Give Me the Tissue and Wrapping Paper

The other day, we celebrated my God daughter’s second birthday. It is always a pleasure to watch toddler open gifts. We observe how their eyes light up and how a smile is plastered on their face. We anticipate the excitement that comes from ripping open the wrapping paper and the bliss and discovery of what’s inside. We become elated when the reaction to the gift is surprise, glee - pure enjoyment. Then something funny occurs. The child gets distracted by something much simpler like the tissue in the gift bag, the wrapping paper or the box the gift came in and as adults we shake our heads and wonder why.

Teresa Peruzzi Faubel Bouquet

Perhaps the toddlers are on to something that we tend to ignore. Think about it. Each day we have gifts that are given to us, but we walk around with ungrateful hearts and with attitudes that plainly suck. We feel that life owes us and we are never satisfied or happy with what we have. Maybe it’s time we look at the tissue or wrapping paper with a bit more curiosity.


Gift of Morning
Each day that you wake up is a gift. It doesn’t matter what your body, your mind or your emotional state is in. The gift of morning means you are given one more day to make a difference. You have the choice to dwell on you or dwell on doing what you were placed here for. The tissue and the wrapping are not about you. It’s about the attention you give to others and how you make a difference in their lives. It will help you appreciate that you’re alive, today…this moment.

Gift of Afternoon
Days roll by quick and often we’re so busy that we miss out on exhaling and just being. Afternoons are the time of day when absolutely anything can happen. We hunger for food, companionship and a well deserved break, but few take advantage of that gift. The gift of afternoon encourages the time for individual nourishment in all levels. The tissue and the wrapping is what are often ignored here because the pressure of work (home or job) has thrown them to the side. Balanced life means balanced nutrition of you; body, soul and mind and this includes relational too.

Gift of Evening
This is the time of day where all can be seen as a chore. Dinner must be made, kitchens need to be cleaned and children need to be bathed…yes the list goes on. We dread what is waiting. What if the tissue paper and wrapping is in the doing of all those things? The gift of evening is a reminder of all that we need to be grateful for. It’s not in the big things. It’s always has been about the small, everyday things that we often assume will always be there. Dinners are conversational and highlighted moments that will be cherished one day. Kids grow up fast. One day you’ll ache for those crazy evenings long gone. If you have to clean stuff, remember that there are others that don’t have. Count your blessings.

Gift of Night
As we wind down and are consumed with exhaustion, our minds tell us with resentment or resignation, ‘and we get to do this again tomorrow’? If only you were aware how many people wish they had a tomorrow? They live day to day wishing. The gift of night ushers in rest and gives us the opportunity to hope for a better and greater tomorrow. Our outlook determines our attitude. The tissue and the wrapper is the remembrance of the small stuff throughout the day that we should have paid attention to that whispers, speaks or screams loudly that we are loved. Wouldn’t that change our feelings at the end of the day to that of contentment?

Toddlers are amazing. You should observe them from time to time. They entertain themselves with the simplest of things. They love life. They’re feisty, first thing in the morning, revving to see what they can discover. Toddlers often let you know what their favorite foods are rather quickly and will eat it as often as they can get it. (My youngest was chicken nuggets and French fries!) Play time is their absolute favorite time, with friends – event better, and if it can be the entire day, why not? They love being talked to, hugged, kissed and cuddled with. Mushy time is okay and they do it with abandonment. They fight nap or sleep time because life is just too much fun but they eventually succumb and every once in a while, you’ll catch a glimpse of a smile that touches their lips as they dream. Then they get to do it all over again because they expect a great tomorrow.

Focus on the gift of tissue and wrapping paper and make it a point to give those gifts to yourself and others, each and every day.

The Negative Monkey

It was a hot summer day at Coney Island beach. My cousins and I had split up to look for William, known as the adventurous wanderer of our clan. The sand was hot under our feet and our throats were hoarse from yelling. We continued on our search, when all of the sudden, I felt a hand grab my leg. It wasn’t an ordinary hand; it felt rubbery. When I looked down, I began to scream and shake my leg to try to pry off the furry body that decided to wrap its arms around me. I had my first encounter with a monkey – up close!

