While I'm Waiting

There are times that songs just swirl in my head. Some times for days. Some times for weeks on end and when that happens I really pay attention.  This go round the song is While I'm Waiting by John Waller. When he wrote it he said it took him all about 10 minutes. It later became the focal song for the 2008 movie called Fire Proof but the power of the song still resonates today…at least in my life.

We all go through periods where we need to wait. We wait for a job offer. We wait to see if a wayward child turns around. We wait for a broken marriage to mend. We wait for a result on a biopsy. We wait and wonder what life will be. We understand that our lives can change in a split second.

The hardest part for anyone today is to wait because we’ve been conditioned to get everything right away. We’re a fast paced society and so when answers from God are on the slow side that tends to freak us out especially when things are down to the wire or worst our life is at stake. As the song repeated itself over and over again and I felt the compulsion to listen, it uncovered many truths in my life that I wanted to share. This is for those of you who are in wait mode. Don’t feel alone. I’m there with you in my own wait.

Wait on the Lord
When I was younger – a lot younger, I used to think that all you had to do was pray and just wait for God to do something. I kept that in mind when things got ugly in my marriage and got frustrated when nothing happened. It really messed with my faith. What I discovered was that God heard me long ago but was waiting on me to take some action. Faith without action is dead. I tied up God’s hands for a few years because I didn’t adjust certain behaviors of my own and accepted certain behaviors I shouldn’t have (as an example).

Being Hopeful
So here’s the deal you can’t just pray and not be hopeful. Hope is not just wishing – it’s expecting. I remember one time Joel Olsteen said to live with the expectation of good things every single day. We lose sight of that when our lives become chaotic or dread fills our hearts. We often forget that we serve the God of the universe. Hmmm so if he created the gazillion stars ya think he can take care of my (fill in the blanks). My pastor has been doing an awesome series about hope and one of the things he said resounded loudly with me. He said God’s no means that he has a better yes in mind.

Although It’s Painful
Being hopeful during pain is the toughest thing to do but it’s a choice. It’s always a choice. People that survive illnesses and tragedies often do because they make every effort to focus on the positive and for many they put their trust in God. Trust doesn’t come over night. Like in any relationship, it takes time to cultivate, but when you do, you know who you can depend on. There are some people I trust with my life and I know they got my back but my reality is that I’ve become so dependent on God that I would feel extremely lost if he were not the lover of my soul, the companion of my heart and my most trusted Lord and friend. My greatest comfort through pain is him.

Patience
I laugh when people pray for patience. I stay away from that prayer. Patience requires a situation where patience can be molded, enhanced – stttrreetttccheed. Oh heck no!

It’s hard to be patient when you need a resolution now but if you remind yourself of the trust factor then it helps – at least for a little while until you have to remind yourself again. (Just being real.)

Move Ahead Bold and Confident
It’s hard to forge ahead bold and confident but then again why shouldn’t we? What’s the point in living a miserable life when just a part of it is haywire and the rest is good? Ok that part may affect our lives but it doesn’t need to paralyze us. We often forget how blessed we are. I give the gals I counsel a certain exercise. Write the things you’re thankful for. It’ll help your perception of things and will help you move forward. Always move forward no matter what. You may not be able to move in certain areas but move in the others. Don’t quit!

Serve
To serve God means to have relationship with him. People often freak out because they don’t want to give up certain things. Here’s the reality of it, the things you sometimes hold on to so dearly to, are the things that are probably adding to your hurt because you’re not dealing with the real issue. Most vices are escape goats to relieve or detach you from the unhappiness you feel. God won’t force you to let go of anything because he won’t impose his will on you. His greatest desire above all else is to be part of your life, especially while you’re waiting.

Worship
This word is so broad but for some reason folks think it’s only when you sing or praise God. Nope, it goes way beyond that. I have a friend who is currently painting his parents living room. This is an expression of worship because he’s honoring his parents. There are countless women who get up in the wee hours of the morning to pack up their kid’s lunches and get their clothes ready for daycare or school. Their worship is in tending their family. Whenever we are obedient to things that need to be done, we worship.

