The Italian Gal Next Door

There was this girl named Angie that I met this weekend that reminded of the Italian gal next door.

Actually her name is Kathy Troccoli and she quite honestly took me by surprise. To me she was this Christian artist whose songs I loved and sang in my teen and young adult years and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I ever would meet her. Fast forward 30 plus years and I discover that she’s the Italian gal next door. I will get to the Angie part in a few.

We hosted our first national women’s conference and I was a bit nervous. It wasn’t just an in-house event and we were partnering with a seasoned team. I didn’t want them to be disappointed. As their team began to trickle in on Thursday, I noticed a definite pattern. These gals were lovely in all sense of the word. When Kathy finally arrived on Friday evening, I was greeted with a hug. I thought “okay that was nice of her” but immediately took to her as we talked for a bit. After service, she walked into the mall area and I was off to the side talking to one of our gals, and she grabbed my arm, asked if I liked Angie, and hugged me again. Now I’m starting to be really disarmed. I’m beginning to wonder, who is this woman?

The next morning, I head towards my husband’s office and there she is again, the Italian next door, but this time she hugs me and doesn’t let go. Now I’m done. There’s an unexplained connection forming and I start blabbering to her what I’ve been going through. Not only does she not dismiss me, she pulls in real close, looks into my eyes and it hits me…she really cares. I mean she genuinely cares. She’s not Kathy Troccoli, untouchable Christian artist whose life mission is only to sing. There’s so much more to her.

In the past Kathy was just one of those figures who helped formed my life through her music. People don’t realize how music has deep influence. The song Stubborn Love had become my mantra and I sang it on many occasions to others because I got what she was singing, communicating and inspiring others to believe. Here is Kathy again, but this time, and I was thrilled to see, she jumped into other ventures and opportunities to share her gifts. She writes, she speaks, she’s an extremely talented communicator but all those things are enhanced because she’s “real”. She is transparent, she shares her stories and she doesn’t cut out the ugly stuff. There is no fluff, no pretense. Women can relate and relate deeply.

I watched her closely as she ministered to my girls. I call them mine because I’ve fallen in love with the women in my church. They’re my family. I noticed that she treated them like family. She pays attention to them when they’re talking to her. She doesn’t rush any of them off. She welcomes boob to boob hugs (that is what she calls it). I understand her heart and it breaks mine in a good way.

This weekend she answered a lot of my questions that have been swirling in my head. She quieted a lot of doubts and she reminded me about the kisses from heaven that I have been receiving lately. As she moves on to expand her ministry even further in obedience to what God has called her to do, I will do the same and perhaps one day I will sit with the Italian gal next door over a cup or five of coffee to swap stories good, bad and ugly if need be and it will be okay. She makes me feel safe but isn’t that what all of us should be doing with our sisters? If she can do it, then all of us can.

Now about Angie…Kathy Troccoli will be doing a one-woman show soon and it is well-worth the time to go out and see her when she kicks it off. By the way it’s well-worth the time, actually it’s a great investment of your time to make it a point to attend any of her conferences or concerts. You will come back refreshed and full of hope…because Hope’s Alive.

Thank you Kathy…

Are You a Paulette

Jane Doe
How many women do you know, who do not recognize their value, who downplay their worth and who lower their expectations? Women, who accept poor treatment, settle for less, and do not voice their heart, their wants or needs? Women, who have become the Jane Does’ of this world? For those of you who are not familiar with the term, Jane Doe is a female that has no identity; alive or dead. Basically, she is an unknown. No one knows her name, where she is from, where she belongs, or how she got to her present location.

Jane Doe, however, can also be one of us. In our version, she is the woman that likes to blend in and her goal is to become invisible. She likes to disappear in the crowd and loves that she is not noticed. What confounds our Jane’s identity, is that this same woman can also be selfless, dedicated, is full of love and even knows what it means to serve. Unfortunately, her abilities remain a secret because she works from the safety of her confines, as she gladly and purposely mixes into the culture of home, school, work, church and/or community.

Yes, Jane Doe is the gal who loves her comfort zone. Her routine provides security and contentment in her autopilot life of go with the flow. Sounds marvelous and perhaps for many it is. However, we were not placed on this earth to be a marvelous Jane. We are here to be a Paulette.

Are you a Paulette?
We often wonder why the girls in our society have self-esteem and confidence issues, but we fail to see how we have contributed to the problem. We’d rather be a Jane and let celebrities be role models. We’d rather be a Jane and let magazines fill their minds with information that challenges their ego. We even choose to be a Jane and let technology provide knowledge without the wisdom of experience.