Apparently someone decided to take their chimp to the beach that day. Needless to say, he became friendly with me and there was no convincing him to let go. Just like my cousin, the monkey decided to explore the beach on his own. My screams and I’m sure the hysterical show that both monkey and I must have given, attracted a lot of attention. The owner finally heard the story about the screaming girl (which traveled down the beach rather quickly) and came to my rescue. I can’t remember if my cousin William showed up at the same time the owner did, but I do recall being the brunt of my cousins’ jokes for weeks on end.

Isn’t it incredible how memories can be so vivid, and although forgotten for a while, can become so relevant in our lives when we do remember them? What an awful feeling it was when that monkey hung on to my leg…and what a relief it was when the owner finally pried him off.

Often times we feel the same way when we let go of people that hinder us. But what happens when that person is you? Obviously, we can’t dismiss ourselves and so the challenge becomes how to modify our behavior, especially our thoughts.

Our thoughts define who we are and what we become.

We talk to ourselves more than anyone else in our lifetime. From the moment we open our eyes, till the moment we place our head on a pillow, our self talk is non-stop. We have the power to create a wonderful day or ruin it, via our thoughts. It’s no secret that good thoughts just like bad ones become habits. If you don’t believe it, take a look around you and listen to how people speak for a few days. A happy and successful person focuses on the good in all situations and speaks positively. A cranky, defeated and unfulfilled person focuses on the bad and speaks negatively. If we were to compare the positive and negative person, which of the two would you say had a visit with the negative monkey? I bet you’d be inclined to say the negative person but in reality both were visited. The difference is that one decided not to listen and the other took the monkey to heart.

What is the negative monkey?

It’s the pessimistic voice that pops up inside of your head. It’s the voice that whispers in your ear that you are worthless, you’ll never amount to anything and let’s face it – you’re just a woman. It reminds, in a cynical way, that you are the fragile one, too emotional to be consistent - rejected as the weaker sex. Yes, we’ve been told, we’ve listened and we’ve believe. We even speak the same negative nonsense into our own lives.

The negative monkey is a universal demon that tries to invade our space, and his goal is to steal away our inner joy and appreciation of self. It causes us to focus on what we lack and encourages us to do nothing about it. It gladly pulls in the past and plays it before us like a sitcom rerun. Over time, it can take hold of our minds, if we let it.

So how do we rid ourselves of this destructive chimp?
We scream, jump up and down and wait for the owner to come and pry it off! Actually that is not far from the truth. Let me explain with the following steps.

Scream. It will get your attention. It will push you to be stern within yourself, especially when it’s time to stop anything destructive in your life.

Jump up and down. Sometimes we need to take drastic measures to shake up our lives with radical changes.

Pry it off. When we take responsibility for what we’ve allowed into our lives, we become the owner. Ownership gives us the power to pry free from anything.

We all have the ability to change. We just need the courage to acknowledge we can change and follow through.

Stop listening to the negative monkey and be kind to yourself. Focus on the good and take the time to discover or unearth the positive inside of you. Start to believe in yourself.

Don’t stop there. Pay attention to what God says about you. If you’re unsure, go take a look in the Bible. You’ll discover throughout that God constantly validates you, believes in you and expects the best for you and from you.

Finally, make it a point to counteract the negative with a positive each and every time. Rid yourself of the outside and inside negative influences and become the woman you are destined to be.

Shut It

We often hear, we are our own worst enemies. Do you think that it is true?

One of the things that my husband has been telling me lately is "don't talk about it - jut do it." He explained that there are times that we want to do things that we're passionate about but we talk ourselves out of it before we even start. That is how many dreams never become reality and how talents are wasted. We live through life frustrated because we never end up doing what we love. We often think we're not good enough; wonder who would listen; wonder who would read it if we wrote it. The list goes on and on.

