Have you ever wished that walls could speak?
This is my favorite quaint little café in the Webatuck Village. It has that homey rustic feel, and its menu offers hearty breakfast delights and yummy triple-decker lunch sandwiches. Much of the interior will remind you of what a house may have looked or felt like in the 1800s. As you walk to any area to be seated, it creaks a bit. It has the typical fire place, and my favorite part of the décor, is the built-in library. The old wooden shelves happen to have a few first edition books as well as some classics.
Although those walls cannot speak, our internal ones usually do. You know those walls…the ones you don’t want anyone to hear. Just like an old house that keeps mum about its tenant’s life within, we in turn do the same.
Do We Really Show Who We Are?
Quite a few of us would answer no; at least not all the time. The whys may be for many reasons, but probably the main factor is because of hurt. Sometimes the hurt stems from things someone did to us, or things we caused or contributed to. In any case, we usually are our worst critic and beat ourselves up for not being a better judge of character or for not making the right choices. All we know is that a blunder has occurred that has altered our lives and we, in response, buckle down, slam shut our doors and windows; some times forever.
The Confounding World of Mistakes
Would you agree that all of us make mistakes at one point or another? It’s part of life, right? Growing up, we’re told that over and over again by parents, relatives, teachers, and well – anyone who crosses our path during our childhood. We learn early on about bad and good, but as we get older, we find out that there is some gray that can be thrown into the mix.
What is the Gray?
Gray is that area where bad can be good and good can be bad, and this whole flip flop is open to interpretation. I believe that it’s in the gray areas where most mistakes are done. It’s the zone that we enter into when we want to justify something we know in our gut is not right. It’s the locale where conscience is numbed, and the region where our hearts win over our head. Judgment of character gets clouded or disappears altogether, and emotions take the lead. Add some passion in your grey-belief and you can kiss goodbye any logical thinking.
Ouch…those Burns Hurt
We start to think rationally again once we’ve been burned, scarred, maybe even charred. How do we avoid being raked across the coals again? Our initial instinct is to shut down and stay away, or attack and then disappear. Everyone has their own style of coping. However, what happens and what will you do after this first reaction? Will you continue on the path of silent hurt or will you acknowledge, grieve, and move on? You will not and cannot move forward or upward until you acknowledge the hurt, understand how you got there, and most importantly take action not to get yourself in that position again.
Remember when you discovered at a young age not to place your hand on a hot stove? You made sure you'd stay away, but as you grew older you grasped the value of what a stove can do, as long as you followed the instructions and guidelines for using it. Did you know that life is just like that? We too have guiding principles for living, but when we choose to go outside of them we willingly playing with fire, sometimes knowingly, and end up getting scorched or razed.
Now Wait a Minute…
Perhaps some of you are saying, what happened to me was not my fault! Your statement would be accurate if the pain was forced upon you, IE: abuse, etc. However, we’re talking about the mistakes we make through life’s journey which would include staying in an abusive relationship (by the way).
Speaking Your Heart
The worst disservice you can do to yourself is to become like that old café; unable to speak. When you can’t voice your heart, you start to creak inside. After a while like any aging house, you’ll need repair. The difference is that a house can be repaired in days or weeks. We, humans, can take years. As emotional beings, we need to feel loved and accepted, and during crisis it’s so important that we have a support person or person(s) that will help us grieve, heal, and even point out our blundering ways. One of the most important qualities of a good friend is one who is not afraid to tell you when you are wrong, even when it means pouring some salt in the wound (as my best friend would say).
Who’s In Control?
The act of forgiveness is a liberating experience, and plays an important part of moving on. As long as we hold grudges, feel resentful, and harbor the hurt, we remain in the prison we meticulously have created. As long as you hold on to all those things, the person who wronged you maintains their negative dominance over your life (even if they’ve forgotten about you and have moved on!)…how bad is that?
The flip side is self-forgiveness. Do you ever wake up in the morning and say, today’s to do includes, torturing myself mentally for what I did a gazillion years ago because I just love the pain I feel when I drudge up all of those old memories. Sounds kind of sadistic, right? But…that’s what a lot of us do. We bring to remembrance past mistakes over and over again, believing that our martyr ways will somehow redeem us.
Getting Beyond Mistakes
As we face the reality of hurts, mistakes, and the learning that comes with it, the stretch usually brings us to the point when it’s time to let go. Here is where a lot of us add to our existing mistake; we hold on. We’re afraid to let go because we won’t have the drive, anger, or that evil-grin, strategizing energy to plan out our vengeance. As sweet as it may feel at the time, eventually it can be exhausting as it drains the life out of you. Letting go means doing just that. Don’t hold on to it. Don’t dwell on it. Don’t entertain the hurtful thoughts. Let it go. When you remember, chuck it as a lesson learned and experience that will help you assist others. It’s amazing how our experiences come into play during somebody else’s crisis.
Remember, God’s love brings forgiveness to the undeserving. How much more forgiving should we be? Okay so we’re not God, but as His children it’s something we should incorporate into our lives anyway. It sure beats living miserably and helps us live, really live, beyond our mistakes.