Don’t Faint
We often think of to faint as passing out but in this case it means don’t lose courage. Don’t wimp out. Don’t give up on your fight. FIGHT! Fight the right way. Fight for your kids, your marriage, your sanity…whatever it may be FIGHT. Don’t just war with your words and don’t just war with your causes in certain areas; war on your knees too. We often forget we’re spiritual beings and let the enemy walk all over us. If you think there are no demons out there, you’re sadly mistaken and what’s worse is that they’re here to take you out and you’re letting them.

Be Peaceful
Peace eludes us at times but it’s a choice. The bible says we should seek peace. This means you do all you can to maintain peace even if it means saying I’m sorry, forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it or choosing not to think about something negative. Yes it’s hard but it’s not impossible. We like to beat ourselves up way too much and we just have to quit it. You can’t take back certain things and it is what it is. Move on and let it go. Forgive yourself.

It’s also important to discover the peace of God – it surpasses all understanding. I’ve been peaceful in the worst of times – the most horrid of times. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. It comes with relationship. Relationship + Trust = Peace

Run the Race
Whatever it is you’re supposed to do in this world, whatever ripple effect you are cut out to do whether your circle is your home or the world, do it well. Don’t let the interruptions in life – big or small – cause you to lose sight of why you’re here. If you‘re gifted to sing – sing. If you’re gifted to write – write. If you are an encourager, go out and touch as many lives as you can. If you have the gift of being a good friend – continue to do so. You’re gift makes a difference. Slide out of this world screaming what a rush and with the confidence that when asked by God what did you accomplish you’ll have the story to tell that will continue to put a smile on his face.

How's Your Daily Talk?

Have you ever had God try to grab your attention about something? Usually it happens when the same topic keeps popping up. "Ummm God you’re trying to tell me something?" Sometimes I think God says "Well duuuhhh." Okay some of you may not think of God that way, and may even find it disrespectful, but God is very personal, very real and down to earth…at least in my life.

I constantly talk about the power of words but lately that reality is taking on a deeper meaning. Usually we talk about the power of speaking God’s word, the power of speaking positively in negative situations, the power of choice via our words, but what I’m being nudged on is the daily talk.

You know what I mean ~

These kids are such a pain in the ….

My husband is such a ... He “always” does …

My boss can go to ….

This day is going to suck because it’s raining, it’s cold, it’s ….

I feel like ….

Our daily talk – our daily words are powerful. We do not realize the power of our words. It carries way further then we can see in the spiritual realm. We forget that we were made in the likeness of God, and we have the Spirit of the Almighty inside of us. This means anything we say…goes…whether we believe it or not.

We speak into existence situations, good or bad. We maintain (good or bad) situations because of what we speak.

I don’t know about you but that’s a harsh, eye opening – I get it Lord reality. Uggghhh…

So now you know, and that makes me accountable, and you in the knowledge of my recent aha!

The power of your daily words shapes your life. Be careful with the next words you’re going to say.

I wonder if I have to change the uuggghh too…uuuggghhhh.

Right or Left - Race You to the End!

One day, after I pulled my heart back up from my feet, I asked my hubs how he learned to swerve the car so gracefully in and out of lanes like he does. He explained that when police officers learn defensive driving, they actually have an instructor who stands at a certain point of the course who lifts up their arm at the very last minute towards the left or the right. Now mind you, the driver in training is going 60 mph. Of course you know what my next question was – did any of those instructors ever get hit or killed? His answer was they better not!

Of course I began to wonder how many times (and couldn’t shake it off) does God tells us to swerve into the right or left to avoid a collision and we miss it because we were going too fast, didn’t know how to maneuver defensively against the enemy AND were just so distracted that we didn’t look for his direction.

Life was never meant to be lived in a continual fast pace. We miss out the joy of family and friends, the intensity of relationships and the warmth of love that goes with it. Fast-paced lives become numb to their surrounding. They are deaf to the needs of others, especially to those who need them most.