It's that internal dialogue that gets us into a pickle, gets us discouraged and stops us from doing what we love best.

In the Midwest people are known for saying 'shut it' instead of our Northeast 'shut up'. As rude as both those terms may sound to some, perhaps it is time we apply it whenever our internal dialogue want to discourage us from pursuing our dreams.

What is it that you keep putting off because you think you can't? Shut it - and just do it.  

Nurture the Girl

Whenever we read anything that begins with the word nurture, we often think of health. If you’re a woman, you tend to think of your loved ones’ health and nutrition. Let’s face it, if you’re a woman responsible for a family, you refer to your never-ending checklist… physicals, dentist, vitamins, sports, etc. The list goes on and on. However, when it comes to yourself, your list is short in comparison, and I’ll even bet you’re on the bottom of the list.

Women are nurturers by design and we do it well – with everyone else!

Why is that? The simple answer is that we are busy. Most of us work and/or are also involved with our children’s school, the community or our church. 

We proudly wear the big S underneath our blouses and we hum to the song “I am strong, I am invincible…I am woman”. Unfortunately, being multi-task queens eventually wear us out and causes a lot of damage inside with evidence outside.

Have you ever wondered why you’ve gained or lost a lot of weight, have zits, can’t sleep, are always tired, are depressed, have anxiety attacks and always feel rushed? Do you wonder why weekends are no longer a time of rest? Sounds like you? Don’t feel bad. Sounds like me too but I am learning to live more and exist less. You see, when you’re life is a whirlwind of activities; it sucks out the fun and appreciation of moments. You begin to exist from one rushed moment to the next; one rushed activity to the next; one rushed day to the next.

How do we stop the madness and begin to nurture ourselves? Perhaps you feel that to be last on the list is the wrong thing. That is a misconception and erroneous thinking. How can you nurture well, if you are unhealthy in every area of your life? You are the prime example to all in your care. Your daughters, sons, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, etc. will do the same exact thing when they grow up.

So how do we begin to change and learn to pace ourselves correctly? Begin with this: Remember that you are the temple of the Holy Spirit. That means you have the responsibility to take care of you in every area of your life.

We often think that God is pleased with our do especially when our do includes a list that is a mile long that we have imposed on ourselves. We volunteer for everything and anything and NO is not part of our vocabulary. Perhaps it is time for a change. Maybe it’s time for us to Nurture the Girl. She’s the one that lives inside of you, that voice you constantly hear. She tells you often that she just can’t. She is overwhelmed. She needs help. She needs some nurture time.

Here are some quick steps I’ve incorporated and continue to. It’s a journey and not an over night fix but it is a step in the right direction. How do I know? My teenage daughters have noticed the change about and around me.

1. Give yourself a break. It’s okay if everything cannot get done. Tomorrow is another day.
2. Give yourself some time. Even if it is a couple of hours, alone in the tub, out with a girlfriend or your honey, or alone doing a pedicure or reading a good book.
3. Give yourself some money. Dollars add up. Set aside a few bucks every pay period for yourself. Buy a new dress, shoes, real or costume jewelry. Remember when we used to play princess when we were kids?
4. Give yourself some rest. If you’re truly worn out, send the kid(s) to grandma or whomever you trust and sleep in on a Saturday and don’t feel guilty about it.
5. Give yourself some attention. Make your doctor, dentist and GYN appointments a priority. You’ll live long and get to see your grand babies.
6. Give yourself healthy habits. I remember when I could lose 5 lb in a week. Gosh I’m lucky if I can lose that in a month. Get my drift? Eat right and move.
7. Give yourself permission to say NO. Admit you can’t do it all. It’s liberating.
8. Give yourself the power to delegate. It’s incredible how many people are around you who are just waiting for you to ask.
9. Give yourself the chance to dream. We get frustrated because we don’t have time to work on our dreams. Planning is doing. Perhaps you can’t do it right now but you can plan for when you can.
10. Give of yourself to you. You give to others constantly. Learn to listen to you when she needs you. She is pretty good with warning you when you’re doing too much, need medical attention, basically need nourishment physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

We can be our worst enemies or our best caregivers. It has nothing to do with being selfish and everything to do with being a great nurturer.

