed closet doors often are people who will shut others out but don’t realize that they have also shut themselves in. Their thought is that they don’t want anyone to know about their junk and they don’t want any help. That thought process is okay until the closet becomes too cluttered and spillage is inevitable. The sad thing is that they don’t recognize that some people love them enough to help clean up the mess. Not one closet is the same, so just because it remains closed doesn’t mean it can’t fall into the other categories below as well.

Appearance of Neatness
Do you wonder how many of us fall into that category? This is the space where perhaps filing cabinets hide papers that are misfiled for 20+ years. (Hmmm, sounds like the past that may need some shredding.) There’s a box full of photographs, kid drawings, family cards that have never been categorized, put into scrapbooks or photo albums. (Things left undone.) There’s a binder of half-started projects. (Dreams that were shelved that should be taken off the shelf, completed or restarted.)

Freakish Neatness
Please shake your head from side to side with me. These are the closets that make you want to puick because they are so neat. (My family and friends that fall into this category know that I write this with lots of love and a big, mischievous grin.)

Clothes (all of them) are in storage bags; sweaters and t-shirts are neatly folded and stacked (color coordinated of course) and shoes are not only boxed but tagged. There are no filing cabinets. It doesn’t belong in there! Guess what their closets say? Perfection can be achieved but go mess in their space and see if you don’t disturb their peace…major. This extreme takes a lot of work and pays off until something happens in life that makes them understand it is okay not be perfect, all the time, and help is also available to them because nobody has it all together.

Chaos Rules
This one is known as the teenage haven or the dark, adult cavern. No one knows what’s in there but the person who owns the space…and they know exactly where everything is. Unbelievably, if you ask, they can find the item in question within seconds. Free-spirited and uncaring of what others think, they’ll escort you to their closet with pride to show you their newest buy. They usually believe that nothing is wrong with their closet (or with them). If asked or told about anything within their space, their response is, if anybody doesn’t like it then they can just stay out. Free spirits are one of my favorite people but many lack structure and that makes it hard for them to work with others. They’re usually the folks that don’t know how to submit to any type of authority, have no plan, or question why their lives are either messed up or not moving forward.

Now, if any of these bothered you, it means that you were reminded of an area in your life that needs some tidying up. Let’s be real, all of us do and all of us will, until our last breath on this planet.

Here’s to closets everywhere. May they never be locked! May they always strive to appear neat. May we all be willing to go into our own with consistency and into others with love. May we reach that place where we can clear out all of our messes from time to time; for no one is perfect and I like it that way. I’m sure you do too.

Resolutions ~ Bah! Humbug!

Yep – I don’t believe in resolutions in the beginning of a year. It usually turns out to be a set up for failure. Do you ever wonder why?

Resolutions are usually filled with good intentions that are fueled by the emotion of guilt. People look back and all they see is what they did not accomplish. They become determined to change their world and accomplish the unaccomplished with new gusto until the first major challenge arises or life’s curve balls come into play.

Why do resolutions not work? The answer is easy. There was no plan or the plan laid out was unrealistic. It’s easy to say – I’m going to (fill in the blank) this year but what’s your plan? And if you do have a plan – is it realistic?

Study up on the area you want to change or jump into.
Let’s use losing weight as an example. Many flock to foods that are pre-made and get tired of it after a while. Some turn to the magic pill and blow up past their prior weight once they get off them. It is crazy to be on the mission to lose weight and not learn about the food groups you love and how they impact your body in particular. What you think may be healthy (like a salad with regular dressing and breaded chicken) may be as unhealthy as eating a cheeseburger everyday. When you get to know the foods you like and how they work for or against your body, you learn to make adjustments along the way.

Small Adjustments
If you love junk food, like me, you just can’t keep it in the house…unless you have the will power of steel. I don’t know about you but I’m not there yet. It’s really painful when you cut out all junk. It just doesn’t work. What is a gal to do when the unsatisfied chocolate cravings make the evil twin overpower her? Substitute. Find a healthy alternative. What does that mean? You continue to search and experiment until you find the yummy stuff that helps curves or satisfy those or any of your cravings for your favorite foods.

