There are so many articles, books, and magazines that have taken male bashing to an all-time level of normality, and have redefined “the who” a man supposedly is based on today’s terms. Our girls are growing up reading that in general, men are not to be depended on or respected as a valuable counterpart. If anything, a woman is encouraged to take care of herself and protect herself from being subjected by the man. It is drilled into a woman’s head from a very early age that a man will never see her as equal in any area of life. Although this may hold true or may describe some men, it does not define all.
Drawing the Line
Where do we draw the line? Did we ever stop to think that in knocking men we are actually reinforcing negative behavior in our upcoming generation? In comparison to the negative input from all mediums, how many times have we’ve uplifted the male side from a woman’s point of view?
It is wrong for any of us to think that for every bad guy that’s present in our world today, there are no good ones. Yet we concentrate on only the bad and at a bare minimum the good. We label men as being all the same, yet get irritated when we are also branded in that “same” category. Reality is none of us are the same, and all of us are unique. We all have the ability of contributing positive towards either gender. The problem we’re running into is that we have all become comfortable with playing the game of male vs. female or vice versa. It shows itself in all areas of life, and is unfortunately strengthened by the same people who want to see it go away.
How do we strengthen it? We assume a lot; we don’t ask questions and if we do it’s the wrong questions; or we’ve already made up our minds that something is the way it is even if the other person(s) says otherwise. Why does this happen? We as a society thrive on building on history, the past, and have a hard time creating a new story. We hold ourselves to what was and become afraid of what can be. Can you and should you negate history. No we cannot and should not. It is history that has brought us to where we are today (as my sister Myra would say). However, the past can also hinder us from moving forward when we maintain or remain in the victim or subjugated role.
Finding Balance
For every offense there should be a counteracting defense. For every roar of male bashing there should be an equal shout of praise. Every time our girls are exposed to the negative, it should be balanced out with the positive that men can provide. We must remember that they will be mothers one day and it is so important that they instill in their boys and girls the importance of the male role in all levels of life. They should be canceling out any reinforcement of the negative views that society has placed because of a few bad eggs.
We, as women, should be encouraging, respectful, and loving to our partners because our girls and boys learn by example. Our children are not only the kids we have at home, but also include any that look up to us (our nieces, nephews, grandchildren, girl/boy scouts, etc.). For every shout out we make to our women, we should equally send something out that praise our men.
It’s so easy to get caught up on what our partners don’t do; how long it took him to do something; and pick and focus on every bad quality they may have. Let’s admit it we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, no matter what gender. However, for us women it’s so much harder for some quirky reason to just say thank you, and not want to add, even though it took you five months to get to it.
Positive Defense
We as women feel the need and are weighed with the responsibility of pointing out and making known that we are not treated equally. Yet, we do not take the onus or ignore the accountability we have in contributing to it. Our mistreatment in the workforce or in society should not be taken into our home in an offensive manner. We forget that our greatest influence is in our inner circle and that within that sphere, we have great and powerful allies who happen to be men. Sometimes we kill our own influence within our circle because of our derogatory ways.
Imagine what life would be if we all used our persuasion as a positive defense. What is positive defense? It is when you can get someone to empathize, gain better understanding, of a negative situation that needs to be turned around. Our circle of influence begins at home and with all those within our circles. Sometimes we get so hung up on solving world hunger that we forget that we can be an impact within our own village.
A Rising Generation
We prepare and determine what the views of our next generation will be. We can choose to continue being bitter, or we can change those feelings and fuel them into teaching others what those negatives views and actions do to our daughters, sisters, wives, mothers which in turn also hurt our sons, brothers, husbands and fathers. However, teaching what it does is not enough. Reinforcing positive behaviors in both genders must go hand in hand. If it doesn’t, it’s like showing the wound but not healing it.