Those who continue to lie to themselves and convince themselves that they can do it all, lose out on the most precious part of themselves – the reason why they are here.

I crave for a successful life. Many define that as what you live in, what car you drive, where you vacation, etc. Success, some say, is based on the person...but...what is success to you? How do you define success? Who maneuvers your left and right in life so that you continue to gauge your success via accomplishments, triumphs, achievements or whatever it may be to you?

Success to me is when my husband says he can’t wait until we cruise in May; when my daughter said she is happy to be home; when my mom and dad say they miss me; when my sister says I’m her best friend; when my brother shares his heart; when one of my closest friends says thank you after a wicked year; when a parishioner asks can you pray with me; when a stranger thanks me for an article that touched their lives.

All those things are considered a success to me because it reminds me of how blessed I am, but it goes further than that.

Successes are the times that I know I did what is right. It’s when I did something that was thankless. It often means that I’m invisible and no one knows. It’s when I do those things that are only known to Father God, and I don’t mind that because my goal is to hear him say you did good! (I always remember the movie Bruce Almighty and makes me chuckle.)

I believe success is measured the wrong way often times because we’re so hung up on the here and now and constantly forget the eternal. It doesn’t mean you become overly spiritual. It means you depend on the eternal so that you can make it in the here and now. That left and right sign is always in front of us. We just have to hone in, become sensitive to the guidance of the spirit of God.

Right or Left – race you to the end!

Do You Love You?

I am a Queen. I do not say this with conceit. However, I do say it with certainty. I am a Queen in God’s kingdom, a Queen in my home…yes Queen with a capital Q. I am not the only Queen. I am surrounded by them and they come from all walks of life.

Some know it, however many do not. Sadly, there are still a few that have yet to discover this reality.

In order to recognize, acknowledge and accept that you are a Queen, you’ll have to answer some tough questions. Firstly....

Roz

Do You Love You?
The minute we’re asked that question, our inclination is to take inventory of our physical appearance. We look at beauty first. We think that being attractive is what defines whether we’re likable to others or not. We then take inventory of the number of friends we have. If we’re liked, we gauge against that to determine if we like ourselves. It goes a step further. We’re also swayed by what others think or say about us. This is human nature. Unfortunately, it is also human nature not to be kind, tolerant or forgiving. When that happens, the view of others can be detrimental to our psyche. We focus on what the one person said, although there can be tons of positive that we demonstrate as a lifestyle.

Do You Love You?

Look deep inside. Do you like what you see? Look in the mirror. Can you stand the reflection in it? Do you cringe and groan at what’s before you? Don’t focus on the few added pounds or bony frame looking back at you. Look at the entire woman that you live with day in and day out.

Again, Do You Love You?
Does the answer to that question bring shame or the feeling of being selfish? Perhaps the reason you feel uncomfortable with this question is because you’ve never taken the time to really uncover the truth behind your answer. You’re afraid to admit that you hate you. You’re afraid to say I don’t like who I am. You may also be afraid to admit you don’t know who you are. What’s sad is that you have accepted what you are now based on past labels or failures.

You owe it to yourself to answer that tough question…even if it hurts. Why is this important? You can’t become a Queen (yes with a capital Q) until you begin to discover the beautiful, wonderful, unique YOU. Woman…you are like no other. You were born for a purpose and have an incredible destiny. However, you will never discover it until you learn to love the woman you are…bumps, bruises, scars and all.

If you’re serious about answering the following question, you’ll have to do some radical things that may be uncomfortable. But, it’s only for a bit and will pass. Don’t be wimpy now…you can do this.

Do You Love You?

1. Answer that question truthfully. Be brutally honest with yourself.
2. List the things you like and don’t like about yourself on a piece of paper. First column the good. Second column the bad.

What’s next?