By now you must wonder what it means to be a Paulette. Well, back in the day, the apostle Paul had the audacity to tell folks to imitate him. He was able to do that because he knew who he was and had a solid, belief-system. He was completely sold-out and passionate about the way he lived. He obviously had a particularly high confidence level to be able to make that type of statement. One can even go as far to say that he was cocky. However, the truth is that he understood the importance of mentorship, and the responsibility to be a role model to others.

Today’s Paulette

We are in a day and age where our girls need more ladies to step up and become a Paulette. They need confident women to rise up and live by example. They need to see what it means to walk and act in an assured manner. Their inner circles need to be enriched with women whose strengths are seen in their home, work, church and or community, as well as behind the scenes. They need to be surrounded by women who are movers and shakers that make things happen.

It is time that we take on the responsibility to mentor our present and younger generation into greatness. We owe it to all the gals who crave for “real” female, role models. Being a role model doesn’t require that you be ever present, however, the acceptance of that role should make you aware that your actions should speak loudly from now on. You become conscious that your standards are now higher because you want to be emulated. You understand that the power of your spoken words can provide guidance and has the potential to become a springboard for other’s futures.


Photography by April Dawn Winsley http://aprildawnwinsley.com

When we undermine our value, and downplay what we have to offer, we become and produce a Jane. Are you a goldmine of experience and wisdom but have taken on the last name of Doe? If this is you, know that the hearts of many silently wait for you to come of out of your unknown.

Don’t be afraid. Be a Paulette and let your life shout out, “imitate me,” and let’s show our girls our combined strengths and how great life can really be.

Never Forgotten

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by love? Your chest feels like it’s going to explode and you experience intense joy. Remember what it was like for you to hear the words “I love you” for the first time? You floated for days and the world’s beauty was laid out before you like a garden in full bloom. Just when you thought it could not get any better, you are surprised, yet again, when years later baby arrives. Life was never the same. You found a new type of love.

Those who are parents discover that the love experience intensifies and takes on new meaning when it is unconditional. Nothing compares to the moment when your little boy or girl learns the true significance of love. They throw themselves into your arms, hug you tightly, and in a heart-felt voice say “I wuv ya”. Your heart becomes putty, and your world begins to revolve around them. They make wishes and you grant them. It doesn’t matter what mess or mistake the little princess or prince has made, if they ask, generally, they will get.

Imagine this unconditional love in the spiritual realm. People lose out on God’s unconditional love because they refuse to believe or have relationship with Him. They equate Him to some powerful being whose sole purpose is to judge and punish. The reality is that no matter what people believe God’s truth remains. He loves us all (no matter what we have done). He loves us so much he sent His only Son to die for our sins. He gave us free will to choose to accept of reject His gift of love. AND, He loves us despite of our choice.

Although God has been forgotten in today’s culture, God has chosen never to forget any of us. He knows our name. Can you grasp that? Out of the billions of people, you are known, are unconditionally-loved and thought of by the God of the universe.

He knew you before you were born.
He knows how many hairs are on your head.
You were wonderfully made –created in His image.

Even if you choose to ignore or forget –
You… will never… be forgotten.

Are You on the Value Scale?

I remember one time how I tried to explain to one of my daughter’s friend why it was so important to know her value. When I asked her what was precious to her, she listed all the things that a typical 12 year old would. I took some time in explaining to her that there are items that are priceless in this world and gave her the example of a diamond. She reminded me of many women I know about my same age. It made me wonder how many of us today dismiss our worth, or worst do not know how precious we truly are.

The Scale

The value of an individual is not based on any price scale. It doesn’t matter whether you have lots of money or are broke; it doesn’t matter if you live in a penthouse or have an apartment in the projects; it doesn’t matter if you own designer clothing or no name brands. These things do not define a person’s worth. Yet we find people who are hung up in the comparison game, trying to keep up with the latest fad, and if they do not match up with the model physique, have the dream house, or the high-rolling job, they feel like failures.

Your worth is introduced by your parents or guardians. Unfortunately everyone is not privileged with happy upbringings. Then there are the educational and employment systems that try their best to define the measurement for success. This in turn establishes personal values for many. In come social classes that reinforce these views and creates clear distinctions, and what we finally realize is that each of us has inherited a value scale. The problem with that scale is that you are constantly weighed and your value can increase, decrease, or disappear.

Price Drives Value

Imagine finding out one day that someone you didn’t know gave their life up for you because they considered you incredibly precious. What if that person was a friend, better yet a relative or someone who knew you intimately? That act, the cost of what that person did (whoever it was) would be incalculable. You could not put a price tag on it. Now if forfeiting their life for you was considered invaluable, what would that make you?

