Wouldn’t you agree that we are who we are because of things that have happened in our lives? As uncomfortable as some situations may have been, they helped define us. Each of us experience defining moments. Most times when we refer to that term, it is in the positive. However, we all know that negative moments can also define us; not the actual circumstance but the perspective we chose to grasp, accept and incorporate into our lives.
The perspective or viewpoint of any situation is what makes or breaks you. The incredible thing about perspective is that it changes with time. It’s normal to have a negative perspective when going through an uncomfortable situation, but once it passes, perspective has a way of introducing choice. We can choose to dwell in the negative or choose to emerge in the positive. This choice does not negate at any time that a wrong was done or that a bad has happened. It does, however, acknowledges it and provides a means to launch growth.
There are so many stories of women who’ve been abused, raped or have experienced unimaginable loss and yet have become pillars within their circles. Some have even extended their influence out into their community, nationally or globally. What makes these women so different? In their process to heal, they chose to understand what happened, acknowledged it and then chose to incorporate it into their lives as a launching pad to grow in a positive manner in certain areas. In doing so, they discovered that they needed to share their triumph. They stopped wearing the V.
What is wearing the V?It’s that big red letter we all carry from time to time around our neck. It provides solace and reason for our pain. It justifies the excuse for negative behavior and poor living. We are not talking about women who have gone through recent suffering, but those who continue to exist in despair. Wearing the V is when we choose to live as a victim. We continue to suffer our past in the present (IE: Being stagnant because you’re hung up on an ex and what was.); or continue to live a certain way because of poor choices (IE: Not knowing your worth and settling).
So here is how it usually goes. We dwell on what we don’t have because either it was taken from us or we made a stupid mistake. And, we stay where we are because we hate ourselves because we dwell on what’s been done to us or what we let happen. Hence, we become a victim of circumstance; be it past or present.
It’s amazing how we trick ourselves to think that there is no choice. Reality is that when we don’t choose, we’ve made a choice. We’ve chosen to do nothing and to stay in our misery. It’s easy to do that. It requires no change, especially if that change is painful. Some would argue that certain changes can’t be done at this moment…then the question is what is the plan when the opportune moment arrives? Do you have a plan? To plan is a choice.
Why is it so important to admit when we’re wearing the V way past its time?
The title associates the person with something that has happened. It gives someone the reference point to help a wounded person during a specific allotted time. However, it should never define who you are, and it should not define the life you should live. When you continue to wear the V, it causes you to become stagnate and robs your destiny from you. It causes you to blame others for the outcome of your life, and although another person may be the blame and source of your pain, they should not dictate the quality of your life.
When someone who has hurt you continues to torture you, whether present or absent, you are still their victim. When something that has happened continues to tear at your heart and mind, you are still a slave to that circumstance.
The perspective or viewpoint of any situation is what makes or breaks you. The incredible thing about perspective is that it changes with time. It’s normal to have a negative perspective when going through an uncomfortable situation, but once it passes, perspective has a way of introducing choice. We can choose to dwell in the negative or choose to emerge in the positive. This choice does not negate at any time that a wrong was done or that a bad has happened. It does, however, acknowledges it and provides a means to launch growth.
There are so many stories of women who’ve been abused, raped or have experienced unimaginable loss and yet have become pillars within their circles. Some have even extended their influence out into their community, nationally or globally. What makes these women so different? In their process to heal, they chose to understand what happened, acknowledged it and then chose to incorporate it into their lives as a launching pad to grow in a positive manner in certain areas. In doing so, they discovered that they needed to share their triumph. They stopped wearing the V.
What is wearing the V?It’s that big red letter we all carry from time to time around our neck. It provides solace and reason for our pain. It justifies the excuse for negative behavior and poor living. We are not talking about women who have gone through recent suffering, but those who continue to exist in despair. Wearing the V is when we choose to live as a victim. We continue to suffer our past in the present (IE: Being stagnant because you’re hung up on an ex and what was.); or continue to live a certain way because of poor choices (IE: Not knowing your worth and settling).So here is how it usually goes. We dwell on what we don’t have because either it was taken from us or we made a stupid mistake. And, we stay where we are because we hate ourselves because we dwell on what’s been done to us or what we let happen. Hence, we become a victim of circumstance; be it past or present.
It’s amazing how we trick ourselves to think that there is no choice. Reality is that when we don’t choose, we’ve made a choice. We’ve chosen to do nothing and to stay in our misery. It’s easy to do that. It requires no change, especially if that change is painful. Some would argue that certain changes can’t be done at this moment…then the question is what is the plan when the opportune moment arrives? Do you have a plan? To plan is a choice.
Why is it so important to admit when we’re wearing the V way past its time?
The title associates the person with something that has happened. It gives someone the reference point to help a wounded person during a specific allotted time. However, it should never define who you are, and it should not define the life you should live. When you continue to wear the V, it causes you to become stagnate and robs your destiny from you. It causes you to blame others for the outcome of your life, and although another person may be the blame and source of your pain, they should not dictate the quality of your life.When someone who has hurt you continues to torture you, whether present or absent, you are still their victim. When something that has happened continues to tear at your heart and mind, you are still a slave to that circumstance.
How do you make the choice to stop wearing the V?
Acknowledge it. Don’t continue to ignore it. Hurts that are ignored don’t go away. They just fester over the years and eventually resurface nastier than before. To dwell in your hurt d
oesn’t necessarily mean you understand the depth of it.
Forgive. Forgive whomever and then forgive yourself. Forgiveness frees you from the grasp of another. It takes away the key from your prison and from the person who has hurt or wronged you. Forgiveness of self frees you. It reminds you that you’re human and let’s face it, we all make mistakes; no exceptions. Even in the case where we did not make a mistake, it allows us to stop second-guessing or blaming ourselves for circumstances that were out of our control.
Find help. Some things we can’t get past by ourselves. Find a friend, pastor or counselor, depending on the situation that you’ve gone through.
Set a plan. A plan will help you make the right choices. Start with simple plans and work your way up until you make all the changes that will benefit you in the design to make a better you.
Here’s a Roz’ quote to take with you.
“When your mindset changes and you no longer see what happened or where you’re at as ‘who’ you are…it opens the door of opportunity to define what YOU can and will be. Don’t stop! Walk through it.”
Acknowledge it. Don’t continue to ignore it. Hurts that are ignored don’t go away. They just fester over the years and eventually resurface nastier than before. To dwell in your hurt d
oesn’t necessarily mean you understand the depth of it.Forgive. Forgive whomever and then forgive yourself. Forgiveness frees you from the grasp of another. It takes away the key from your prison and from the person who has hurt or wronged you. Forgiveness of self frees you. It reminds you that you’re human and let’s face it, we all make mistakes; no exceptions. Even in the case where we did not make a mistake, it allows us to stop second-guessing or blaming ourselves for circumstances that were out of our control.
Find help. Some things we can’t get past by ourselves. Find a friend, pastor or counselor, depending on the situation that you’ve gone through.
Set a plan. A plan will help you make the right choices. Start with simple plans and work your way up until you make all the changes that will benefit you in the design to make a better you.
Here’s a Roz’ quote to take with you.
“When your mindset changes and you no longer see what happened or where you’re at as ‘who’ you are…it opens the door of opportunity to define what YOU can and will be. Don’t stop! Walk through it.”
