Reach Out

I sit here in front of the computer and debate whether to write this or not. Perhaps it's because people do not like to hear the realities of this season.

The season that brings the greatest joy, the investment of family and friendship also ushers in moments of despair and loneliness for many. This knowledge weighs heavy in my heart and I question whether I can make a difference, whether all of us who are so blessed, can make a difference.

It doesn't take much to reach out. It doesn't take much to tell that someone who may be alone or who has struggled with depression that there's room at a party, that they're invited, that they are missed...that they mean something.

It doesn't take much to extend forgiveness or ask for the same even when you are the offended one. Pride is what holds us back and keeps us imprisoned all the while providing the justification we hold on to so dearly...and for what?...the satisfaction of being right?

I look back still with guilt of the could have - should have. I know that guilt doesn't come from God but during this season, I can't help but wonder...what if? You see she was supposed to be my girl but I did not reach out. She didn't want us in her life...at least that is what I thought based on my perception of her behavior. However, inside there was that little girl that screamed for attention, that screamed for help in that young woman's body and none of us heard her…or did we?

What if I had placed my pride to the side? What if I looked for her anyway? What if I showed more compassion and love? What if I remembered her story and therefore had become more understanding of her behavior? The what ifs drown me at times.

Where is the fine line where you release someone - to their own actions - to God? When is it right or wrong to do that? Is it wrong to give up on someone when there's nothing else you can do?

Her spiral down a destructive path was her choice, but what if I had reached out anyway? Would it have made a difference? I don't know. She was angry at the world. She felt beaten and completely defeated.
Over the years I've seen my Desi in the eyes of others; in the heart break of those gals who have given up on the inside.

In this season I am reminded of how I lost her and my heart shatters into a million pieces once again...then I'm reminded of Romans 8:28. All things work together for good. The loss of Desi was one of the most devastating experiences I ever had but it changed my life. I learned from it and channeled my grief into something positive.

I learned to reach out.

Yesterday Pastor Olsteen taught about giving people some slack, especially when the conduct of others is not agreeable to us. He explained that we all have a story. A person's story is based on how they grow up, the experiences they've gone through, etc. We have a tendency of comparison to ourselves and when people don't meet our standards, we become inclined to dismiss them because they're not like us. This comes in the form of criticism or judgment but we don't know their story.

The flip side is that some of us do know the story and just become tired of the same destructive behavior. I wish he had spoken about that. Perhaps he would just tell me – ‘well Roz love them anyway. You don’t need to be influenced or accept their bad behavior but you can still love them’.

Reach out anyway. Say hello when you can. Take any opportunity to say I love you. Don’t delay to say I forgive you or please forgive me. Put pride aside – it’s just pride. Reach out.

What do You Bring To The Table?

Today I woke up with a smile on my face and with a thankful heart. That wasn’t always the case during the holiday seasons. In the past it seemed we had illnesses or death around the holidays, and each year there was a sense of dread and negative expectancy; or we were in mourning for a dear one that had passed.

As we sat in one of my uncle’s 70^th birthday, I noticed that my family members were genuinely happy to be there. We have a rather large extended family and make the effort to get together as much as possible. My uncle Louie took on the task of kicking off family reunions every year and that has allowed us to rekindle our bonds.

The other day while speaking to my sister, we talked about our last gathering. There was one statement that caught my attention. She mentioned that we all have come to the place where we all just breathe in the moment. It took us a while but we have learned and continue to learn not to look back at the past with sadness and not to look forward to the future with dread. We just breathe in the moment. We take mental pictures, actually we take a lot of regular pictures too and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Perhaps the holidays are a dread to you because of past family hurts or because you may feel you don’t have a family. Reality is that we all have a family or several families. It may not necessarily be blood. Family consists of those who have invested themselves, their time and their love in us. It goes beyond blood. It’s those folks that embrace who we are, quarks and all, who come along side us during the good, the bad and the ugly and still love us. They may not necessarily tell us, but they show us each time they get.

