While I'm Waiting

There are times that songs just swirl in my head. Some times for days. Some times for weeks on end and when that happens I really pay attention.  This go round the song is While I'm Waiting by John Waller. When he wrote it he said it took him all about 10 minutes. It later became the focal song for the 2008 movie called Fire Proof but the power of the song still resonates today…at least in my life.

We all go through periods where we need to wait. We wait for a job offer. We wait to see if a wayward child turns around. We wait for a broken marriage to mend. We wait for a result on a biopsy. We wait and wonder what life will be. We understand that our lives can change in a split second.

The hardest part for anyone today is to wait because we’ve been conditioned to get everything right away. We’re a fast paced society and so when answers from God are on the slow side that tends to freak us out especially when things are down to the wire or worst our life is at stake. As the song repeated itself over and over again and I felt the compulsion to listen, it uncovered many truths in my life that I wanted to share. This is for those of you who are in wait mode. Don’t feel alone. I’m there with you in my own wait.

Wait on the Lord
When I was younger – a lot younger, I used to think that all you had to do was pray and just wait for God to do something. I kept that in mind when things got ugly in my marriage and got frustrated when nothing happened. It really messed with my faith. What I discovered was that God heard me long ago but was waiting on me to take some action. Faith without action is dead. I tied up God’s hands for a few years because I didn’t adjust certain behaviors of my own and accepted certain behaviors I shouldn’t have (as an example).

Being Hopeful
So here’s the deal you can’t just pray and not be hopeful. Hope is not just wishing – it’s expecting. I remember one time Joel Olsteen said to live with the expectation of good things every single day. We lose sight of that when our lives become chaotic or dread fills our hearts. We often forget that we serve the God of the universe. Hmmm so if he created the gazillion stars ya think he can take care of my (fill in the blanks). My pastor has been doing an awesome series about hope and one of the things he said resounded loudly with me. He said God’s no means that he has a better yes in mind.

Although It’s Painful
Being hopeful during pain is the toughest thing to do but it’s a choice. It’s always a choice. People that survive illnesses and tragedies often do because they make every effort to focus on the positive and for many they put their trust in God. Trust doesn’t come over night. Like in any relationship, it takes time to cultivate, but when you do, you know who you can depend on. There are some people I trust with my life and I know they got my back but my reality is that I’ve become so dependent on God that I would feel extremely lost if he were not the lover of my soul, the companion of my heart and my most trusted Lord and friend. My greatest comfort through pain is him.

Patience
I laugh when people pray for patience. I stay away from that prayer. Patience requires a situation where patience can be molded, enhanced – stttrreetttccheed. Oh heck no!

It’s hard to be patient when you need a resolution now but if you remind yourself of the trust factor then it helps – at least for a little while until you have to remind yourself again. (Just being real.)

Move Ahead Bold and Confident
It’s hard to forge ahead bold and confident but then again why shouldn’t we? What’s the point in living a miserable life when just a part of it is haywire and the rest is good? Ok that part may affect our lives but it doesn’t need to paralyze us. We often forget how blessed we are. I give the gals I counsel a certain exercise. Write the things you’re thankful for. It’ll help your perception of things and will help you move forward. Always move forward no matter what. You may not be able to move in certain areas but move in the others. Don’t quit!

Serve
To serve God means to have relationship with him. People often freak out because they don’t want to give up certain things. Here’s the reality of it, the things you sometimes hold on to so dearly to, are the things that are probably adding to your hurt because you’re not dealing with the real issue. Most vices are escape goats to relieve or detach you from the unhappiness you feel. God won’t force you to let go of anything because he won’t impose his will on you. His greatest desire above all else is to be part of your life, especially while you’re waiting.

Worship
This word is so broad but for some reason folks think it’s only when you sing or praise God. Nope, it goes way beyond that. I have a friend who is currently painting his parents living room. This is an expression of worship because he’s honoring his parents. There are countless women who get up in the wee hours of the morning to pack up their kid’s lunches and get their clothes ready for daycare or school. Their worship is in tending their family. Whenever we are obedient to things that need to be done, we worship.

Don’t Faint
We often think of to faint as passing out but in this case it means don’t lose courage. Don’t wimp out. Don’t give up on your fight. FIGHT! Fight the right way. Fight for your kids, your marriage, your sanity…whatever it may be FIGHT. Don’t just war with your words and don’t just war with your causes in certain areas; war on your knees too. We often forget we’re spiritual beings and let the enemy walk all over us. If you think there are no demons out there, you’re sadly mistaken and what’s worse is that they’re here to take you out and you’re letting them.

Be Peaceful
Peace eludes us at times but it’s a choice. The bible says we should seek peace. This means you do all you can to maintain peace even if it means saying I’m sorry, forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it or choosing not to think about something negative. Yes it’s hard but it’s not impossible. We like to beat ourselves up way too much and we just have to quit it. You can’t take back certain things and it is what it is. Move on and let it go. Forgive yourself.

It’s also important to discover the peace of God – it surpasses all understanding. I’ve been peaceful in the worst of times – the most horrid of times. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. It comes with relationship. Relationship + Trust = Peace

Run the Race
Whatever it is you’re supposed to do in this world, whatever ripple effect you are cut out to do whether your circle is your home or the world, do it well. Don’t let the interruptions in life – big or small – cause you to lose sight of why you’re here. If you‘re gifted to sing – sing. If you’re gifted to write – write. If you are an encourager, go out and touch as many lives as you can. If you have the gift of being a good friend – continue to do so. You’re gift makes a difference. Slide out of this world screaming what a rush and with the confidence that when asked by God what did you accomplish you’ll have the story to tell that will continue to put a smile on his face.

How's Your Daily Talk?

Have you ever had God try to grab your attention about something? Usually it happens when the same topic keeps popping up. "Ummm God you’re trying to tell me something?" Sometimes I think God says "Well duuuhhh." Okay some of you may not think of God that way, and may even find it disrespectful, but God is very personal, very real and down to earth…at least in my life.

I constantly talk about the power of words but lately that reality is taking on a deeper meaning. Usually we talk about the power of speaking God’s word, the power of speaking positively in negative situations, the power of choice via our words, but what I’m being nudged on is the daily talk.

You know what I mean ~

These kids are such a pain in the ….

My husband is such a ... He “always” does …

My boss can go to ….

This day is going to suck because it’s raining, it’s cold, it’s ….

I feel like ….

Our daily talk – our daily words are powerful. We do not realize the power of our words. It carries way further then we can see in the spiritual realm. We forget that we were made in the likeness of God, and we have the Spirit of the Almighty inside of us. This means anything we say…goes…whether we believe it or not.

