Breathe in the Moment

Today I woke up with a smile on my face and with a thankful heart. That wasn’t always the case during the holiday seasons. In the past it seemed we had illnesses or death around the holidays, and each year there was a sense of dread and negative expectancy; or we were in mourning for a dear one that had passed.

As we sat in one of my uncle’s 70^th birthday, I noticed that my family members were genuinely happy to be there. We have a rather large extended family and make the effort to get together as much as possible. My uncle Louie took on the task of kicking off family reunions every year and that has allowed us to rekindle our bonds.

The other day while speaking to my sister, we talked about our last gathering. There was one statement that caught my attention. She mentioned that we all have come to the place where we all just breathe in the moment. It took us a while but we have learned and continue to learn not to look back at the past with sadness and not to look forward to the future with dread. We just breathe in the moment. We take mental pictures, actually we take a lot of regular pictures too and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Perhaps the holidays are a dread to you because of past family hurts or because you may feel you don’t have a family. Reality is that we all have a family or several families. It may not necessarily be blood. Family consists of those who have invested themselves, their time and their love in us. It goes beyond blood. It’s those folks that embrace who we are, quarks and all, who come along side us during the good, the bad and the ugly and still love us. They may not necessarily tell us, but they show us each time they get.

Breathe in the moment doesn’t just happen. You have to cultivate yourself into that state of mind. Here are some of the things my family has learned and continues to learn.

• Accept that you are not flawless. None of us are perfect. When you get that you tend to be a bit more forgiving.
• Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and each day provides us a new opportunity to be our best.
• Forgive others. It will liberate you. To forgive is harder than to harbor but it keeps you out of your hand-tailored prison.
• Love…show it and say it. Life is short and regret doesn’t bring back anyone from the grave.
• Strengthen your relationships now. Don’t wait.
• Start new relationships. Get plugged into a church and community. Loneliness is a choice.
• Do not focus on the negative. Replace the negative thoughts with positive. Hope is better than despair.
• Speak positive. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Don’t kill yourself, someone else, mess up your life, someone else’s, your destiny, your future, your family, (the list can go on) because of the words that you say. You are what you speak. We truly believe that.
• Make each moment count. Be purposeful. Plan your day well.
• Pace yourself. What’s the rush?
• Enjoy life. Stop and look up at the sky. Even when the sky is gray it’s amazing. You get to live another day and start over if you need to.

This Mama's Value

For the past 2 years, we have the privilege of watching this bird create a nest outside our living room window. What came to mind was when Jesus said, "look" at the birds of the air. He didn't start the sentence with "The".  He said look and that means that there must have been birds nearby that he pointed to.  He used a live illustration to get a point across. 

In Israel you have harsh conditions and it begs to make anyone wonder how birds survive. I remember when we were in the fortress of Masada, there were birds called Tristrams. When you look around there’s only desert for miles around. Where did they get food? How did they hide from the scorching sun? Where do they get drinkable water?

Considering the harsh winter we had, I was surprised my mama bird survived. I had to ask myself where did she go to survive the harsh winter and how did she sustain herself. 

Of course I went back to Jesus’ parable and as I read, I glanced up once again at the mama bird perched outside my window. Look at the birds of the air (in my case the nest), they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they? (NIV)

Most people will emphasize the message “not to worry,” but do not stop long enough to unpack the nugget that Jesus mentions right before that.  Are you not much more valuable then they?

You and I are valuable. We have value.

When you grasp how valuable you are as an individual, it ushers in the realization of how loved you are by God. The love of God is something many of us share but few of us experience. It’s hard to explain the depth of love. People cannot understand it until they experience it. You can be a Christian and not have experienced the depth of God’s love. I think that’s why this story is sweet, it’s nice, it’s hopeful but it carries no weight for many. You see, love doesn’t get quantified until there’s relationship. In order for me or you to feel value from someone, there has to be relationship and not just any relationship. The relationship has to be deep for there to be trust.

Here’s the beauty of this whole message though. God’s willingness to care for you is not based on the depth of your relationship with Him. However, your belief of His willingness is based on the investment you place in your relationship with Him. The more you know God (not ‘of’ God), the easier it will be for you to expect God’s goodness and provision.