Breathe in the moment doesn’t just happen. You have to cultivate yourself into that state of mind. Here are some of the things my family has learned and continues to learn.

• Accept that you are not flawless. None of us are perfect. When you get that you tend to be a bit more forgiving.
• Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and each day provides us a new opportunity to be our best.
• Forgive others. It will liberate you. To forgive is harder than to harbor but it keeps you out of your hand-tailored prison.
• Love…show it and say it. Life is short and regret doesn’t bring back anyone from the grave.
• Strengthen your relationships now. Don’t wait.
• Start new relationships. Get plugged into a church and community. Loneliness is a choice.
• Do not focus on the negative. Replace the negative thoughts with positive. Hope is better than despair.
• Speak positive. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Don’t kill yourself, someone else, mess up your life, someone else’s, your destiny, your future, your family, (the list can go on) because of the words that you say. You are what you speak. We truly believe that.
• Make each moment count. Be purposeful. Plan your day well.
• Pace yourself. What’s the rush?
• Enjoy life. Stop and look up at the sky. Even when the sky is gray it’s amazing. You get to live another day and start over if you need to.

It's in the Experience

Everyday we hop on a train or a bus trusting that the driver whom we don’t know will get us to our destination. We don’t think twice about boarding a plane and flying half way around the world because we believe that the pilot has the right credentials. Down we plop ourselves into any chair expecting that the legs are sturdy enough to hold our weight, and when we walk into any building that looks like it was built correctly the thought of cave in never crosses our mind. Heck, we’re even sure that our banks will hold our money, make it grow, and not skip out of town with it.

We do all of these things because over time experience has ushered in a feeling of belief and security that the results will remain positive for the most part. All of us willingly rely on people we don’t know or even see every single day and yet when it comes to God a lot of us have silent reservations. Christians become voiceless on this subject in fear that they may be misunderstood or labeled as “not having enough faith”. Those who claim not to believe in God or organized religion are quick to denounce a belief based on observation, very seldom from experience.

Reality is that life brings us through a series of events that challenge us, force us to assess who we are, or make us undergo changes we often don’t want to make. Experience compels us to weigh our beliefs and make choices at times based on faith. When you look at the word faith (believing in what you can’t see), and begin to dissect what it means, somewhere in the mix comes up the word certitude. This wonderful word portrays an array of emotions. Yes emotions…you know feelings, sensations, passion…

First word associated with certitude is conviction. Did you know that conviction comes from strong persuasion? Next is sureness; also known as confident certainty. What I love about these last two words is that certainty on its own is based on evidence. However when you put the word confident in front of certainty, it emphasizes that there is no doubt in the evidence. None of us can get to a place of strong persuasion or no doubt unless we get there by experience.

Why is experience so important? When we participate, not just observe life’s events, it actually teaches us, and what we are taught affects us. It is so much easier in today’s age to intellectualize everything especially religion, but God is not about religion. Man created religion. God just wanted relationship, that’s all He ever wanted. He understood the importance of connection and the effect it has when nurtured. Trust, belief, expectation and sureness are part of our daily lives, but only grow because of the consistency in our encounters.

Not enough faith is an indicator of relationship with God with limited experience. Denial or no faith is a sign of knowing of God and having no relationship experience. So why remain voiceless or faithless when all that is needed is experience?

Faith in God is not intellectual. It’s a spiritual, relational experience that is individual.

Falling Into Contentment

When I think of the word contentment or the act of being content, what comes to mind is that of a freshly changed and fed baby. They are either cooing or are fast asleep, often with a peaceful smile. As we get older that sense of happy tranquility begins to be replaced with restlessness, lack of fulfillment, and the uncomfortable feeling of always wanting more; never satisfied. Have you ever wondered why? Perhaps you already know the answers to that question.