We have a rising generation of men, not all but quite a few, who are trying their best to incorporate the importance of integrity and their responsibility within their role as a man in their home. As much as we as women have tried to prove that we can do it all, it is so imperative that we allow men to be what God has called them to be. Why is that vital? There are fundamentals that none of us can undo.
A girl needs her daddy because he is the first man she’ll know of that will provide validation, a sense of security, and of love. Do we have that in all homes today? We all know that is not happening, but how many of us have good fathers in the home and downplay their role thus creating insecure young women who feel the need to go outside of the home for some loving?
Let’s look at the flip side. Boys need their daddies also. It’s so important for men to instill in the younger generation the sense of responsibility for taking their place in the care of their home. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to care for his woman. Hello it should be that way. Women should be treated as queens. However, some women are so hell bent on making it known they don’t need a man and view it as a way of life for all. I believe all women should be equipped with being able to take care of themselves. I am a proponent of it and drill that into my own girls because of the possibility of death or divorce. No woman should be unprepared. However, the stance of not needing a man, ever, cheats a woman of the richness of partnering with a man who wants to love her in every way he knows how and that includes in the caring for her. Ever wonder why we have so many men who don’t know how to be fathers? It’s not only because of the absence of the father. It is also because of the women who didn’t think it important to find men who can mentor their boys. The result is a man who was ingrained with the thought that a woman doesn’t need him around to raise a baby.
The Value of a Man
We cannot ignore that we have created societies and homes that are broken and need fixing. The fixing has to start with all of us on the individual level. When we are tempted to talk or act badly, we need to become conscientious of those around us, those we influence. The value of a man, the value of your man, the value of the men in your life is portrayed in many different ways. Although it’s their responsibility to live up to, and own their role in life the best way they know how, it is up to us to reinforce the good and make them aware of what hurts us. Not in a derogatory way, but in positive defense. Girls we balance each other out. They’re not perfect and we’re not perfect, but it’s not about who’s better or who’s right. It’s about maintaining the value of each of our roles so that the next generation begins the healing process for repairing the gap between the genders.
This article is dedicated as a shout out to all the men of positive influence in my life; my husband, father, brothers that are also in some cases closest cousins and in-laws, pastors, and friends who have taken the time to put love into action by supporting the women in their lives.
Drawing the Line
Where do we draw the line? Did we ever stop to think that in knocking men we are actually reinforcing negative behavior in our upcoming generation? In comparison to the negative input from all mediums, how many times have we’ve uplifted the male side from a woman’s point of view?
It is wrong for any of us to think that for every bad guy that’s present in our world today, there are no good ones. Yet we concentrate on only the bad and at a bare minimum the good. We label men as being all the same, yet get irritated when we are also branded in that “same” category. Reality is none of us are the same, and all of us are unique. We all have the ability of contributing positive towards either gender. The problem we’re running into is that we have all become comfortable with playing the game of male vs. female or vice versa. It shows itself in all areas of life, and is unfortunately strengthened by the same people who want to see it go away.
How do we strengthen it? We assume a lot; we don’t ask questions and if we do it’s the wrong questions; or we’ve already made up our minds that something is the way it is even if the other person(s) says otherwise. Why does this happen? We as a society thrive on building on history, the past, and have a hard time creating a new story. We hold ourselves to what was and become afraid of what can be. Can you and should you negate history. No we cannot and should not. It is history that has brought us to where we are today (as my sister Myra would say). However, the past can also hinder us from moving forward when we maintain or remain in the victim or subjugated role.
Finding Balance
For every offense there should be a counteracting defense. For every roar of male bashing there should be an equal shout of praise. Every time our girls are exposed to the negative, it should be balanced out with the positive that men can provide. We must remember that they will be mothers one day and it is so important that they instill in their boys and girls the importance of the male role in all levels of life. They should be canceling out any reinforcement of the negative views that society has placed because of a few bad eggs.
