A recent project threw me into a tail spin. To be honest that is not uncommon but I noticed that this go round my stress levels were making me uncomfortable, and I did not like quite a few people. I was constantly getting angry, annoyed and frustrated and began to second guess myself. I was the target of blame for some things, and it caused me to shrink back when I should have dug in my heels. Exhaustion enveloped me as the hours worked began to multiply rapidly.
When life gets to that point, I’ve learned where and to whom I should run to.
Once a month, my church’s main campus holds an outpouring service. We usually do not attend because we have bible study in our own campus. This particular time, I felt the urgency to go. I needed to distress. Most folks go to the gym and I’m a proponent of a good workout but I knew exercising alone wasn’t going to level me off. I know I needed God. My problem required a God answer.
Outpouring consists of praise and worship and prayer. There is nothing fancy or elaborate about it. It is a service that goes back to the basics. Since I didn’t want to be noticed, I sat in the back and just ran to God like a kid who scraped her knee and needed some daddy loving and assurance. It seems my mission to sit in the back did not go unnoticed, and one of the gals made her way to me. She shared a story that broke my heart and made all that I was going through irrelevant and minor. It helped me put things into perspective. As I prayed over her for comfort and to be embraced by love that surpasses all understanding, I felt the stress and exhaustion begin to lift.
The night ended with a hug from heaven that came from one of the worship team frontline-gals who bee lined her way from the altar to the back. (See there was no hiding for me in the back!) As she encircled me, her prayers tumbled out as a healing balm of restoration. I thought that was all I needed but God with His incredible sense of order knew that my brain had to be quieted down to understand that the issue wasn’t my project. It was my mouth.
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| Photography by Roz|2013 |
Apparently I had read and heard a few messages for days about the power of your words and it did not seem to click. That night as I asked God what in the world happened to my project, the memories of what I heard about the power of words flooded back to me, especially a conversation my husband and I had about not allowing others speak into our lives negatively.
I had the aha, light bulb shine, angel choir -singing moment. Then of course I said to myself…duhhhhh. All the negative feelings that were weighing me down, I had created. I didn’t like the realization of that.
We are all told that words are a powerful force. What we all fail to realize is that it can be for good or for bad. When I kept saying that the project sucked, that it was a mess, that it was the worst project that I’ve ever had, I basically cursed my own project. Can I hear an ouch?
I get quite a few complex projects assigned and have the grace of figuring them out. This happens because my mindset says there is always a solution to the puzzle. What made my mindset change in midstream in this case?
The constant bombardment of obstacles and negatives will do anybody in after a period of time. It is hard to remain positive but it is not impossible. When you are expected to mimic God, there is no excuse. Your mouth – what you say has to remain positive because you have the power of creation, the power to bless OR curse. There is no gray in this area.
The adjustment of my mouth adjusted the project. Is it still all those things I rattled off before? I’m not going to tell you because my feelings still sway back and forth from time to time. I will tell you what I want it to be when it ends; another success notch on my belt…and that’s all anyone needs to know.