Do we really know what contentment is? Often times we equate it to having stuff. If I have a bigger house, a better job, a nicer spouse, a kid or two, then I may be a bit more satisfied with life. Perhaps we still struggle with seeing ourselves as inferior because we’re hung up in the comparison game. We start to focus on our flaws because we center our attention on this person’s educational background or work experience and fall short. Maybe we’ve become a bit green with our friend who has the perfect husband who dotes on her, and is at her beck and call. Have you ever stepped back and observed these people? Are they really happy?

How do you view yourself?
The reality of living is that happiness is not based on stuff. The source of happiness is in combining the right balance of the perception of you, not to others, but to yourself. You cannot have the right picture of who you are if you don’t understand how God views you. The value of you cannot be reinforced in your mind if you do not understand the price of salvation. The awareness of always living in expectation can never be heightened if you do not understand the principle of being able to do all things. To put it in the simplest terms, You are who God says you are. Once you embrace that right mind-set, contentment becomes a product or the effect, as in ripple.

Ever wondered how certain people seem to be happy or satisfied with their lives even when faced with adversities that would knock most of us off of our feet? It is not because they’re lucky or have been graced by the stars. It is because they made a choice of stepping into right-thinking. Now some of you may say I don’t need God to think I’m a wonderful person. You may measure yourself by your successes. What if all the success you’ve achieved and your present status was removed or taken away from you? What if you’ve become a yesterday and the things that you did were no longer recognized because someone else surpassed your accomplishments? Where in the contentment-pole would you be?

Are you satisfied?
Contentment is a state of being. It is a place inside of you, where no matter what circumstance you’re in, you choose to be satisfied. Being satisfied is actually feeling pleasure from gratification. It means having a thankful heart, no matter what you have or don’t have. It does not provide the excuse or the permission for anyone to stay within their present circumstance or not want to better themselves. It does, however, push a person to look at what they have and be grateful for all they’ve achieved and obtained.

When was the last time you looked around and began to count the blessings that you have? Okay so your husband is not so and so, and he is not perfect, but who is? Instead of focusing on all the bad, have you looked at the good and voiced it? How many times do we say our teenagers are driving us crazy or are a pain, some times at ear range? When was the last time you told them they were wonderful or I love you? Look around you. How much stuff have you accumulated? Maybe it’s not in the greatest condition, but have you ever stopped to think of those who do not even have a floor and are lucky to have a roof?

Where are you dwelling?
It’s not a bad thing to want more or to want to exceed in any area of life. However, more and more you’ll find that when the focus is just that, when we are driven because we constantly compare, and are not grateful or satisfied with what we have, we rob ourselves of living. We miss out on the joy of dwelling in our blessings. Unfortunately, at times, it takes the kids growing up, tragedy knocking at our door, or illness overtaking us or those we love, for us to have an aha moment. What is life really all about? It’s about living it to the fullest, in all aspects, and enjoying it; inside and out.

Most of us kind of fall into contentment during life’s journey. We stumble into that state of being and catch ourselves asking how we got there. We finally realize that it’s not about the stuff, but it’s about being thankful for all the things we have, the people we love, and most importantly who we are in the mix. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in trying to create the perfect life and environment, and forget we’re in an imperfect world.

The Choice
Contentment is the result of choice. It is the end product of right-thinking, a grateful heart, understanding the value of you, and living in expectation for the better. These are biblical principles and guidelines for healthy living. Falling into contentment is a good thing, but walking into it now, sooner than later, is so much better.

Does Your Mouth Need an Adjustment

A recent project threw me into a tail spin. To be honest that is not uncommon but I noticed that this go round my stress levels were making me uncomfortable, and I did not like quite a few people. I was constantly getting angry, annoyed and frustrated and began to second guess myself. I was the target of blame for some things, and it caused me to shrink back when I should have dug in my heels. Exhaustion enveloped me as the hours worked began to multiply rapidly.

When life gets to that point, I’ve learned where and to whom I should run to.