1. Give it to God. Give all the items on your bad and good list to God. Tell Him especially about the bad stuff.
2. Ask God to help. Ask Him to help you change or remove all the junk you’re carrying inside.
3. Don’t obsess. Never about the things that can’t change now or ever. Let it go. None of us are perfect.
4. Pick one thing. Do not pick more than one item of change at a time on your list. You’ll fail. Once you’ve conquered the first one go on to the next. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a long time. Life happens. All of us are required to work things out constantly (at its proper time).
5. Seek Help. If the change is going to be very difficult, seek help from a friend, accountability partner or a professional counselor. Acknowledging you need help is a sign of strength not weakness.
6. Forgive yourself. We are our own worst critics and jury. If God forgot about it why shouldn’t we? It’s done. You can’t go back and undo it. Learn from it and move on.
7. Take responsibility and ownership. Don’t blame others for where you are or who you have become. You are not what people say you are. Choose to believe what God says you are. You’re loved, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, precious, valuable and unique...one of a kind mama!
8. Make a positive out of the negative. IE: Share with others how you overcame or survived that tragedy, experience, etc in a positive way. It will remove the focus of the hurt off of you and channel it as a way out for someone else.

There’s one saying I love and I try my best to live by…”be true to thy self”.

To me it means that each day I have the opportunity to live life the best way that I can.

It means that it’s okay if I don’t feel like I have it all together all of the time. I accept that will never happen.

It means that I understand that I won’t be the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece or friend all of the time.

It means that I will strive to learn something new each day because as I learn I can enrich my life and the life of others. (Hey I am a teacher at heart.)

It means it isn’t all about me…ever.

It means that each day I choose happiness and live it. This is a struggle some times but not impossible.

Being true to myself is living the way God expects me to because it challenges me, motivates me and pushes me to a higher level, standard and expectation that dares me to live to the fullest as the unique Queen Roz.

My prayer and wish for you is that you may realize your value, not to encourage arrogance but cheer you on until you unveil and discover your uniqueness…oh beautiful Queen.

Be bold, be courageous and love your inner woman.

Now say the following with me – like you mean it…

I am woman…hear me ROAR!

Mom, Why do You Pray in Fear?

Isn’t it true that most mothers pray out of fear over their children? When we pray for blessing, it’s because we fear that they will not have enough in whatever area. When we pray for wisdom, we fear because we believe they are making the wrong choices. When we pray for protection, we fear because of where they have decided to, because of where they are or because we don’t want them to get hurt in their travels (especially if they’re driving). When we pray for healing, we fear because they are a little sick and we do not want them to become a lot sick, or they are a lot sick and we do not want them to get worst. One can argue those are normal and valid reasons to pray and the motivations are not out of fear for the most part, or is it?

The other day after a quick worried-filled prayer was sent up there was a check about my motivation and my stance behind the prayer. The understanding came immediately and after the ugggghh and grrr and grumble, a second prayer was sent up that made the last one sound seriously lame -  like a beggar’s plea.

What’s sad is a lot of us have done or continue to do that. Our prayer sound like this ~ Oh God please, please, please help so and so because I will die if I lose them.

Don’t get me wrong, God hears our heart and there are times in our desperation that’s all that comes out. We are not talking about those times. We are talking about when our prayers are constantly like that. I can imagine the whole heavenly host that surrounds us shake their heads or maybe even slap their forehead in disappointment.

Do you know that when we pray wimpy, fearful prayers, we’re basically saying I have no authority and I don’t believe my prayers can be answered? When your prayers are consistently and constantly from a stance of a beggar, out of fear, out of desperation and/or frustration, it is a clear indicator that you do not understand the authority that God as placed in you as His child.

Perhaps this is not you and your prayers don’t sound as desperate and sound more like this ~ God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college but you know I  am not comfortable with the area that it is in and she’s far away and I’m not sure if that’s the place she should go.  

This doesn’t sound like a wimpy prayer. It actually sounds like a regular prayer with some wishy-washy sentiment in it and if you paid some attention, it happened to be fueled by fear. Now, one can argue, well I talk to God about everything and that is awesome, but, is the talk the actual prayer you want answered?  

