How Neat is Your Closet?

Some of my friends are closet queens. Their closets are organized to the tee and are even color coordinated. Shoes are in boxes, and purses are in bags; a goal to strive for. Most people do not look into anybody’s clothes closet when visiting unless they’re best buds and want to show a particular item that requires the closet run. We assume all is in order and honestly, most of us don’t care. However, when going house hunting, one of the first things we like to do is check out how much storage spaces are in the bedroom closets, especially in the master. It’s amazing what one sees.

From where my head lays on the pillow, I can see into my closet if the door is opened. From that angle, all looks like everything is in order. If you walk in, everything looks neatly hung, purses are aligned, shoes are in boxes but I also know what lies hidden to the eye.

Closets remind me of how life can be. We can look like we have it all together on the outside but there are always some messy areas in the inside that God hasn’t gotten to or that we haven’t allowed God to deal with. Then again, there are some who don’t care, don’t pretend or don’t realize that they don’t have it all together and the deeper you get into their space, the hotter the mess is.

The easiest thing of course would be to keep the door closed. This way nobody can see what’s in it. While we’re at it, why not just lock it.

Closed Up Means Locked Out
Closets that are locked, always give off the silent message of I am neat. People with closed closet doors often are people who will shut others out but don’t realize that they have also shut themselves in. Their thought is that they don’t want anyone to know about their junk and they don’t want any help. That thought process is okay until the closet becomes too cluttered and spillage is inevitable. The sad thing is that they don’t recognize that some people love them enough to help clean up the mess. Not one closet is the same, so just because it remains closed doesn’t mean it can’t fall into the other categories below as well.

Appearance of Neatness
Do you wonder how many of us fall into that category? This is the space where perhaps filing cabinets hide papers that are misfiled for 20+ years. (Hmmm, sounds like the past that may need some shredding.) There’s a box full of photographs, kid drawings, family cards that have never been categorized, put into scrapbooks or photo albums. (Things left undone.) There’s a binder of half-started projects. (Dreams that were shelved that should be taken off the shelf, completed or restarted.)

Freakish Neatness
Please shake your head from side to side with me. These are the closets that make you want to puick because they are so neat. (My family and friends that fall into this category know that I write this with lots of love and a big, mischievous grin.)

Clothes (all of them) are in storage bags; sweaters and t-shirts are neatly folded and stacked (color coordinated of course) and shoes are not only boxed but tagged. There are no filing cabinets. It doesn’t belong in there! Guess what their closets say? Perfection can be achieved but go mess in their space and see if you don’t disturb their peace…major. This extreme takes a lot of work and pays off until something happens in life that makes them understand it is okay not be perfect, all the time, and help is also available to them because nobody has it all together.

Chaos Rules
This one is known as the teenage haven or the dark, adult cavern. No one knows what’s in there but the person who owns the space…and they know exactly where everything is. Unbelievably, if you ask, they can find the item in question within seconds. Free-spirited and uncaring of what others think, they’ll escort you to their closet with pride to show you their newest buy. They usually believe that nothing is wrong with their closet (or with them). If asked or told about anything within their space, their response is, if anybody doesn’t like it then they can just stay out. Free spirits are one of my favorite people but many lack structure and that makes it hard for them to work with others. They’re usually the folks that don’t know how to submit to any type of authority, have no plan, or question why their lives are either messed up or not moving forward.

Now, if any of these bothered you, it means that you were reminded of an area in your life that needs some tidying up. Let’s be real, all of us do and all of us will, until our last breath on this planet.

Here’s to closets everywhere. May they never be locked! May they always strive to appear neat. May we all be willing to go into our own with consistency and into others with love. May we reach that place where we can clear out all of our messes from time to time; for no one is perfect and I like it that way. I’m sure you do too.

Resolutions ~ Bah! Humbug!

Yep – I don’t believe in resolutions in the beginning of a year. It usually turns out to be a set up for failure. Do you ever wonder why?

Resolutions are usually filled with good intentions that are fueled by the emotion of guilt. People look back and all they see is what they did not accomplish. They become determined to change their world and accomplish the unaccomplished with new gusto until the first major challenge arises or life’s curve balls come into play.