What I described did happen for you, for all of us, but a lot of folks rather not accept this. They prefer to believe in what they can see and hear, and gauge themselves based on experience and intellect. The catch with both of these truths is that they are limited because experience and intellect are confined to boundaries. Anyone at any given time can gain only so much knowledge over a life time be it via being book smart or just by living. Basically what this means is that you place a cap on how much you can accomplish based on what you’re told and believe.

Your Value

Here is where having a belief system, or in this case, why believing in God’s good news is so important. God gave His only Son as a gift to us because it was the only way to reconcile us to Him. Salvation comes with the accepting the sacrifice of Jesus. We didn’t love God, some of us don’t even acknowledge He exists, but it doesn’t change that He loved us and didn’t withhold giving up what was most precious to Him. In turn Jesus, who was man and could’ve backed out at any time, went through it all because He understood the love of His Father, and shared His same love towards us. Although some of us have heard this story time and again, we still do not fully understand the significance of it, and it is apparent by the way that we view ourselves.

You see, when you learn of and accept the fact that God has placed much value on your life, the feeling of worthlessness has to move out, and a new perception of who you really are moves in.

Value Facts

You are a child of God and with that come a long list of positive benefits and affirmations. As a matter of fact the bible yells You Are a Valuable Individual.

It says things like:

God knew you before you were born; even knows how many hairs are left on your head.

God created you, unique you, and deposited in you a talent only you can pull off.

His limitless knowledge is available to you just for the asking.

He believes that you can do all things and even expects that from you.

His unlimited resources are available to you because you’re His kid.

You’re in God’s social class, so you’re up as high as you can get.

Don’t you think it’s time to step off of the value scale and just relax and accept your value; yes you…incalculable, costly, and significant, worthy you. The fact is that you are and will always be a wonderful, priceless, individual; the treasure and apple of your creator’s eye. This truth will never change. It’s up to you whether you want to accept it or not.

Reach Out

I sit here in front of the computer and debate whether to write this or not. Perhaps it's because people do not like to hear the realities of this season.

The season that brings the greatest joy, the investment of family and friendship also ushers in moments of despair and loneliness for many. This knowledge weighs heavy in my heart and I question whether I can make a difference, whether all of us who are so blessed, can make a difference.

It doesn't take much to reach out. It doesn't take much to tell that someone who may be alone or who has struggled with depression that there's room at a party, that they're invited, that they are missed...that they mean something.

It doesn't take much to extend forgiveness or ask for the same even when you are the offended one. Pride is what holds us back and keeps us imprisoned all the while providing the justification we hold on to so dearly...and for what?...the satisfaction of being right?

I look back still with guilt of the could have - should have. I know that guilt doesn't come from God but during this season, I can't help but wonder...what if? You see she was supposed to be my girl but I did not reach out. She didn't want us in her life...at least that is what I thought based on my perception of her behavior. However, inside there was that little girl that screamed for attention, that screamed for help in that young woman's body and none of us heard her…or did we?

What if I had placed my pride to the side? What if I looked for her anyway? What if I showed more compassion and love? What if I remembered her story and therefore had become more understanding of her behavior? The what ifs drown me at times.

Where is the fine line where you release someone - to their own actions - to God? When is it right or wrong to do that? Is it wrong to give up on someone when there's nothing else you can do?

Her spiral down a destructive path was her choice, but what if I had reached out anyway? Would it have made a difference? I don't know. She was angry at the world. She felt beaten and completely defeated.
Over the years I've seen my Desi in the eyes of others; in the heart break of those gals who have given up on the inside.

In this season I am reminded of how I lost her and my heart shatters into a million pieces once again...then I'm reminded of Romans 8:28. All things work together for good. The loss of Desi was one of the most devastating experiences I ever had but it changed my life. I learned from it and channeled my grief into something positive.

I learned to reach out.

Yesterday Pastor Olsteen taught about giving people some slack, especially when the conduct of others is not agreeable to us. He explained that we all have a story. A person's story is based on how they grow up, the experiences they've gone through, etc. We have a tendency of comparison to ourselves and when people don't meet our standards, we become inclined to dismiss them because they're not like us. This comes in the form of criticism or judgment but we don't know their story.

The flip side is that some of us do know the story and just become tired of the same destructive behavior. I wish he had spoken about that. Perhaps he would just tell me – ‘well Roz love them anyway. You don’t need to be influenced or accept their bad behavior but you can still love them’.

Reach out anyway. Say hello when you can. Take any opportunity to say I love you. Don’t delay to say I forgive you or please forgive me. Put pride aside – it’s just pride. Reach out.