Be Realistic
Don’t look at a VS model. Those poor girls are usually teens that are starving themselves. Most of us have carried babies and our hips will NEVER be the same. Age and gravity makes changes that surgery can temporarily solve but here’s my take on it – at this point in life why should you care? You’ve earned every wrinkle, sag and curve. But if you’re like most women and me, I do not like them at all. Realistically I know I can’t change the course of what time will do to my body. However, one thing I know for sure. I want to be healthy. I want to live long, accomplish lots of things and not just see my grandbabies – I want to experience them. I would love for my body to look like a model (again). Ain’t gonna happen.

Continuous Journey
The weight journey is ongoing. It never ends. When you learn to eat healthy, it becomes part of who you are. You learn to adjust continually and look out for new opportunities that come in the form of recipes, restaurants, trying new foods, exercising and changing up the routine so boredom or discouragement doesn’t set in.

Knowledge isn’t Enough
Don’t just learn about it. Here is where a lot of us fall off the boat. We learn enough to get discouraged and walk away. It sounds too hard or impossible. How do you eat a huge elephant? You devour it one bite at a time. Do something, do a little adjustment whenever you can. This week cut down your soda intake. Perhaps you can remove it altogether. Next week cut the 5 spoons of sugar into your coffee and bring it down to 4. Now you’re on week 2 and you have removed soda and cut down one sugar!

Hooray for Me
Say yay me for the small adjustments you’ve accomplished and don’t get fixated with the big picture. Learn to pat yourself on the back more often. It’s not a bad thing to do. We get so hung up on constantly pointing out the negative, we don’t realize the great strides we make.

If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and try again. If something you’re doing is not working, chuck it up as a lesson learned, and try something new.

By now you’re saying, hey Roz this sounds like a resolution to me. Nah – this is just a way of life. New beginnings should happen whenever not just in the beginning of a new year.

Make change your lifestyle. Make walking in your destiny a reality. Make your life the masterpiece-gift you give back to God.

Don’t get hung up with resolutions. Say bah humbug with me and just LIVE!

While I'm Waiting

There are times that songs just swirl in my head. Some times for days. Some times for weeks on end and when that happens I really pay attention.  This go round the song is While I'm Waiting by John Waller. When he wrote it he said it took him all about 10 minutes. It later became the focal song for the 2008 movie called Fire Proof but the power of the song still resonates today…at least in my life.

We all go through periods where we need to wait. We wait for a job offer. We wait to see if a wayward child turns around. We wait for a broken marriage to mend. We wait for a result on a biopsy. We wait and wonder what life will be. We understand that our lives can change in a split second.

The hardest part for anyone today is to wait because we’ve been conditioned to get everything right away. We’re a fast paced society and so when answers from God are on the slow side that tends to freak us out especially when things are down to the wire or worst our life is at stake. As the song repeated itself over and over again and I felt the compulsion to listen, it uncovered many truths in my life that I wanted to share. This is for those of you who are in wait mode. Don’t feel alone. I’m there with you in my own wait.

Wait on the Lord
When I was younger – a lot younger, I used to think that all you had to do was pray and just wait for God to do something. I kept that in mind when things got ugly in my marriage and got frustrated when nothing happened. It really messed with my faith. What I discovered was that God heard me long ago but was waiting on me to take some action. Faith without action is dead. I tied up God’s hands for a few years because I didn’t adjust certain behaviors of my own and accepted certain behaviors I shouldn’t have (as an example).

Being Hopeful
So here’s the deal you can’t just pray and not be hopeful. Hope is not just wishing – it’s expecting. I remember one time Joel Olsteen said to live with the expectation of good things every single day. We lose sight of that when our lives become chaotic or dread fills our hearts. We often forget that we serve the God of the universe. Hmmm so if he created the gazillion stars ya think he can take care of my (fill in the blanks). My pastor has been doing an awesome series about hope and one of the things he said resounded loudly with me. He said God’s no means that he has a better yes in mind.