Why do resolutions not work? The answer is easy. There was no plan or the plan laid out was unrealistic. It’s easy to say – I’m going to (fill in the blank) this year but what’s your plan? And if you do have a plan – is it realistic?

Study up on the area you want to change or jump into.
Let’s use losing weight as an example. Many flock to foods that are pre-made and get tired of it after a while. Some turn to the magic pill and blow up past their prior weight once they get off them. It is crazy to be on the mission to lose weight and not learn about the food groups you love and how they impact your body in particular. What you think may be healthy (like a salad with regular dressing and breaded chicken) may be as unhealthy as eating a cheeseburger everyday. When you get to know the foods you like and how they work for or against your body, you learn to make adjustments along the way.

Small Adjustments
If you love junk food, like me, you just can’t keep it in the house…unless you have the will power of steel. I don’t know about you but I’m not there yet. It’s really painful when you cut out all junk. It just doesn’t work. What is a gal to do when the unsatisfied chocolate cravings make the evil twin overpower her? Substitute. Find a healthy alternative. What does that mean? You continue to search and experiment until you find the yummy stuff that helps curves or satisfy those or any of your cravings for your favorite foods.

Be Realistic
Don’t look at a VS model. Those poor girls are usually teens that are starving themselves. Most of us have carried babies and our hips will NEVER be the same. Age and gravity makes changes that surgery can temporarily solve but here’s my take on it – at this point in life why should you care? You’ve earned every wrinkle, sag and curve. But if you’re like most women and me, I do not like them at all. Realistically I know I can’t change the course of what time will do to my body. However, one thing I know for sure. I want to be healthy. I want to live long, accomplish lots of things and not just see my grandbabies – I want to experience them. I would love for my body to look like a model (again). Ain’t gonna happen.

Continuous Journey
The weight journey is ongoing. It never ends. When you learn to eat healthy, it becomes part of who you are. You learn to adjust continually and look out for new opportunities that come in the form of recipes, restaurants, trying new foods, exercising and changing up the routine so boredom or discouragement doesn’t set in.

Knowledge isn’t Enough
Don’t just learn about it. Here is where a lot of us fall off the boat. We learn enough to get discouraged and walk away. It sounds too hard or impossible. How do you eat a huge elephant? You devour it one bite at a time. Do something, do a little adjustment whenever you can. This week cut down your soda intake. Perhaps you can remove it altogether. Next week cut the 5 spoons of sugar into your coffee and bring it down to 4. Now you’re on week 2 and you have removed soda and cut down one sugar!

Hooray for Me
Say yay me for the small adjustments you’ve accomplished and don’t get fixated with the big picture. Learn to pat yourself on the back more often. It’s not a bad thing to do. We get so hung up on constantly pointing out the negative, we don’t realize the great strides we make.

If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and try again. If something you’re doing is not working, chuck it up as a lesson learned, and try something new.

By now you’re saying, hey Roz this sounds like a resolution to me. Nah – this is just a way of life. New beginnings should happen whenever not just in the beginning of a new year.

Make change your lifestyle. Make walking in your destiny a reality. Make your life the masterpiece-gift you give back to God.

Don’t get hung up with resolutions. Say bah humbug with me and just LIVE!

While I'm Waiting

There are times that songs just swirl in my head. Some times for days. Some times for weeks on end and when that happens I really pay attention.  This go round the song is While I'm Waiting by John Waller. When he wrote it he said it took him all about 10 minutes. It later became the focal song for the 2008 movie called Fire Proof but the power of the song still resonates today…at least in my life.

We all go through periods where we need to wait. We wait for a job offer. We wait to see if a wayward child turns around. We wait for a broken marriage to mend. We wait for a result on a biopsy. We wait and wonder what life will be. We understand that our lives can change in a split second.

The hardest part for anyone today is to wait because we’ve been conditioned to get everything right away. We’re a fast paced society and so when answers from God are on the slow side that tends to freak us out especially when things are down to the wire or worst our life is at stake. As the song repeated itself over and over again and I felt the compulsion to listen, it uncovered many truths in my life that I wanted to share. This is for those of you who are in wait mode. Don’t feel alone. I’m there with you in my own wait.

