What do You Bring To The Table?

Today I woke up with a smile on my face and with a thankful heart. That wasn’t always the case during the holiday seasons. In the past it seemed we had illnesses or death around the holidays, and each year there was a sense of dread and negative expectancy; or we were in mourning for a dear one that had passed.

As we sat in one of my uncle’s 70^th birthday, I noticed that my family members were genuinely happy to be there. We have a rather large extended family and make the effort to get together as much as possible. My uncle Louie took on the task of kicking off family reunions every year and that has allowed us to rekindle our bonds.

The other day while speaking to my sister, we talked about our last gathering. There was one statement that caught my attention. She mentioned that we all have come to the place where we all just breathe in the moment. It took us a while but we have learned and continue to learn not to look back at the past with sadness and not to look forward to the future with dread. We just breathe in the moment. We take mental pictures, actually we take a lot of regular pictures too and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Perhaps the holidays are a dread to you because of past family hurts or because you may feel you don’t have a family. Reality is that we all have a family or several families. It may not necessarily be blood. Family consists of those who have invested themselves, their time and their love in us. It goes beyond blood. It’s those folks that embrace who we are, quarks and all, who come along side us during the good, the bad and the ugly and still love us. They may not necessarily tell us, but they show us each time they get.

Breathe in the moment doesn’t just happen. You have to cultivate yourself into that state of mind. Here are some of the things my family has learned and continues to learn.

• Accept that you are not flawless. None of us are perfect. When you get that you tend to be a bit more forgiving.
• Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and each day provides us a new opportunity to be our best.
• Forgive others. It will liberate you. To forgive is harder than to harbor but it keeps you out of your hand-tailored prison.
• Love…show it and say it. Life is short and regret doesn’t bring back anyone from the grave.
• Strengthen your relationships now. Don’t wait.
• Start new relationships. Get plugged into a church and community. Loneliness is a choice.
• Do not focus on the negative. Replace the negative thoughts with positive. Hope is better than despair.
• Speak positive. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Don’t kill yourself, someone else, mess up your life, someone else’s, your destiny, your future, your family, (the list can go on) because of the words that you say. You are what you speak. We truly believe that.
• Make each moment count. Be purposeful. Plan your day well.
• Pace yourself. What’s the rush?
• Enjoy life. Stop and look up at the sky. Even when the sky is gray it’s amazing. You get to live another day and start over if you need to.

It's in the Experience

Everyday we hop on a train or a bus trusting that the driver whom we don’t know will get us to our destination. We don’t think twice about boarding a plane and flying half way around the world because we believe that the pilot has the right credentials. Down we plop ourselves into any chair expecting that the legs are sturdy enough to hold our weight, and when we walk into any building that looks like it was built correctly the thought of cave in never crosses our mind. Heck, we’re even sure that our banks will hold our money, make it grow, and not skip out of town with it.

We do all of these things because over time experience has ushered in a feeling of belief and security that the results will remain positive for the most part. All of us willingly rely on people we don’t know or even see every single day and yet when it comes to God a lot of us have silent reservations. Christians become voiceless on this subject in fear that they may be misunderstood or labeled as “not having enough faith”. Those who claim not to believe in God or organized religion are quick to denounce a belief based on observation, very seldom from experience.

Reality is that life brings us through a series of events that challenge us, force us to assess who we are, or make us undergo changes we often don’t want to make. Experience compels us to weigh our beliefs and make choices at times based on faith. When you look at the word faith (believing in what you can’t see), and begin to dissect what it means, somewhere in the mix comes up the word certitude. This wonderful word portrays an array of emotions. Yes emotions…you know feelings, sensations, passion…

First word associated with certitude is conviction. Did you know that conviction comes from strong persuasion? Next is sureness; also known as confident certainty. What I love about these last two words is that certainty on its own is based on evidence. However when you put the word confident in front of certainty, it emphasizes that there is no doubt in the evidence. None of us can get to a place of strong persuasion or no doubt unless we get there by experience.

Why is experience so important? When we participate, not just observe life’s events, it actually teaches us, and what we are taught affects us. It is so much easier in today’s age to intellectualize everything especially religion, but God is not about religion. Man created religion. God just wanted relationship, that’s all He ever wanted. He understood the importance of connection and the effect it has when nurtured. Trust, belief, expectation and sureness are part of our daily lives, but only grow because of the consistency in our encounters.