We speak into existence situations, good or bad. We maintain (good or bad) situations because of what we speak.

I don’t know about you but that’s a harsh, eye opening – I get it Lord reality. Uggghhh…

So now you know, and that makes me accountable, and you in the knowledge of my recent aha!

The power of your daily words shapes your life. Be careful with the next words you’re going to say.

I wonder if I have to change the uuggghh too…uuuggghhhh.

Right or Left - Race You to the End!

One day, after I pulled my heart back up from my feet, I asked my hubs how he learned to swerve the car so gracefully in and out of lanes like he does. He explained that when police officers learn defensive driving, they actually have an instructor who stands at a certain point of the course who lifts up their arm at the very last minute towards the left or the right. Now mind you, the driver in training is going 60 mph. Of course you know what my next question was – did any of those instructors ever get hit or killed? His answer was they better not!

Of course I began to wonder how many times (and couldn’t shake it off) does God tells us to swerve into the right or left to avoid a collision and we miss it because we were going too fast, didn’t know how to maneuver defensively against the enemy AND were just so distracted that we didn’t look for his direction.

Life was never meant to be lived in a continual fast pace. We miss out the joy of family and friends, the intensity of relationships and the warmth of love that goes with it. Fast-paced lives become numb to their surrounding. They are deaf to the needs of others, especially to those who need them most.

Those who continue to lie to themselves and convince themselves that they can do it all, lose out on the most precious part of themselves – the reason why they are here.

I crave for a successful life. Many define that as what you live in, what car you drive, where you vacation, etc. Success, some say, is based on the person...but...what is success to you? How do you define success? Who maneuvers your left and right in life so that you continue to gauge your success via accomplishments, triumphs, achievements or whatever it may be to you?

Success to me is when my husband says he can’t wait until we cruise in May; when my daughter said she is happy to be home; when my mom and dad say they miss me; when my sister says I’m her best friend; when my brother shares his heart; when one of my closest friends says thank you after a wicked year; when a parishioner asks can you pray with me; when a stranger thanks me for an article that touched their lives.

All those things are considered a success to me because it reminds me of how blessed I am, but it goes further than that.

Successes are the times that I know I did what is right. It’s when I did something that was thankless. It often means that I’m invisible and no one knows. It’s when I do those things that are only known to Father God, and I don’t mind that because my goal is to hear him say you did good! (I always remember the movie Bruce Almighty and makes me chuckle.)

I believe success is measured the wrong way often times because we’re so hung up on the here and now and constantly forget the eternal. It doesn’t mean you become overly spiritual. It means you depend on the eternal so that you can make it in the here and now. That left and right sign is always in front of us. We just have to hone in, become sensitive to the guidance of the spirit of God.

Right or Left – race you to the end!

Do You Love You?

I am a Queen. I do not say this with conceit. However, I do say it with certainty. I am a Queen in God’s kingdom, a Queen in my home…yes Queen with a capital Q. I am not the only Queen. I am surrounded by them and they come from all walks of life.

Some know it, however many do not. Sadly, there are still a few that have yet to discover this reality.

In order to recognize, acknowledge and accept that you are a Queen, you’ll have to answer some tough questions. Firstly....

Roz

Do You Love You?
The minute we’re asked that question, our inclination is to take inventory of our physical appearance. We look at beauty first. We think that being attractive is what defines whether we’re likable to others or not. We then take inventory of the number of friends we have. If we’re liked, we gauge against that to determine if we like ourselves. It goes a step further. We’re also swayed by what others think or say about us. This is human nature. Unfortunately, it is also human nature not to be kind, tolerant or forgiving. When that happens, the view of others can be detrimental to our psyche. We focus on what the one person said, although there can be tons of positive that we demonstrate as a lifestyle.

Do You Love You?

Look deep inside. Do you like what you see? Look in the mirror. Can you stand the reflection in it? Do you cringe and groan at what’s before you? Don’t focus on the few added pounds or bony frame looking back at you. Look at the entire woman that you live with day in and day out.

Again, Do You Love You?
Does the answer to that question bring shame or the feeling of being selfish? Perhaps the reason you feel uncomfortable with this question is because you’ve never taken the time to really uncover the truth behind your answer. You’re afraid to admit that you hate you. You’re afraid to say I don’t like who I am. You may also be afraid to admit you don’t know who you are. What’s sad is that you have accepted what you are now based on past labels or failures.

You owe it to yourself to answer that tough question…even if it hurts. Why is this important? You can’t become a Queen (yes with a capital Q) until you begin to discover the beautiful, wonderful, unique YOU. Woman…you are like no other. You were born for a purpose and have an incredible destiny. However, you will never discover it until you learn to love the woman you are…bumps, bruises, scars and all.

If you’re serious about answering the following question, you’ll have to do some radical things that may be uncomfortable. But, it’s only for a bit and will pass. Don’t be wimpy now…you can do this.

Do You Love You?

1. Answer that question truthfully. Be brutally honest with yourself.
2. List the things you like and don’t like about yourself on a piece of paper. First column the good. Second column the bad.

What’s next?

1. Give it to God. Give all the items on your bad and good list to God. Tell Him especially about the bad stuff.
2. Ask God to help. Ask Him to help you change or remove all the junk you’re carrying inside.
3. Don’t obsess. Never about the things that can’t change now or ever. Let it go. None of us are perfect.
4. Pick one thing. Do not pick more than one item of change at a time on your list. You’ll fail. Once you’ve conquered the first one go on to the next. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a long time. Life happens. All of us are required to work things out constantly (at its proper time).
5. Seek Help. If the change is going to be very difficult, seek help from a friend, accountability partner or a professional counselor. Acknowledging you need help is a sign of strength not weakness.
6. Forgive yourself. We are our own worst critics and jury. If God forgot about it why shouldn’t we? It’s done. You can’t go back and undo it. Learn from it and move on.
7. Take responsibility and ownership. Don’t blame others for where you are or who you have become. You are not what people say you are. Choose to believe what God says you are. You’re loved, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, precious, valuable and unique...one of a kind mama!
8. Make a positive out of the negative. IE: Share with others how you overcame or survived that tragedy, experience, etc in a positive way. It will remove the focus of the hurt off of you and channel it as a way out for someone else.

There’s one saying I love and I try my best to live by…”be true to thy self”.

To me it means that each day I have the opportunity to live life the best way that I can.