Nurturer…nurture thy self…nurture the girl.

Sometimes We Need Inspiration

In my search for movies, I usually look for something that will inspire me. The other day, I had the pleasure of watching the story of Mother Teresa. This sweet, little woman was a giant among giants in her time hands down. I had a lot of takeaways but wanted to share a few.

There’s Knowing and ‘KNOWING’

There is a difference between knowing God and ‘knowing’ God. We all know who the President of the United States is but we don’t ‘know’ him. Most of us can’t walk into the White House, kick off our shoes and have dinner with him. People know of God because they’ve heard many stories of him, but they don’t ‘know’ God intimately because they’ve never formed relationship. It’s easy to dismiss God when you haven’t made an effort to prove or disprove.

Mother Teresa KNEW God. Although it’s a known fact that nuns take vows and are considered married to Jesus, we miss the point of such dedication. We think that it’s solely for nuns and get hung up with looking at the religion and forget it’s all about relationship.

The Constant Talk

Throughout the movie, the girl would drop to her knees at a drop of a hat to pray. She must have prayed at least 50 times within the 2+ hours! Most could accept that because she’s a NUN. If a regular Christian would do that, they would be considered a loon fanatic. But here is what she discovered, that most never do. The constant talk towards heaven opened up a world for her that is available to everyone but only revealed to few.

We often think of prayer as a one way conversation when it is not. God is real and constantly speaks back. Why in the world would you pray to a God who wouldn't answer back? Unfortunately many people have the wrong story about God and don’t make the effort to find out the truth.

(By the way, God is not interested in the posture of your body when you talk to him. He’s more interested in the posture of your heart. You see relationship, whenever you desire one that’s intimate, comes from the heart. What this means is that you can talk to him anytime throughout the day without any kneeling and any scripting because he wants and craves your conversation.)

It’s All About Love

Naturally when you talk to someone constantly that you want relationship with, you just eventually love them. It’s part of the intimate relationship dynamics. The beauty of discovering God’s love is that it spills over to others.

Mother Teresa loved God and loved people but a lot of us fail miserably with the second one. Too many Christians are all about talk. She showed God’s love by her actions. Even when she was hurting, she understood her hurt would work itself out when she helped others through their pain.

Our playing field may not be India or the world, but we all know of people who are in need. We should be looking for opportunities to step in and love on them.

The Power of One

Many would say Mother Teresa’s calling is not mine. I do not have her destiny…but you do. We all have something we should be accomplishing in our lifetime. We were not put here to take up space and God makes no exception. We are all called to greatness and excellence. Our sphere of influence may not be as large as Mother Teresa’s at the moment, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have that potential.

What amazed me was how she started out as one person with one vision and how over the years it became contagious throughout the world. Her calling was simple - to help people in need…that was it.

Keeping it Simple

We often think that to accomplish something memorable, it has to be big and elaborate. Mother Teresa loved simplicity and she achieved all of her objectives because of it.

She started her dream with absolutely nothing tangible…NOTHING. She had no money, no location…not even a team to help her but that didn’t deter her. She began laying groundwork with what she did possess; her love for people and her talent for persistence and stubbornness. She wouldn’t quit and was relentless and made sure that all of the dreams that God had deposited into her heart came to pass.

The Faith Factor

When we board a plane, our expectation is that that we will reach our destination even though we don’t know the pilot personally. We don’t know if he has the right credentials. We don’t know if he’s in training (perhaps his first flight). We don’t know whether he’s sober or getting over the effects of sleeping meds from the night before, etc, BUT we have faith this man we DON’T KNOW will get us there.