Not enough faith is an indicator of relationship with God with limited experience. Denial or no faith is a sign of knowing of God and having no relationship experience. So why remain voiceless or faithless when all that is needed is experience?

Faith in God is not intellectual. It’s a spiritual, relational experience that is individual.

Falling Into Contentment

When I think of the word contentment or the act of being content, what comes to mind is that of a freshly changed and fed baby. They are either cooing or are fast asleep, often with a peaceful smile. As we get older that sense of happy tranquility begins to be replaced with restlessness, lack of fulfillment, and the uncomfortable feeling of always wanting more; never satisfied. Have you ever wondered why? Perhaps you already know the answers to that question.

Do we really know what contentment is? Often times we equate it to having stuff. If I have a bigger house, a better job, a nicer spouse, a kid or two, then I may be a bit more satisfied with life. Perhaps we still struggle with seeing ourselves as inferior because we’re hung up in the comparison game. We start to focus on our flaws because we center our attention on this person’s educational background or work experience and fall short. Maybe we’ve become a bit green with our friend who has the perfect husband who dotes on her, and is at her beck and call. Have you ever stepped back and observed these people? Are they really happy?

How do you view yourself?
The reality of living is that happiness is not based on stuff. The source of happiness is in combining the right balance of the perception of you, not to others, but to yourself. You cannot have the right picture of who you are if you don’t understand how God views you. The value of you cannot be reinforced in your mind if you do not understand the price of salvation. The awareness of always living in expectation can never be heightened if you do not understand the principle of being able to do all things. To put it in the simplest terms, You are who God says you are. Once you embrace that right mind-set, contentment becomes a product or the effect, as in ripple.

Ever wondered how certain people seem to be happy or satisfied with their lives even when faced with adversities that would knock most of us off of our feet? It is not because they’re lucky or have been graced by the stars. It is because they made a choice of stepping into right-thinking. Now some of you may say I don’t need God to think I’m a wonderful person. You may measure yourself by your successes. What if all the success you’ve achieved and your present status was removed or taken away from you? What if you’ve become a yesterday and the things that you did were no longer recognized because someone else surpassed your accomplishments? Where in the contentment-pole would you be?

Are you satisfied?
Contentment is a state of being. It is a place inside of you, where no matter what circumstance you’re in, you choose to be satisfied. Being satisfied is actually feeling pleasure from gratification. It means having a thankful heart, no matter what you have or don’t have. It does not provide the excuse or the permission for anyone to stay within their present circumstance or not want to better themselves. It does, however, push a person to look at what they have and be grateful for all they’ve achieved and obtained.

When was the last time you looked around and began to count the blessings that you have? Okay so your husband is not so and so, and he is not perfect, but who is? Instead of focusing on all the bad, have you looked at the good and voiced it? How many times do we say our teenagers are driving us crazy or are a pain, some times at ear range? When was the last time you told them they were wonderful or I love you? Look around you. How much stuff have you accumulated? Maybe it’s not in the greatest condition, but have you ever stopped to think of those who do not even have a floor and are lucky to have a roof?

Where are you dwelling?
It’s not a bad thing to want more or to want to exceed in any area of life. However, more and more you’ll find that when the focus is just that, when we are driven because we constantly compare, and are not grateful or satisfied with what we have, we rob ourselves of living. We miss out on the joy of dwelling in our blessings. Unfortunately, at times, it takes the kids growing up, tragedy knocking at our door, or illness overtaking us or those we love, for us to have an aha moment. What is life really all about? It’s about living it to the fullest, in all aspects, and enjoying it; inside and out.

Most of us kind of fall into contentment during life’s journey. We stumble into that state of being and catch ourselves asking how we got there. We finally realize that it’s not about the stuff, but it’s about being thankful for all the things we have, the people we love, and most importantly who we are in the mix. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in trying to create the perfect life and environment, and forget we’re in an imperfect world.

The Choice
Contentment is the result of choice. It is the end product of right-thinking, a grateful heart, understanding the value of you, and living in expectation for the better. These are biblical principles and guidelines for healthy living. Falling into contentment is a good thing, but walking into it now, sooner than later, is so much better.