It means that it’s okay if I don’t feel like I have it all together all of the time. I accept that will never happen.

It means that I understand that I won’t be the perfect mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece or friend all of the time.

It means that I will strive to learn something new each day because as I learn I can enrich my life and the life of others. (Hey I am a teacher at heart.)

It means it isn’t all about me…ever.

It means that each day I choose happiness and live it. This is a struggle some times but not impossible.

Being true to myself is living the way God expects me to because it challenges me, motivates me and pushes me to a higher level, standard and expectation that dares me to live to the fullest as the unique Queen Roz.

My prayer and wish for you is that you may realize your value, not to encourage arrogance but cheer you on until you unveil and discover your uniqueness…oh beautiful Queen.

Be bold, be courageous and love your inner woman.

Now say the following with me – like you mean it…

I am woman…hear me ROAR!

Mom, Why do You Pray in Fear?

Isn’t it true that most mothers pray out of fear over their children? When we pray for blessing, it’s because we fear that they will not have enough in whatever area. When we pray for wisdom, we fear because we believe they are making the wrong choices. When we pray for protection, we fear because of where they have decided to, because of where they are or because we don’t want them to get hurt in their travels (especially if they’re driving). When we pray for healing, we fear because they are a little sick and we do not want them to become a lot sick, or they are a lot sick and we do not want them to get worst. One can argue those are normal and valid reasons to pray and the motivations are not out of fear for the most part, or is it?

The other day after a quick worried-filled prayer was sent up there was a check about my motivation and my stance behind the prayer. The understanding came immediately and after the ugggghh and grrr and grumble, a second prayer was sent up that made the last one sound seriously lame -  like a beggar’s plea.

What’s sad is a lot of us have done or continue to do that. Our prayer sound like this ~ Oh God please, please, please help so and so because I will die if I lose them.

Don’t get me wrong, God hears our heart and there are times in our desperation that’s all that comes out. We are not talking about those times. We are talking about when our prayers are constantly like that. I can imagine the whole heavenly host that surrounds us shake their heads or maybe even slap their forehead in disappointment.

Do you know that when we pray wimpy, fearful prayers, we’re basically saying I have no authority and I don’t believe my prayers can be answered? When your prayers are consistently and constantly from a stance of a beggar, out of fear, out of desperation and/or frustration, it is a clear indicator that you do not understand the authority that God as placed in you as His child.

Perhaps this is not you and your prayers don’t sound as desperate and sound more like this ~ God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college but you know I  am not comfortable with the area that it is in and she’s far away and I’m not sure if that’s the place she should go.  

This doesn’t sound like a wimpy prayer. It actually sounds like a regular prayer with some wishy-washy sentiment in it and if you paid some attention, it happened to be fueled by fear. Now, one can argue, well I talk to God about everything and that is awesome, but, is the talk the actual prayer you want answered?  

Imagine if God was sitting right in front of you and the conversation went like this? 

Me: God let your will determine if my daughter should go to that particular college.

God: She can go wherever she wants. I told her I will never forsake her or leave her. You do want her and my decision to be honored no? I mean your daughter and I already talked about it.

Me:  Well… but you know I am not comfortable with the area.

God: So you don’t trust my protection over your kid?

Me: Well that’s not what I meant, it’s that she’s far away and…

God: But I thought we agreed that she already knows I won’t leave her and you do know she has a host of angels around her…um so what’s the problem?

Me:  Well I’m not sure that’s the place she should go (with little tude and frustration)

God: Really Roz…isn’t the real problem that you’re a bit fearful because your girlie is not going to be  under your roof and care? Don’t you trust me?

After that conversation, one would think twice about continual wimpy conversation and our prayers would sound more like this ~Lord as my daughter’s authority I pray over her life. Let her decisions be sound and blessed by you. God thank you that you are in the mix and leading of my daughter’s decision and that the outcome will be good and blessed.

This type of prayer acknowledges your authority as a child of God and it becomes more powerful when you add a verse in a positive, expectant stance. This stance should be consistent and constant after the initial human melt down and after all the additional human melt downs that you will experience during the wait for a miracle. God understands our humanity, but He also expects you to step up into the spiritual realm so that YOU can call in those things that were not as though they were because we are supposed to mimic our daddy God.

Easier said than done…absolutely! But it can be done and it is expected.

Mom you are the most influential chick in a kid’s life. It’s “my” opinion that God always answers a mom’s tear-filled prayers because his heart wells up with compassion. But I also think, He would rather see less tears and more spiritual tude because He always has our back. We just have to say and pray the word.  

What Does He Bring to the Table?

“What does he bring to the table” It's the question I ask each time a one of my girls have come to me about someone she's interested in. As I go through my mental, mile-long list of things, there was one item that continued to float up to the top because the answer gauged the outcome of all the rest.

Let me share what would be my first on the list…

Does he love God? 

This is a simple but powerful question.

The answer to this question will determine the quality of her future (serious) relationship. Some may argue otherwise, but look around. The amount of people who remain happily married have decreased dramatically over the years. Let’s be honest, love has been warped by our society, especially by the entertainment world.

For the young, it’s that butterfly in the stomach feeling and the ‘he took my breath away’ moment. It’s when the heart pounds loudly in the chest and swells up with so much emotion, you feel like you’re going to explode. For those of us who are seasoned, it’s staying together when there’s no money; when illness has overwhelmed or shaken the foundation or the core of us; when the dynamic of children have pushed the relationship into estrangement. And yet love has somehow morphed through all the adversity and is apparent by actions, not just feelings.

So how do we get that kid/young adult in our life to understand and adapt to the challenges posed in the ever-changing, relationship-environment that occurs year after year? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does He Love God’, Age-Old Theory

Boy has relationship with God because….

Boy responded to God’s love, then…

Boy grows to love God, and…

Boy understands God’s love so…

Boy craves to be more like God, then…

Boy lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Boy loves the way God has commanded.

Note the last bullet. You’re probably thinking that this theory looks good on paper but it’s not realistic. Okay let’s define realistic of what we would want for our kid’s potential mate.

We want their mate to:

1. Hang in there during the good, the bad and the ugly.
2. Show kindness to our daughter and their children at all times.
3. Not be jealous if our daughter is more successful than they are.
4. Never to think that they’re better than our daughters or treat them that way.
5. Be polite and act as a gentleman.
6. Support our daughter’s and keep them as top priority in their lives.
7. Not have an overactive temper and harm our daughters in any way.
8. Remain faithful and keep family first.
9. Not to be afraid to tell our daughter’s the truth or afraid to hear the truth from our daughter.
10. Understand the importance of being a husband and a dad.
11. Make our daughter happy as much as he can.
12. And it wouldn’t hurt if he memorized the love chapter in the bible where only subsets of the items in it were listed above.