Wait on the Lord
When I was younger – a lot younger, I used to think that all you had to do was pray and just wait for God to do something. I kept that in mind when things got ugly in my marriage and got frustrated when nothing happened. It really messed with my faith. What I discovered was that God heard me long ago but was waiting on me to take some action. Faith without action is dead. I tied up God’s hands for a few years because I didn’t adjust certain behaviors of my own and accepted certain behaviors I shouldn’t have (as an example).

Being Hopeful
So here’s the deal you can’t just pray and not be hopeful. Hope is not just wishing – it’s expecting. I remember one time Joel Olsteen said to live with the expectation of good things every single day. We lose sight of that when our lives become chaotic or dread fills our hearts. We often forget that we serve the God of the universe. Hmmm so if he created the gazillion stars ya think he can take care of my (fill in the blanks). My pastor has been doing an awesome series about hope and one of the things he said resounded loudly with me. He said God’s no means that he has a better yes in mind.

Although It’s Painful
Being hopeful during pain is the toughest thing to do but it’s a choice. It’s always a choice. People that survive illnesses and tragedies often do because they make every effort to focus on the positive and for many they put their trust in God. Trust doesn’t come over night. Like in any relationship, it takes time to cultivate, but when you do, you know who you can depend on. There are some people I trust with my life and I know they got my back but my reality is that I’ve become so dependent on God that I would feel extremely lost if he were not the lover of my soul, the companion of my heart and my most trusted Lord and friend. My greatest comfort through pain is him.

Patience
I laugh when people pray for patience. I stay away from that prayer. Patience requires a situation where patience can be molded, enhanced – stttrreetttccheed. Oh heck no!

It’s hard to be patient when you need a resolution now but if you remind yourself of the trust factor then it helps – at least for a little while until you have to remind yourself again. (Just being real.)

Move Ahead Bold and Confident
It’s hard to forge ahead bold and confident but then again why shouldn’t we? What’s the point in living a miserable life when just a part of it is haywire and the rest is good? Ok that part may affect our lives but it doesn’t need to paralyze us. We often forget how blessed we are. I give the gals I counsel a certain exercise. Write the things you’re thankful for. It’ll help your perception of things and will help you move forward. Always move forward no matter what. You may not be able to move in certain areas but move in the others. Don’t quit!

Serve
To serve God means to have relationship with him. People often freak out because they don’t want to give up certain things. Here’s the reality of it, the things you sometimes hold on to so dearly to, are the things that are probably adding to your hurt because you’re not dealing with the real issue. Most vices are escape goats to relieve or detach you from the unhappiness you feel. God won’t force you to let go of anything because he won’t impose his will on you. His greatest desire above all else is to be part of your life, especially while you’re waiting.

Worship
This word is so broad but for some reason folks think it’s only when you sing or praise God. Nope, it goes way beyond that. I have a friend who is currently painting his parents living room. This is an expression of worship because he’s honoring his parents. There are countless women who get up in the wee hours of the morning to pack up their kid’s lunches and get their clothes ready for daycare or school. Their worship is in tending their family. Whenever we are obedient to things that need to be done, we worship.

Don’t Faint
We often think of to faint as passing out but in this case it means don’t lose courage. Don’t wimp out. Don’t give up on your fight. FIGHT! Fight the right way. Fight for your kids, your marriage, your sanity…whatever it may be FIGHT. Don’t just war with your words and don’t just war with your causes in certain areas; war on your knees too. We often forget we’re spiritual beings and let the enemy walk all over us. If you think there are no demons out there, you’re sadly mistaken and what’s worse is that they’re here to take you out and you’re letting them.

Be Peaceful
Peace eludes us at times but it’s a choice. The bible says we should seek peace. This means you do all you can to maintain peace even if it means saying I’m sorry, forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it or choosing not to think about something negative. Yes it’s hard but it’s not impossible. We like to beat ourselves up way too much and we just have to quit it. You can’t take back certain things and it is what it is. Move on and let it go. Forgive yourself.