So each morning when I look out my window, yea I can be reminded not to worry because He’s got it. But…I think I like the “I’m much more valuable” message a lot better. I am valuable to God. He views me with value. He thinks highly of me. I am precious to Him.

Today, slow down and look at the birds of the air. Smile and know that you are valuable and therefore, well taken care of.

Getting By is Not Enough

Creativity never dies. It just gets stunted or tangled up when one doesn’t cultivate or nurture.

Outside my beautiful flower pots had become a tangled mess of live and dead flowers. As I began to separate them, I remembered the importance to prune. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the time to do that and it hurt the flowers in those pots.

As I began to untangle the flowers that became intertwined, I noticed several things that automatically translated into some life doings.

I had planted too many flowers in my large pots.

The nurseries recommend that you leave a few inches between each flower or plant. The reason they say this is because it gives the plant space to grow healthy, deep roots and flourish comfortably sideways.

•  Sometimes we get so excited about different ventures that we take on way too much and do not slow down enough to ask ourselves if it enhances our current gifts or talents or hinders them. It gets further complicated because we tend not to learn any one thing well or let it take deep root and flourish correctly. 

My flowers looked like they needed attention (badly).

Don’t get me wrong, I watered them almost everyday as needed. So they were getting the nutrition that they needed. However, water and fertilizer is not enough. A lot of flowers need to be pinched and pruned. This promotes the continuity of healthy growth. I neglected to do that although I knew I had to, and it was apparent by looking at them that they needed it.

• As we get older we learn that getting by is not enough. We understand that the investment of time and oneself is what ultimately brings desired results. If your life garden remains the same, it’s because you’re not doing enough to change it. Change is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Sometimes it’s necessary to cut back or drop certain things, habits and people so that the manifestation of your gifts and talents can flourish. 

Dead Weight

As I untangled the flowers, many fell out automatically because they were unable to establish good roots. There were some that had become so long they looked straggly. Some had very dried leaves although they continued to flower. As I began to cut and search for all the dead sections, I noticed that they had become a negative weight to the healthy ones in the pot. The unhealthy and dead flowers were detrimental to the live ones.

• Just because something worked a certain way in the past to bring good results doesn’t mean that it will necessarily work in the present. When you look at successful people, there is one trait that you’ll notice. They’re not afraid to try the same something a different way which means whatever didn’t work gets filed away and used only as a learning reference.

Where did all the flowers go?

I should be sad to report that my pots look pretty miserable right now and although it’s true, the pots look pretty pathetic, I know from experience that in a few short weeks, those pots will be filled with gorgeous healthy flowers. And…if that doesn’t work, I can always put new pretty ones in.

• Less for the most part is always more. One thing that maturity in age teaches you is that when you slow down, it provides you insight and perspective you cannot get when you’re in a constant blaze. You appreciate more therefore your output has quality and not necessarily quantity. Your craft becomes polished and achieves what it was destined for in the first place.

When I looked at the heap of dead flowers on the ground, I was reminded of one of my new friends and online business trainer who we affectionately call Tazy. He constantly reminds us the importance of learning something well and successfully before taking on what’s next.

Challenge yourself into growth today. Look at your life garden and see what needs to be pruned and pulled. Once you do, patiently nurture, cultivate and wait for growth. You may have to add new plants but that’s the beauty of the garden of life. We can always change what we want to see grow.

The Wait Challenge

I had experienced some abnormalities for about 6 weeks, and after several calls decided it was time to go to another doctor for a second opinion. Within a few days, I had an appointment. The exam revealed that I had four times the amount of uterine lining and a biopsy was required. The biopsy was to be done to rule out or confirm cancer and the appointment was made for the next office day. The doctor was moving fast and it couldn’t have come at a worst time. An article and a book review were due, I was my boss’ in charge as she was on vacation, and I was scheduled to speak at my mother’s church. It all converged and needless to say, I was a bit overwhelmed.

Over the past few months, I decided to invest more time in certain friendships and I was grateful that I did because I needed support. I only told the gals that I knew would be positive. The last thing I needed was for someone to go blow by blow with the what-ifs. I wanted and needed to hear that everything was going to be okay.