Now, these are only a few things that we expect, but the expectation of God’s standards goes much higher and the list is a lot longer. When God commands a man to love like Christ, He’s basically saying to him, you are to serve her. Before you start to roar and strut like the lioness queen, let’s elaborate a little on what that means.

A man who loves God’s way treats his woman like a queen (love in action). His actions cultivate an environment where his queen will admire him. We’re not saying she is overly doting or being sickly-sweet to him. We are saying that his queen is proud to be partnered with him because of the amazing-qualities he continues to grow, thus, impacting her in a positive way.

And by the way, a man that feels admired will do the world for a woman because he feels appreciated.

Don’t you want that for your daughter? I know I do. Heck, don’t you want that for yourself?

Perhaps you’re passed the looking stage, have too much damage and have a tough time believing that this can ever be a reality. You wish it deeply for your girl but can’t believe it is for you. Can I share with you the next question I would ask my daughter? It would be the same one I would ask you.

Do you love God?

I mean…do you really love God. Like fallen in love, I can’t get enough of you kind of love? What was your initial reaction? Were you uncomfortable, unsure or annoyed? If this was you, I invite you to take the following challenge. Every time you look in the mirror for the next 30 days say the words “God loves me”.

What will that do? It will help you embrace that God loves you regardless. Yes regardless. He loves you when you’re cranky, when you’re good or bad, whether you feel you deserve it or not. He loves you regardless of how you look, how you’re built and even when you’re having a bad hair day. He loves you just the same.

Now, doesn’t He sound somewhat like the boy we would want for our daughter?

It’s not a man that makes the man. It’s God’s love within the man that defines him and provides a love that grows deeper in every aspect of his life.

I look forward to the great guys that God has chosen for my daughters. No, I don’t know them yet, but my expectation is that they’ll both meet the first thing on my list.

Author’s Note:

Are you still wondering how the exercise will help you fall in love with God?

When you speak those words out loud, they sink into your heart and they begin to build your value as a woman; as a person. Deep down we all know that God loves us but most of us, if not all, feel unworthy because of things we’ve done or have been labeled to believe. If you’ve tried everything else and it hasn’t worked, why not try something new? What do you have to lose?

Someone Believes in You

Faith in ourselves wanes from one day to the next. It is only in our triumphs where the validation of faith is readily embraced, driving us to our next dream or goal. However, when we step back and truly look at the whole picture, a lot of our motivation to believe in ourselves usually comes from outside encouragement. Generally, what pushes us to succeed is the reassurance we feel when someone tells us we can, we’re able, but most of all that we are believed in.

Did you know that the literal translation of believe is to accept as true. Think about that for a moment. When someone comes to you and says quite plainly that they believe you can, it empowers you subconsciously to try harder to realize your greatest dreams. Your mind set changes. Your internal dialogue becomes positive, and these adjustments utterly influence the outcome.

And what of failure? If viewed correctly, failure can motivate us to see it as a lesson learned, and gives us all the more reason to try harder by implementing different methods to attain a desired result. All of us, with no exception have someone in our lives that accept our abilities as true. The problem is life can discourage us so much that doubt begins to prevail. Sometimes it’s just not enough to believe in ourself, alone.

A passage comes to mind from the good book about a story that describes the strength behind mustard-seed faith. The size of a mustard seed is similar to a grain of sand, but when planted in the right conditions, it can flourish high and wide. What’s intriguing is that the story relays that if you have faith in the word of God similar to that of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. When you compare the two, logic would dictate that this is impossible, but if you dig deeper the meaning is quite powerful. What it is actually saying is…

1. It only takes a grain of faith to begin the journey to accomplish monstrous goals.

2. God continually validates the potential in each and every one of us by letting us know that He
    believes in us -- accepts our abilities as true, no matter what the undertaking.

So, whether you’re feeling a bit discouraged, or are on the wave of affirmation, consider this a reminder that you are believed in and that you can. Embrace that thought, run with it, and never doubt that you can become your absolute best.

Remember, all you need is a mustard seed.

So don’t just sit there…make it grow!

What Do You Bring to the Table?

When asked if you love someone, our instinctive reaction is to think about how someone makes us feel. We let memories that forged those feelings captivate our mind. We can actually smell their cologne, feel their last kiss and get all mushy inside. Although our initial thought was based on what we felt, we all get to a point where we understand and know that it’s more than that. It’s a verb. It is the constant action that gives validation to the words…I love you.

Unfortunately the expression, “I love you” has come across as empty words for many women. They heard these precious words but were shown quite the opposite. Many have suffered neglect and emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse or were enablers to men who never grow up and are still boys. Regrettably, a lot of our gals have not learned their value and believe that they don’t deserve a man that should treat them like a queen.

What does it mean to be treated as a queen? It means waiting for a man that will treat you with respect and honor that will support and complement you as an individual. It doesn’t mean that when you do find that man, you claim the right to maintain your broom lady persona with the pointy hat. Our mentality has been ‘I will not get burned again’ and so all men ( the ones that live with us, the ones that are dating us, the ones that will date us, even the ones who are consider dating us) are subject to our wicked wrath.

Perhaps if we’d invest more of our love affair with God, a lot of us would not continue to feel this way. You see your love affair with God will determine the thermostat of your most intimate relationship.

So the question is do you love God? I mean do you really love God; not just lip service.

Let’s start with why it is important to a man that you love God. The top reason for a man is because he wants to be with someone that is not afraid to receive love and respects him. I can see some of you cringing at the word respect because you’re thinking ‘I don’t need another daddy’. Let’s define the word respect. It’s a feeling of admiration, thoughtfulness or esteem towards someone. I think that is doable don’t you?

So how can a woman meet a man’s need to give love and receive respect? Well here’s the answer.

The ‘Does She Love God’ Age-Old Theory

Girl has relationship with God because…

Girl responded to God’s love, then…

Girl grows to love God, and…

Girl understands God’s love so…

Girl craves to be more like God, then…

Girl lives to reflect God’s love, and wala…

Girl is able to respect the way God commanded.

Yes you read the last bullet right. You see in the bible it was very clear. God said to man love your lady but he said to us gals, respect your man. Why is that? For the most part, we don’t have a problem with loving, we’re emotional beings. The problem for most tainted women is to receive love and bestow respect to the man who wants to love them. There are many reasons for that, but the one that floats to the top of the list is trust. Quite simply, you do not trust. You do not trust enough to receive love, therefore, you cannot respect, admire, esteem…forget about being thoughtful. What about the need to earn trust? That’s a reasonable question in any relationship and can only be answered by you.