It’s also important to discover the peace of God – it surpasses all understanding. I’ve been peaceful in the worst of times – the most horrid of times. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. It comes with relationship. Relationship + Trust = Peace

Run the Race
Whatever it is you’re supposed to do in this world, whatever ripple effect you are cut out to do whether your circle is your home or the world, do it well. Don’t let the interruptions in life – big or small – cause you to lose sight of why you’re here. If you‘re gifted to sing – sing. If you’re gifted to write – write. If you are an encourager, go out and touch as many lives as you can. If you have the gift of being a good friend – continue to do so. You’re gift makes a difference. Slide out of this world screaming what a rush and with the confidence that when asked by God what did you accomplish you’ll have the story to tell that will continue to put a smile on his face.

How's Your Daily Talk?

Have you ever had God try to grab your attention about something? Usually it happens when the same topic keeps popping up. "Ummm God you’re trying to tell me something?" Sometimes I think God says "Well duuuhhh." Okay some of you may not think of God that way, and may even find it disrespectful, but God is very personal, very real and down to earth…at least in my life.

I constantly talk about the power of words but lately that reality is taking on a deeper meaning. Usually we talk about the power of speaking God’s word, the power of speaking positively in negative situations, the power of choice via our words, but what I’m being nudged on is the daily talk.

You know what I mean ~

These kids are such a pain in the ….

My husband is such a ... He “always” does …

My boss can go to ….

This day is going to suck because it’s raining, it’s cold, it’s ….

I feel like ….

Our daily talk – our daily words are powerful. We do not realize the power of our words. It carries way further then we can see in the spiritual realm. We forget that we were made in the likeness of God, and we have the Spirit of the Almighty inside of us. This means anything we say…goes…whether we believe it or not.

We speak into existence situations, good or bad. We maintain (good or bad) situations because of what we speak.

I don’t know about you but that’s a harsh, eye opening – I get it Lord reality. Uggghhh…

So now you know, and that makes me accountable, and you in the knowledge of my recent aha!

The power of your daily words shapes your life. Be careful with the next words you’re going to say.

I wonder if I have to change the uuggghh too…uuuggghhhh.

Right or Left - Race You to the End!

One day, after I pulled my heart back up from my feet, I asked my hubs how he learned to swerve the car so gracefully in and out of lanes like he does. He explained that when police officers learn defensive driving, they actually have an instructor who stands at a certain point of the course who lifts up their arm at the very last minute towards the left or the right. Now mind you, the driver in training is going 60 mph. Of course you know what my next question was – did any of those instructors ever get hit or killed? His answer was they better not!

Of course I began to wonder how many times (and couldn’t shake it off) does God tells us to swerve into the right or left to avoid a collision and we miss it because we were going too fast, didn’t know how to maneuver defensively against the enemy AND were just so distracted that we didn’t look for his direction.

Life was never meant to be lived in a continual fast pace. We miss out the joy of family and friends, the intensity of relationships and the warmth of love that goes with it. Fast-paced lives become numb to their surrounding. They are deaf to the needs of others, especially to those who need them most.

Those who continue to lie to themselves and convince themselves that they can do it all, lose out on the most precious part of themselves – the reason why they are here.

I crave for a successful life. Many define that as what you live in, what car you drive, where you vacation, etc. Success, some say, is based on the person...but...what is success to you? How do you define success? Who maneuvers your left and right in life so that you continue to gauge your success via accomplishments, triumphs, achievements or whatever it may be to you?

Success to me is when my husband says he can’t wait until we cruise in May; when my daughter said she is happy to be home; when my mom and dad say they miss me; when my sister says I’m her best friend; when my brother shares his heart; when one of my closest friends says thank you after a wicked year; when a parishioner asks can you pray with me; when a stranger thanks me for an article that touched their lives.

All those things are considered a success to me because it reminds me of how blessed I am, but it goes further than that.

Successes are the times that I know I did what is right. It’s when I did something that was thankless. It often means that I’m invisible and no one knows. It’s when I do those things that are only known to Father God, and I don’t mind that because my goal is to hear him say you did good! (I always remember the movie Bruce Almighty and makes me chuckle.)

I believe success is measured the wrong way often times because we’re so hung up on the here and now and constantly forget the eternal. It doesn’t mean you become overly spiritual. It means you depend on the eternal so that you can make it in the here and now. That left and right sign is always in front of us. We just have to hone in, become sensitive to the guidance of the spirit of God.