Although It’s Painful
Being hopeful during pain is the toughest thing to do but it’s a choice. It’s always a choice. People that survive illnesses and tragedies often do because they make every effort to focus on the positive and for many they put their trust in God. Trust doesn’t come over night. Like in any relationship, it takes time to cultivate, but when you do, you know who you can depend on. There are some people I trust with my life and I know they got my back but my reality is that I’ve become so dependent on God that I would feel extremely lost if he were not the lover of my soul, the companion of my heart and my most trusted Lord and friend. My greatest comfort through pain is him.

Patience
I laugh when people pray for patience. I stay away from that prayer. Patience requires a situation where patience can be molded, enhanced – stttrreetttccheed. Oh heck no!

It’s hard to be patient when you need a resolution now but if you remind yourself of the trust factor then it helps – at least for a little while until you have to remind yourself again. (Just being real.)

Move Ahead Bold and Confident
It’s hard to forge ahead bold and confident but then again why shouldn’t we? What’s the point in living a miserable life when just a part of it is haywire and the rest is good? Ok that part may affect our lives but it doesn’t need to paralyze us. We often forget how blessed we are. I give the gals I counsel a certain exercise. Write the things you’re thankful for. It’ll help your perception of things and will help you move forward. Always move forward no matter what. You may not be able to move in certain areas but move in the others. Don’t quit!

Serve
To serve God means to have relationship with him. People often freak out because they don’t want to give up certain things. Here’s the reality of it, the things you sometimes hold on to so dearly to, are the things that are probably adding to your hurt because you’re not dealing with the real issue. Most vices are escape goats to relieve or detach you from the unhappiness you feel. God won’t force you to let go of anything because he won’t impose his will on you. His greatest desire above all else is to be part of your life, especially while you’re waiting.

Worship
This word is so broad but for some reason folks think it’s only when you sing or praise God. Nope, it goes way beyond that. I have a friend who is currently painting his parents living room. This is an expression of worship because he’s honoring his parents. There are countless women who get up in the wee hours of the morning to pack up their kid’s lunches and get their clothes ready for daycare or school. Their worship is in tending their family. Whenever we are obedient to things that need to be done, we worship.

Don’t Faint
We often think of to faint as passing out but in this case it means don’t lose courage. Don’t wimp out. Don’t give up on your fight. FIGHT! Fight the right way. Fight for your kids, your marriage, your sanity…whatever it may be FIGHT. Don’t just war with your words and don’t just war with your causes in certain areas; war on your knees too. We often forget we’re spiritual beings and let the enemy walk all over us. If you think there are no demons out there, you’re sadly mistaken and what’s worse is that they’re here to take you out and you’re letting them.

Be Peaceful
Peace eludes us at times but it’s a choice. The bible says we should seek peace. This means you do all you can to maintain peace even if it means saying I’m sorry, forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it or choosing not to think about something negative. Yes it’s hard but it’s not impossible. We like to beat ourselves up way too much and we just have to quit it. You can’t take back certain things and it is what it is. Move on and let it go. Forgive yourself.

It’s also important to discover the peace of God – it surpasses all understanding. I’ve been peaceful in the worst of times – the most horrid of times. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. It comes with relationship. Relationship + Trust = Peace

Run the Race
Whatever it is you’re supposed to do in this world, whatever ripple effect you are cut out to do whether your circle is your home or the world, do it well. Don’t let the interruptions in life – big or small – cause you to lose sight of why you’re here. If you‘re gifted to sing – sing. If you’re gifted to write – write. If you are an encourager, go out and touch as many lives as you can. If you have the gift of being a good friend – continue to do so. You’re gift makes a difference. Slide out of this world screaming what a rush and with the confidence that when asked by God what did you accomplish you’ll have the story to tell that will continue to put a smile on his face.