Does your primary relationship include God, love and trust?

You see when you love God, really love God, the hardest decision you will make it to trust Him. I’ve heard some women say, it’s not hard to trust God…He loves me no matter what. That is a fact that most know and acknowledge but they live however they like. Imagine being in a relationship saying you love someone, but you continue to do things that hurt your significant other. Is that really love?This is where a lot of us miss the mark. We say we love God but our DO doesn’t support it.

When we love God, we understand the importance of surrender. Surrender puts us in a place of trust. However, surrender is not possible unless there’s an intimate relationship. When there’s an intimate relationship, God can unearth all the crappy stuff that we call luggage. He can help us acknowledge the hurts so we can heal or find the help to heal. He releases us from the bondage of low self-esteem because he provides the affirmation, validation and value that we seek as women. He takes it a step further and helps us discover our purpose, is thrilled when we finally walk in our destiny and remains on the sidelines to cheer us on. I even believe (my opinion) that He smiles when we walk like His queens, confident and bold strutting in our black patent-leather stilettos. (Okay maybe minus the 6 inch heels for some of us.)

A woman that knows who she is doesn’t need a man to complete her but welcomes a man that adds or complements her. When you strive to become the woman that God wants you to be, you position yourself to receive your man’s love and you understand the importance and balance that respect brings in that intimate relationship. That is what you bring to the table.

You will never know the depth of you, the potential within you or your uniqueness on your own. I bet if you think about it, you’ve probably tried everything else and you still come up empty. You look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see.

Don’t lose heart, make a change and start today. Fall in love with the One who loves you unconditionally and wants the very best for you.

Author’s Note:
I encourage you to cultivate and invest into your relationship with God. When you become real with God, He can't help but become real with you.

By the way, if you’ve never received the gift of God’s love for you, now is a good time to consider doing so. This simple prayer will grant that to you. (Lord Jesus I give my life to you; forgive me of my sins.) Yes that simple. Drop me a note. I would love to hear about it.

But I Love You

I feel really bad I haven’t spent enough time with you lately.
           But I love you…

I just can’t keep my head straight. There are so many things going on.
           But I love you…

Yea but it’s just that I don’t exactly do what I’m supposed to do all the time.
          But I love you…

You don’t understand. I just can’t be perfect. I have messed up a lot lately.
         But I love you…

I don’t get it. I’ve been angry with you lately. I’ve even questioned who you are.
         But I love you…

I pause in my misery of wanting to deserve…to earn your acceptance.
         But I love you…

How can you love me?     
         Because…Just Because….

Woman of Your Dreams

The value of a woman is based on who she is in Christ and is exemplified by how she lives. She identifies herself by God’s standards and is not trapped by society’s expectations. There is no shortfall in her undertakings because all she does is in excellence.

Perhaps you’re wondering if such a woman walks this earth and you would like to meet her. Shake your own hand. You’ve just met her…that person is you.

Often times we have the tendency to focus on the negative in our lives, even though all of us brim with goodness, especially towards those we love. Everyday, we overflow into someone’s life, intentionally and unintentionally. Women are the heart of any home. Whether we’re married or single, our nurturing-instinct causes us to reach out to anyone in need. We’ll bandage a scraped knee with the same care of that of a wounded heart. Women give even when there’s nothing left inside to give.

We do not give ourselves enough credit when credit is due and deserved. We lock ourselves into the next task, the next activity, the next event and continue our quest to meet any demand or challenge. We are the super women of today. We can do it all…or can we?

So many of us crack inside and continue to push. We’re exhausted, discouraged and feel unappreciated. We victimize ourselves and put the blame of our condition on our spouses, family, and any other person or organization we support. We become resentful and our attitude takes a quick spiral downward.

Why is it that we, as women, have such a hard time saying NO?
God did not call us to be a slave to anything or anyone. Yet we position ourselves again and again to chain ourselves to things and people. We plan poorly and somehow miraculously expect that the 24-hour day will become 38 so that we can fit all we have to do in one day. A lot of us are intoxicated with the multitask power we possess but accomplish little or nothing because of our overloaded schedules.

So how do we change this madness?
Look at the strong, older women in your life. What do you notice? They walk with poise, are never in a rush and are always smiling. They’re wells of wisdom, have earned the patience award and have mastered the gift of discernment. They are the matriarchs and pillars of their home, church and community. These women walk in their purpose; they live in the reality of their destiny and will do it unapologetically. Ask any woman how they reached this higher-level experience and they will probably tell you that they discovered who they are in Christ.

How do you discover who you are in Christ?
It’s in relationship. It’s in the love-relationship. When we make Christ the first lover of our lives, things change. The veil is lifted from our eyes and all the misconceptions that we have been taught or have convinced ourselves as right is exposed. We understand that we can do all things but that we must plan with wisdom. We discover that we deserve to receive love, to be treated as a queen, and that we were not created to be a punching bag or a recipient of verbal or emotional abuse. We realize the authority that we possess and we begin to live our dreams and, in doing so, we set the example for our up and coming generation of girls. We live, breathe and impart joy because we refuse to live as victims but exercise the freedom given to us as a gift, and we share that discovery. We become women who strive for excellence in all we do, because we’ve decided to believe what the Word says and not what the norm is.

Close your eyes for just one moment and picture yourself as the woman you want to be and become. Once you set your sight on her, make her your constant and daily companion. Invite her into your day dreams.

Dreams are powerful especially if repeated in one’s mind. It provides the motivation, the map and expectation. It unlocks the power to bring creativity into reality. Women are incredible beings but haven chosen to believe the lies the enemy has carefully crafted.

There’s an army rising up of strong women who have accepted their position and rightful-rank within God’s army. They’ve learned to say no on occasion. They’ve learned to plan, to care for themselves, but more importantly…they’ve learned to pour their love into God first.

Don’t miss your opportunity for this lifetime. Be happy. Be fulfilled. Be the woman that you are supposed to be. Start now. Do it today. You will never be the woman you should be, until you believe in the woman of your dreams. 




This article is dedicated in honor and memory of Elder Syria Brown.