You exercise faith every day for many things, but when it comes to God it eludes you. Ever wonder why you waiver with your faith in God or your faith for what God can do? Sometimes I think it’s because we’re scared of what he’ll do. It freaks us out to know he may just answer a little too greatly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, supernaturally and unexplainably. It’s easier to expect he won’t answer.

Over and over again, I witnessed throughout the movie answered prayers. I was amazed and Mother Teresa was not because it was her expectations. God would give her a MASSIVE dream and she would move forward, fully confident that if he wanted it done, he would provide…period, end of story.

It looks like an easy concept but it isn’t. There are those of us who know the turmoil that one goes through when you’re going from point A to point Z before that HUGE dream comes to pass. I think that she minimized the turmoil because she often reminded others and herself that the timing factor was not hers to dictate and she learned the art of patience and waiting.

Sometimes we all need a moment of inspiration.

There’s so much more that can be said about this incredible woman, but the fact is, she was incredible because she lived what she believed. She believed she was a representative of a God who loves and lived it out loud, unashamed and unapologetically. Her inspiration was the people around her in need. It kept her going.

Where is your inspiration? I believe inspiration is always around us but I think it serves a greater purpose when we live to inspire others.

Romans 11:29 For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

The Legacy of a Man

The legacy of a man becomes the outward display of his character. Legacy demands that the life of a person be praised when merited. A legacy cannot exist unless there is investment of self into others. One is never remembered by how much they did in the material sense, but by how and where their time was devoted. If their devotion was their job, the reaping will be in the temporary memory at that place. However, if commitment was to a wider audience that included not only family, but also community, the ripple effects will be felt for generations to come.

Being Remembered
When we’re young we don’t worry about forging a legacy because we feel time is ours, but as we grow older we begin to value relationships, especially that of family. As we start to lose those that are dearest to us, those who have begun the next journey, we start to question what spiritual, cultural, and family inheritance, we will leave behind to our children. This is not limited to our own children, but also comprises of extended family and those we’ve extended the privilege of calling kin.

Six of the eight Humphreys

The Loss of a Humphrey’s Patriarch
My father’s family consisted of eight brothers and sisters. They were eight orphans who understood and still foster the importance of maintaining sibling-relationships. For as long as I can remember, they’ve always sought each other out, and showed all of us (my cousins) the meaning of love, support, friendship, and just the act of being family.

My Tio (my uncle) was one of the middle children, and though he went through some rocky times, about 20 years ago he decided to turn his life around. Most people would say he found religion, he found Jesus. However, I like thinking that what made his find so much more precious was that he knew how important connection was, and he just transposed what he already had with his siblings to his walk with God.

God quickly became his new best friend, and in doing so, he understood the significance of making his relationship an overflow experience. We all witnessed the transformation in his life, and with it, all of his family values became exemplified to a wider audience. His sowing ground became his community. He understood that one word, one sentence, or one conversation could change the life of another in such a way that they would never be the same. Yes, my Tio did this time and time again.

What Was His Legacy?
The only word that comes to mind is LOVE. He mimicked his God in everything he did. He loved his wife not only through the day to day, but in illness. He loved his children by giving his all, and letting it spill over to their children by being a grand dad in every way he could. He was the pastor to the hurting, and the encourager to the depressed. Tio was Jesus’ smile to his community and neighbors.

I truly believe that Tio learned to love people for who they are and practiced seeing people through God’s eyes. He was a warrior who took his place in the ranks and ran the course he was supposed to. As he slid sideways out of this life (think surf board), his greatest, concluding-achievement was the ability to say, “I did it God…I loved all…I did what you destined me for.” My Tio lived his life to his fullest.

Honoring the Man
What is expected of us, all of the children, not just Tio’s sons and daughters, but all of Tio’s kids? Shouldn’t we be the Humphreys, a proud and loving family who should continue to foster the importance of relationships?