What do You Bring To The Table?

Today I woke up with a smile on my face and with a thankful heart. That wasn’t always the case during the holiday seasons. In the past it seemed we had illnesses or death around the holidays, and each year there was a sense of dread and negative expectancy; or we were in mourning for a dear one that had passed.

As we sat in one of my uncle’s 70^th birthday, I noticed that my family members were genuinely happy to be there. We have a rather large extended family and make the effort to get together as much as possible. My uncle Louie took on the task of kicking off family reunions every year and that has allowed us to rekindle our bonds.

The other day while speaking to my sister, we talked about our last gathering. There was one statement that caught my attention. She mentioned that we all have come to the place where we all just breathe in the moment. It took us a while but we have learned and continue to learn not to look back at the past with sadness and not to look forward to the future with dread. We just breathe in the moment. We take mental pictures, actually we take a lot of regular pictures too and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Perhaps the holidays are a dread to you because of past family hurts or because you may feel you don’t have a family. Reality is that we all have a family or several families. It may not necessarily be blood. Family consists of those who have invested themselves, their time and their love in us. It goes beyond blood. It’s those folks that embrace who we are, quarks and all, who come along side us during the good, the bad and the ugly and still love us. They may not necessarily tell us, but they show us each time they get.

Breathe in the moment doesn’t just happen. You have to cultivate yourself into that state of mind. Here are some of the things my family has learned and continues to learn.

• Accept that you are not flawless. None of us are perfect. When you get that you tend to be a bit more forgiving.
• Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and each day provides us a new opportunity to be our best.
• Forgive others. It will liberate you. To forgive is harder than to harbor but it keeps you out of your hand-tailored prison.
• Love…show it and say it. Life is short and regret doesn’t bring back anyone from the grave.
• Strengthen your relationships now. Don’t wait.
• Start new relationships. Get plugged into a church and community. Loneliness is a choice.
• Do not focus on the negative. Replace the negative thoughts with positive. Hope is better than despair.
• Speak positive. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Don’t kill yourself, someone else, mess up your life, someone else’s, your destiny, your future, your family, (the list can go on) because of the words that you say. You are what you speak. We truly believe that.
• Make each moment count. Be purposeful. Plan your day well.
• Pace yourself. What’s the rush?
• Enjoy life. Stop and look up at the sky. Even when the sky is gray it’s amazing. You get to live another day and start over if you need to.

It's in the Experience

Everyday we hop on a train or a bus trusting that the driver whom we don’t know will get us to our destination. We don’t think twice about boarding a plane and flying half way around the world because we believe that the pilot has the right credentials. Down we plop ourselves into any chair expecting that the legs are sturdy enough to hold our weight, and when we walk into any building that looks like it was built correctly the thought of cave in never crosses our mind. Heck, we’re even sure that our banks will hold our money, make it grow, and not skip out of town with it.

We do all of these things because over time experience has ushered in a feeling of belief and security that the results will remain positive for the most part. All of us willingly rely on people we don’t know or even see every single day and yet when it comes to God a lot of us have silent reservations. Christians become voiceless on this subject in fear that they may be misunderstood or labeled as “not having enough faith”. Those who claim not to believe in God or organized religion are quick to denounce a belief based on observation, very seldom from experience.

Reality is that life brings us through a series of events that challenge us, force us to assess who we are, or make us undergo changes we often don’t want to make. Experience compels us to weigh our beliefs and make choices at times based on faith. When you look at the word faith (believing in what you can’t see), and begin to dissect what it means, somewhere in the mix comes up the word certitude. This wonderful word portrays an array of emotions. Yes emotions…you know feelings, sensations, passion…

First word associated with certitude is conviction. Did you know that conviction comes from strong persuasion? Next is sureness; also known as confident certainty. What I love about these last two words is that certainty on its own is based on evidence. However when you put the word confident in front of certainty, it emphasizes that there is no doubt in the evidence. None of us can get to a place of strong persuasion or no doubt unless we get there by experience.

Why is experience so important? When we participate, not just observe life’s events, it actually teaches us, and what we are taught affects us. It is so much easier in today’s age to intellectualize everything especially religion, but God is not about religion. Man created religion. God just wanted relationship, that’s all He ever wanted. He understood the importance of connection and the effect it has when nurtured. Trust, belief, expectation and sureness are part of our daily lives, but only grow because of the consistency in our encounters.

Not enough faith is an indicator of relationship with God with limited experience. Denial or no faith is a sign of knowing of God and having no relationship experience. So why remain voiceless or faithless when all that is needed is experience?

Faith in God is not intellectual. It’s a spiritual, relational experience that is individual.