Does Your Mouth Need an Adjustment

A recent project threw me into a tail spin. To be honest that is not uncommon but I noticed that this go round my stress levels were making me uncomfortable, and I did not like quite a few people. I was constantly getting angry, annoyed and frustrated and began to second guess myself. I was the target of blame for some things, and it caused me to shrink back when I should have dug in my heels. Exhaustion enveloped me as the hours worked began to multiply rapidly.

When life gets to that point, I’ve learned where and to whom I should run to.

Once a month, my church’s main campus holds an outpouring service. We usually do not attend because we have bible study in our own campus. This particular time, I felt the urgency to go. I needed to distress. Most folks go to the gym and I’m a proponent of a good workout but I knew exercising alone wasn’t going to level me off. I know I needed God. My problem required a God answer.

Outpouring consists of praise and worship and prayer. There is nothing fancy or elaborate about it. It is a service that goes back to the basics. Since I didn’t want to be noticed, I sat in the back and just ran to God like a kid who scraped her knee and needed some daddy loving and assurance. It seems my mission to sit in the back did not go unnoticed, and one of the gals made her way to me. She shared a story that broke my heart and made all that I was going through irrelevant and minor. It helped me put things into perspective. As I prayed over her for comfort and to be embraced by love that surpasses all understanding, I felt the stress and exhaustion begin to lift.



Photography by Roz|2013

The night ended with a hug from heaven that came from one of the worship team frontline-gals who bee lined her way from the altar to the back. (See there was no hiding for me in the back!) As she encircled me, her prayers tumbled out as a healing balm of restoration. I thought that was all I needed but God with His incredible sense of order knew that my brain had to be quieted down to understand that the issue wasn’t my project. It was my mouth.

Apparently I had read and heard a few messages for days about the power of your words and it did not seem to click. That night as I asked God what in the world happened to my project, the memories of what I heard about the power of words flooded back to me, especially a conversation my husband and I had about not allowing others speak into our lives negatively.

I had the aha, light bulb shine, angel choir -singing moment. Then of course I said to myself…duhhhhh. All the negative feelings that were weighing me down, I had created. I didn’t like the realization of that.  

We are all told that words are a powerful force. What we all fail to realize is that it can be for good or for bad. When I kept saying that the project sucked, that it was a mess, that it was the worst project that I’ve ever had, I basically cursed my own project. Can I hear an ouch?

I get quite a few complex projects assigned and have the grace of figuring them out. This happens because my mindset says there is always a solution to the puzzle. What made my mindset change in midstream in this case?

The constant bombardment of obstacles and negatives will do anybody in after a period of time. It is hard to remain positive but it is not impossible. When you are expected to mimic God, there is no excuse. Your mouth – what you say has to remain positive because you have the power of creation, the power to bless OR curse.  There is no gray in this area.

The adjustment of my mouth adjusted the project. Is it still all those things I rattled off before? I’m not going to tell you because my feelings still sway back and forth from time to time. I will tell you what I want it to be when it ends; another success notch on my belt…and that’s all anyone needs to know.

Internal Remodeling

As I walked around my house this morning, I cringed as I saw the evidence of the temporary disaster that surrounded me. Each room is currently housing furniture, accessories, paint cans and supplies, etc. Of course, this is what happens when you start remodeling. It starts with one room at a time, but that one room, after it’s emptied out, seems to dominate the rest of the floor with its clutter.

As I sat down during my quiet time, I realized how similar our internal remodeling resembles the present state of my home. Think about it. When you’re remodeling a room, you have to empty it out entirely and put all of its contents in other spaces as temporary place holds. When you decide you need to fix one area of your life it overlaps into the others. The size of the overlap depends on how big of an area (room) you’re fixing.

As you look around at the mess you’re making, it can become very discouraging because you may be affecting those you love temporarily, and/or you may be causing major discomfort to yourself. However, you know deep down inside that cleaning out that room, that one area in your life, is very critical and that the end result will be positive.

If that’s you today, don’t lose heart. Life is about change and improvement. Some times we all need to empty out a room, pull out the old rug and put a fresh coat of paint. Although it requires a lot of work, the end result is so worth it…and all of that clutter you see around, it’s all temporary.

A cousin of mine said something that I try to live by when I start to freak out (like this morning). He said, don’t sweat the small stuff, that’s all it is…small.