Imagine if God was sitting right in front of you and the conversation went like this? 

Me: God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college.

God: She can go wherever she wants. I told her I will never forsake her or leave her. You do want her and my decision to be honored no? I mean your daughter and I already talked about it.

Me:  Well… but you know I am not comfortable with the area.

God: So you don’t trust my protection over your kid?

Me: Well that’s not what I meant, it’s that she’s far away and…

God: But I thought we agreed that she already knows I won’t leave her and you do know she has a host of angels around her…um so what’s the problem?

Me:  Well I’m not sure that’s the place she should go (with little tude and frustration)

God: Really Roz…isn’t the real problem that you’re a bit fearful because your girlie is not going to be  under your roof and care? Don’t you trust me?

After that conversation, one would think twice about continual wimpy conversation and our prayers would sound more like this ~Lord as my daughter’s authority I pray over her life. Let her decisions be sound and blessed by you. God thank you that you are in the mix and leading of my daughter’s decision and that the outcome will be good and blessed.

This type of prayer acknowledges your authority as a child of God and it becomes more powerful when you add a verse in a positive, expectant stance. This stance should be consistent and constant after the initial human melt down and after all the additional human melt downs that you will experience during the wait for a miracle. God understands our humanity, but He also expects you to step up into the spiritual realm so that YOU can call in those things that were not as though they were because we are supposed to mimic our daddy God.

Easier said than done…absolutely! But it can be done and it is expected.

Mom you are the most influential chick in a kid’s life. It’s “my” opinion that God always answers a mom’s tear-filled prayers because his heart wells up with compassion. But I also think, He would rather see less tears and more spiritual tude because He always has our back. We just have to say and pray the word.  

What Does He Bring to the Table?

“What does he bring to the table” It's the question I ask each time a one of my girls have come to me about someone she's interested in. As I go through my mental, mile-long list of things, there was one item that continued to float up to the top because the answer gauged the outcome of all the rest.

Let me share what would be my first on the list…

Does he love God? 

This is a simple but powerful question.

The answer to this question will determine the quality of her future (serious) relationship. Some may argue otherwise, but look around. The amount of people who remain happily married have decreased dramatically over the years. Let’s be honest, love has been warped by our society, especially by the entertainment world.

For the young, it’s that butterfly in the stomach feeling and the ‘he took my breath away’ moment. It’s when the heart pounds loudly in the chest and swells up with so much emotion, you feel like you’re going to explode. For those of us who are seasoned, it’s staying together when there’s no money; when illness has overwhelmed or shaken the foundation or the core of us; when the dynamic of children have pushed the relationship into estrangement. And yet love has somehow morphed through all the adversity and is apparent by actions, not just feelings.

So how do we get that kid/young adult in our life to understand and adapt to the challenges posed in the ever-changing, relationship-environment that occurs year after year? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does He Love God’, Age-Old Theory

Boy has relationship with God because….

Boy responded to God’s love, then…

Boy grows to love God, and…

Boy understands God’s love so…

Boy craves to be more like God, then…

Boy lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Boy loves the way God has commanded.

Note the last bullet. You’re probably thinking that this theory looks good on paper but it’s not realistic. Okay let’s define realistic of what we would want for our kid’s potential mate.

We want their mate to:

1. Hang in there during the good, the bad and the ugly.
2. Show kindness to our daughter and their children at all times.
3. Not be jealous if our daughter is more successful than they are.
4. Never to think that they’re better than our daughters or treat them that way.
5. Be polite and act as a gentleman.
6. Support our daughter’s and keep them as top priority in their lives.
7. Not have an overactive temper and harm our daughters in any way.
8. Remain faithful and keep family first.
9. Not to be afraid to tell our daughter’s the truth or afraid to hear the truth from our daughter.
10. Understand the importance of being a husband and a dad.
11. Make our daughter happy as much as he can.
12. And it wouldn’t hurt if he memorized the love chapter in the bible where only subsets of the items in it were listed above.

