What Does He Bring to the Table?

“What does he bring to the table” It's the question I ask each time a one of my girls have come to me about someone she's interested in. As I go through my mental, mile-long list of things, there was one item that continued to float up to the top because the answer gauged the outcome of all the rest.

Let me share what would be my first on the list…

Does he love God? 

This is a simple but powerful question.

The answer to this question will determine the quality of her future (serious) relationship. Some may argue otherwise, but look around. The amount of people who remain happily married have decreased dramatically over the years. Let’s be honest, love has been warped by our society, especially by the entertainment world.

For the young, it’s that butterfly in the stomach feeling and the ‘he took my breath away’ moment. It’s when the heart pounds loudly in the chest and swells up with so much emotion, you feel like you’re going to explode. For those of us who are seasoned, it’s staying together when there’s no money; when illness has overwhelmed or shaken the foundation or the core of us; when the dynamic of children have pushed the relationship into estrangement. And yet love has somehow morphed through all the adversity and is apparent by actions, not just feelings.

So how do we get that kid/young adult in our life to understand and adapt to the challenges posed in the ever-changing, relationship-environment that occurs year after year? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does He Love God’, Age-Old Theory

Boy has relationship with God because….

Boy responded to God’s love, then…

Boy grows to love God, and…

Boy understands God’s love so…

Boy craves to be more like God, then…

Boy lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Boy loves the way God has commanded.

Note the last bullet. You’re probably thinking that this theory looks good on paper but it’s not realistic. Okay let’s define realistic of what we would want for our kid’s potential mate.

We want their mate to:

1. Hang in there during the good, the bad and the ugly.
2. Show kindness to our daughter and their children at all times.
3. Not be jealous if our daughter is more successful than they are.
4. Never to think that they’re better than our daughters or treat them that way.
5. Be polite and act as a gentleman.
6. Support our daughter’s and keep them as top priority in their lives.
7. Not have an overactive temper and harm our daughters in any way.
8. Remain faithful and keep family first.
9. Not to be afraid to tell our daughter’s the truth or afraid to hear the truth from our daughter.
10. Understand the importance of being a husband and a dad.
11. Make our daughter happy as much as he can.
12. And it wouldn’t hurt if he memorized the love chapter in the bible where only subsets of the items in it were listed above.

Now, these are only a few things that we expect, but the expectation of God’s standards goes much higher and the list is a lot longer. When God commands a man to love like Christ, He’s basically saying to him, you are to serve her. Before you start to roar and strut like the lioness queen, let’s elaborate a little on what that means.

A man who loves God’s way treats his woman like a queen (love in action). His actions cultivate an environment where his queen will admire him. We’re not saying she is overly doting or being sickly-sweet to him. We are saying that his queen is proud to be partnered with him because of the amazing-qualities he continues to grow, thus, impacting her in a positive way.

And by the way, a man that feels admired will do the world for a woman because he feels appreciated.

Don’t you want that for your daughter? I know I do. Heck, don’t you want that for yourself?

Perhaps you’re passed the looking stage, have too much damage and have a tough time believing that this can ever be a reality. You wish it deeply for your girl but can’t believe it is for you. Can I share with you the next question I would ask my daughter? It would be the same one I would ask you.

Do you love God?

I mean…do you really love God. Like fallen in love, I can’t get enough of you kind of love? What was your initial reaction? Were you uncomfortable, unsure or annoyed? If this was you, I invite you to take the following challenge. Every time you look in the mirror for the next 30 days say the words “God loves me”.

What will that do? It will help you embrace that God loves you regardless. Yes regardless. He loves you when you’re cranky, when you’re good or bad, whether you feel you deserve it or not. He loves you regardless of how you look, how you’re built and even when you’re having a bad hair day. He loves you just the same.

Now, doesn’t He sound somewhat like the boy we would want for our daughter?

It’s not a man that makes the man. It’s God’s love within the man that defines him and provides a love that grows deeper in every aspect of his life.

I look forward to the great guys that God has chosen for my daughters. No, I don’t know them yet, but my expectation is that they’ll both meet the first thing on my list.

Author’s Note:

Are you still wondering how the exercise will help you fall in love with God?

When you speak those words out loud, they sink into your heart and they begin to build your value as a woman; as a person. Deep down we all know that God loves us but most of us, if not all, feel unworthy because of things we’ve done or have been labeled to believe. If you’ve tried everything else and it hasn’t worked, why not try something new? What do you have to lose?

Someone Believes in You

Faith in ourselves wanes from one day to the next. It is only in our triumphs where the validation of faith is readily embraced, driving us to our next dream or goal. However, when we step back and truly look at the whole picture, a lot of our motivation to believe in ourselves usually comes from outside encouragement. Generally, what pushes us to succeed is the reassurance we feel when someone tells us we can, we’re able, but most of all that we are believed in.

Did you know that the literal translation of believe is to accept as true. Think about that for a moment. When someone comes to you and says quite plainly that they believe you can, it empowers you subconsciously to try harder to realize your greatest dreams. Your mind set changes. Your internal dialogue becomes positive, and these adjustments utterly influence the outcome.

And what of failure? If viewed correctly, failure can motivate us to see it as a lesson learned, and gives us all the more reason to try harder by implementing different methods to attain a desired result. All of us, with no exception have someone in our lives that accept our abilities as true. The problem is life can discourage us so much that doubt begins to prevail. Sometimes it’s just not enough to believe in ourself, alone.

A passage comes to mind from the good book about a story that describes the strength behind mustard-seed faith. The size of a mustard seed is similar to a grain of sand, but when planted in the right conditions, it can flourish high and wide. What’s intriguing is that the story relays that if you have faith in the word of God similar to that of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. When you compare the two, logic would dictate that this is impossible, but if you dig deeper the meaning is quite powerful. What it is actually saying is…

1. It only takes a grain of faith to begin the journey to accomplish monstrous goals.

2. God continually validates the potential in each and every one of us by letting us know that He
    believes in us -- accepts our abilities as true, no matter what the undertaking.

So, whether you’re feeling a bit discouraged, or are on the wave of affirmation, consider this a reminder that you are believed in and that you can. Embrace that thought, run with it, and never doubt that you can become your absolute best.

Remember, all you need is a mustard seed.

So don’t just sit there…make it grow!