The Value of a Man

There are so many articles, books, and magazines that have taken male bashing to an all-time level of normality, and have redefined “the who” a man supposedly is based on today’s terms. Our girls are growing up reading that in general, men are not to be depended on or respected as a valuable counterpart. If anything, a woman is encouraged to take care of herself and protect herself from being subjected by the man. It is drilled into a woman’s head from a very early age that a man will never see her as equal in any area of life. Although this may hold true or may describe some men, it does not define all.

Drawing the Line
Where do we draw the line? Did we ever stop to think that in knocking men we are actually reinforcing negative behavior in our upcoming generation? In comparison to the negative input from all mediums, how many times have we’ve uplifted the male side from a woman’s point of view?

It is wrong for any of us to think that for every bad guy that’s present in our world today, there are no good ones. Yet we concentrate on only the bad and at a bare minimum the good. We label men as being all the same, yet get irritated when we are also branded in that “same” category. Reality is none of us are the same, and all of us are unique. We all have the ability of contributing positive towards either gender. The problem we’re running into is that we have all become comfortable with playing the game of male vs. female or vice versa. It shows itself in all areas of life, and is unfortunately strengthened by the same people who want to see it go away.

How do we strengthen it? We assume a lot; we don’t ask questions and if we do it’s the wrong questions; or we’ve already made up our minds that something is the way it is even if the other person(s) says otherwise. Why does this happen? We as a society thrive on building on history, the past, and have a hard time creating a new story. We hold ourselves to what was and become afraid of what can be. Can you and should you negate history. No we cannot and should not. It is history that has brought us to where we are today (as my sister Myra would say). However, the past can also hinder us from moving forward when we maintain or remain in the victim or subjugated role.

Finding Balance
For every offense there should be a counteracting defense. For every roar of male bashing there should be an equal shout of praise. Every time our girls are exposed to the negative, it should be balanced out with the positive that men can provide. We must remember that they will be mothers one day and it is so important that they instill in their boys and girls the importance of the male role in all levels of life. They should be canceling out any reinforcement of the negative views that society has placed because of a few bad eggs.

We, as women, should be encouraging, respectful, and loving to our partners because our girls and boys learn by example. Our children are not only the kids we have at home, but also include any that look up to us (our nieces, nephews, grandchildren, girl/boy scouts, etc.). For every shout out we make to our women, we should equally send something out that praise our men.

It’s so easy to get caught up on what our partners don’t do; how long it took him to do something; and pick and focus on every bad quality they may have. Let’s admit it we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, no matter what gender. However, for us women it’s so much harder for some quirky reason to just say thank you, and not want to add, even though it took you five months to get to it.

Positive Defense
We as women feel the need and are weighed with the responsibility of pointing out and making known that we are not treated equally. Yet, we do not take the onus or ignore the accountability we have in contributing to it. Our mistreatment in the workforce or in society should not be taken into our home in an offensive manner. We forget that our greatest influence is in our inner circle and that within that sphere, we have great and powerful allies who happen to be men. Sometimes we kill our own influence within our circle because of our derogatory ways.

Imagine what life would be if we all used our persuasion as a positive defense. What is positive defense? It is when you can get someone to empathize, gain better understanding, of a negative situation that needs to be turned around. Our circle of influence begins at home and with all those within our circles. Sometimes we get so hung up on solving world hunger that we forget that we can be an impact within our own village.

A Rising Generation
We prepare and determine what the views of our next generation will be. We can choose to continue being bitter, or we can change those feelings and fuel them into teaching others what those negatives views and actions do to our daughters, sisters, wives, mothers which in turn also hurt our sons, brothers, husbands and fathers. However, teaching what it does is not enough. Reinforcing positive behaviors in both genders must go hand in hand. If it doesn’t, it’s like showing the wound but not healing it.

We have a rising generation of men, not all but quite a few, who are trying their best to incorporate the importance of integrity and their responsibility within their role as a man in their home. As much as we as women have tried to prove that we can do it all, it is so imperative that we allow men to be what God has called them to be. Why is that vital? There are fundamentals that none of us can undo.

A girl needs her daddy because he is the first man she’ll know of that will provide validation, a sense of security, and of love. Do we have that in all homes today? We all know that is not happening, but how many of us have good fathers in the home and downplay their role thus creating insecure young women who feel the need to go outside of the home for some loving?

Let’s look at the flip side. Boys need their daddies also. It’s so important for men to instill in the younger generation the sense of responsibility for taking their place in the care of their home. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to care for his woman. Hello it should be that way. Women should be treated as queens. However, some women are so hell bent on making it known they don’t need a man and view it as a way of life for all. I believe all women should be equipped with being able to take care of themselves. I am a proponent of it and drill that into my own girls because of the possibility of death or divorce. No woman should be unprepared. However, the stance of not needing a man, ever, cheats a woman of the richness of partnering with a man who wants to love her in every way he knows how and that includes in the caring for her. Ever wonder why we have so many men who don’t know how to be fathers? It’s not only because of the absence of the father. It is also because of the women who didn’t think it important to find men who can mentor their boys. The result is a man who was ingrained with the thought that a woman doesn’t need him around to raise a baby.

The Value of a Man
We cannot ignore that we have created societies and homes that are broken and need fixing. The fixing has to start with all of us on the individual level. When we are tempted to talk or act badly, we need to become conscientious of those around us, those we influence. The value of a man, the value of your man, the value of the men in your life is portrayed in many different ways. Although it’s their responsibility to live up to, and own their role in life the best way they know how, it is up to us to reinforce the good and make them aware of what hurts us. Not in a derogatory way, but in positive defense. Girls we balance each other out. They’re not perfect and we’re not perfect, but it’s not about who’s better or who’s right. It’s about maintaining the value of each of our roles so that the next generation begins the healing process for repairing the gap between the genders.

This article is dedicated as a shout out to all the men of positive influence in my life; my husband, father, brothers that are also in some cases closest cousins and in-laws, pastors, and friends who have taken the time to put love into action by supporting the women in their lives.

The Italian Gal Next Door

There was this girl named Angie that I met this weekend that reminded of the Italian gal next door.

Actually her name is Kathy Troccoli and she quite honestly took me by surprise. To me she was this Christian artist whose songs I loved and sang in my teen and young adult years and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I ever would meet her. Fast forward 30 plus years and I discover that she’s the Italian gal next door. I will get to the Angie part in a few.

We hosted our first national women’s conference and I was a bit nervous. It wasn’t just an in-house event and we were partnering with a seasoned team. I didn’t want them to be disappointed. As their team began to trickle in on Thursday, I noticed a definite pattern. These gals were lovely in all sense of the word. When Kathy finally arrived on Friday evening, I was greeted with a hug. I thought “okay that was nice of her” but immediately took to her as we talked for a bit. After service, she walked into the mall area and I was off to the side talking to one of our gals, and she grabbed my arm, asked if I liked Angie, and hugged me again. Now I’m starting to be really disarmed. I’m beginning to wonder, who is this woman?

