The Wait Challenge

I had experienced some abnormalities for about 6 weeks, and after several calls decided it was time to go to another doctor for a second opinion. Within a few days, I had an appointment. The exam revealed that I had four times the amount of uterine lining and a biopsy was required. The biopsy was to be done to rule out or confirm cancer and the appointment was made for the next office day. The doctor was moving fast and it couldn’t have come at a worst time. An article and a book review were due, I was my boss’ in charge as she was on vacation, and I was scheduled to speak at my mother’s church. It all converged and needless to say, I was a bit overwhelmed.

Over the past few months, I decided to invest more time in certain friendships and I was grateful that I did because I needed support. I only told the gals that I knew would be positive. The last thing I needed was for someone to go blow by blow with the what-ifs. I wanted and needed to hear that everything was going to be okay.

I felt the overwhelming need to be covered by my pastor in prayer. For some it’s the norm as they depend on that. For me, it was out of the ordinary. I always feel that God hears me so I’m a big girl and can go speak to him myself if I need anything. But this time, it was very different. I had an urgent sense and tugging inside that told me I need the covering of his prayers. I couldn’t meet him before the biopsy. So went right after – no dragged right after. The biopsy turned out to be a pretty painful experience. They do that type of procedure without any anesthesia and while in there, decided to take down some of the lining. The uterus contracts during that type of procedure and a woman experiences some labor pain. I remembered why I did not want to have any more children.

When we reached my pastor’s house, he gave me a big hug and reassured me that all was going to be okay. I explained what was happening and told them I was more freaked out about talking at my mom’s church than the results. He and his awesome wife (I have to write about her someday soon – she inspires me) prayed over me. My pastor made what I call a whiplash prayer. It’s those types of prayers that make you whip your neck around and say ‘no you didn’t’. My husband does those too. Those types of prayers are not disrespectful. They’re just totally bold. I walked out of there with peace because I realized at that point that the covering I wanted was more for the speaking part than the healing.

I had asked the doctor not to give me the results that same week because I wanted a clear head for my Sunday message. It felt so good to be at my childhood church and I saw so many people that meant so much to me. The message went well and I got prayed over by the current pastor at the church once again, this time I didn’t have to ask. We stopped at City Island for shrimps on the way home and to be honest, I was content. The day went really well.

The next morning the dread crept up and I knew that the doctor would call with the results. The battle was on with the good angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other. The good one would say, ‘you’re okay…you have way too much to do’. The evil one would say, ‘great…now you’re going to have to battle this and you have way too much to do’. I wanted it over and done with so I called the office. They told me the doctor would call soon. As time moved forward, I started to feel physically sick and yelled at myself for allowing it. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust God. I did and do but had gone through a couple of rough patches with my health 6 months prior. I must have told God 3,000 times that morning that I didn’t have time for another interruption.

The call finally came in from the doctor and he paused. That pause sucks. Your mind is fast and all sorts of things go through it in those small pauses. I wanted to scream spit it out man. The results came back normal. The sense of relief was an understatement. I thanked God, called back my pastor because he was way ahead of me and had called earlier asking about the results, and updated all of my family and friends that stood by me with the good news.

I then stopped myself and prayed for all of those that didn’t get good news. I realized once again how totally blessed I am in every area of my life.

I’ve learned a few things during this small crisis and wanted to share with you…

1. I am my greatest medical advocate. When something doesn’t feel right I need to take the care of myself seriously even if that means seeing another doctor.

2. The investments of relationships are vital and necessary. God didn’t put us on this earth to go it alone.

3. It’s important to have the covering and blessing of your pastor when stepping out and doing new things or things you haven’t done in a long time like speak at a Sunday service.

4. None of us are immune to fear; that includes me. But when faced with the test, it’s good to know that God is ALWAYS present, and no matter what, He’s in control. He’ll work it out for good.

5. There are those who received the bad news and results that need our prayers. It doesn’t matter if we don’t know them.

Even before this happened, I’ve always been grateful for the life I’ve been given and the awesome opportunities that are presented to me each and every day. It’s my hope that you will embrace life with a grateful and expectant heart for what is and what is to come.

The Life Psalm

For a few weeks now, I've been listening to Jason Upton and I find that his music puts me in a quiet place where I have a chance to reflect. He also has a way of ushering you into God's presence.