Once a month, my church’s main campus holds an outpouring service. We usually do not attend because we have bible study in our own campus. This particular time, I felt the urgency to go. I needed to distress. Most folks go to the gym and I’m a proponent of a good workout but I knew exercising alone wasn’t going to level me off. I know I needed God. My problem required a God answer.

Outpouring consists of praise and worship and prayer. There is nothing fancy or elaborate about it. It is a service that goes back to the basics. Since I didn’t want to be noticed, I sat in the back and just ran to God like a kid who scraped her knee and needed some daddy loving and assurance. It seems my mission to sit in the back did not go unnoticed, and one of the gals made her way to me. She shared a story that broke my heart and made all that I was going through irrelevant and minor. It helped me put things into perspective. As I prayed over her for comfort and to be embraced by love that surpasses all understanding, I felt the stress and exhaustion begin to lift.



Photography by Roz|2013

The night ended with a hug from heaven that came from one of the worship team frontline-gals who bee lined her way from the altar to the back. (See there was no hiding for me in the back!) As she encircled me, her prayers tumbled out as a healing balm of restoration. I thought that was all I needed but God with His incredible sense of order knew that my brain had to be quieted down to understand that the issue wasn’t my project. It was my mouth.

Apparently I had read and heard a few messages for days about the power of your words and it did not seem to click. That night as I asked God what in the world happened to my project, the memories of what I heard about the power of words flooded back to me, especially a conversation my husband and I had about not allowing others speak into our lives negatively.

I had the aha, light bulb shine, angel choir -singing moment. Then of course I said to myself…duhhhhh. All the negative feelings that were weighing me down, I had created. I didn’t like the realization of that.  

We are all told that words are a powerful force. What we all fail to realize is that it can be for good or for bad. When I kept saying that the project sucked, that it was a mess, that it was the worst project that I’ve ever had, I basically cursed my own project. Can I hear an ouch?

I get quite a few complex projects assigned and have the grace of figuring them out. This happens because my mindset says there is always a solution to the puzzle. What made my mindset change in midstream in this case?

The constant bombardment of obstacles and negatives will do anybody in after a period of time. It is hard to remain positive but it is not impossible. When you are expected to mimic God, there is no excuse. Your mouth – what you say has to remain positive because you have the power of creation, the power to bless OR curse.  There is no gray in this area.

The adjustment of my mouth adjusted the project. Is it still all those things I rattled off before? I’m not going to tell you because my feelings still sway back and forth from time to time. I will tell you what I want it to be when it ends; another success notch on my belt…and that’s all anyone needs to know.

Internal Remodeling

As I walked around my house this morning, I cringed as I saw the evidence of the temporary disaster that surrounded me. Each room is currently housing furniture, accessories, paint cans and supplies, etc. Of course, this is what happens when you start remodeling. It starts with one room at a time, but that one room, after it’s emptied out, seems to dominate the rest of the floor with its clutter.

As I sat down during my quiet time, I realized how similar our internal remodeling resembles the present state of my home. Think about it. When you’re remodeling a room, you have to empty it out entirely and put all of its contents in other spaces as temporary place holds. When you decide you need to fix one area of your life it overlaps into the others. The size of the overlap depends on how big of an area (room) you’re fixing.

As you look around at the mess you’re making, it can become very discouraging because you may be affecting those you love temporarily, and/or you may be causing major discomfort to yourself. However, you know deep down inside that cleaning out that room, that one area in your life, is very critical and that the end result will be positive.

If that’s you today, don’t lose heart. Life is about change and improvement. Some times we all need to empty out a room, pull out the old rug and put a fresh coat of paint. Although it requires a lot of work, the end result is so worth it…and all of that clutter you see around, it’s all temporary.

A cousin of mine said something that I try to live by when I start to freak out (like this morning). He said, don’t sweat the small stuff, that’s all it is…small.

So, instead of focusing on the temporary place holds throughout my house, I decided to look at the room we’re remodeling and envision the end result. This change of focus helps me to stop looking at the necessary mess that had to be made, and puts me at ease knowing that one day (very soon) I will have my home back to normal with one nicer room.

