There’s so much more meaning behind a song or writing once you understand the story of the singer or writer. My admiration for Jeremy Camp deepened after he shared his story about when his wife, Melissa, went with Jesus and how in the depth of his sorrow, he composed some of the music we all sing today. Something resounded deep within me when he said that towards the end although they believed for healing, his wife said if my death will give God more glory than my life, then let it be so.
When my nephew died, I asked the why's because I could not understand how a four year old could go through so much suffering. How his life could be cut short so brutally by an unforgiving disease and why he was robbed of growing up. It did not take long to see though, that during his short life, God was glorified in so many ways. God continues to be glorified because of AJ. He motivates me to write some times and as a result many are blessed.
Jeremy’s pastors were interviewed by my pastor in an event to promote healing within our community after the Newtown tragedy. What they shared has changed my perspective about heaven and those who have gone before me like my AJ.
My heart ached each year in the passing of his birthday and death date as I was reminded that I was robbed of watching him grow up, play softball or basketball, find his first real crush, graduate High School…the list went on and on. It would anger and hurt me.
Steve and Sarah Berger shared how their son Josiah went with Jesus when he was 19 years old after a car accident. The first few minutes seemed like the typical story of loss and then they began to weave in how they dug deeper for the understanding of heaven. After my husband’s heart attack, we also began to pour over books and could not get enough of listening about accounts of heaven as well. However, this couple took it much further and their revelation of this awesome place we will go to one day just blew me away.
I know heaven is real. No one can change my mind about that. It’s not just a deep rooted belief. It is a know. However, like most people I felt it was so far away and so out of reach that it made everyone that I loved that has gone there pretty much gone. I loved the way that Pastor Steve and Sarah explained that their Josiah is still alive and that our loved ones are aware of what we do here on earth.
The part of their story about our loved ones being active in heaven did not surprise me. When AJ went with Jesus, I was sitting on the front stoop at my house and all of the sudden I heard AJ whisper to me, “Titi, tell mommy I’m free.” I understood what he meant because he was trapped in a sick body for about a year and a half. Our baby was out and about like any other kid, running and playing and having fun in heaven. Out of that experience, I wrote a poem for his mother titled “I’m Free” and we all took comfort from it because we knew AJ was racing with the angels.
What brought unexpected healing that night for me was when I heard Pastor Steve share how he told God his son would never graduate college, get married, have children…the same things I have said year after year about AJ. God’s response to Pastor Steve was – "what he’s experiencing here is far greater." Wow…my AJ is not missing life as we know it because being in heaven, living in heaven, doing things in heaven is far greater that our greatest moments here on earth.
Pastor Sarah told us about how Siah (I feel like I know him too – she will understand) wanted to be in the military and she believes that he’s in God’s army. One day she told God she wished she could have a hug from her son. As a mother, I would have asked God for the same. I would miss that too. One day when she was at La Guardia Airport a young man of about 20 in fatigues walked up to her, put down his bag and hugged her – for a long time. She did not know this young man but God did. This story reminded me of a time when I had asked God the same and he granted me a hug in a similar fashion. God’s love abounds when our love ones go home. No one can convince me otherwise.
One thing that caught my attention in their book Have Heart (which was a one day read for me by the way) was when they explained how to suffer successfully. It struck a chord with me because my family had watched my sister, Mayra, live it as she went through procedures, chemo and transfusions as part of the healing process from lymphoma. Her insight and willingness to share how she endured taught me how God became her light in suffering’s deep darkness. I think as a church, we will get better with how we help others through suffering – successfully.
As I type these words, I find myself sincerely content in the knowledge that my Tio Miguel is cheering me on and how he is probably pestering God before the throne on my behalf. I know every now and then he’s telling God and others - that’s my niece - as I continue the legacy of his influence. My Titi Pochine who held my hand at 19 to get me to the other side of the street continues to monitor what I have accomplished in the raising of my family. She never missed a beat. I thought it all ended but it comforts me beyond words to know that her care for me in this life continues. It never stopped. I feel her love even now. My Tio Luis smiles each time I walk in my purpose as I continue to do what God expects of me in my church. I can hear him say “oye Rosalind” with his huge smile whenever he was ready to tell me a story about my family, my dad or something wonderful that happened in church.
There are many more I can talk about that are watching, cheering and waiting for me to continue to accomplish what I’m supposed to do here on earth. Thanks to Pastor Steve and Sarah, I was reminded that they are not far away. They continue to live in a magnificent place that is extremely close and continue to walk with me on the other side of our continued life.
I thought after all these years that I did not need or could receive any more comfort. I have to say that this unexpected comfort has become a gift that has changed me for eternity.