One of my favorite songs is Psalm 23. Unfortunately when that Psalm is mentioned, many people automatically think of funerals.  However, that Psalm was never written with death in mind. I believe it was written with life in mind.

King David is one of the bible characters I love because he was real.He talked about how he failed royally time and again but got back up, repented countless times but never lost sight of God entirely. He continually came to God and laid his heart bare before him - the good, the bad and the ugly.

One of the greatest parts of Psalm 23 is where it says surely goodness and mercy will follow me. When you understand that, get it locked in inside of you - deep inside of you - it's hard not to expect good in your life each and everyday despite of what's going on around you. He understood the goodness of God becaue he spent a lot of time with God. He also understood God's mercy and King David did a lot of things in his life that required mercy. The wonderful thing about goodness and mercy is that when it is deep setted inside of you, it becomes an overflow to others.

What are you expecting? If you're expecting bad, that's exactly what you will receive and if you're skimpy on mercy, that is what will be returned to you. I choose to believe in the Life Psalm message of goodness and mercy. I invite you to do the same.

It's Free, Yes FREE!

Every time I walked down into the basement, I heard the theme song of Jaws. It had been weeks since I started sorting through the quagmire of stuff that we had collected over the years.

The Dilemma

Like others who were brave enough to tackle the storage place of the home, I was faced with the dilemma of what to do with all the extra stuff. Then one day I felt something strongly in my heart and I decided to follow through with the idea. Like a crazy, determined woman I pulled all my “good possessions” out of the leftovers and put it to the side.

Tag Giveaway 

One Saturday morning I put up some signs my older daughter made for me. She wondered why I hadn’t put them up the night before and didn’t understand how the word FREE on her signs would catch folks attention. When the first car rolled up an hour before the official start time, she understood that mama knew best and thus began the steady stream of shocked individuals that came to our driveway.

The first woman caught sight of the decorative fences on the lawn and stopped to explain that she had just returned from Home Depot, once she was notified that they had run out of the same fences. She asked how much, even though the signs all the way to the house and on the front lawn said FREE. With a smile I told her she could take them. Perplexed she asked if I was sure, and as soon as I nodded, she happily gathered up all the fences and mentioned she would be back with the kids.

The Steady Stream

As cars and vans rolled up, we noticed a pattern that made us chuckle at the end of the day. Money in hand, folks came over to the table eagerly wanting to part with the green bills for the commodity of their choice. Each asked without fail, how much?

For four hours, I engaged in conversation with many neighbors I had never met.On e woman called 4 friends and came over twice. The first time she insisted I take $5 and gave it to my youngest daughter. The second time, she noticed the Joyce Myer books I had on the table and debated on which copy she needed. (It was incredible how many women got excited when they saw her books.) She tried to give us some cash for the second time and even insisted that I give it towards charity if I didn’t want to keep it. I stopped her asked her to let me bless her. With a grateful heart and radiant smile, the woman threw her arms around me and then happily walked away with her gifts.The older folks didn’t have a problem loading up their vehicles once I confirmed it was free. The younger generations, around my age, were conscientious not to take too much.

A man stopped by on his bicycle and asked three times, “are you sure you want me to take these? The frames are beautiful”. After I assured him he gathered all he could and happily pedaled away with his new frames under one arm.

Many people touched my heart that day. There was a woman with an oxygen tank who came out with her grand daughter and explained why she couldn’t get out much. She could not be exposed to other’s germs as her immunity system was very low. Again a Joyce Meyer book made it off the table as her alternative to church are TV and books.

One particular neighbor did stay for a while and by the end of our conversation, we had exchanged numbers.

As promised, the Home Depot woman returned with her three children. We found out that four years earlier, our community and my mom’s (swat) team had prayed for her youngest daughter. She was born prematurely weighing in at 12 ounces. I had the privilege of meeting little Gracie that day.

About Joyce

You may be wondering why I mentioned Joyce Meyers’ books. Well that morning as I was putting out all of the stuff, I felt in my heart that I should put out her books on one of the tables. It wasn’t my plan to give my Joyce books away. All her books are used as resources when I help other women. I went back and forth with God on that but finally gave in. Words can’t describe the kick I got out of watching and hearing women gush with gratefulness each time they took one of her books with them.