So, instead of focusing on the temporary place holds throughout my house, I decided to look at the room we’re remodeling and envision the end result. This change of focus helps me to stop looking at the necessary mess that had to be made, and puts me at ease knowing that one day (very soon) I will have my home back to normal with one nicer room.

Chin up. Internal remodeling is a good thing that is temporarily messy with a wonderful end state all because you have the courage to want change for the better.

Hurray for internal remodeling! I applaud anyone who plans to do it or is in it.

Be blessed.

Live Like Your Leaving

Remember the time when you sat in class and were asked by the teacher to write where you think your life would be 5 years from now. No doubt, this request was met with groans and trepidation as you began to wonder what to write. With a night or two to ponder, most of us probably sat and stared at a blank piece of paper for hours. In our heads we debated whether to write the truth or fabricate an interesting future. Five years seemed like an eternity in our teenage years, but we soon found out that time slips by and does not wait for anyone.

Time can be viewed as a friend or as an enemy, depending on where you’re at in life. Our scales are tipped based on our choices and input. We hold sole responsibility for the life we have created today. Think about it. How many of us have scared ourselves out of achieving, frustrated our plans by underachieving, and have become stagnant because we hold on to past achievements? Why is it that we choose to live that way?

No Urgency For Change
Life’s journey will always brings change in our hearts and minds, and shakes us out of our comfort zone from time to time. This happens when monumental moments or decisions are made, or when tragedy or sickness occurs. During those times, our perception sharpens, and our energy and focus increases. Time is treated with tender care, and our awareness of it sets us in a place of appreciation. We no longer let the trivial bother us, and we learn to cherish small gestures and all memories.

There are movies, books, and songs that try to convey the importance of living life to the fullest. Some movies go as far as recounting real stories of people who have struggled with illnesses and have survived or have succumbed. Sometimes these stories move us to tears, guilt, shame or frustration because we know that we lack. We begin to wonder what would we do different if we were in their shoes, however, unlike these people, we never feel like we’re running out of time. There is no urgency for change.

Although some stories may strike a chord, the impact is temporary or short-lived. Our routine comes back into play and swallows up our unresolved issues and unfulfilled dreams. Days become weeks, weeks…months, and months become years. Every once in a while, we acknowledge time is moving forward and our excuses soon become, ‘It’s too late or I’m too old’.

Are You Too Conservative?A story that stands out in my mind is one where Queen Latifah played a woman who found out she had a rare disease and only had months to live. After she heard the news, she threw caution to the wind and cashed out her investments, traveled to a place she always dreamed of, ate all the gourmet meals her heart desired, overindulged in any pamper routine, took up a few challenges, overcame her fear to fall in love, and relished every moment. At the end, she finds out she was misdiagnosed but walks away with valuable lessons that she applies in her new chance and approach towards life.

Live Like You’re Leaving
People say we should live like today is our last day. We automatically think of death and forget that there is another event that can take us away as quick as a blink of an eye. Jesus has promised to come back for those who love and serve Him. Whether we choose to believe it or not, either event will bring us before the throne of God, and then what?

Imagine standing before the Creator being asked ‘what have you done for me while you were on the earth; what have you done with the talent that I’ve deposited in you; and how was it used’? ‘Um’ would not be a good answer, nor will the reply ‘I was too busy’ go over well, and forget the excuse of ‘I was scared and lived conservatively’.

Why is it important that we bring, how we live, to the forefront of our minds? Life remains empty, meaningless, and without purpose if we are not walking and living in our destiny. We cheat ourselves and others when we don’t fulfill our dreams. Whether we like it or not, accept it or not, acknowledge it or not, we impact hundreds, sometimes thousands and millions of lives by the way we live.

When we choose to live like we’re leaving, we forget self and we begin to live for and with others in mind. We love deeper, laugh harder, and live fully. You are here for a purpose. You were strategically placed and were given a unique gift. When you do not seek out the why you are here, who you are, and settle for less than, it becomes your declaration that you’ve rejected the greatest gift given to you…life.

None of us have to wait for bad news for a new approach. Each day we are offered a brand new start. Don’t waste your numbered days. Resurrect your high school assignment, and live in the reality of your dreams.

