Do You Love You?

I am a Queen. I do not say this with conceit. However, I do say it with certainty. I am a Queen in God’s kingdom, a Queen in my home…yes Queen with a capital Q. I am not the only Queen. I am surrounded by them and they come from all walks of life.

Some know it, however many do not. Sadly, there are still a few that have yet to discover this reality.

In order to recognize, acknowledge and accept that you are a Queen, you’ll have to answer some tough questions. Firstly....

Roz

Do You Love You?
The minute we’re asked that question, our inclination is to take inventory of our physical appearance. We look at beauty first. We think that being attractive is what defines whether we’re likable to others or not. We then take inventory of the number of friends we have. If we’re liked, we gauge against that to determine if we like ourselves. It goes a step further. We’re also swayed by what others think or say about us. This is human nature. Unfortunately, it is also human nature not to be kind, tolerant or forgiving. When that happens, the view of others can be detrimental to our psyche. We focus on what the one person said, although there can be tons of positive that we demonstrate as a lifestyle.

Do You Love You?

Look deep inside. Do you like what you see? Look in the mirror. Can you stand the reflection in it? Do you cringe and groan at what’s before you? Don’t focus on the few added pounds or bony frame looking back at you. Look at the entire woman that you live with day in and day out.

Again, Do You Love You?
Does the answer to that question bring shame or the feeling of being selfish? Perhaps the reason you feel uncomfortable with this question is because you’ve never taken the time to really uncover the truth behind your answer. You’re afraid to admit that you hate you. You’re afraid to say I don’t like who I am. You may also be afraid to admit you don’t know who you are. What’s sad is that you have accepted what you are now based on past labels or failures.

You owe it to yourself to answer that tough question…even if it hurts. Why is this important? You can’t become a Queen (yes with a capital Q) until you begin to discover the beautiful, wonderful, unique YOU. Woman…you are like no other. You were born for a purpose and have an incredible destiny. However, you will never discover it until you learn to love the woman you are…bumps, bruises, scars and all.

If you’re serious about answering the following question, you’ll have to do some radical things that may be uncomfortable. But, it’s only for a bit and will pass. Don’t be wimpy now…you can do this.

Do You Love You?

1. Answer that question truthfully. Be brutally honest with yourself.
2. List the things you like and don’t like about yourself on a piece of paper. First column the good. Second column the bad.

What’s next?

1. Give it to God. Give all the items on your bad and good list to God. Tell Him especially about the bad stuff.
2. Ask God to help. Ask Him to help you change or remove all the junk you’re carrying inside.
3. Don’t obsess. Never about the things that can’t change now or ever. Let it go. None of us are perfect.
4. Pick one thing. Do not pick more than one item of change at a time on your list. You’ll fail. Once you’ve conquered the first one go on to the next. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a long time. Life happens. All of us are required to work things out constantly (at its proper time).
5. Seek Help. If the change is going to be very difficult, seek help from a friend, accountability partner or a professional counselor. Acknowledging you need help is a sign of strength not weakness.
6. Forgive yourself. We are our own worst critics and jury. If God forgot about it why shouldn’t we? It’s done. You can’t go back and undo it. Learn from it and move on.
7. Take responsibility and ownership. Don’t blame others for where you are or who you have become. You are not what people say you are. Choose to believe what God says you are. You’re loved, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, precious, valuable and unique...one of a kind mama!
8. Make a positive out of the negative. IE: Share with others how you overcame or survived that tragedy, experience, etc in a positive way. It will remove the focus of the hurt off of you and channel it as a way out for someone else.

There’s one saying I love and I try my best to live by…”be true to thy self”.

To me it means that each day I have the opportunity to live life the best way that I can.

It means that it’s okay if I don’t feel like I have it all together all of the time. I accept that will never happen.

It means that I understand that I won’t be the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece or friend all of the time.

It means that I will strive to learn something new each day because as I learn I can enrich my life and the life of others. (Hey I am a teacher at heart.)

It means it isn’t all about me…ever.

It means that each day I choose happiness and live it. This is a struggle some times but not impossible.

Being true to myself is living the way God expects me to because it challenges me, motivates me and pushes me to a higher level, standard and expectation that dares me to live to the fullest as the unique Queen Roz.

My prayer and wish for you is that you may realize your value, not to encourage arrogance but cheer you on until you unveil and discover your uniqueness…oh beautiful Queen.

Be bold, be courageous and love your inner woman.

Now say the following with me – like you mean it…

I am woman…hear me ROAR!

Mom, Why do You Pray in Fear?