It’s FREE, Yes FREE

After a couple of hours, I realized something that nearly knocked me off of my lawn chair. I had experienced a taste of God’s joy when He gives and when people are willing to receive.

Why do I say willing to receive? Each individual asked the price, most if not all couldn’t believe there was none and tried to pay me anyway. It’s a lot like salvation. Everyone feels that there should be a price to pay. Even after they receive God’s gift, they still feel they have to do something to earn it.

It is human inclination to be suspicious and feel like everything has a price. Truth is everything did have a price at one time. I paid for it and gave it away. Jesus also paid for the gift of salvation and gives it away each opportunity He gets. (All you have to say is Jesus I accept your gift of salvation. Yes it’s that simple.)

For four hours I had to confirm that the items were FREE, Yes FREE, and there was nothing I wanted in return. It says that it’s better to give then to receive. I definitely concur.

Slow Down

Every morning, Skye, my Yorkie and I take a short walk. It should only take about 10 to 15 minutes but somehow he figures out how to prolong it. As he walks along, he does of course his territorial business but without fail, he does things that make me stop and observe. He will smell the flowers; he will sit and admire the sky or he will pull back if I rush him. He's quite a character. (This is Skye at 2 months.)

It's vacation time for me and to be honest it was thrusted on me. I was going to wait until October or November but it was time and I knew it and my family could see it plainly. So I've been whisked away by daughter number 2 to the land where dreams come true and of course with the slow down comes the motivation to write. It's not surprising but it discourages me at times because I want to do more of that. I'm sure you can relate. Perhaps there is more of something you would like to do. Perhaps it's a dream/goal you want to make a reality but can't just yet because your life is going a little too fast.

This morning I woke up to the title slow down and of course I remembered Skye. My 2 year old pup who makes me stop before a busy day begins and helps me appreciate God's wonderful creation. I live in a beautiful valley in New York and wake up to mountains and green - lots of green - flowers during the spring and summer, magnificent foilage during the fall and a white carpet during winter months. Our nights display an array of stars that can often take your breath away and ''wow" often escapes your lips. I am grateful for the beautiful place I live at and try to remind myself to thank God more often.

As I slow down and rest, I become aware of what it brings to my life and I begin to cherish even more what I have, and desire more what I want to accomplish. The pressures of work fall off and away and I remember how pleasurable it is, how much fulfillment it gives me to do what I love most. Spend time with any member of my family, sleep in, eat (ha ha), read, write and best of all hear God. I talk to him a lot. I probably talk his ear off at times but forget to listen at times.

People often wonder why I smile all the time, even when life is chaotic. I often answer I can't help it, I'm so blessed. I've been through some real tough situations and the one constant has been my faithful companion, the Holy Spirit. When you have an experience or experiences where God has been real and faithful, there's no persuading that God isn't. And when there's no persuading that God isn't, it makes what the bible say real. So when the bible and it's promises become real, you can't help but smile and just be content in all circumstances because no matter what, it'll all work out. It always does and for the good.

Slow down is good. It gives you more appreciation for what you have verses what you don't have. It opens up your mind to possibilities. It gives you the energy to plan for new ventures. It refreshes your body, mind and soul. It gives your spirit gal or guy some time to really reconnect and reminds you, once again, that this earthly time is just a pause.

Slow down shouldn't only be during vacation times. I've learned, with some difficulty I might add, to slow down over the past two years. I say no often. Weigh my schedule heavily. Keep my family time as high priority and constantly ask the question, is this going to stress me. I am learning to be more organized and all of this was as a result of a major slow down. Even with all this, the grand slow down of vacation is much needed from time to time and I've learned that one or two day vacation days don't cut it.

I welcome my slow down. Rest was one of God's commands many of us ignore. I like rest. It puts me in a better mood (yes I have bad, funky days too) and aligns my perspective.

As I continue to slow down, I pray that you can too. It doesn't mean you have to go away from the place you live but it does mean you have to go away from the life you live at times. I do the latter often. When I shut down work, I shut it down and don't think about it especially during weekends. If I do think, I tend to talk and my hubs reminds me to shut it down. If there's a problem, I try to shut it down by giving it to God. If I think about it, I tend to talk about it and God reminds me that I gave it to him. The process of slow down goes hand-in-hand with shut down. The more you slow down your life, the more consistent the shut down becomes.