The next morning, I head towards my husband’s office and there she is again, the Italian next door, but this time she hugs me and doesn’t let go. Now I’m done. There’s an unexplained connection forming and I start blabbering to her what I’ve been going through. Not only does she not dismiss me, she pulls in real close, looks into my eyes and it hits me…she really cares. I mean she genuinely cares. She’s not Kathy Troccoli, untouchable Christian artist whose life mission is only to sing. There’s so much more to her.

In the past Kathy was just one of those figures who helped formed my life through her music. People don’t realize how music has deep influence. The song Stubborn Love had become my mantra and I sang it on many occasions to others because I got what she was singing, communicating and inspiring others to believe. Here is Kathy again, but this time, and I was thrilled to see, she jumped into other ventures and opportunities to share her gifts. She writes, she speaks, she’s an extremely talented communicator but all those things are enhanced because she’s “real”. She is transparent, she shares her stories and she doesn’t cut out the ugly stuff. There is no fluff, no pretense. Women can relate and relate deeply.

I watched her closely as she ministered to my girls. I call them mine because I’ve fallen in love with the women in my church. They’re my family. I noticed that she treated them like family. She pays attention to them when they’re talking to her. She doesn’t rush any of them off. She welcomes boob to boob hugs (that is what she calls it). I understand her heart and it breaks mine in a good way.

This weekend she answered a lot of my questions that have been swirling in my head. She quieted a lot of doubts and she reminded me about the kisses from heaven that I have been receiving lately. As she moves on to expand her ministry even further in obedience to what God has called her to do, I will do the same and perhaps one day I will sit with the Italian gal next door over a cup or five of coffee to swap stories good, bad and ugly if need be and it will be okay. She makes me feel safe but isn’t that what all of us should be doing with our sisters? If she can do it, then all of us can.

Now about Angie…Kathy Troccoli will be doing a one-woman show soon and it is well-worth the time to go out and see her when she kicks it off. By the way it’s well-worth the time, actually it’s a great investment of your time to make it a point to attend any of her conferences or concerts. You will come back refreshed and full of hope…because Hope’s Alive.

Thank you Kathy…

Are You a Paulette

Jane Doe
How many women do you know, who do not recognize their value, who downplay their worth and who lower their expectations? Women, who accept poor treatment, settle for less, and do not voice their heart, their wants or needs? Women, who have become the Jane Does’ of this world? For those of you who are not familiar with the term, Jane Doe is a female that has no identity; alive or dead. Basically, she is an unknown. No one knows her name, where she is from, where she belongs, or how she got to her present location.

Jane Doe, however, can also be one of us. In our version, she is the woman that likes to blend in and her goal is to become invisible. She likes to disappear in the crowd and loves that she is not noticed. What confounds our Jane’s identity, is that this same woman can also be selfless, dedicated, is full of love and even knows what it means to serve. Unfortunately, her abilities remain a secret because she works from the safety of her confines, as she gladly and purposely mixes into the culture of home, school, work, church and/or community.

Yes, Jane Doe is the gal who loves her comfort zone. Her routine provides security and contentment in her autopilot life of go with the flow. Sounds marvelous and perhaps for many it is. However, we were not placed on this earth to be a marvelous Jane. We are here to be a Paulette.

Are you a Paulette?
We often wonder why the girls in our society have self-esteem and confidence issues, but we fail to see how we have contributed to the problem. We’d rather be a Jane and let celebrities be role models. We’d rather be a Jane and let magazines fill their minds with information that challenges their ego. We even choose to be a Jane and let technology provide knowledge without the wisdom of experience.

By now you must wonder what it means to be a Paulette. Well, back in the day, the apostle Paul had the audacity to tell folks to imitate him. He was able to do that because he knew who he was and had a solid, belief-system. He was completely sold-out and passionate about the way he lived. He obviously had a particularly high confidence level to be able to make that type of statement. One can even go as far to say that he was cocky. However, the truth is that he understood the importance of mentorship, and the responsibility to be a role model to others.

Today’s Paulette

We are in a day and age where our girls need more ladies to step up and become a Paulette. They need confident women to rise up and live by example. They need to see what it means to walk and act in an assured manner. Their inner circles need to be enriched with women whose strengths are seen in their home, work, church and or community, as well as behind the scenes. They need to be surrounded by women who are movers and shakers that make things happen.

It is time that we take on the responsibility to mentor our present and younger generation into greatness. We owe it to all the gals who crave for “real” female, role models. Being a role model doesn’t require that you be ever present, however, the acceptance of that role should make you aware that your actions should speak loudly from now on. You become conscious that your standards are now higher because you want to be emulated. You understand that the power of your spoken words can provide guidance and has the potential to become a springboard for other’s futures.


Photography by April Dawn Winsley http://aprildawnwinsley.com

When we undermine our value, and downplay what we have to offer, we become and produce a Jane. Are you a goldmine of experience and wisdom but have taken on the last name of Doe? If this is you, know that the hearts of many silently wait for you to come of out of your unknown.

Don’t be afraid. Be a Paulette and let your life shout out, “imitate me,” and let’s show our girls our combined strengths and how great life can really be.

Never Forgotten

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by love? Your chest feels like it’s going to explode and you experience intense joy. Remember what it was like for you to hear the words “I love you” for the first time? You floated for days and the world’s beauty was laid out before you like a garden in full bloom. Just when you thought it could not get any better, you are surprised, yet again, when years later baby arrives. Life was never the same. You found a new type of love.

Those who are parents discover that the love experience intensifies and takes on new meaning when it is unconditional. Nothing compares to the moment when your little boy or girl learns the true significance of love. They throw themselves into your arms, hug you tightly, and in a heart-felt voice say “I wuv ya”. Your heart becomes putty, and your world begins to revolve around them. They make wishes and you grant them. It doesn’t matter what mess or mistake the little princess or prince has made, if they ask, generally, they will get.

Imagine this unconditional love in the spiritual realm. People lose out on God’s unconditional love because they refuse to believe or have relationship with Him. They equate Him to some powerful being whose sole purpose is to judge and punish. The reality is that no matter what people believe God’s truth remains. He loves us all (no matter what we have done). He loves us so much he sent His only Son to die for our sins. He gave us free will to choose to accept of reject His gift of love. AND, He loves us despite of our choice.