Stop Wearing the V

Wouldn’t you agree that we are who we are because of things that have happened in our lives? As uncomfortable as some situations may have been, they helped define us. Each of us experience defining moments. Most times when we refer to that term, it is in the positive. However, we all know that negative moments can also define us; not the actual circumstance but the perspective we chose to grasp, accept and incorporate into our lives.

The perspective or viewpoint of any situation is what makes or breaks you. The incredible thing about perspective is that it changes with time. It’s normal to have a negative perspective when going through an uncomfortable situation, but once it passes, perspective has a way of introducing choice. We can choose to dwell in the negative or choose to emerge in the positive. This choice does not negate at any time that a wrong was done or that a bad has happened. It does, however, acknowledges it and provides a means to launch growth.

There are so many stories of women who’ve been abused, raped or have experienced unimaginable loss and yet have become pillars within their circles. Some have even extended their influence out into their community, nationally or globally. What makes these women so different? In their process to heal, they chose to understand what happened, acknowledged it and then chose to incorporate it into their lives as a launching pad to grow in a positive manner in certain areas. In doing so, they discovered that they needed to share their triumph. They stopped wearing the V.

What is wearing the V?It’s that big red letter we all carry from time to time around our neck. It provides solace and reason for our pain. It justifies the excuse for negative behavior and poor living. We are not talking about women who have gone through recent suffering, but those who continue to exist in despair. Wearing the V is when we choose to live as a victim. We continue to suffer our past in the present (IE: Being stagnant because you’re hung up on an ex and what was.); or continue to live a certain way because of poor choices (IE: Not knowing your worth and settling).

So here is how it usually goes. We dwell on what we don’t have because either it was taken from us or we made a stupid mistake. And, we stay where we are because we hate ourselves because we dwell on what’s been done to us or what we let happen. Hence, we become a victim of circumstance; be it past or present.

It’s amazing how we trick ourselves to think that there is no choice. Reality is that when we don’t choose, we’ve made a choice. We’ve chosen to do nothing and to stay in our misery. It’s easy to do that. It requires no change, especially if that change is painful. Some would argue that certain changes can’t be done at this moment…then the question is what is the plan when the opportune moment arrives? Do you have a plan? To plan is a choice.

Why is it so important to admit when we’re wearing the V way past its time?
The title associates the person with something that has happened. It gives someone the reference point to help a wounded person during a specific allotted time. However, it should never define who you are, and it should not define the life you should live. When you continue to wear the V, it causes you to become stagnate and robs your destiny from you. It causes you to blame others for the outcome of your life, and although another person may be the blame and source of your pain, they should not dictate the quality of your life.

When someone who has hurt you continues to torture you, whether present or absent, you are still their victim. When something that has happened continues to tear at your heart and mind, you are still a slave to that circumstance.

How do you make the choice to stop wearing the V?

Acknowledge it. Don’t continue to ignore it. Hurts that are ignored don’t go away. They just fester over the years and eventually resurface nastier than before. To dwell in your hurt doesn’t necessarily mean you understand the depth of it.

Forgive. Forgive whomever and then forgive yourself. Forgiveness frees you from the grasp of another. It takes away the key from your prison and from the person who has hurt or wronged you. Forgiveness of self frees you. It reminds you that you’re human and let’s face it, we all make mistakes; no exceptions. Even in the case where we did not make a mistake, it allows us to stop second-guessing or blaming ourselves for circumstances that were out of our control.

Find help. Some things we can’t get past by ourselves. Find a friend, pastor or counselor, depending on the situation that you’ve gone through.

Set a plan. A plan will help you make the right choices. Start with simple plans and work your way up until you make all the changes that will benefit you in the design to make a better you.

Here’s a Roz’ quote to take with you.

“When your mindset changes and you no longer see what happened or where you’re at as ‘who’ you are…it opens the door of opportunity to define what YOU can and will be. Don’t stop! Walk through it.”

Do You Really Know?

He goes down on one knee, holds her hand and looks lovingly into her eyes. He holds his breath and hopes that she’ll say yes. He sighs with relief, once she nods, as tears brim from both their eyes. If you’re as mushy as I am, you’d probably get teary eyed too as you reminisce that same day and remember the love you felt at that exact moment. Isn’t memory an incredible and wonderful thing?