We live in a busy, non-stop, over-stimulated world, but we can choose which activity to participate in. Slow down sounds good, doesn't it? I can attest to that. I wish you all could meet me at the pool later today. Jealous? Good - it's an indicator that you need to slow down.

Give Me the Tissue and Wrapping Paper

The other day, we celebrated my God daughter’s second birthday. It is always a pleasure to watch toddler open gifts. We observe how their eyes light up and how a smile is plastered on their face. We anticipate the excitement that comes from ripping open the wrapping paper and the bliss and discovery of what’s inside. We become elated when the reaction to the gift is surprise, glee - pure enjoyment. Then something funny occurs. The child gets distracted by something much simpler like the tissue in the gift bag, the wrapping paper or the box the gift came in and as adults we shake our heads and wonder why.

Teresa Peruzzi Faubel Bouquet

Perhaps the toddlers are on to something that we tend to ignore. Think about it. Each day we have gifts that are given to us, but we walk around with ungrateful hearts and with attitudes that plainly suck. We feel that life owes us and we are never satisfied or happy with what we have. Maybe it’s time we look at the tissue or wrapping paper with a bit more curiosity.


Gift of Morning
Each day that you wake up is a gift. It doesn’t matter what your body, your mind or your emotional state is in. The gift of morning means you are given one more day to make a difference. You have the choice to dwell on you or dwell on doing what you were placed here for. The tissue and the wrapping are not about you. It’s about the attention you give to others and how you make a difference in their lives. It will help you appreciate that you’re alive, today…this moment.

Gift of Afternoon
Days roll by quick and often we’re so busy that we miss out on exhaling and just being. Afternoons are the time of day when absolutely anything can happen. We hunger for food, companionship and a well deserved break, but few take advantage of that gift. The gift of afternoon encourages the time for individual nourishment in all levels. The tissue and the wrapping is what are often ignored here because the pressure of work (home or job) has thrown them to the side. Balanced life means balanced nutrition of you; body, soul and mind and this includes relational too.

Gift of Evening
This is the time of day where all can be seen as a chore. Dinner must be made, kitchens need to be cleaned and children need to be bathed…yes the list goes on. We dread what is waiting. What if the tissue paper and wrapping is in the doing of all those things? The gift of evening is a reminder of all that we need to be grateful for. It’s not in the big things. It’s always has been about the small, everyday things that we often assume will always be there. Dinners are conversational and highlighted moments that will be cherished one day. Kids grow up fast. One day you’ll ache for those crazy evenings long gone. If you have to clean stuff, remember that there are others that don’t have. Count your blessings.

Gift of Night
As we wind down and are consumed with exhaustion, our minds tell us with resentment or resignation, ‘and we get to do this again tomorrow’? If only you were aware how many people wish they had a tomorrow? They live day to day wishing. The gift of night ushers in rest and gives us the opportunity to hope for a better and greater tomorrow. Our outlook determines our attitude. The tissue and the wrapper is the remembrance of the small stuff throughout the day that we should have paid attention to that whispers, speaks or screams loudly that we are loved. Wouldn’t that change our feelings at the end of the day to that of contentment?

Toddlers are amazing. You should observe them from time to time. They entertain themselves with the simplest of things. They love life. They’re feisty, first thing in the morning, revving to see what they can discover. Toddlers often let you know what their favorite foods are rather quickly and will eat it as often as they can get it. (My youngest was chicken nuggets and French fries!) Play time is their absolute favorite time, with friends – event better, and if it can be the entire day, why not? They love being talked to, hugged, kissed and cuddled with. Mushy time is okay and they do it with abandonment. They fight nap or sleep time because life is just too much fun but they eventually succumb and every once in a while, you’ll catch a glimpse of a smile that touches their lips as they dream. Then they get to do it all over again because they expect a great tomorrow.

Focus on the gift of tissue and wrapping paper and make it a point to give those gifts to yourself and others, each and every day.

The Negative Monkey

It was a hot summer day at Coney Island beach. My cousins and I had split up to look for William, known as the adventurous wanderer of our clan. The sand was hot under our feet and our throats were hoarse from yelling. We continued on our search, when all of the sudden, I felt a hand grab my leg. It wasn’t an ordinary hand; it felt rubbery. When I looked down, I began to scream and shake my leg to try to pry off the furry body that decided to wrap its arms around me. I had my first encounter with a monkey – up close!