Absolutely, however, when thinking of all the different levels of bonding, I’m sure my Tio would emphasize that the first and foremost relationship should be with God. He understood that the overflow from that relationship would only strengthen all others bringing our connections to deeper levels.

How can I honor, my Tio, a Humphrey’s patriarch? One day of remembrance, one honor-writing piece will never suffice. T he honoring is in continuing the legacy he so carefully forged in the last few years. Although he embraced his calling and his ministry, he never forgot family. He cherished it and I’m sure he expects no less from us.

Honoring those who have gone before me is a daily action. It is living my destiny, embracing my calling, and being everything that I should be. I know that one day I will see them, him, again, and I want to be able to tell him, “I did it Tio…I did it….Thank you for being one of my inspirations”.

In loving memory of my Tio Miguel Angel Humphreys Herrera

Why Does God Hate Me?

On any given Sunday in our church, new songs are introduced and become the favorite of many. What I find is that often certain songs just stay with me for days and echo in my mind. I hear it so clearly that I catch myself going to youtube and looking up the song so I can hear it yet again and sing along.

Amy, one of the girls at the front line, sings a song that has become one of my favorites. As a matter of fact I’m writing this because all I can hear in my head is this song. I truly don’t mind because the reminder is something I cherish. Unfortunately there are many women that don’t know this truth and the live broken because of it every day. I was reminded of that when I watched Tyler Perry’s “Why did I Get Married?” This movie portrays 4 couples and each face problems that challenge and unfortunately break up most marriages. Towards the end of the movie, there is an emotional recount of one woman’s life for the past 8 months and it goes like this.


She was a heavy woman whose husband fell out of love with her. He was completely insensitive, emotionally abusive and treated her with disdain and ridicule. She prayed that God would change things in her marriage and even told her friends that she asked herself “why does God hate me” when nothing happened. My heart just broke with those words and yes I am one of those who blubber at times along with the character. I guess those words struck a chord because I knew how she felt because quite honestly I’ve felt like that when I’ve been in crisis and there is no answer in sight.

She continues to tell her friends how she was able to basically work on herself and how God turned her life around and gave her a man who loves her for her. She kept repeating how every morning her heart is full of joy.

Movies have to truncate the ugly becoming beautiful for the sake of time. Reality is that the transition takes a while and is very painful and you have to be brave enough to want change and follow through. A lot of times we may feel like this woman “why does God hate me” because the silence may be deafening to our prayers but did you ever stop to think God is waiting for you?

Her change didn’t come until she took action. She had to go through a series of changes to obtain that answered prayer. Let me give you a few examples…

1.She had to stop accepting and believing the abusive behavior towards her. It had nothing to do with size and everything to do with how she viewed herself. Although there is no excuse for the things her husband said and did, she enabled it because of her insecurities. She did not know who she was and how valuable she was.

2. Once she recognized that she was a loveable human being, she wanted to become better in every area of her life. In her case she had the assistance of a man who loved her for her but that doesn’t always happen. Most times, a woman will have friends that will provide that support. We need to learn to soak that up and accept that constructive criticism for the better.

3. She took certain actions. She didn’t like her weight. It made her feel less attractive so she went on a healthy regimen. She did it for her not him and was proud and pleased with the outcome. She changed her environment and who she hung out with. She chose to listen to positive voices and shut out the negative ones.

Many times God can’t answer prayers because we’re not ready for the change. In our present state we enable behaviors from others and within ourselves. If he’d answer, we would undo everything because we are part of the problem.

So what does this have to do with the song that Amy sings going around my head? Well the song is quite the opposite of this woman’s once sentiment. However, after she and I changed, we both discovered that God really loves us and was willing to answer our prayers all along, He was just waiting for us to be willing to change.

I can hear Amy singing again. I wish we had our church’s rendition so you could all hear… How He Loves Us So….It’s an awesome song…

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so, Oh how He loves us, How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves us, Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He is Jealous of Me