Isn’t it true that most mothers pray out of fear over their children? When we pray for blessing, it’s because we fear that they will not have enough in whatever area. When we pray for wisdom, we fear because we believe they are making the wrong choices. When we pray for protection, we fear because of where they have decided to, because of where they are or because we don’t want them to get hurt in their travels (especially if they’re driving). When we pray for healing, we fear because they are a little sick and we do not want them to become a lot sick, or they are a lot sick and we do not want them to get worst. One can argue those are normal and valid reasons to pray and the motivations are not out of fear for the most part, or is it?

The other day after a quick worried-filled prayer was sent up there was a check about my motivation and my stance behind the prayer. The understanding came immediately and after the ugggghh and grrr and grumble, a second prayer was sent up that made the last one sound seriously lame -  like a beggar’s plea.

What’s sad is a lot of us have done or continue to do that. Our prayer sound like this ~ Oh God please, please, please help so and so because I will die if I lose them.

Don’t get me wrong, God hears our heart and there are times in our desperation that’s all that comes out. We are not talking about those times. We are talking about when our prayers are constantly like that. I can imagine the whole heavenly host that surrounds us shake their heads or maybe even slap their forehead in disappointment.

Do you know that when we pray wimpy, fearful prayers, we’re basically saying I have no authority and I don’t believe my prayers can be answered? When your prayers are consistently and constantly from a stance of a beggar, out of fear, out of desperation and/or frustration, it is a clear indicator that you do not understand the authority that God as placed in you as His child.

Perhaps this is not you and your prayers don’t sound as desperate and sound more like this ~ God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college but you know I  am not comfortable with the area that it is in and she’s far away and I’m not sure if that’s the place she should go.  

This doesn’t sound like a wimpy prayer. It actually sounds like a regular prayer with some wishy-washy sentiment in it and if you paid some attention, it happened to be fueled by fear. Now, one can argue, well I talk to God about everything and that is awesome, but, is the talk the actual prayer you want answered?  

Imagine if God was sitting right in front of you and the conversation went like this? 

Me: God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college.

God: She can go wherever she wants. I told her I will never forsake her or leave her. You do want her and my decision to be honored no? I mean your daughter and I already talked about it.

Me:  Well… but you know I am not comfortable with the area.

God: So you don’t trust my protection over your kid?

Me: Well that’s not what I meant, it’s that she’s far away and…

God: But I thought we agreed that she already knows I won’t leave her and you do know she has a host of angels around her…um so what’s the problem?

Me:  Well I’m not sure that’s the place she should go (with little tude and frustration)

God: Really Roz…isn’t the real problem that you’re a bit fearful because your girlie is not going to be  under your roof and care? Don’t you trust me?

After that conversation, one would think twice about continual wimpy conversation and our prayers would sound more like this ~Lord as my daughter’s authority I pray over her life. Let her decisions be sound and blessed by you. God thank you that you are in the mix and leading of my daughter’s decision and that the outcome will be good and blessed.

This type of prayer acknowledges your authority as a child of God and it becomes more powerful when you add a verse in a positive, expectant stance. This stance should be consistent and constant after the initial human melt down and after all the additional human melt downs that you will experience during the wait for a miracle. God understands our humanity, but He also expects you to step up into the spiritual realm so that YOU can call in those things that were not as though they were because we are supposed to mimic our daddy God.

Easier said than done…absolutely! But it can be done and it is expected.

Mom you are the most influential chick in a kid’s life. It’s “my” opinion that God always answers a mom’s tear-filled prayers because his heart wells up with compassion. But I also think, He would rather see less tears and more spiritual tude because He always has our back. We just have to say and pray the word.  

What Does He Bring to the Table?

“What does he bring to the table” It's the question I ask each time a one of my girls have come to me about someone she's interested in. As I go through my mental, mile-long list of things, there was one item that continued to float up to the top because the answer gauged the outcome of all the rest.

Let me share what would be my first on the list…

Does he love God? 

This is a simple but powerful question.

The answer to this question will determine the quality of her future (serious) relationship. Some may argue otherwise, but look around. The amount of people who remain happily married have decreased dramatically over the years. Let’s be honest, love has been warped by our society, especially by the entertainment world.

For the young, it’s that butterfly in the stomach feeling and the ‘he took my breath away’ moment. It’s when the heart pounds loudly in the chest and swells up with so much emotion, you feel like you’re going to explode. For those of us who are seasoned, it’s staying together when there’s no money; when illness has overwhelmed or shaken the foundation or the core of us; when the dynamic of children have pushed the relationship into estrangement. And yet love has somehow morphed through all the adversity and is apparent by actions, not just feelings.

