When
we think of abandonment, we often feel the sting for the other person because
we probably know the sting ourselves. It may have been because we experienced
it.
We
abandon all sorts of ideas but we never look at it as abandonment. Then there
is also the abandonment of self, where we totally immerse ourselves into someone
or something. Although abandonment has many definitions, it’s often associated
with the negative. It is usually the explanation of someone leaving their responsibilities.
It creates hurt and unanswered questions. The wounded party often wonders…why?
Abandonment,
if not explored, can be the breeding ground of distrust, resentment that can
become bitterness, and the ongoing feeling of loneliness even in a crowded
room. Why explore, you may wonder? Whatever you don’t question, will haunt you.
The answer may never come, but then there’s a decision to be made. Do you
continue to ask the why, or do you make peace with not knowing? It’s an
individual journey, with individual decisions.
When
my husband’s father became ill, the decision to treat him with love and respect
was difficult in the beginning, but we knew it was a God-mandate. Here was the
man that abandoned his sons, and didn’t actively look for them afterwards. To
many outsiders, it looked like he washed his hands of his past. It no longer
existed. Unfortunately that spilled over to his grandchildren, and my daughters
experienced very little of their grandfather.
Forgiveness
My
husband chose to forgive him, but he struggled from time to time on how a father
could abandon his children. His way of not holding on to resentment or any of
the ugly stuff that can come along with that experience, was to be the best dad
he could be. He tried his hardest to be the opposite of what his father was.
During
the time that we cared for my father-in-law, we discovered many things about
him. You can say that the scales came off our eyes as we witnessed the truth of
who he was. It broke both of our hearts and helped my husband heal completely
as he served his father…who did not deserve kindness, but was granted it
anyway.
Sometimes
we don’t understand why people do certain things, how they could abandon their
children, or why strayed so far, but God knows. I believe that’s why He asks us
to love one another. It’s a hard ask at times, but He understands the human
heart, the human condition, the fact that we miss the mark a lot. We tend to
judge harshly but don’t want to be judged ourselves, cause let’s face it, we’re
perfect. We make no mistakes. Yet there are times where our glass house can be
easily shattered due to our temporary/momentary hypocrisy. This is where love covers
a multitude of sins.
When
God commanded us to forgive, it was because he knew there was healing in
forgiveness, not only for the offender but most importantly, for the one
offended. The greatest gift that Rich’s dad received before he left this earth
was family…the love of our family that was unconditional. It was not because we
are saints. It’s because we chose to honor God first and foremost, and we live
by a rule in our extended family that we keep to. “Don’t sweat the small stuff,
and everything is small.”
A lot of times, we want the justification of
being right. We want that pat on the shoulder, the camaraderie of acceptance
but that’s not always the path to healing. Going against the grain and being
the lone person that sings to a different tune is usually the one that makes
the difference; the one who promotes healing and well-being.
Just
because everyone is in agreement for a seemingly good cause, doesn’t mean that
their motives are right or even pleasing to heaven. We live in a world where
the bible is no longer the standard and only feeling is the guide. That can get
anyone in trouble because God’s not interested in opinions. He’s looking for
obedience because obedience is what turns the tides.
Abandon the Abandonment
Abandonment
can be a devastating experience, but God’s healing is ever greater. I challenge
you to try God, I mean really try God. Be brutally honest with Him about what
you’re feeling, but be ready to abandon the abandonment. What that means is
that you will be faced with the choice to hold on to the feelings, or release
it and bind God’s love to your soul. You may have to say “I release (fill in
the blank) and I bind God’s love to my soul” 1,000x in a day for days, but know
that God heals. He sent Jesus to restore you completely and make you whole
again.
In
Luke and Isaiah, it says that Jesus came to give freedom to the brokenhearted.
If that is a truth that has become your truth, then your next choice is to
believe.