Chin up. Internal remodeling is a good thing that is temporarily messy with a wonderful end state all because you have the courage to want change for the better.

Hurray for internal remodeling! I applaud anyone who plans to do it or is in it.

Be blessed.

Live Like Your Leaving

Remember the time when you sat in class and were asked by the teacher to write where you think your life would be 5 years from now. No doubt, this request was met with groans and trepidation as you began to wonder what to write. With a night or two to ponder, most of us probably sat and stared at a blank piece of paper for hours. In our heads we debated whether to write the truth or fabricate an interesting future. Five years seemed like an eternity in our teenage years, but we soon found out that time slips by and does not wait for anyone.

Time can be viewed as a friend or as an enemy, depending on where you’re at in life. Our scales are tipped based on our choices and input. We hold sole responsibility for the life we have created today. Think about it. How many of us have scared ourselves out of achieving, frustrated our plans by underachieving, and have become stagnant because we hold on to past achievements? Why is it that we choose to live that way?

No Urgency For Change
Life’s journey will always brings change in our hearts and minds, and shakes us out of our comfort zone from time to time. This happens when monumental moments or decisions are made, or when tragedy or sickness occurs. During those times, our perception sharpens, and our energy and focus increases. Time is treated with tender care, and our awareness of it sets us in a place of appreciation. We no longer let the trivial bother us, and we learn to cherish small gestures and all memories.

There are movies, books, and songs that try to convey the importance of living life to the fullest. Some movies go as far as recounting real stories of people who have struggled with illnesses and have survived or have succumbed. Sometimes these stories move us to tears, guilt, shame or frustration because we know that we lack. We begin to wonder what would we do different if we were in their shoes, however, unlike these people, we never feel like we’re running out of time. There is no urgency for change.

Although some stories may strike a chord, the impact is temporary or short-lived. Our routine comes back into play and swallows up our unresolved issues and unfulfilled dreams. Days become weeks, weeks…months, and months become years. Every once in a while, we acknowledge time is moving forward and our excuses soon become, ‘It’s too late or I’m too old’.

Are You Too Conservative?A story that stands out in my mind is one where Queen Latifah played a woman who found out she had a rare disease and only had months to live. After she heard the news, she threw caution to the wind and cashed out her investments, traveled to a place she always dreamed of, ate all the gourmet meals her heart desired, overindulged in any pamper routine, took up a few challenges, overcame her fear to fall in love, and relished every moment. At the end, she finds out she was misdiagnosed but walks away with valuable lessons that she applies in her new chance and approach towards life.

Live Like You’re Leaving
People say we should live like today is our last day. We automatically think of death and forget that there is another event that can take us away as quick as a blink of an eye. Jesus has promised to come back for those who love and serve Him. Whether we choose to believe it or not, either event will bring us before the throne of God, and then what?

Imagine standing before the Creator being asked ‘what have you done for me while you were on the earth; what have you done with the talent that I’ve deposited in you; and how was it used’? ‘Um’ would not be a good answer, nor will the reply ‘I was too busy’ go over well, and forget the excuse of ‘I was scared and lived conservatively’.

Why is it important that we bring, how we live, to the forefront of our minds? Life remains empty, meaningless, and without purpose if we are not walking and living in our destiny. We cheat ourselves and others when we don’t fulfill our dreams. Whether we like it or not, accept it or not, acknowledge it or not, we impact hundreds, sometimes thousands and millions of lives by the way we live.

When we choose to live like we’re leaving, we forget self and we begin to live for and with others in mind. We love deeper, laugh harder, and live fully. You are here for a purpose. You were strategically placed and were given a unique gift. When you do not seek out the why you are here, who you are, and settle for less than, it becomes your declaration that you’ve rejected the greatest gift given to you…life.

None of us have to wait for bad news for a new approach. Each day we are offered a brand new start. Don’t waste your numbered days. Resurrect your high school assignment, and live in the reality of your dreams.