Right or Left – race you to the end!

Do You Love You?

I am a Queen. I do not say this with conceit. However, I do say it with certainty. I am a Queen in God’s kingdom, a Queen in my home…yes Queen with a capital Q. I am not the only Queen. I am surrounded by them and they come from all walks of life.

Some know it, however many do not. Sadly, there are still a few that have yet to discover this reality.

In order to recognize, acknowledge and accept that you are a Queen, you’ll have to answer some tough questions. Firstly....

Roz

Do You Love You?
The minute we’re asked that question, our inclination is to take inventory of our physical appearance. We look at beauty first. We think that being attractive is what defines whether we’re likable to others or not. We then take inventory of the number of friends we have. If we’re liked, we gauge against that to determine if we like ourselves. It goes a step further. We’re also swayed by what others think or say about us. This is human nature. Unfortunately, it is also human nature not to be kind, tolerant or forgiving. When that happens, the view of others can be detrimental to our psyche. We focus on what the one person said, although there can be tons of positive that we demonstrate as a lifestyle.

Do You Love You?

Look deep inside. Do you like what you see? Look in the mirror. Can you stand the reflection in it? Do you cringe and groan at what’s before you? Don’t focus on the few added pounds or bony frame looking back at you. Look at the entire woman that you live with day in and day out.

Again, Do You Love You?
Does the answer to that question bring shame or the feeling of being selfish? Perhaps the reason you feel uncomfortable with this question is because you’ve never taken the time to really uncover the truth behind your answer. You’re afraid to admit that you hate you. You’re afraid to say I don’t like who I am. You may also be afraid to admit you don’t know who you are. What’s sad is that you have accepted what you are now based on past labels or failures.

You owe it to yourself to answer that tough question…even if it hurts. Why is this important? You can’t become a Queen (yes with a capital Q) until you begin to discover the beautiful, wonderful, unique YOU. Woman…you are like no other. You were born for a purpose and have an incredible destiny. However, you will never discover it until you learn to love the woman you are…bumps, bruises, scars and all.

If you’re serious about answering the following question, you’ll have to do some radical things that may be uncomfortable. But, it’s only for a bit and will pass. Don’t be wimpy now…you can do this.

Do You Love You?

1. Answer that question truthfully. Be brutally honest with yourself.
2. List the things you like and don’t like about yourself on a piece of paper. First column the good. Second column the bad.

What’s next?

1. Give it to God. Give all the items on your bad and good list to God. Tell Him especially about the bad stuff.
2. Ask God to help. Ask Him to help you change or remove all the junk you’re carrying inside.
3. Don’t obsess. Never about the things that can’t change now or ever. Let it go. None of us are perfect.
4. Pick one thing. Do not pick more than one item of change at a time on your list. You’ll fail. Once you’ve conquered the first one go on to the next. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a long time. Life happens. All of us are required to work things out constantly (at its proper time).
5. Seek Help. If the change is going to be very difficult, seek help from a friend, accountability partner or a professional counselor. Acknowledging you need help is a sign of strength not weakness.
6. Forgive yourself. We are our own worst critics and jury. If God forgot about it why shouldn’t we? It’s done. You can’t go back and undo it. Learn from it and move on.
7. Take responsibility and ownership. Don’t blame others for where you are or who you have become. You are not what people say you are. Choose to believe what God says you are. You’re loved, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, precious, valuable and unique...one of a kind mama!
8. Make a positive out of the negative. IE: Share with others how you overcame or survived that tragedy, experience, etc in a positive way. It will remove the focus of the hurt off of you and channel it as a way out for someone else.

There’s one saying I love and I try my best to live by…”be true to thy self”.

To me it means that each day I have the opportunity to live life the best way that I can.

It means that it’s okay if I don’t feel like I have it all together all of the time. I accept that will never happen.

It means that I understand that I won’t be the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece or friend all of the time.

It means that I will strive to learn something new each day because as I learn I can enrich my life and the life of others. (Hey I am a teacher at heart.)

It means it isn’t all about me…ever.