To Know Love
People often equate love as a feeling and describe it as the butterfly in the stomach, tight chest, ‘I can’t live without you’ emotion. For those of us who have been married for a while, we know and understand that love is beyond feeling. It’s about knowing.

Over the years couples have a tendency to fall into the trap of complacency, and it is easy to take our partners for granted. However, we soon discover that complacency goes only so far, and that relationships are destroyed when there is no growth. A marriage relationship, like any other relationship, needs to continually evolve, and with it, love deepens and is expressed in different ways that may not produce a feel but confirms a knowing. Although one or the other in the relationship does not feel all of the time, love is always present.

We were all created to love and be loved, and there’s an instinctive need to receive and give affection, share and be heard and also feel a part of. No doubt, all of us have heard that God loves us, and instinctively we’ve replied “Oh that’s nice or oh I know that”, but do we really know? Do you really know?

When people look at the world and their lives, many wonder if there really is a God of love out there. They’ve been conditioned to dismiss the existence of evil and have labeled any type of misfortune as life, politics, mother-nature, and anything else that can be used as an explanation or excuse. Some can’t relate to God’s love because they go by what they hear and see, and their assessment is based on religion and not relationship. Others struggle with the acceptance of God’s love because their relationship with Him is non-existent, distant, convenient, poor, obligated or religious.

To know God’s love is to have experienced it. Love, God’s love is personal. It can’t be learned from another person. It can’t be understood by watching someone else. It’s very intimate, and it is based on a one-on-one relationship.

The depth of love that you experience is based on the extent of the relationship. Anyone can say they love you, but the meaning or impact of those words is dependent on the investment you’ve made. If God is just a Sunday or Holiday supreme-being, you’ll accept His love on certain days. If God is an acquaintance, you’ll accept His love from afar. If God is an occasional friend, you’ll accept His love with limitation.

What’s mind blowing is that God is always on bended knee, asking for our hand. What boggles the mind even further is that His love for us remains constant and is not dependent on our choice or belief. There are no strings; it just is…if you know.

The Cost of Obedience

Ever since all of us were kids, we didn't particularly like the word obedience. As a matter of fact, I bet most of us became rebels during our teen years. As we became older, we saw the importance of that word, especially for those of us with kids. Life came full circle and we saw how vital it is to embrace obedience.

Obedience keeps us within the realm of safety. When we place rules in our children's lives, the purpose is to keep them safe, away from harm. When society imposes laws, the goal is to maintain order among the many. When we as individuals are compliant to any rules that any authority gives us, it contributes to the success of that establishment.

Yet for some reason, we rebel and get satisfaction from it. We broke curfew when we were younger. We drive way above the speed limit because it's fun not to get caught. We don't put shopping carts back in their station because we're too lazy to walk a few extra steps. We don't apologize when we feel we are right and would rather continue to ruin a long-term relationship. We would rather continue to do what is wrong because it brings us temporary happiness.

We avoid the cost of obedience at all cost. Yes, obedience has a cost but some people believe that sacrifice covers the cost of obedience. King Saul find out the hard way. God gave him specific instructions, he disobeyed and then tried to make up for it by offering a sacrifice. The problem was God wasn't impressed. What does that have to do with us today?

God expects us to be the salt of the world and in order to do that you have to become more like God. People want to continue to do their own thing and don't get me wrong, God encourages us to do our own thing as long as it's not going against what his word says. So, if you're doing is contrary to the bible, there is no sacrifice that will cover the cost of your disobedience. The once a year time of being good during the beginning of the year or Easter does not cover the cost. The once a week visit to church will not cut it.

Obedience comes with a cost but here is what a lot of us forget. Cost means that it has value. This means that the harder the requirement for obedience from you, the higher the value. There is value before the eyes of God when you obey. He can't help but reward that.

What areas in your life do you need to bring under obedience? Don't delay. Remember obedience is much more valuable than sacrifice.

Unexpected Comfort

There’s so much more meaning behind a song or writing once you understand the story of the singer or writer. My admiration for Jeremy Camp deepened after he shared his story about when his wife, Melissa, went with Jesus and how in the depth of his sorrow, he composed some of the music we all sing today. Something resounded deep within me when he said that towards the end although they believed for healing, his wife said if my death will give God more glory than my life, then let it be so. 