So how do we get that kid/young adult in our life to understand and adapt to the challenges posed in the ever-changing, relationship-environment that occurs year after year? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does He Love God’, Age-Old Theory

Boy has relationship with God because….

Boy responded to God’s love, then…

Boy grows to love God, and…

Boy understands God’s love so…

Boy craves to be more like God, then…

Boy lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Boy loves the way God has commanded.

Note the last bullet. You’re probably thinking that this theory looks good on paper but it’s not realistic. Okay let’s define realistic of what we would want for our kid’s potential mate.

We want their mate to:

1. Hang in there during the good, the bad and the ugly.
2. Show kindness to our daughter and their children at all times.
3. Not be jealous if our daughter is more successful than they are.
4. Never to think that they’re better than our daughters or treat them that way.
5. Be polite and act as a gentleman.
6. Support our daughter’s and keep them as top priority in their lives.
7. Not have an overactive temper and harm our daughters in any way.
8. Remain faithful and keep family first.
9. Not to be afraid to tell our daughter’s the truth or afraid to hear the truth from our daughter.
10. Understand the importance of being a husband and a dad.
11. Make our daughter happy as much as he can.
12. And it wouldn’t hurt if he memorized the love chapter in the bible where only subsets of the items in it were listed above.

Now, these are only a few things that we expect, but the expectation of God’s standards goes much higher and the list is a lot longer. When God commands a man to love like Christ, He’s basically saying to him, you are to serve her. Before you start to roar and strut like the lioness queen, let’s elaborate a little on what that means.

A man who loves God’s way treats his woman like a queen (love in action). His actions cultivate an environment where his queen will admire him. We’re not saying she is overly doting or being sickly-sweet to him. We are saying that his queen is proud to be partnered with him because of the amazing-qualities he continues to grow, thus, impacting her in a positive way.

And by the way, a man that feels admired will do the world for a woman because he feels appreciated.

Don’t you want that for your daughter? I know I do. Heck, don’t you want that for yourself?

Perhaps you’re passed the looking stage, have too much damage and have a tough time believing that this can ever be a reality. You wish it deeply for your girl but can’t believe it is for you. Can I share with you the next question I would ask my daughter? It would be the same one I would ask you.

Do you love God?

I mean…do you really love God. Like fallen in love, I can’t get enough of you kind of love? What was your initial reaction? Were you uncomfortable, unsure or annoyed? If this was you, I invite you to take the following challenge. Every time you look in the mirror for the next 30 days say the words “God loves me”.

What will that do? It will help you embrace that God loves you regardless. Yes regardless. He loves you when you’re cranky, when you’re good or bad, whether you feel you deserve it or not. He loves you regardless of how you look, how you’re built and even when you’re having a bad hair day. He loves you just the same.

Now, doesn’t He sound somewhat like the boy we would want for our daughter?

It’s not a man that makes the man. It’s God’s love within the man that defines him and provides a love that grows deeper in every aspect of his life.

I look forward to the great guys that God has chosen for my daughters. No, I don’t know them yet, but my expectation is that they’ll both meet the first thing on my list.

Author’s Note:

Are you still wondering how the exercise will help you fall in love with God?

When you speak those words out loud, they sink into your heart and they begin to build your value as a woman; as a person. Deep down we all know that God loves us but most of us, if not all, feel unworthy because of things we’ve done or have been labeled to believe. If you’ve tried everything else and it hasn’t worked, why not try something new? What do you have to lose?

Someone Believes in You

Faith in ourselves wanes from one day to the next. It is only in our triumphs where the validation of faith is readily embraced, driving us to our next dream or goal. However, when we step back and truly look at the whole picture, a lot of our motivation to believe in ourselves usually comes from outside encouragement. Generally, what pushes us to succeed is the reassurance we feel when someone tells us we can, we’re able, but most of all that we are believed in.

Did you know that the literal translation of believe is to accept as true. Think about that for a moment. When someone comes to you and says quite plainly that they believe you can, it empowers you subconsciously to try harder to realize your greatest dreams. Your mind set changes. Your internal dialogue becomes positive, and these adjustments utterly influence the outcome.

And what of failure? If viewed correctly, failure can motivate us to see it as a lesson learned, and gives us all the more reason to try harder by implementing different methods to attain a desired result. All of us, with no exception have someone in our lives that accept our abilities as true. The problem is life can discourage us so much that doubt begins to prevail. Sometimes it’s just not enough to believe in ourself, alone.