Apparently someone decided to take their chimp to the beach that day. Needless to say, he became friendly with me and there was no convincing him to let go. Just like my cousin, the monkey decided to explore the beach on his own. My screams and I’m sure the hysterical show that both monkey and I must have given, attracted a lot of attention. The owner finally heard the story about the screaming girl (which traveled down the beach rather quickly) and came to my rescue. I can’t remember if my cousin William showed up at the same time the owner did, but I do recall being the brunt of my cousins’ jokes for weeks on end.

Isn’t it incredible how memories can be so vivid, and although forgotten for a while, can become so relevant in our lives when we do remember them? What an awful feeling it was when that monkey hung on to my leg…and what a relief it was when the owner finally pried him off.

Often times we feel the same way when we let go of people that hinder us. But what happens when that person is you? Obviously, we can’t dismiss ourselves and so the challenge becomes how to modify our behavior, especially our thoughts.

Our thoughts define who we are and what we become.

We talk to ourselves more than anyone else in our lifetime. From the moment we open our eyes, till the moment we place our head on a pillow, our self talk is non-stop. We have the power to create a wonderful day or ruin it, via our thoughts. It’s no secret that good thoughts just like bad ones become habits. If you don’t believe it, take a look around you and listen to how people speak for a few days. A happy and successful person focuses on the good in all situations and speaks positively. A cranky, defeated and unfulfilled person focuses on the bad and speaks negatively. If we were to compare the positive and negative person, which of the two would you say had a visit with the negative monkey? I bet you’d be inclined to say the negative person but in reality both were visited. The difference is that one decided not to listen and the other took the monkey to heart.

What is the negative monkey?

It’s the pessimistic voice that pops up inside of your head. It’s the voice that whispers in your ear that you are worthless, you’ll never amount to anything and let’s face it – you’re just a woman. It reminds, in a cynical way, that you are the fragile one, too emotional to be consistent - rejected as the weaker sex. Yes, we’ve been told, we’ve listened and we’ve believe. We even speak the same negative nonsense into our own lives.

The negative monkey is a universal demon that tries to invade our space, and his goal is to steal away our inner joy and appreciation of self. It causes us to focus on what we lack and encourages us to do nothing about it. It gladly pulls in the past and plays it before us like a sitcom rerun. Over time, it can take hold of our minds, if we let it.

So how do we rid ourselves of this destructive chimp?
We scream, jump up and down and wait for the owner to come and pry it off! Actually that is not far from the truth. Let me explain with the following steps.

Scream. It will get your attention. It will push you to be stern within yourself, especially when it’s time to stop anything destructive in your life.

Jump up and down. Sometimes we need to take drastic measures to shake up our lives with radical changes.

Pry it off. When we take responsibility for what we’ve allowed into our lives, we become the owner. Ownership gives us the power to pry free from anything.

We all have the ability to change. We just need the courage to acknowledge we can change and follow through.

Stop listening to the negative monkey and be kind to yourself. Focus on the good and take the time to discover or unearth the positive inside of you. Start to believe in yourself.

Don’t stop there. Pay attention to what God says about you. If you’re unsure, go take a look in the Bible. You’ll discover throughout that God constantly validates you, believes in you and expects the best for you and from you.

Finally, make it a point to counteract the negative with a positive each and every time. Rid yourself of the outside and inside negative influences and become the woman you are destined to be.

Shut It

We often hear, we are our own worst enemies. Do you think that it is true?

One of the things that my husband has been telling me lately is "don't talk about it - jut do it." He explained that there are times that we want to do things that we're passionate about but we talk ourselves out of it before we even start. That is how many dreams never become reality and how talents are wasted. We live through life frustrated because we never end up doing what we love. We often think we're not good enough; wonder who would listen; wonder who would read it if we wrote it. The list goes on and on.

It's that internal dialogue that gets us into a pickle, gets us discouraged and stops us from doing what we love best.

In the Midwest people are known for saying 'shut it' instead of our Northeast 'shut up'. As rude as both those terms may sound to some, perhaps it is time we apply it whenever our internal dialogue want to discourage us from pursuing our dreams.

What is it that you keep putting off because you think you can't? Shut it - and just do it.