I felt the overwhelming need to be covered by my pastor in prayer. For some it’s the norm as they depend on that. For me, it was out of the ordinary. I always feel that God hears me so I’m a big girl and can go speak to him myself if I need anything. But this time, it was very different. I had an urgent sense and tugging inside that told me I need the covering of his prayers. I couldn’t meet him before the biopsy. So went right after – no dragged right after. The biopsy turned out to be a pretty painful experience. They do that type of procedure without any anesthesia and while in there, decided to take down some of the lining. The uterus contracts during that type of procedure and a woman experiences some labor pain. I remembered why I did not want to have any more children.

When we reached my pastor’s house, he gave me a big hug and reassured me that all was going to be okay. I explained what was happening and told them I was more freaked out about talking at my mom’s church than the results. He and his awesome wife (I have to write about her someday soon – she inspires me) prayed over me. My pastor made what I call a whiplash prayer. It’s those types of prayers that make you whip your neck around and say ‘no you didn’t’. My husband does those too. Those types of prayers are not disrespectful. They’re just totally bold. I walked out of there with peace because I realized at that point that the covering I wanted was more for the speaking part than the healing.

I had asked the doctor not to give me the results that same week because I wanted a clear head for my Sunday message. It felt so good to be at my childhood church and I saw so many people that meant so much to me. The message went well and I got prayed over by the current pastor at the church once again, this time I didn’t have to ask. We stopped at City Island for shrimps on the way home and to be honest, I was content. The day went really well.

The next morning the dread crept up and I knew that the doctor would call with the results. The battle was on with the good angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other. The good one would say, ‘you’re okay…you have way too much to do’. The evil one would say, ‘great…now you’re going to have to battle this and you have way too much to do’. I wanted it over and done with so I called the office. They told me the doctor would call soon. As time moved forward, I started to feel physically sick and yelled at myself for allowing it. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust God. I did and do but had gone through a couple of rough patches with my health 6 months prior. I must have told God 3,000 times that morning that I didn’t have time for another interruption.

The call finally came in from the doctor and he paused. That pause sucks. Your mind is fast and all sorts of things go through it in those small pauses. I wanted to scream spit it out man. The results came back normal. The sense of relief was an understatement. I thanked God, called back my pastor because he was way ahead of me and had called earlier asking about the results, and updated all of my family and friends that stood by me with the good news.

I then stopped myself and prayed for all of those that didn’t get good news. I realized once again how totally blessed I am in every area of my life.

I’ve learned a few things during this small crisis and wanted to share with you…

1. I am my greatest medical advocate. When something doesn’t feel right I need to take the care of myself seriously even if that means seeing another doctor.

2. The investments of relationships are vital and necessary. God didn’t put us on this earth to go it alone.

3. It’s important to have the covering and blessing of your pastor when stepping out and doing new things or things you haven’t done in a long time like speak at a Sunday service.

4. None of us are immune to fear; that includes me. But when faced with the test, it’s good to know that God is ALWAYS present, and no matter what, He’s in control. He’ll work it out for good.

5. There are those who received the bad news and results that need our prayers. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know them.

Even before this happened, I’ve always been grateful for the life I’ve been given and the awesome opportunities that are presented to me each and every day. It’s my hope that you will embrace life with a grateful and expectant heart for what is and what is to come.

The Life Psalm

For a few weeks now, I've been listening to Jason Upton and I find that his music puts me in a quiet place where I have a chance to reflect. He also has a way of ushering you into God's presence.

One of my favorite songs is Psalm 23. Unfortunately when that Psalm is mentioned, many people automatically think of funerals.  However, that Psalm was never written with death in mind. I believe it was written with life in mind.

King David is one of the bible characters I love because he was real.He talked about how he failed royally time and again but got back up, repented countless times but never lost sight of God entirely. He continually came to God and laid his heart bare before him - the good, the bad and the ugly.

