Why Does God Hate Me?

On any given Sunday in our church, new songs are introduced and become the favorite of many. What I find is that often certain songs just stay with me for days and echo in my mind. I hear it so clearly that I catch myself going to youtube and looking up the song so I can hear it yet again and sing along.

Amy, one of the girls at the front line, sings a song that has become one of my favorites. As a matter of fact I’m writing this because all I can hear in my head is this song. I truly don’t mind because the reminder is something I cherish. Unfortunately there are many women that don’t know this truth and the live broken because of it every day. I was reminded of that when I watched Tyler Perry’s “Why did I Get Married?” This movie portrays 4 couples and each face problems that challenge and unfortunately break up most marriages. Towards the end of the movie, there is an emotional recount of one woman’s life for the past 8 months and it goes like this.


She was a heavy woman whose husband fell out of love with her. He was completely insensitive, emotionally abusive and treated her with disdain and ridicule. She prayed that God would change things in her marriage and even told her friends that she asked herself “why does God hate me” when nothing happened. My heart just broke with those words and yes I am one of those who blubber at times along with the character. I guess those words struck a chord because I knew how she felt because quite honestly I’ve felt like that when I’ve been in crisis and there is no answer in sight.

She continues to tell her friends how she was able to basically work on herself and how God turned her life around and gave her a man who loves her for her. She kept repeating how every morning her heart is full of joy.

Movies have to truncate the ugly becoming beautiful for the sake of time. Reality is that the transition takes a while and is very painful and you have to be brave enough to want change and follow through. A lot of times we may feel like this woman “why does God hate me” because the silence may be deafening to our prayers but did you ever stop to think God is waiting for you?

Her change didn’t come until she took action. She had to go through a series of changes to obtain that answered prayer. Let me give you a few examples…

1.She had to stop accepting and believing the abusive behavior towards her. It had nothing to do with size and everything to do with how she viewed herself. Although there is no excuse for the things her husband said and did, she enabled it because of her insecurities. She did not know who she was and how valuable she was.

2. Once she recognized that she was a loveable human being, she wanted to become better in every area of her life. In her case she had the assistance of a man who loved her for her but that doesn’t always happen. Most times, a woman will have friends that will provide that support. We need to learn to soak that up and accept that constructive criticism for the better.

3. She took certain actions. She didn’t like her weight. It made her feel less attractive so she went on a healthy regimen. She did it for her not him and was proud and pleased with the outcome. She changed her environment and who she hung out with. She chose to listen to positive voices and shut out the negative ones.

Many times God can’t answer prayers because we’re not ready for the change. In our present state we enable behaviors from others and within ourselves. If he’d answer, we would undo everything because we are part of the problem.

So what does this have to do with the song that Amy sings going around my head? Well the song is quite the opposite of this woman’s once sentiment. However, after she and I changed, we both discovered that God really loves us and was willing to answer our prayers all along, He was just waiting for us to be willing to change.

I can hear Amy singing again. I wish we had our church’s rendition so you could all hear… How He Loves Us So….It’s an awesome song…

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He is Jealous of Me

Too Arched to Live Out Loud

I have this bad habit of engaging in conversation a lot of times with whomever is around me, whether I am waiting on line, sitting in a waiting room, getting my nails done, etc. Instinctively, the words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop myself and, yes, I am guilty of starting conversations that entice others to jump right in. It’s not done on purpose. My upbringing had a lot to do with it. My siblings and I learned from the best. Both my parents knew how to draw in anyone in their path and still do today. It’s a habit that we all have. I think my siblings are worst or shall I say better than me.

It’s during these types of conversations that you learn so much about the life of others. Sometimes you are reminded how blessed you are. Other times the wisdom that is poured out is undeniable and you walk away awed and inspired. However, lately, I find that there are more and more women who are deeply hurt and haven’t found a way to heal. Their dialogue is stuck in the past and they continue to struggle.

What saddens me is how many people I meet or know that are brimming with potential that haven’t taken the first step or are afraid to. Creativity has been deposited inside of each of us in abundance but if there is no motivation, that art remains silent and hidden. It doesn’t have a chance to shine or proclaim to the world, look how beautiful I am, an example of the awesome design of my God. That gift of creativity, combined with talent, motivation, imagination and the willingness to jump into the path of exploration, gives each and every one of us the opportunity to be great at something. Yes great; not just wonderful but I dare say excellent.

Why is it that so many of us settle for a mediocre or substandard life? Perhaps it is because it is easier to point outside of ourselves and provide excuses for doing or not doing. Unfortunately, in the process many become too arched to live out loud.

What does it mean to be too arched?
It means that you’re too curved in your living. You live in either extreme and have a hard time being balanced. Somewhere along your life, the path got so buckled that you’ve become trapped. You go forward but can’t get enough traction so you kind of slide right back. Sometimes it’s all the way back. Sometimes it’s just a few steps. However if those few steps happen often enough it tends to discourage you and makes you want to give up. You get to the place where you can’t live out loud because there’s nothing to shout about in your life.