It means that each day I choose happiness and live it. This is a struggle some times but not impossible.

Being true to myself is living the way God expects me to because it challenges me, motivates me and pushes me to a higher level, standard and expectation that dares me to live to the fullest as the unique Queen Roz.

My prayer and wish for you is that you may realize your value, not to encourage arrogance but cheer you on until you unveil and discover your uniqueness…oh beautiful Queen.

Be bold, be courageous and love your inner woman.

Now say the following with me – like you mean it…

I am woman…hear me ROAR!

Mom, Why do You Pray in Fear?

Isn’t it true that most mothers pray out of fear over their children? When we pray for blessing, it’s because we fear that they will not have enough in whatever area. When we pray for wisdom, we fear because we believe they are making the wrong choices. When we pray for protection, we fear because of where they have decided to, because of where they are or because we don’t want them to get hurt in their travels (especially if they’re driving). When we pray for healing, we fear because they are a little sick and we do not want them to become a lot sick, or they are a lot sick and we do not want them to get worst. One can argue those are normal and valid reasons to pray and the motivations are not out of fear for the most part, or is it?

The other day after a quick worried-filled prayer was sent up there was a check about my motivation and my stance behind the prayer. The understanding came immediately and after the ugggghh and grrr and grumble, a second prayer was sent up that made the last one sound seriously lame -  like a beggar’s plea.

What’s sad is a lot of us have done or continue to do that. Our prayer sound like this ~ Oh God please, please, please help so and so because I will die if I lose them.

Don’t get me wrong, God hears our heart and there are times in our desperation that’s all that comes out. We are not talking about those times. We are talking about when our prayers are constantly like that. I can imagine the whole heavenly host that surrounds us shake their heads or maybe even slap their forehead in disappointment.

Do you know that when we pray wimpy, fearful prayers, we’re basically saying I have no authority and I don’t believe my prayers can be answered? When your prayers are consistently and constantly from a stance of a beggar, out of fear, out of desperation and/or frustration, it is a clear indicator that you do not understand the authority that God as placed in you as His child.

Perhaps this is not you and your prayers don’t sound as desperate and sound more like this ~ God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college but you know I  am not comfortable with the area that it is in and she’s far away and I’m not sure if that’s the place she should go.  

This doesn’t sound like a wimpy prayer. It actually sounds like a regular prayer with some wishy-washy sentiment in it and if you paid some attention, it happened to be fueled by fear. Now, one can argue, well I talk to God about everything and that is awesome, but, is the talk the actual prayer you want answered?  

Imagine if God was sitting right in front of you and the conversation went like this? 

Me: God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college.

God: She can go wherever she wants. I told her I will never forsake her or leave her. You do want her and my decision to be honored no? I mean your daughter and I already talked about it.

Me:  Well… but you know I am not comfortable with the area.

God: So you don’t trust my protection over your kid?

Me: Well that’s not what I meant, it’s that she’s far away and…

God: But I thought we agreed that she already knows I won’t leave her and you do know she has a host of angels around her…um so what’s the problem?

Me:  Well I’m not sure that’s the place she should go (with little tude and frustration)

God: Really Roz…isn’t the real problem that you’re a bit fearful because your girlie is not going to be  under your roof and care? Don’t you trust me?

After that conversation, one would think twice about continual wimpy conversation and our prayers would sound more like this ~Lord as my daughter’s authority I pray over her life. Let her decisions be sound and blessed by you. God thank you that you are in the mix and leading of my daughter’s decision and that the outcome will be good and blessed.

This type of prayer acknowledges your authority as a child of God and it becomes more powerful when you add a verse in a positive, expectant stance. This stance should be consistent and constant after the initial human melt down and after all the additional human melt downs that you will experience during the wait for a miracle. God understands our humanity, but He also expects you to step up into the spiritual realm so that YOU can call in those things that were not as though they were because we are supposed to mimic our daddy God.

Easier said than done…absolutely! But it can be done and it is expected.

Mom you are the most influential chick in a kid’s life. It’s “my” opinion that God always answers a mom’s tear-filled prayers because his heart wells up with compassion. But I also think, He would rather see less tears and more spiritual tude because He always has our back. We just have to say and pray the word.