Although God has been forgotten in today’s culture, God has chosen never to forget any of us. He knows our name. Can you grasp that? Out of the billions of people, you are known, are unconditionally-loved and thought of by the God of the universe.

He knew you before you were born.
He knows how many hairs are on your head.
You were wonderfully made –created in His image.

Even if you choose to ignore or forget –
You… will never… be forgotten.

Are You on the Value Scale?

I remember one time how I tried to explain to one of my daughter’s friend why it was so important to know her value. When I asked her what was precious to her, she listed all the things that a typical 12 year old would. I took some time in explaining to her that there are items that are priceless in this world and gave her the example of a diamond. She reminded me of many women I know about my same age. It made me wonder how many of us today dismiss our worth, or worst do not know how precious we truly are.

The Scale

The value of an individual is not based on any price scale. It doesn’t matter whether you have lots of money or are broke; it doesn’t matter if you live in a penthouse or have an apartment in the projects; it doesn’t matter if you own designer clothing or no name brands. These things do not define a person’s worth. Yet we find people who are hung up in the comparison game, trying to keep up with the latest fad, and if they do not match up with the model physique, have the dream house, or the high-rolling job, they feel like failures.

Your worth is introduced by your parents or guardians. Unfortunately everyone is not privileged with happy upbringings. Then there are the educational and employment systems that try their best to define the measurement for success. This in turn establishes personal values for many. In come social classes that reinforce these views and creates clear distinctions, and what we finally realize is that each of us has inherited a value scale. The problem with that scale is that you are constantly weighed and your value can increase, decrease, or disappear.

Price Drives Value

Imagine finding out one day that someone you didn’t know gave their life up for you because they considered you incredibly precious. What if that person was a friend, better yet a relative or someone who knew you intimately? That act, the cost of what that person did (whoever it was) would be incalculable. You could not put a price tag on it. Now if forfeiting their life for you was considered invaluable, what would that make you?

What I described did happen for you, for all of us, but a lot of folks rather not accept this. They prefer to believe in what they can see and hear, and gauge themselves based on experience and intellect. The catch with both of these truths is that they are limited because experience and intellect are confined to boundaries. Anyone at any given time can gain only so much knowledge over a life time be it via being book smart or just by living. Basically what this means is that you place a cap on how much you can accomplish based on what you’re told and believe.

Your Value

Here is where having a belief system, or in this case, why believing in God’s good news is so important. God gave His only Son as a gift to us because it was the only way to reconcile us to Him. Salvation comes with the accepting the sacrifice of Jesus. We didn’t love God, some of us don’t even acknowledge He exists, but it doesn’t change that He loved us and didn’t withhold giving up what was most precious to Him. In turn Jesus, who was man and could’ve backed out at any time, went through it all because He understood the love of His Father, and shared His same love towards us. Although some of us have heard this story time and again, we still do not fully understand the significance of it, and it is apparent by the way that we view ourselves.

You see, when you learn of and accept the fact that God has placed much value on your life, the feeling of worthlessness has to move out, and a new perception of who you really are moves in.

Value Facts

You are a child of God and with that come a long list of positive benefits and affirmations. As a matter of fact the bible yells You Are a Valuable Individual.

It says things like:

God knew you before you were born; even knows how many hairs are left on your head.

God created you, unique you, and deposited in you a talent only you can pull off.

His limitless knowledge is available to you just for the asking.

He believes that you can do all things and even expects that from you.

His unlimited resources are available to you because you’re His kid.

You’re in God’s social class, so you’re up as high as you can get.

Don’t you think it’s time to step off of the value scale and just relax and accept your value; yes you…incalculable, costly, and significant, worthy you. The fact is that you are and will always be a wonderful, priceless, individual; the treasure and apple of your creator’s eye. This truth will never change. It’s up to you whether you want to accept it or not.

Reach Out

I sit here in front of the computer and debate whether to write this or not. Perhaps it's because people do not like to hear the realities of this season.

The season that brings the greatest joy, the investment of family and friendship also ushers in moments of despair and loneliness for many. This knowledge weighs heavy in my heart and I question whether I can make a difference, whether all of us who are so blessed, can make a difference.

It doesn't take much to reach out. It doesn't take much to tell that someone who may be alone or who has struggled with depression that there's room at a party, that they're invited, that they are missed...that they mean something.

It doesn't take much to extend forgiveness or ask for the same even when you are the offended one. Pride is what holds us back and keeps us imprisoned all the while providing the justification we hold on to so dearly...and for what?...the satisfaction of being right?

I look back still with guilt of the could have - should have. I know that guilt doesn't come from God but during this season, I can't help but wonder...what if? You see she was supposed to be my girl but I did not reach out. She didn't want us in her life...at least that is what I thought based on my perception of her behavior. However, inside there was that little girl that screamed for attention, that screamed for help in that young woman's body and none of us heard her…or did we?

What if I had placed my pride to the side? What if I looked for her anyway? What if I showed more compassion and love? What if I remembered her story and therefore had become more understanding of her behavior? The what ifs drown me at times.

Where is the fine line where you release someone - to their own actions - to God? When is it right or wrong to do that? Is it wrong to give up on someone when there's nothing else you can do?

Her spiral down a destructive path was her choice, but what if I had reached out anyway? Would it have made a difference? I don't know. She was angry at the world. She felt beaten and completely defeated.
Over the years I've seen my Desi in the eyes of others; in the heart break of those gals who have given up on the inside.

In this season I am reminded of how I lost her and my heart shatters into a million pieces once again...then I'm reminded of Romans 8:28. All things work together for good. The loss of Desi was one of the most devastating experiences I ever had but it changed my life. I learned from it and channeled my grief into something positive.

I learned to reach out.

Yesterday Pastor Olsteen taught about giving people some slack, especially when the conduct of others is not agreeable to us. He explained that we all have a story. A person's story is based on how they grow up, the experiences they've gone through, etc. We have a tendency of comparison to ourselves and when people don't meet our standards, we become inclined to dismiss them because they're not like us. This comes in the form of criticism or judgment but we don't know their story.

The flip side is that some of us do know the story and just become tired of the same destructive behavior. I wish he had spoken about that. Perhaps he would just tell me – ‘well Roz love them anyway. You don’t need to be influenced or accept their bad behavior but you can still love them’.

Reach out anyway. Say hello when you can. Take any opportunity to say I love you. Don’t delay to say I forgive you or please forgive me. Put pride aside – it’s just pride. Reach out.