A passage comes to mind from the good book about a story that describes the strength behind mustard-seed faith. The size of a mustard seed is similar to a grain of sand, but when planted in the right conditions, it can flourish high and wide. What’s intriguing is that the story relays that if you have faith in the word of God similar to that of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. When you compare the two, logic would dictate that this is impossible, but if you dig deeper the meaning is quite powerful. What it is actually saying is…

1. It only takes a grain of faith to begin the journey to accomplish monstrous goals.

2. God continually validates the potential in each and every one of us by letting us know that He
    believes in us -- accepts our abilities as true, no matter what the undertaking.

So, whether you’re feeling a bit discouraged, or are on the wave of affirmation, consider this a reminder that you are believed in and that you can. Embrace that thought, run with it, and never doubt that you can become your absolute best.

Remember, all you need is a mustard seed.

So don’t just sit there…make it grow!

What Do You Bring to the Table?

When asked if you love someone, our instinctive reaction is to think about how someone makes us feel. We let memories that forged those feelings captivate our mind. We can actually smell their cologne, feel their last kiss and get all mushy inside. Although our initial thought was based on what we felt, we all get to a point where we understand and know that it’s more than that. It’s a verb. It is the constant action that gives validation to the words…I love you.

Unfortunately the expression, “I love you” has come across as empty words for many women. They heard these precious words but were shown quite the opposite. Many have suffered neglect and emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse or were enablers to men who never grow up and are still boys. Regrettably, a lot of our gals have not learned their value and believe that they don’t deserve a man that should treat them like a queen.

What does it mean to be treated as a queen? It means waiting for a man that will treat you with respect and honor that will support and complement you as an individual. It doesn’t mean that when you do find that man, you claim the right to maintain your broom lady persona with the pointy hat. Our mentality has been ‘I will not get burned again’ and so all men ( the ones that live with us, the ones that are dating us, the ones that will date us, even the ones who are consider dating us) are subject to our wicked wrath.

Perhaps if we’d invest more of our love affair with God, a lot of us would not continue to feel this way. You see your love affair with God will determine the thermostat of your most intimate relationship.

So the question is do you love God? I mean do you really love God; not just lip service.

Let’s start with why it is important to a man that you love God. The top reason for a man is because he wants to be with someone that is not afraid to receive love and respects him. I can see some of you cringing at the word respect because you’re thinking ‘I don’t need another daddy’. Let’s define the word respect. It’s a feeling of admiration, thoughtfulness or esteem towards someone. I think that is doable don’t you?

So how can a woman meet a man’s need to give love and receive respect? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does She Love God’ Age-Old Theory

Girl has relationship with God because…

Girl responded to God’s love, then…

Girl grows to love God, and…

Girl understands God’s love so…

Girl craves to be more like God, then…

Girl lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Girl is able to respect the way God commanded.

Yes you read the last bullet right. You see in the bible it was very clear. God said to man love your lady but he said to us gals, respect your man. Why is that? For the most part, we don’t have a problem with loving, we’re emotional beings. The problem for most tainted women is to receive love and bestow respect to the man who wants to love them. There are many reasons for that, but the one that floats to the top of the list is trust. Quite simply, you do not trust. You do not trust enough to receive love, therefore, you cannot respect, admire, esteem…forget about being thoughtful. What about the need to earn trust? That’s a reasonable question in any relationship and can only be answered by you.

Does your primary relationship include God, love and trust?

You see when you love God, really love God, the hardest decision you will make it to trust Him. I’ve heard some women say, it’s not hard to trust God…He loves me no matter what. That is a fact that most know and acknowledge but they live however they like. Imagine being in a relationship saying you love someone, but you continue to do things that hurt your significant other. Is that really love?This is where a lot of us miss the mark. We say we love God but our DO doesn’t support it.

When we love God, we understand the importance of surrender. Surrender puts us in a place of trust. However, surrender is not possible unless there’s an intimate relationship. When there’s an intimate relationship, God can unearth all the crappy stuff that we call luggage. He can help us acknowledge the hurts so we can heal or find the help to heal. He releases us from the bondage of low self-esteem because he provides the affirmation, validation and value that we seek as women. He takes it a step further and helps us discover our purpose, is thrilled when we finally walk in our destiny and remains on the sidelines to cheer us on. I even believe (my opinion) that He smiles when we walk like His queens, confident and bold strutting in our black patent-leather stilettos. (Okay maybe minus the 6 inch heels for some of us.)

A woman that knows who she is doesn’t need a man to complete her but welcomes a man that adds or complements her. When you strive to become the woman that God wants you to be, you position yourself to receive your man’s love and you understand the importance and balance that respect brings in that intimate relationship. That is what you bring to the table.

You will never know the depth of you, the potential within you or your uniqueness on your own. I bet if you think about it, you’ve probably tried everything else and you still come up empty. You look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see.