When my nephew died, I asked the why's because I could not understand how a four year old could go through so much suffering. How his life could be cut short so brutally by an unforgiving disease and why he was robbed of growing up. It did not take long to see though, that during his short life, God was glorified in so many ways. God continues to be glorified because of AJ. He motivates me to write some times and as a result many are blessed.

Jeremy’s pastors were interviewed by my pastor in an event to promote healing within our community after the Newtown tragedy. What they shared has changed my perspective about heaven and those who have gone before me like my AJ.

My heart ached each year in the passing of his birthday and death date as I was reminded that I was robbed of watching him grow up, play softball or basketball, find his first real crush, graduate High School…the list went on and on. It would anger and hurt me.

Steve and Sarah Berger shared how their son Josiah went with Jesus when he was 19 years old after a car accident. The first few minutes seemed like the typical story of loss and then they began to weave in how they dug deeper for the understanding of heaven. After my husband’s heart attack, we also began to pour over books and could not get enough of listening about accounts of heaven as well. However, this couple took it much further and their revelation of this awesome place we will go to one day just blew me away.

I know heaven is real. No one can change my mind about that. It’s not just a deep rooted belief. It is a know. However, like most people I felt it was so far away and so out of reach that it made everyone that  I loved that has gone there pretty much gone. I loved the way that Pastor Steve and Sarah explained that their Josiah is still alive and that our loved ones are aware of what we do here on earth.

The part of their story about our loved ones being active in heaven did not surprise me. When AJ went with Jesus, I was sitting on the front stoop at my house and all of the sudden I heard AJ whisper to me, “Titi, tell mommy I’m free.” I understood what he meant because he was trapped in a sick body for about a year and a half. Our baby was out and about like any other kid, running and playing and having fun in heaven. Out of that experience, I wrote a poem for his mother titled “I’m Free” and we all took comfort from it because we knew AJ was racing with the angels.

What brought unexpected healing that night for me was when I heard Pastor Steve share how he told God his son would never graduate college, get married, have children…the same things I have said year after year about AJ.  God’s response to Pastor Steve was – "what he’s experiencing here is far greater." Wow…my AJ is not missing life as we know it because being in heaven, living in heaven, doing things in heaven is far greater that our greatest moments here on earth.

Pastor Sarah told us about how Siah (I feel like I know him too – she will understand) wanted to be in the military and she believes that he’s in God’s army. One day she told God she wished she could have a hug from her son. As a mother, I would have asked God for the same. I would miss that too. One day when she was at La Guardia Airport a young man of about 20 in fatigues walked up to her, put down his bag and hugged her – for a long time. She did not know this young man but God did. This story reminded me of a time when I had asked God the same and he granted me a hug in a similar fashion. God’s love abounds when our love ones go home. No one can convince me otherwise.

One thing that caught my attention in their book Have Heart (which was a one day read for me by the way) was when they explained how to suffer successfully. It struck a chord with me because my family had watched my sister, Mayra, live it as she went through procedures, chemo and transfusions as part of the healing process from lymphoma. Her insight and willingness to share how she endured taught me how God became her light in suffering’s deep darkness. I think as a church, we will get better with how we help others through suffering – successfully.

As I type these words, I find myself sincerely content in the knowledge that my Tio Miguel is cheering me on and how he is probably pestering God before the throne on my behalf. I know every now and then he’s telling God and others - that’s my niece - as I continue the legacy of his influence. My Titi Pochine who held my hand at 19 to get me to the other side of the street continues to monitor what I have accomplished in the raising of my family. She never missed a beat. I thought it all ended but it comforts me beyond words to know that her care for me in this life continues. It never stopped. I feel her love even now. My Tio Luis smiles each time I walk in my purpose as I continue to do what God expects of me in my church. I can hear him say “oye Rosalind” with his huge smile whenever he was ready to tell me a story about my family, my dad or something wonderful that happened in church.

There are many more I can talk about that are watching, cheering and waiting for me to continue to accomplish what I’m supposed to do here on earth. Thanks to Pastor Steve and Sarah, I was reminded that they are not far away. They continue to live in a magnificent place that is extremely close and continue to walk with me on the other side of our continued life.

I thought after all these years that I did not need or could receive any more comfort. I have to say that this unexpected comfort has become a gift that has changed me for eternity.