Now, these are only a few things that we expect, but the expectation of God’s standards goes much higher and the list is a lot longer. When God commands a man to love like Christ, He’s basically saying to him, you are to serve her. Before you start to roar and strut like the lioness queen, let’s elaborate a little on what that means.

A man who loves God’s way treats his woman like a queen (love in action). His actions cultivate an environment where his queen will admire him. We’re not saying she is overly doting or being sickly-sweet to him. We are saying that his queen is proud to be partnered with him because of the amazing-qualities he continues to grow, thus, impacting her in a positive way.

And by the way, a man that feels admired will do the world for a woman because he feels appreciated.

Don’t you want that for your daughter? I know I do. Heck, don’t you want that for yourself?

Perhaps you’re passed the looking stage, have too much damage and have a tough time believing that this can ever be a reality. You wish it deeply for your girl but can’t believe it is for you. Can I share with you the next question I would ask my daughter? It would be the same one I would ask you.

Do you love God?

I mean…do you really love God. Like fallen in love, I can’t get enough of you kind of love? What was your initial reaction? Were you uncomfortable, unsure or annoyed? If this was you, I invite you to take the following challenge. Every time you look in the mirror for the next 30 days say the words “God loves me”.

What will that do? It will help you embrace that God loves you regardless. Yes regardless. He loves you when you’re cranky, when you’re good or bad, whether you feel you deserve it or not. He loves you regardless of how you look, how you’re built and even when you’re having a bad hair day. He loves you just the same.

Now, doesn’t He sound somewhat like the boy we would want for our daughter?

It’s not a man that makes the man. It’s God’s love within the man that defines him and provides a love that grows deeper in every aspect of his life.

I look forward to the great guys that God has chosen for my daughters. No, I don’t know them yet, but my expectation is that they’ll both meet the first thing on my list.

Author’s Note:

Are you still wondering how the exercise will help you fall in love with God?

When you speak those words out loud, they sink into your heart and they begin to build your value as a woman; as a person. Deep down we all know that God loves us but most of us, if not all, feel unworthy because of things we’ve done or have been labeled to believe. If you’ve tried everything else and it hasn’t worked, why not try something new? What do you have to lose?

Someone Believes in You

Faith in ourselves wanes from one day to the next. It is only in our triumphs where the validation of faith is readily embraced, driving us to our next dream or goal. However, when we step back and truly look at the whole picture, a lot of our motivation to believe in ourselves usually comes from outside encouragement. Generally, what pushes us to succeed is the reassurance we feel when someone tells us we can, we’re able, but most of all that we are believed in.

Did you know that the literal translation of believe is to accept as true. Think about that for a moment. When someone comes to you and says quite plainly that they believe you can, it empowers you subconsciously to try harder to realize your greatest dreams. Your mind set changes. Your internal dialogue becomes positive, and these adjustments utterly influence the outcome.

And what of failure? If viewed correctly, failure can motivate us to see it as a lesson learned, and gives us all the more reason to try harder by implementing different methods to attain a desired result. All of us, with no exception have someone in our lives that accept our abilities as true. The problem is life can discourage us so much that doubt begins to prevail. Sometimes it’s just not enough to believe in ourself, alone.

A passage comes to mind from the good book about a story that describes the strength behind mustard-seed faith. The size of a mustard seed is similar to a grain of sand, but when planted in the right conditions, it can flourish high and wide. What’s intriguing is that the story relays that if you have faith in the word of God similar to that of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. When you compare the two, logic would dictate that this is impossible, but if you dig deeper the meaning is quite powerful. What it is actually saying is…

1. It only takes a grain of faith to begin the journey to accomplish monstrous goals.

2. God continually validates the potential in each and every one of us by letting us know that He
    believes in us -- accepts our abilities as true, no matter what the undertaking.

So, whether you’re feeling a bit discouraged, or are on the wave of affirmation, consider this a reminder that you are believed in and that you can. Embrace that thought, run with it, and never doubt that you can become your absolute best.

Remember, all you need is a mustard seed.

So don’t just sit there…make it grow!