Don’t lose heart, make a change and start today. Fall in love with the One who loves you unconditionally and wants the very best for you.

Author’s Note:
I encourage you to cultivate and invest into your relationship with God. When you become real with God, He can't help but become real with you.

By the way, if you’ve never received the gift of God’s love for you, now is a good time to consider doing so. This simple prayer will grant that to you. (Lord Jesus I give my life to you; forgive me of my sins.) Yes that simple. Drop me a note. I would love to hear about it.

But I Love You

I feel really bad I haven’t spent enough time with you lately.
           But I love you…

I just can’t keep my head straight. There are so many things going on.
           But I love you…

Yea but it’s just that I don’t exactly do what I’m supposed to do all the time.
          But I love you…

You don’t understand. I just can’t be perfect. I have messed up a lot lately.
         But I love you…

I don’t get it. I’ve been angry with you lately. I’ve even questioned who you are.
         But I love you…

I pause in my misery of wanting to deserve…to earn your acceptance.
         But I love you…

How can you love me?     
         Because…Just Because….

Woman of Your Dreams

The value of a woman is based on who she is in Christ and is exemplified by how she lives. She identifies herself by God’s standards and is not trapped by society’s expectations. There is no shortfall in her undertakings because all she does is in excellence.

Perhaps you’re wondering if such a woman walks this earth and you would like to meet her. Shake your own hand. You’ve just met her…that person is you.

Often times we have the tendency to focus on the negative in our lives, even though all of us brim with goodness, especially towards those we love. Everyday, we overflow into someone’s life, intentionally and unintentionally. Women are the heart of any home. Whether we’re married or single, our nurturing-instinct causes us to reach out to anyone in need. We’ll bandage a scraped knee with the same care of that of a wounded heart. Women give even when there’s nothing left inside to give.

We do not give ourselves enough credit when credit is due and deserved. We lock ourselves into the next task, the next activity, the next event and continue our quest to meet any demand or challenge. We are the super women of today. We can do it all…or can we?

So many of us crack inside and continue to push. We’re exhausted, discouraged and feel unappreciated. We victimize ourselves and put the blame of our condition on our spouses, family, and any other person or organization we support. We become resentful and our attitude takes a quick spiral downward.

Why is it that we, as women, have such a hard time saying NO?
God did not call us to be a slave to anything or anyone. Yet we position ourselves again and again to chain ourselves to things and people. We plan poorly and somehow miraculously expect that the 24-hour day will become 38 so that we can fit all we have to do in one day. A lot of us are intoxicated with the multitask power we possess but accomplish little or nothing because of our overloaded schedules.

So how do we change this madness?
Look at the strong, older women in your life. What do you notice? They walk with poise, are never in a rush and are always smiling. They’re wells of wisdom, have earned the patience award and have mastered the gift of discernment. They are the matriarchs and pillars of their home, church and community. These women walk in their purpose; they live in the reality of their destiny and will do it unapologetically. Ask any woman how they reached this higher-level experience and they will probably tell you that they discovered who they are in Christ.

How do you discover who you are in Christ?
It’s in relationship. It’s in the love-relationship. When we make Christ the first lover of our lives, things change. The veil is lifted from our eyes and all the misconceptions that we have been taught or have convinced ourselves as right is exposed. We understand that we can do all things but that we must plan with wisdom. We discover that we deserve to receive love, to be treated as a queen, and that we were not created to be a punching bag or a recipient of verbal or emotional abuse. We realize the authority that we possess and we begin to live our dreams and, in doing so, we set the example for our up and coming generation of girls. We live, breathe and impart joy because we refuse to live as victims but exercise the freedom given to us as a gift, and we share that discovery. We become women who strive for excellence in all we do, because we’ve decided to believe what the Word says and not what the norm is.

Close your eyes for just one moment and picture yourself as the woman you want to be and become. Once you set your sight on her, make her your constant and daily companion. Invite her into your day dreams.

Dreams are powerful especially if repeated in one’s mind. It provides the motivation, the map and expectation. It unlocks the power to bring creativity into reality. Women are incredible beings but haven chosen to believe the lies the enemy has carefully crafted.

There’s an army rising up of strong women who have accepted their position and rightful-rank within God’s army. They’ve learned to say no on occasion. They’ve learned to plan, to care for themselves, but more importantly…they’ve learned to pour their love into God first.

Don’t miss your opportunity for this lifetime. Be happy. Be fulfilled. Be the woman that you are supposed to be. Start now. Do it today. You will never be the woman you should be, until you believe in the woman of your dreams. 




This article is dedicated in honor and memory of Elder Syria Brown.