We, as women, should be encouraging, respectful, and loving to our partners because our girls and boys learn by example. Our children are not only the kids we have at home, but also include any that look up to us (our nieces, nephews, grandchildren, girl/boy scouts, etc.). For every shout out we make to our women, we should equally send something out that praise our men.
It’s so easy to get caught up on what our partners don’t do; how long it took him to do something; and pick and focus on every bad quality they may have. Let’s admit it we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, no matter what gender. However, for us women it’s so much harder for some quirky reason to just say thank you, and not want to add, even though it took you five months to get to it.
Positive Defense
We as women feel the need and are weighed with the responsibility of pointing out and making known that we are not treated equally. Yet, we do not take the onus or ignore the accountability we have in contributing to it. Our mistreatment in the workforce or in society should not be taken into our home in an offensive manner. We forget that our greatest influence is in our inner circle and that within that sphere, we have great and powerful allies who happen to be men. Sometimes we kill our own influence within our circle because of our derogatory ways.
Imagine what life would be if we all used our persuasion as a positive defense. What is positive defense? It is when you can get someone to empathize, gain better understanding, of a negative situation that needs to be turned around. Our circle of influence begins at home and with all those within our circles. Sometimes we get so hung up on solving world hunger that we forget that we can be an impact within our own village.
A Rising Generation
We prepare and determine what the views of our next generation will be. We can choose to continue being bitter, or we can change those feelings and fuel them into teaching others what those negatives views and actions do to our daughters, sisters, wives, mothers which in turn also hurt our sons, brothers, husbands and fathers. However, teaching what it does is not enough. Reinforcing positive behaviors in both genders must go hand in hand. If it doesn’t, it’s like showing the wound but not healing it.
We have a rising generation of men, not all but quite a few, who are trying their best to incorporate the importance of integrity and their responsibility within their role as a man in their home. As much as we as women have tried to prove that we can do it all, it is so imperative that we allow men to be what God has called them to be. Why is that vital? There are fundamentals that none of us can undo.
A girl needs her daddy because he is the first man she’ll know of that will provide validation, a sense of security, and of love. Do we have that in all homes today? We all know that is not happening, but how many of us have good fathers in the home and downplay their role thus creating insecure young women who feel the need to go outside of the home for some loving?
Let’s look at the flip side. Boys need their daddies also. It’s so important for men to instill in the younger generation the sense of responsibility for taking their place in the care of their home. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to care for his woman. Hello it should be that way. Women should be treated as queens. However, some women are so hell bent on making it known they don’t need a man and view it as a way of life for all. I believe all women should be equipped with being able to take care of themselves. I am a proponent of it and drill that into my own girls because of the possibility of death or divorce. No woman should be unprepared. However, the stance of not needing a man, ever, cheats a woman of the richness of partnering with a man who wants to love her in every way he knows how and that includes in the caring for her. Ever wonder why we have so many men who don’t know how to be fathers? It’s not only because of the absence of the father. It is also because of the women who didn’t think it important to find men who can mentor their boys. The result is a man who was ingrained with the thought that a woman doesn’t need him around to raise a baby.
The Value of a Man
We cannot ignore that we have created societies and homes that are broken and need fixing. The fixing has to start with all of us on the individual level. When we are tempted to talk or act badly, we need to become conscientious of those around us, those we influence. The value of a man, the value of your man, the value of the men in your life is portrayed in many different ways. Although it’s their responsibility to live up to, and own their role in life the best way they know how, it is up to us to reinforce the good and make them aware of what hurts us. Not in a derogatory way, but in positive defense. Girls we balance each other out. They’re not perfect and we’re not perfect, but it’s not about who’s better or who’s right. It’s about maintaining the value of each of our roles so that the next generation begins the healing process for repairing the gap between the genders.
This article is dedicated as a shout out to all the men of positive influence in my life; my husband, father, brothers that are also in some cases closest cousins and in-laws, pastors, and friends who have taken the time to put love into action by supporting the women in their lives.