Now some of you may feel that being invisible is quite fine. However, God didn’t put you here to blend in. He put each and every one of us to represent a different facet of His image, His being, His likeness. Each of us should stand out in our unique way and our differences should compliment like colors on a magnificent painting.

Jesus made many profound statements throughout His life. One of them resounds in my mind. “I’ve come to give you life and to give it more abundantly”. Yet for some reason, we get so hung up and drag our past like a ball and chain or set it up as a trophy for all to see.

If you are too arched to live out loud then it’s time you drop off the dead weight from your back…

• The negative voices in your head from the past and present
• The man or woman that left you
• The man or woman that abused you
• The disappointment of (fill in the blank)

Straighten out that spine and chin up. Make it a point to make each and every day count. Make a difference and be a difference and influence those around you. Cultivate your gift. If you haven’t discovered what it is, then that’s your mission. Don’t live an arched life a moment longer. Live out Loud!

What Good Do You Possess?

Do you think that some of us fail to see the good in life when we’re experiencing down times? Perhaps we can take it a step further and say that some of us have probably gone through so many low points that we can no longer see any rainbows. The unfortunate reality is that at one time or another we all fail to see the good we already possess.

As I rewrite one of the chapters of my book covering the topic of becoming conscious of the good within, I often wonder how many of us out there have forgotten that no matter how bad things get, there is always something good in our lives. There is always someone who loves and cares for us. Most of us, if not all, have a roof over our heads. We have food on the table and in our fridge. We apparently are among the living or I wouldn’t be writing and you wouldn’t be reading right now.

Where Are You Today?
 I wonder where you are today while reading this. Are you sitting comfortably with your legs tucked under you, or are you sitting rigidly in your seat with your jaw clenched? When was the last time you slowed down your mind long enough to meditate on the things in your life that you should be grateful for? When was the last time you looked up at the beautiful blue sky full of cotton clouds or the incredible twinkling, dark-bowl of the night?

Make A List
I ask you now…what good do you possess? If just for this moment, give yourself a break from pondering on the negative and start listing mentally (or on paper if you so desire) the good stuff. What kind of stuff? Think of the things that put a smile on your face.

Accept Love
Finally remember one thing. No matter where you’re at in life, you are and will always be loved whether you accept it or not. I don’t know about you but being reminded of that warms me up inside. Knowing that there is a God who loves me entirely for me, unconditionally, helps me to keep the layout of life in perspective.

Future Sight

Remember, it’s easier to look down from a mountain then up from the bottom. From the top you can see your surroundings clearly. The bottom only allows for limited vision. Don’t hesitate to climb on up within your thought process by meditating on the good you possess.

Voice Your Gift

Today I watched the Disney film “The Greatest Game Ever Played”. Of course, like most movies like this, the little man ended up being the hero or shall I say the winner in this case. Although everyone in the audience knew that, wanted that, heck expected it to happen, the getting there had a powerful message.

Sometimes in life we let others kill our dreams be it those who we may feel inferior to, or even those we love. When our gifts or are dreams manifest, there are times when we must make the lonely stance of following a path that others may not understand or accept. Some times those dreams can be hindered by past voices that we have not learned to silence. Other times they can come from present influences. Both past and present can hold you back if you choose to believe the lie of you cannot.

Just like the characters in the movie, there are instances where perception can push us to strive to be better. Challenged by that better we can develop the vision to be just as good or surpass it by focusing and doing our best. Too many times we get hung up on comparison and that limits us to others altitude and not our potential.

We all want and need to give voice to our gifts, but it’s up to us whether we will embrace the makings of our future or chose to plainly disbelieve in ourselves.

The Do Over

Kids learn pretty quickly, the significance of the do over, when they start to approach the school age. This usually happens when a parent or an adult figure points out that something was done incorrectly. Sometimes a child triumphs during the do over and sometimes they experience disappointments. What was brought into adulthood by that child was dependent on the harshness of those figures in their younger years, especially during the disappointments.

Those past adult voices are the ones that either encourage us or haunt us. You and I know them well because they creep up from time to time without much effort. They either cheer you on or relentlessly knock you down. Often they’re thought of as our inner dialogue but in reality they’re the byproduct of the voices of the past that infiltrated and adapted to sound like your own. As individuals, we’re supposed to constantly renew the mind…our thoughts and inner dialogue. Some learn to master that in a positive manner, while others have accepted and believed that a do over is not in scope for their lives. They’re just beaten.

I believe that the do over is available to anybody. Some of you may be shaking your head in a very negative manner and perhaps saying not for me. You have probably failed time and again to get out of situations and circumstances that seem beyond your control. You feel stuck, trapped and hopeless. Some of you may even feel like you deserve to be where you’re at because you’re guilt ridden and imprisoned by your past choices. The do over is not an option. You must live your punishment for the rest of your days…or so you think.