One of the greatest parts of Psalm 23 is where it says surely goodness and mercy will follow me. When you understand that, get it locked in inside of you - deep inside of you - it's hard not to expect good in your life each and everyday despite of what's going on around you. He understood the goodness of God becaue he spent a lot of time with God. He also understood God's mercy and King David did a lot of things in his life that required mercy. The wonderful thing about goodness and mercy is that when it is deep setted inside of you, it becomes an overflow to others.

What are you expecting? If you're expecting bad, that's exactly what you will receive and if you're skimpy on mercy, that is what will be returned to you. I choose to believe in the Life Psalm message of goodness and mercy. I invite you to do the same.

It's Free, Yes FREE!

Every time I walked down into the basement, I heard the theme song of Jaws. It had been weeks since I started sorting through the quagmire of stuff that we had collected over the years.

The Dilemma

Like others who were brave enough to tackle the storage place of the home, I was faced with the dilemma of what to do with all the extra stuff. Then one day I felt something strongly in my heart and I decided to follow through with the idea. Like a crazy, determined woman I pulled all my “good possessions” out of the leftovers and put it to the side.

Tag Giveaway 

One Saturday morning I put up some signs my older daughter made for me. She wondered why I hadn’t put them up the night before and didn’t understand how the word FREE on her signs would catch folks attention. When the first car rolled up an hour before the official start time, she understood that mama knew best and thus began the steady stream of shocked individuals that came to our driveway.

The first woman caught sight of the decorative fences on the lawn and stopped to explain that she had just returned from Home Depot, once she was notified that they had run out of the same fences. She asked how much, even though the signs all the way to the house and on the front lawn said FREE. With a smile I told her she could take them. Perplexed she asked if I was sure, and as soon as I nodded, she happily gathered up all the fences and mentioned she would be back with the kids.

The Steady Stream

As cars and vans rolled up, we noticed a pattern that made us chuckle at the end of the day. Money in hand, folks came over to the table eagerly wanting to part with the green bills for the commodity of their choice. Each asked without fail, how much?

For four hours, I engaged in conversation with many neighbors I had never met.On e woman called 4 friends and came over twice. The first time she insisted I take $5 and gave it to my youngest daughter. The second time, she noticed the Joyce Myer books I had on the table and debated on which copy she needed. (It was incredible how many women got excited when they saw her books.) She tried to give us some cash for the second time and even insisted that I give it towards charity if I didn’t want to keep it. I stopped her asked her to let me bless her. With a grateful heart and radiant smile, the woman threw her arms around me and then happily walked away with her gifts.The older folks didn’t have a problem loading up their vehicles once I confirmed it was free. The younger generations, around my age, were conscientious not to take too much.

A man stopped by on his bicycle and asked three times, “are you sure you want me to take these? The frames are beautiful”. After I assured him he gathered all he could and happily pedaled away with his new frames under one arm.

Many people touched my heart that day. There was a woman with an oxygen tank who came out with her grand daughter and explained why she couldn’t get out much. She could not be exposed to other’s germs as her immunity system was very low. Again a Joyce Meyer book made it off the table as her alternative to church are TV and books.

One particular neighbor did stay for a while and by the end of our conversation, we had exchanged numbers.

As promised, the Home Depot woman returned with her three children. We found out that four years earlier, our community and my mom’s (swat) team had prayed for her youngest daughter. She was born prematurely weighing in at 12 ounces. I had the privilege of meeting little Gracie that day.

About Joyce

You may be wondering why I mentioned Joyce Meyers’ books. Well that morning as I was putting out all of the stuff, I felt in my heart that I should put out her books on one of the tables. It wasn’t my plan to give my Joyce books away. All her books are used as resources when I help other women. I went back and forth with God on that but finally gave in. Words can’t describe the kick I got out of watching and hearing women gush with gratefulness each time they took one of her books with them.

It’s FREE, Yes FREE

After a couple of hours, I realized something that nearly knocked me off of my lawn chair. I had experienced a taste of God’s joy when He gives and when people are willing to receive.

Why do I say willing to receive? Each individual asked the price, most if not all couldn’t believe there was none and tried to pay me anyway. It’s a lot like salvation. Everyone feels that there should be a price to pay. Even after they receive God’s gift, they still feel they have to do something to earn it.