This is my favorite quaint little café in the Webatuck Village. It has that homey rustic feel, and its menu offers hearty breakfast delights and yummy triple-decker lunch sandwiches. Much of the interior will remind you of what a house may have looked or felt like in the 1800s. As you walk to any area to be seated, it creaks a bit. It has the typical fire place, and my favorite part of the décor, is the built-in library. The old wooden shelves happen to have a few first edition books as well as some classics.Although those walls cannot speak, our internal ones usually do. You know those walls…the ones you don’t want anyone to hear. Just like an old house that keeps mum about its tenant’s life within, we in turn do the same.
Do We Really Show Who We Are?
Quite a few of us would answer no; at least not all the time. The whys may be for many reasons, but probably the main factor is because of hurt. Sometimes the hurt stems from things someone did to us, or things we caused or contributed to. In any case, we usually are our worst critic and beat ourselves up for not being a better judge of character or for not making the right choices. All we know is that a blunder has occurred that has altered our lives and we, in response, buckle down, slam shut our doors and windows; some times forever.
The Confounding World of Mistakes
Would you agree that all of us make mistakes at one point or another? It’s part of life, right? Growing up, we’re told that over and over again by parents, relatives, teachers, and well – anyone who crosses our path during our childhood. We learn early on about bad and good, but as we get older, we find out that there is some gray that can be thrown into the mix.
What is the Gray?
Gray is that area where bad can be good and good can be bad, and this whole flip flop is open to interpretation. I believe that it’s in the gray areas where most mistakes are done. It’s the zone that we enter into when we want to justify something we know in our gut is not right. It’s the locale where conscience is numbed, and the region where our hearts win over our head. Judgment of character gets clouded or disappears altogether, and emotions take the lead. Add some passion in your grey-belief and you can kiss goodbye any logical thinking.
Ouch…those Burns Hurt
We start to think rationally again once we’ve been burned, scarred, maybe even charred. How do we avoid being raked across the coals again? Our initial instinct is to shut down and stay away, or attack and then disappear. Everyone has their own style of coping. However, what happens and what will you do after this first reaction? Will you continue on the path of silent hurt or will you acknowledge, grieve, and move on? You will not and cannot move forward or upward until you acknowledge the hurt, understand how you got there, and most importantly take action not to get yourself in that position again.
Remember when you discovered at a young age not to place your hand on a hot stove? You made sure you'd stay away, but as you grew older you grasped the value of what a stove can do, as long as you followed the instructions and guidelines for using it. Did you know that life is just like that? We too have guiding principles for living, but when we choose to go outside of them we willingly playing with fire, sometimes knowingly, and end up getting scorched or razed.
Now Wait a Minute…
Perhaps some of you are saying, what happened to me was not my fault! Your statement would be accurate if the pain was forced upon you, IE: abuse, etc. However, we’re talking about the mistakes we make through life’s journey which would include staying in an abusive relationship (by the way).
Speaking Your Heart
The worst disservice you can do to yourself is to become like that old café; unable to speak. When you can’t voice your heart, you start to creak inside. After a while like any aging house, you’ll need repair. The difference is that a house can be repaired in days or weeks. We, humans, can take years. As emotional beings, we need to feel loved and accepted, and during crisis it’s so important that we have a support person or person(s) that will help us grieve, heal, and even point out our blundering ways. One of the most important qualities of a good friend is one who is not afraid to tell you when you are wrong, even when it means pouring some salt in the wound (as my best friend would say).
Who’s In Control?
The act of forgiveness is a liberating experience, and plays an important part of moving on. As long as we hold grudges, feel resentful, and harbor the hurt, we remain in the prison we meticulously have created. As long as you hold on to all those things, the person who wronged you maintains their negative dominance over your life (even if they’ve forgotten about you and have moved on!)…how bad is that?
The flip side is self-forgiveness. Do you ever wake up in the morning and say, today’s to do includes, torturing myself mentally for what I did a gazillion years ago because I just love the pain I feel when I drudge up all of those old memories. Sounds kind of sadistic, right? But…that’s what a lot of us do. We bring to remembrance past mistakes over and over again, believing that our martyr ways will somehow redeem us.
Getting Beyond Mistakes
As we face the reality of hurts, mistakes, and the learning that comes with it, the stretch usually brings us to the point when it’s time to let go. Here is where a lot of us add to our existing mistake; we hold on. We’re afraid to let go because we won’t have the drive, anger, or that evil-grin, strategizing energy to plan out our vengeance. As sweet as it may feel at the time, eventually it can be exhausting as it drains the life out of you. Letting go means doing just that. Don’t hold on to it. Don’t dwell on it. Don’t entertain the hurtful thoughts. Let it go. When you remember, chuck it as a lesson learned and experience that will help you assist others. It’s amazing how our experiences come into play during somebody else’s crisis.
Remember, God’s love brings forgiveness to the undeserving. How much more forgiving should we be? Okay so we’re not God, but as His children it’s something we should incorporate into our lives anyway. It sure beats living miserably and helps us live, really live, beyond our mistakes.