A lot of the sadness in this world can be contributed to the lost of hope for a do over. It’s something that is felt as undeserved although it’s an equal opportunity offer to all. The possibility of the do over entices many but few run into the cradle of its arms. Are you wondering why?

The do over is avoided by many because it always beckons one to action – the action of change. It doesn’t encourage doing the same thing the same way to produce the same results. It propels you to do something different to achieve positive results. It pushes you to think outside of the box, cheers you on into the unknown and gives you the courage to shut out the familiar voices. Once there’s momentum, deep down inside you know that you’re headed in the right direction. You accept that you can’t undo the past but you also know that you can create a better future.

It will challenge you to make the tough choice to let go of people who hinder you and will introduce you to others who have discovered the secret of the do over. The do over will put you in a place where you get tired of listening to the voices that tell you that you can’t. In its place you will crave for the voices that will root for you even when the mistake was of your own making.

The do over will always cost you. It will take you out of your comfort zone. It will turn your life upside down. It will make you cry, feel unsure during the journey and will probably stress you out until you have a sure footing again. However, even in the midst of all of that, it will remind you that it’s not the bravest that wins, but the persistent one that gets the prize because the focus is on the desired outcome, not the going through.

So today if you’re faced with the challenge of the do over, don’t get discouraged. It’s a great thing when we’re presented the chance to do it again, a new way.

I confess I don’t like the do over at times, okay a lot of the times…but the experience of past do over wins hands down and I know that in the end it’s all worth it.

I dedicate this to all of you who are in the do over stage. Don’t lose hope. You will not fail! Failure is defined by those who do not try.

For the rest of you, stop living a substandard life, stop blaming yourself, others, the past and God. Take responsibility, buck up and move forward. It’s time.

The opportunity for a do over is here and now. Go for it!

(I love you J – this one is for you.)

Speaking in Authority

We got a text message from a family member from another state ask that we pray for one of kids in the military. My husband immediately asked that we pray and it went something like this.

"Angels I command you to form a hedge of protection around him. You are accountable to Almighty God if any harm comes to him. Lord I ask your mighty hand be upon him … in the name of Jesus."

Needless to say, my eyes flew open and jaw kind of dropped some as my husband said these words with authority.

Religious folks would get their feathers ruffled with these types of prayers…but what I am learning is the example he shows me time after time of understanding our authority in Christ.

There are too many wimpy Christians and that makes our faith look wimpy. If we read the gospels, we see that Christ spoke with authority because he knew who he was. We are supposed to be Christ followers yet we do not know the power that’s within us or the authority that we possess.

Aren’t we supposedly to go boldly before the throne of God? Don’t we have the spirit of God dwelling in us that raised Jesus from the dead? Then why do we pray the wimpy – if it’s your will prayers when we know it is his will already in his word?

Perhaps it’s time we do the word instead of wondering if it will do for us.

Phases

The other day my parents spent the weekend with me and I couldn’t help but notice how much they aged. It wasn’t that it wasn’t apparent, it’s just that I don’t get to see them as often and this was the first time we spent a weekend together in a couple of years. My mom and dad move slower and have a routine that took me by surprise.

I wanted to scream at both of them – YOU CAN’T GET OLD… but I know that this is the cycle that life makes us all go through. Even writing this makes me a little sad. Where is the young and vibrant couple that poured so much into me? I know they are in there somewhere because they continue to work diligently within the community just at a slower pace.

As we get older, we go through different phases in our lives. We are excited when we are about to go into college. When we graduate we’re excited about our new job. As life progresses we meet our partner. We become excited about the wedding and then there are babies. The one phase we try to shut out or keep tucked away is that of our parents aging. Somehow it sneaks up on us.

In this phase I’ve learned to appreciate my parents more than ever. I am blessed with a father that signifies wisdom. His picture should go next to the word wisdom in the dictionary. Okay he’s my dad I can say that. What a wonderful influence he has been over the years to all of us. My mother doesn’t trail behind. I often feel like I will never fill her shoes. Her dedication and love for others is like nothing I have ever seen. I have my own mother Theresa. I’m not kidding. Ask anyone who knows her.

Although this phase will probably usher into a phase I don’t want to dwell on, it is this one that I relish probably the most. We hear many more stories that they probably thought were inappropriate before. A lot of past hurts or misunderstandings were talked through. We laugh hysterically about the funny moments. We have lots of those! There is never a dull moment when the Humphreys clan gets together and my parents have the pleasure of seeing the results of their arduous labor both in and outside our home.

In this phase we kids get the pleasure to care and watch out for them. To thank them for all the great things they’ve done for us. We get to confide in them when no one but a parent understands and to listen even when we hate to. We know most of the time they’re right. They lived our lives almost three times over.

My siblings and our families have learned to embrace this phase and cherish it. Each of us shares with the other those special moments. Those memories are ingrained in our hearts forever. From my sentimental heart, I know that time will slip by and phases will continue. But until then, we’ll continue to make every moment a memory.