It is human inclination to be suspicious and feel like everything has a price. Truth is everything did have a price at one time. I paid for it and gave it away. Jesus also paid for the gift of salvation and gives it away each opportunity He gets. (All you have to say is Jesus I accept your gift of salvation. Yes it’s that simple.)

For four hours I had to confirm that the items were FREE, Yes FREE, and there was nothing I wanted in return. It says that it’s better to give then to receive. I definitely concur.

Slow Down

Every morning, Skye, my Yorkie and I take a short walk. It should only take about 10 to 15 minutes but somehow he figures out how to prolong it. As he walks along, he does of course his territorial business but without fail, he does things that make me stop and observe. He will smell the flowers; he will sit and admire the sky or he will pull back if I rush him. He's quite a character. (This is Skye at 2 months.)

It's vacation time for me and to be honest it was thrusted on me. I was going to wait until October or November but it was time and I knew it and my family could see it plainly. So I've been whisked away by daughter number 2 to the land where dreams come true and of course with the slow down comes the motivation to write. It's not surprising but it discourages me at times because I want to do more of that. I'm sure you can relate. Perhaps there is more of something you would like to do. Perhaps it's a dream/goal you want to make a reality but can't just yet because your life is going a little too fast.

This morning I woke up to the title slow down and of course I remembered Skye. My 2 year old pup who makes me stop before a busy day begins and helps me appreciate God's wonderful creation. I live in a beautiful valley in New York and wake up to mountains and green - lots of green - flowers during the spring and summer, magnificent foilage during the fall and a white carpet during winter months. Our nights display an array of stars that can often take your breath away and ''wow" often escapes your lips. I am grateful for the beautiful place I live at and try to remind myself to thank God more often.

As I slow down and rest, I become aware of what it brings to my life and I begin to cherish even more what I have, and desire more what I want to accomplish. The pressures of work fall off and away and I remember how pleasurable it is, how much fulfillment it gives me to do what I love most. Spend time with any member of my family, sleep in, eat (ha ha), read, write and best of all hear God. I talk to him a lot. I probably talk his ear off at times but forget to listen at times.

People often wonder why I smile all the time, even when life is chaotic. I often answer I can't help it, I'm so blessed. I've been through some real tough situations and the one constant has been my faithful companion, the Holy Spirit. When you have an experience or experiences where God has been real and faithful, there's no persuading that God isn't. And when there's no persuading that God isn't, it makes what the bible say real. So when the bible and it's promises become real, you can't help but smile and just be content in all circumstances because no matter what, it'll all work out. It always does and for the good.

Slow down is good. It gives you more appreciation for what you have verses what you don't have. It opens up your mind to possibilities. It gives you the energy to plan for new ventures. It refreshes your body, mind and soul. It gives your spirit gal or guy some time to really reconnect and reminds you, once again, that this earthly time is just a pause.

Slow down shouldn't only be during vacation times. I've learned, with some difficulty I might add, to slow down over the past two years. I say no often. Weigh my schedule heavily. Keep my family time as high priority and constantly ask the question, is this going to stress me. I am learning to be more organized and all of this was as a result of a major slow down. Even with all this, the grand slow down of vacation is much needed from time to time and I've learned that one or two day vacation days don't cut it.

I welcome my slow down. Rest was one of God's commands many of us ignore. I like rest. It puts me in a better mood (yes I have bad, funky days too) and aligns my perspective.

As I continue to slow down, I pray that you can too. It doesn't mean you have to go away from the place you live but it does mean you have to go away from the life you live at times. I do the latter often. When I shut down work, I shut it down and don't think about it especially during weekends. If I do think, I tend to talk and my hubs reminds me to shut it down. If there's a problem, I try to shut it down by giving it to God. If I think about it, I tend to talk about it and God reminds me that I gave it to him. The process of slow down goes hand-in-hand with shut down. The more you slow down your life, the more consistent the shut down becomes.

We live in a busy, non-stop, over-stimulated world, but we can choose which activity to participate in. Slow down sounds good, doesn't it? I can attest to that. I wish you all could meet me at the pool later today. Jealous? Good - it's an indicator that you need to slow down.